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eatingcroutons

Online queer culture?

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So in some recent discussions on the Arocalypse Discord server, the concept of "online queer culture" was brought up. I was told that there are some generally accepted principles and norms expected of people who participate in online queer culture, and that it is assumed that members of Arocalypse know about these, since most members of Arocalypse come from other queer communities.

I don't come from any other queer communities. The only identity-related communities I've ever been part of are aro ones, and apparently this means I'm ignorant of a lot of unwritten rules that are assumed to be understood by people involved in online queer culture. But if Arocalypse is being run by standard online queer culture rules, it'd be really helpful to me to have those rules explained, as someone who has no experience of any other online queer culture.

This mainly came up on Arocalypse in the context of forbidden topics of discussion. One thing I was told was that online queer culture does not allow any mention of certain topics; rape fantasies and incest were given as examples of things people are not allowed to discuss. I know the Arocalypse mods are working on putting together a list of things we're not allowed to talk about, but in the meantime I'd really appreciate any guidance on other things that are typically forbidden topics of discussion in online queer culture.

I was also surprised by the keeping of permanent records of every message ever sent on Arocalypse, including every edited or deleted comment. This definitely isn't something I've encountered in other online communities, but one Arocalypse mod told me they wouldn't feel safe in an online queer space where every detail of conversations was NOT permanently recorded in this way. Since I'm clearly out of sync with standard online queer culture practices in this regard, I was also wondering: Are there any other safety-related practices typical of online queer culture which I should be aware of, and may not have encountered elsewhere?

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46 minutes ago, eatingcroutons said:

I was told that there are some generally accepted principles and norms expected of people who participate in online queer culture, and that it is assumed that members of Arocalypse know about these, since most members of Arocalypse come from other queer communities.

 

Whoa, what? I'm not so sure about that. I don't have the same impression of there being such a thing as "online queer culture" with specific agreed-upon norms and values across the board. My first impression would be to wonder if people are talking about a more specific online queer subculture (like, say, their personal social network) and generalizing that as something much broader than it is (maybe because they just aren't aware of the counterexamples?), but I don't know. Just something I would be inclined to suspect as a possibility here -- especially with these examples. While it's fine for people to prefer certain online database/record-keeping setups*, and while it's fine for any given community to have a "off-limits topics" list, I don't agree with characterizing those as aspects of "standard online queer culture."

 

*I'd also question the idea that more record-keeping = more safe, but that may be beside the point.

 

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On 4/28/2019 at 4:20 AM, eatingcroutons said:

One thing I was told was that online queer culture does not allow any mention of certain topics; rape fantasies and incest were given as examples of things people are not allowed to discuss.

That seems oddly specific. I know a general rule for online courtesy (anywhere) is don't mention your kink unless it is a kink-safe environment. Basically don't get onto the topic of specifics about arousal and sex unless it has been explicitly stated that it is an open non-judgemental environment that is accepting of that sort of topic. And then the guidelines for that are generally that discussions must be within a consensual and legal framework. I know some places ban specific kinks, but that is certainly not 'standard' across the everything.  

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