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Amaya

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I have tried to tell my mom multiple times but she always dismisses it saying, "don't cut yourself off, you just haven't met the right person yet". I'm aromantic 100% and it's torture that my mom refuses to accept it. I don't know if she is disappointed and in denial or what but I really need to know what I should do. Should I keep pushing the issue or give her some space and try again later?O.o

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Time might be the only help. That's my thought as my mom is the same. 'I read the preme babies have a tendency to not like touch when they get older"(meaning: it's not that you don't like anyone, it's that your hesitent. Which is wrong as I love to snuggle) If she doesn't get it with words a track record of not pursuing and showing no interest may be the only thing. Or another way of explaining it. I don't fully like how this sounds becuase I feel like I'm demening romantic relationships but it's the best way I've come to discribe aromantics and it speaks the romantic language: Romantics look for the one, their soul mate that will make them feel complete, whole. Aromantics don't pursue romantic relationships because we already have the other half of our soul. There is no need, want, or desire to look for what we already have. We are happy with who are and by ourselves.

 

 Sometimes I wonder if romantics refusing to accept aromantics as we are is because of fear. The fear that we feel fine on our own. And the fear they they don't feel complete without a romantic relationship. That friends are the support we need and nothing more intense. I'm speaking purely as a asexual aromantic hermit mind you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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When I was in high school my sister actually introduced me to the term 'asexual'. As I realized that the term described me I got interested and wanted to learn more, which is how I got educated on a wide range of queer sexual and romantic orientations and eventually chose the term 'aromantic' for myself.

 

My mom has found out about me identifying as ace because I gave my sister permission to tell her. My mom got mad at my sister and said that my sister was putting labels on me (which wasn't true). My mom is now more accepting about it but she and I don't discuss it much. I have not told my dad as I don't know how he'd react and I have no interest in him finding out. I'm also uninterested in telling either of my parents about aromanticism as I don't feel they need to know.

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I'm not out to my parents, mostly because I stopped speaking to them before I figured out I was aroace. But I did come out to my brother and my grandfather. My brother needed me to explain what "asexual" and "aromantic" meant, but was generally accepting, if a bit skeptical. (When I defined "sexual attraction" for him he said that wasn't a real thing). My grandfather surprised me. I didn't expect him to know what "asexual" or "aromantic" meant, so I came prepared to do the whole speech and everything. But he said he already knew what those words meant, and ultimately he just wanted me to be happy. It was surprising, but easily my most positive experience coming out. He died a few months after that, so I ended up being really glad I told him. It's good to know he was on my side.

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I'm out to pretty much everyone including my family, and they are generally accepting now but they previously didn't believe me because of how I had seemed to know that I wanted a romantic relationship before, not getting that that came from the external influences of the media and what they had taught me. My parents have definitely become more accepting of me than they once were, and I think they have also adjusted their views of romantic relationships and marriage a little bit so they don't see them as an essential part of life for everyone.

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