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LizBri

Changing friendship dynamics...

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Sorry I need to rant to fellow aros sorry! Has anyone else really been affected by the changes in dynamics when friends get romantic partners, get married, have kids, then of course you don't get invited to stuff because you're not in the "have a kid gang". It probably doesn't help that I was originally mates with the lads, and as soon as the girlfriends (now wives) come along they not only change the dynamics but they are also the organisers (most cis-het men I know are awful at organising) who just don't appreciate where you were in the dynamics of the group before they came along, esp being a woman. I am sure I'm just "Rob's sister" to them, and so you end up feeling left out or "left behind".

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I've definitely experienced that. I've had friends basically start treating me like I don't matter anymore when they have a partner and sometimes even avoid talking to me.

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yeah, I know those feels. Then even when it is known you don't like young kids they expect you to act as if they are the best things. I end up saying things they find inappropriate as I try to find things to say that are not outright lies.  

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Guest Chandrakirti

Yes, when I was younger, 'friends' would always sideline when they got a new partner...not just sidelining aroace me, but the romantic sexual friends as well.

 

I always made it a point to move on, folk only get one chance!

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Friends have definitely done that to me. That's why I have so few of them.

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Unfortunately it goes much deeper though. In a nutshell, one is my brother the other guy is a brother by another mother that stems from forever. My sister-in-law has them in the friend category, I'm in the (less important) in-law category - unfortunately she'll soon realise I can punch my own weight when needed but I do care about how it would affect others (unlike her who only cares about herself).

On 6/9/2019 at 7:43 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

yeah, I know those feels. Then even when it is known you don't like young kids they expect you to act as if they are the best things. I end up saying things they find inappropriate as I try to find things to say that are not outright lies.  

Oh yes! And they expect me to want to change nappies telling me, "it's not all fun and games". I mean, isn't that the benefit of being an aunt or uncle that we get the fun stuff, just like she gets the fun stuff with my dog but it's me who picks up, goes to the vet and generally does all the owner stuff. I know many in my family will say, "give us a poo bag", but I wouldn't expect it.

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On 6/12/2019 at 1:33 AM, LizBri said:

"it's not all fun and games"

a good comeback to that would be "yes and that is why you are the parent" 

Though I have friends and family in childcare/education and they deal with sometimes 70 kids at a time and seriously some of the poor things. Their parents should have just got a dog or a car rather than doing the stuff they do. Technically none of it is abuse (which at least is reportable), but the kids are going to have terrible teenage years because their parents have set them up for failure. 

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Guest Chandrakirti

Totally agree with @Apathetic Echidna....children are seen as must-have accessories, much in the way Staffies and Chihuahuas are.

Then...they haven't a clue or an interest in putting in the effort to give these poor children a life.

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