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blanketqueencas

Two friends who are dating are acting weird around me?

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Two of my friends started dating recently and I'm happy for them, really. However, I often feel like they're walking on eggshells around me. There have been several moments where I'm in the school's LGBTQIA+ Resource Center with the two of them, sometimes with other people, sometimes without, not really paying a lot of attention to them, which is normal for that space and our friend group. Then suddenly they'll be asking if I'm uncomfortable and apologizing for it and saying they'll try to have less PDA around me. I've never seen them do this to anyone else, and I am the only one of their friends who is aromantic. However, I've also never expressed discomfort with what they're doing, and often times I didn't even realize what they were doing was a relationship thing until they started fussing. Does anyone else have issues with this when they're friends are in relationships? How do you get them to stop?

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11 minutes ago, blanketqueencas said:

Does anyone else have issues with this when they're friends are in relationships?

I do not recall any friends doing this with me.

 

11 minutes ago, blanketqueencas said:

How do you get them to stop?

I would simply tell them you're fine with them doing that stuff and if you hadn't noticed it, I'd tell them that, too. I'm sure saying this to them will relieve them of a lot of stress as they probably only want you to feel comfortable around them.

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I wonder if some of their concern stems from the ever dreaded scenario of being the third wheel. It’s so widely considered to be a really awkward and depressing situations to be in. And idk about you, being the third wheel genuinely doesn’t bug me at all. I’m just happy they’re happy, and they really don’t need to worry about me (like you said). Maybe it would click with them if you explained that with being aromantic, it’s really more about displays of romantic affection directed /at/ you, and not so much others’ relationships. 

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On 5/15/2019 at 9:28 AM, blanketqueencas said:

Does anyone else have issues with this when they're friends are in relationships?

 

usually I have the opposite problem, where I constantly have to remind my friends that I'm aro, and I come out over and over and over again to the same people. I wish my friends were a little more aware of my identity, but it sounds like your friends are hyperaware. I think a lot of times people walk on eggshells around people they don't want to offend because they don't understand them. Maybe just try to explain to them a little bit about what being aro is like, and give them some specific examples of what makes you uncomfortable and what you're fine with?

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When I was in my late teens I and my mother were visited my mother's best friend. Her daughter was with her boyfriend, and were making out all the time. My mother, who is romantic, was shocked, but I was OK with that. Why should I be offended, everybody does what he likes to do. It's like a tea-totaller couldn't stand other people drinking wine.

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When my friends were dating they would do even more pda when I asked them to stop so I can’t relate

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On 7/1/2019 at 4:20 AM, Spacenik86 said:

It's like a tea-totaller couldn't stand other people drinking wine.

Speaking as someone tea-total all my life - wine kinda smells weird. Don't mind if you drink it, but not in my face please?

Analogy fits. :P

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