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5 Ways Amatonormativity Sets Harmful Relationship Norms For Us All

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I like that the point out how it's not just aro people who are screwed over by amatonormativity. :D
 

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...and +1 when this headline totally sounds like one of those fanfic titles?:eyebrow:

 

6 minutes ago, Vega said:

I like that the point out how it's not just aro people who are screwed over by amatonormativity. :D
 

Yeah, but how messed up is that we need to point out how its bad for the majority in order to prompt them take a minority group's issues even into consideration?

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Damn this article is awesome :D

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17 hours ago, Vega said:

I like that the point out how it's not just aro people who are screwed over by amatonormativity. :D
 

 

The article covers this quite well.

More that the problems with amatonormativity tend to be easy for alloromantics to over look. Whilst being very obvious to aromantics.
 

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19 hours ago, Vega said:

I like that the point out how it's not just aro people who are screwed over by amatonormativity. :D
 

Yup! Though we definitely are screwed over by it, there are other people that are too. I have a polyamorous friend that faces amatonormativity too.

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3 minutes ago, breaddd said:

Yup! Though we definitely are screwed over by it, there are other people that are too. I have a polyamorous friend that faces amatonormativity too.

Exactly! I think polyamory is another orientation* that's really stigmatized in society. 

Besides, it's always good to point out that many issues aren't limited to only one community. 

 

*Is orientation the right term? I'm not sure what the accepted term is. 

 

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31 minutes ago, Vega said:

Exactly! I think polyamory is another orientation* that's really stigmatized in society. 

Besides, it's always good to point out that many issues aren't limited to only one community. 

 

*Is orientation the right term? I'm not sure what the accepted term is. 

 

IMHO polyamory describes several different orientations.

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17 minutes ago, Mark said:

IMHO polyamory describes several different orientations.

Yeah, you're probably right. I also think of "orientation" as talking about what gender(s) a person is attracted to. 

Though if I'm not wrong, polyamory is also quite a built-in characteristic. (As opposed to a lifestyle choice which is not necessarily due to biology or orientation.) 

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Orientation is who you're attracted to. Poly/monoagamy is how many partners you want.

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Posted this on facebook. Only person I've ever discussed aromanticism with is my best friend. 

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I have ADD & cant decipher walls of text.... can someone give me an abbreviated rundown? it sounds like a cool article & id love to know what it says but its impossible for me to concentrate that long D:

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10 minutes ago, peridotty said:

I have ADD & cant decipher walls of text.... can someone give me an abbreviated rundown? it sounds like a cool article & id love to know what it says but its impossible for me to concentrate that long D:

  1. Romantic relationships are seen as the top, most important relationship and friendships etc. are regarded as lower.
  2. Romance is seen as competitive and restrictive.
  3. Romance is seen as the ultimate goal.
  4. Polyamory is difficult with amatonormativity and criminalized often.
  5. Nothing can be open, honest, and blunt in romance apparently and that leaves people who can't read between the lines in romantic situations at odds.
  6. Having sex outside of monogamous relationship is shamed.
  7. Unrealistic relationship standards are set on us and the idea of romantic love has been poisoned by the media.

Basically the media is portraying harmful ideas of romance.

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6 hours ago, breaddd said:
  1. Romantic relationships are seen as the top, most important relationship and friendships etc. are regarded as lower.
  2. Romance is seen as competitive and restrictive.
  3. Romance is seen as the ultimate goal.
  4. Polyamory is difficult with amatonormativity and criminalized often.
  5. Nothing can be open, honest, and blunt in romance apparently and that leaves people who can't read between the lines in romantic situations at odds.
  6. Having sex outside of monogamous relationship is shamed.
  7. Unrealistic relationship standards are set on us and the idea of romantic love has been poisoned by the media.

Basically the media is portraying harmful ideas of romance.

 

Thank you!! this was v helpful :) tbh all of these points i have seen in action!!! good points all around

 

i like especially how they pointed out how romantic relationships are held to different standards as platonic ones and basic things like trust and communication seem to take a backseat to like, romantic lust or something lol

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On 4/20/2016 at 7:47 PM, breaddd said:
  1. Romantic relationships are seen as the top, most important relationship and friendships etc. are regarded as lower.
  2. Romance is seen as competitive and restrictive.
  3. Romance is seen as the ultimate goal.
  4. Polyamory is difficult with amatonormativity and criminalized often.
  5. Nothing can be open, honest, and blunt in romance apparently and that leaves people who can't read between the lines in romantic situations at odds.
  6. Having sex outside of monogamous relationship is shamed.
  7. Unrealistic relationship standards are set on us and the idea of romantic love has been poisoned by the media.

Basically the media is portraying harmful ideas of romance.

 

It's the first point I have the most issue in living with - so many of my friends have left to have romantic relationships and put friendships below that. It's unhealthy for people to be with their partners all of the time, I think, just as it's unhealthy to be with anyone for too long. Not to mention it damaged friendships, sometimes irreparably. Also, point five, that nothing can be blunt, open, and honest in relationships - I find it hard to read between the lines at the best of times and have to actively think through situations that need to be read differently to what they appear. It's exhausting!

 

On another note, you only ever see beautiful people in relationships in the media....

 

Also, that word, "relationships". I only ever seen it referred to when applied to romance, not when talking about "just friends". :(

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2 hours ago, Pufflehugs04 said:

Also, that word, "relationships". I only ever seen it referred to when applied to romance, not when talking about "just friends". :(

That's why I always specify romantic relationships; even if romantic people think I'm weird for doing so. Even before I knew I was aro I've been doing this, because a relationship is "the connection between two or more people". It is such a broad term. It can covers friend, family, romantic partner, acquaintances and even the people who you hate.

 

I really don't like when people refer to romantic relationships as simply relationships, because it completely ignores literally every other type of relationship that can exist.

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I really like this article! I've known for a while now that romantic relationships seemed a bit overrated, but this thing really worded it in a great way.

 

On 4/20/2016 at 11:47 AM, breaddd said:
  1. Romantic relationships are seen as the top, most important relationship and friendships etc. are regarded as lower.
  2. Romance is seen as competitive and restrictive.
  3. Romance is seen as the ultimate goal.
  4. Polyamory is difficult with amatonormativity and criminalized often.
  5. Nothing can be open, honest, and blunt in romance apparently and that leaves people who can't read between the lines in romantic situations at odds.
  6. Having sex outside of monogamous relationship is shamed.
  7. Unrealistic relationship standards are set on us and the idea of romantic love has been poisoned by the media.

Basically the media is portraying harmful ideas of romance.

I have a lot of trouble with the fifth bit in just about every single social situation. I just don't understand many social norms or taboos or traditions, and most of the time things need to be spelled out to me. I've never dated, but if nothing can be blunt in romance then I'm going to hightail it away from there. I want to understand my friends, not spend all day trying to decipher whatever the fuck they are even saying! I could use that time for so many other things!

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It's really sad that I can recognize the majority of these in the relationships of people I know.

 

The one that annoys me most is #1. My sister especially suffers from this. She has literally told me that she won't come visit me by herself because she refuses to be away from her bf for a full 24 hours. This is not an exaggeration. It still pisses me off.

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