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CloudlegtheVolcano

So this coming out thing

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I wish I could come out to people. I want to share this big part of myself that I was so excited about discovering. It’s not that it’s dangerous- I know there are so many people who have it worse than me. It’s just that no one would understand, friends or family. They’d look at me differently, or completely invalidate the identity that’s become really important to me.

 

Romantic and sexual orientations have come up in conversation with my friends. According to them, asexuality is “some sort of mental... thing” (complete with cuckoo gesture at head) and romantic orientations are “for people who think they’re special.” And to be honest... it’s kind of crushing. Finding this part of myself and finding this community was and is such a big deal to me. It makes me feel so understood and accepted.

 

And they’re both bi; shouldn’t they get what that’s like? We’re all LGBT+, right? We should be in this together. 

 

Thoughts?

 

Edit: My birthday’s coming up and the only thing I want is one of those T-shirts that says “Nah” in aro pride stripes. But I can’t exactly ask for that, now can I?

 

 

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That sucks!

I suppose you could come out anyway. If your friends are good people they will rethink their opinions if you ask them to. If not, are they really the kind of people you want to spend time with?

 

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Buy the tee-shirt! If nothing else, you could wear it as a pyjama top. And if you want to wear it in public, you totally should.  

 

I know how discouraging it can be when people say ignorant stuff, but awareness of "invisible orientations" is increasing, and people are learning and growing all the time. Whether or not you choose to come out, I hope your friends get their heads out of their bums. Best of luck!

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On 4/26/2019 at 8:37 PM, CloudlegtheVolcano said:

I wish I could come out to people. I want to share this big part of myself that I was so excited about discovering. It’s not that it’s dangerous- I know there are so many people who have it worse than me. It’s just that no one would understand, friends or family. They’d look at me differently, or completely invalidate the identity that’s become really important to me.

 

Romantic and sexual orientations have come up in conversation with my friends. According to them, asexuality is “some sort of mental... thing” (complete with cuckoo gesture at head) and romantic orientations are “for people who think they’re special.” And to be honest... it’s kind of crushing. Finding this part of myself and finding this community was and is such a big deal to me. It makes me feel so understood and accepted.

 

And they’re both bi; shouldn’t they get what that’s like? We’re all LGBT+, right? We should be in this together. 

 

Thoughts?

 

Edit: My birthday’s coming up and the only thing I want is one of those T-shirts that says “Nah” in aro pride stripes. But I can’t exactly ask for that, now can I?

 

 

 

Wow this is literally the exact same thing I just went through with my bi friend who wouldn't accept me for being aromantic either. I made a post about it on here earlier and it follows a similar story however it's not as extreme. My friend didn't think it was a My mental disorder just that it was because I was socially awkward. hmmmmm what an odd coincidence that both the people who don't accept us are bisexual. You'd think our own community would be more accepting of us but sometimes that's just not the case. I understand your pain though. I haven't exactly told my parents because I don't think my mom would understand. I know she hopes that I'll marry a guy someday and it hurts that she thinks that. She's says she supports the LGBT community, she's just against me being LGBT. My only advice would be to hold out until you can be free from your friends and family. I don't know how long that will be. I'll be going to college very soon so I can wait. If you can too, then you'll find people who will accept you for who you are and it will get better. It will also be easier to tell your family when you're not living under their roof. This isn't the perfect solution, I know, but if it's not safe to come out than don't.  However if you can do it, and if you think you can convince them or make a difference, than do it, but be careful. 

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1 minute ago, Emerald Cheetah said:

hmmmmm what an odd coincidence that both the people who don't accept us are bisexual. You'd think our own community would be more accepting of us but sometimes that's just not the case. 

I know, right? And can I just say that one of my friends has a family with very strong political views who are anti-LGBT. So they wouldn’t understand if he came out to them and that puts him in the exact same boat as us!

 

I’m sorry your mom feels that way. Maybe someday she’ll realize that not having the same idea for your future as she does doesn’t change the person she raised and loves.

6 minutes ago, Emerald Cheetah said:

 if it's not safe to come out than don't.  However if you can do it, and if you think you can convince them or make a difference, than do it, but be careful. 

It’s not dangerous; if I did they would probably just kind of be like “um... okayyy?” and eventually get used to it. I’m just afraid they would react like your friend did and say it’s not a thing. I wouldn’t want them to see me differently or act like I’m a totally different person now.

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On 4/28/2019 at 1:00 PM, CloudlegtheVolcano said:

I know, right? And can I just say that one of my friends has a family with very strong political views who are anti-LGBT. So they wouldn’t understand if he came out to them and that puts him in the exact same boat as us!

 

I’m sorry your mom feels that way. Maybe someday she’ll realize that not having the same idea for your future as she does doesn’t change the person she raised and loves.

It's definitely difficult when you have different views than the people around you. I'm the only person in my immediate family with my political leanings while my brother, mom, and dad all lean the other way. It makes it very difficult for me. Just last night both my mom and I heard vaguely about some taxing policy that had to do with transgenders and both me and my mom had different opinions on it. We didn't have the full story though so I didn't want to say much about it. I can tell my mom doesn't really understand trans people. She mentioned them getting surgeries and acted like they weren't really a big deal but they are to the person getting them. I feel like she's the kind of person who says she accepts the community but she hides her discriminatory thoughts and feelings behind other justifications and whatnot. Honestly my family are the type of people who try to justify why Trump has banned Transgenders from the military but still say they accept the LGBT community. It's weird.

 

On 4/28/2019 at 1:00 PM, CloudlegtheVolcano said:

=I’m sorry your mom feels that way. Maybe someday she’ll realize that not having the same idea for your future as she does doesn’t change the person she raised and loves.

It’s not dangerous; if I did they would probably just kind of be like “um... okayyy?” and eventually get used to it. I’m just afraid they would react like your friend did and say it’s not a thing. I wouldn’t want them to see me differently or act like I’m a totally different person now.

Honestly I have those same fears. I'm probably gonna just keep it a secret until sometime in the future my mom ends up questioning why I haven't gotten a boyfriend or husband yet. And then I'll just spill the beans at that point. I don't really like bringing up my Aromanticism unless the conversation calls for it. Some of my friends know now (I honestly don't know which ones know because of how I have the tendency to mention it off hand at random times) but my friends tend to be more accepting. It was just that one friend that didn't accept me as well.

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