Can you be Aro and not/never have squishes?

[TripleA]

I am Autistic, so the idea of friends is very different and not as interesting to me, I was also heavily bullied as child as well, so I am used to and find enough enjoyment with being by myself.

 

I say I have crushes on girls, but not really romantically, just sexually and sensually, sometimes emotionally, but not often (however I'm not 100% sure yet with romantic stuff), but I have never acted in any way like romantic people act around their crushes when wanting to be someone's friend, and not for crushes either. I don't have an overwhelming desire to be someone's friend.

 

They just become my friend if I see them and hang around them often and if we are interested in talking to each other and sharing interests and time together and having a laugh (however it's quite hard for me to call people my friend usually bc trust issues). 

 

I've heard that every Aro pretty much has squishes but I don't think I do??

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

The idea that "pretty much all aros" have squishes is blatantly untrue, and extremely harmful. You do not have to experience squishes to be aro. You do not have to want a QPR, a similar partnership, or even just friends in general to be aro. Literally all aromanticism is is the absence of romantic attraction. You don't "need" anything else to be aro, and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, tell them to fuck off.

[nonmerci]

As Jot-Aro Kujo said. Being aro just means you don't feel romantic attraction, or you feel it in specifical ways for more specific arospec. Feeling or not feeling squishes has nothing to do with it.

[running.tally]

What the above people have said is exactly right. Your experiences are valid and many aros share them too.

I believe that 'aplatonic' is sometimes a term some aros use to indicate feelings like yours so if you're curious about connecting with others on this, searching 'aplatonic' on these forums or elsewhere might help too.

[Chandrakirti]

Never had a squish as far as I know.

[Coyote]

On 6/6/2019 at 12:24 AM, TripleA said:

I've heard that every Aro pretty much has squishes but I don't think I do??

 

"Every aro"? Wow. I'd like to know who's been saying stuff like that.

[Apathetic Echidna]

On 6/6/2019 at 1:54 PM, TripleA said:

I've heard that every Aro pretty much has squishes

hahaha no. I'm Aro and I don't have crushes or squishes or basically any unexplained fixation on anyone when I am not around them. 

[TripleA]

On 6/7/2019 at 4:36 PM, Coyote said:

 

"Every aro"? Wow. I'd like to know who's been saying stuff like that.

Well I've not seen any that say they haven't had any squishes before

[bydontost]

1 hour ago, TripleA said:

Well I've not seen any that say they haven't had any squishes before

that may be happening because people usually talk about experiences they have, not the ones they don't have. so its possible you'd see people going "oh I have a squish" and others replying "yep me too!!", to which it'd be weird to reply "haha and I don't get squishes", creating a view that people are only talking about getting squishes and not talking about not having them at all

 

anyway, getting squishes is definitely not a thing that happens to every aro

[Mark]

On 6/6/2019 at 5:57 AM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

The idea that "pretty much all aros" have squishes is blatantly untrue, and extremely harmful. You do not have to experience squishes to be aro. You do not have to want a QPR, a similar partnership, or even just friends in general to be aro. Literally all aromanticism is is the absence of romantic attraction. You don't "need" anything else to be aro, and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, tell them to fuck off.

Often you find that a group of people who do not share something can be rather more diverse than a group who do share that.same thing.
NOT(X) does not always equate to Y. In the case attractions and relationships things are not remotely binary.
With the likes "crush or squish", "romantic relationship or QPR", "romantic or platonic", etc. being examples of false dichotomy.
I do wonder about genericisation of terms like "squish" and "QPR" within, parts of, the aro community. Or assuming that they are "aro-normative" things.

[nonmerci]

Actually,  I think QPR and squishes is a thing in the aro community as romantic love is in the ace community. As aces insist that "we can fall in love and be in a romantic relationship", it's important for some aros to insist that they can form strong platonic bonds or a not romantic couple. Unfortunately it leads people to think that all aros feel this way.

 

[Apathetic Echidna]

On 6/9/2019 at 6:12 PM, bydontost said:

to which it'd be weird to reply "haha and I don't get squishes",

My new name is Weird because I have done that before. Only a few times and mostly on AVEN.  

[Mark]

On 6/11/2019 at 11:46 AM, nonmerci said:

Actualités,  I think QPR and squishes is a thing in the aro community as romantic love is in the ace community. As aces insist that "we can fall in love and be in a romantic relationship", it's important for some aros to insist that they can form strong platonic bonds or a not romantic couple. Unfortunately it leads people to think that all aros feel this way.

Which can result in aros who don't go about things that way feeling uncomfortable, even excluded.

 

[nonmerci]

8 hours ago, Mark said:

Which can result in aros who don't go about things that way feeling uncomfortable, even excluded.

 

That's why I compared that to how aro felt about the ace community.

Now talking about QPR is totally ok; but the way it is done by some people (not all) is problematic. 

[Mark]

I put up a poll about this.
Which is showing some interesting results.

[bydontost]

6 hours ago, Mark said:

I put up a poll about this.
Which is showing some interesting results.

number of respondents = 9 tho 😅

[nonmerci]

22 hours ago, bydontost said:

number of respondents = 9 tho 😅

9 persons replied to the topic, but 16 responded to the poll. Of course it can be representative, but maybe more will answer reply later.