Tertiary Types of Attraction & Related Terminology

[Magni]

(I started talking about this some in this discussion, but wanted to make new thread to elaborate on it more)

 

Tertiary attraction is a term to describe forms of attraction other than romantic and sexual.  This includes: Aesthetic, Alterous, Platonic, Queerplatonic, and Sensual. (wiki with basic description)

I can't seem to find info on the exact origin of this term, but I know I've heard it around for a while.

 

I acknowledge some people may dislike the term tertiary, but for simplicity's sake I will continue to use it unless another term is established/agreed upon.

 

Criticisms of "tertiary" and my perspective

1. Some people do not see why there’s a need to group these different types of attraction.  I think it is useful to be able to group them because:

• There’s a lot of overlap or blurred lines for people experiencing these types of attraction, and often people personally define them a bit differently
• These types of attraction are linked together as a group because they're generally more “invisible” than romantic and sexual; they've only really been established in aspec communities as we try and discuss the nuances of how we do experience attraction.
• This doesn’t mean they must always be grouped for everyone, but that it is useful to have terminology to describe them as a group rather than listing them out individually

 

2. Some people dislike the term because they feel like it implies these attractions are less important than romantic/sexual

• We can acknowledge that these attractions are relatively invisible compared to  romantic and sexual attractions which are most widely known.  I think it's more a statement of how visible/well known they are rather than of their importance

• Tertiary is also used to describe precise colors that aren’t strictly just one of the 6 “main” and most well known colors; this doesn’t mean these colors are less important, just that they’re more specific; generally they get rolled in with one of the more prominent colors.  Similarly, these types of attraction generally aren’t acknowledged since most people fold them in as part of romantic/sexual attraction.

 

How I personally experience tertiary attraction:

I experience a mix of tertiary attractions in a way I would describe as demi; I often use demiplatonic to describe this for simplicity, but really it's more a mix of sensual, alterous, and queerplatonic attractions.  I consider queerplatonic attraction to be kinda a mix of platonic, alterous, and sensual.  These types of attraction are grouped for me because I only really feel a single strong attraction which is a group of all these things.  I think people generally have different personal definitions of these types of attraction because people experience things differently and also when there is a mix of them people generally want to call it a singular thing rather than listing out multiple things.

 

Developing Terminology:

• Oriented aroace: this has been becoming more popular recently; the oriented part would be based on how people experience tertiary attraction, and generally there seems to be more discussion recently about what other attractions people feel.  (I know this term has had issues with excluding aroaces who experience some attraction, and I do not agree with it because I think it should be more inclusive.  However, I would rather this thread not get derailed by discussing that controversy)

 

• I think we need a new term which has approximately this definition: A vague type of attraction which can be used to indicate an attraction/orientation which is not primarily romantic or sexual but which involves multiple types of tertiary attraction.  (It is primarily for tertiary types of attraction, though aspec people who experience some romantic/sexual attraction can also use this including those types of attractions if they feel it describes their experiences since a lot of times types of attraction blur together).
  • I personally would find this useful to describe the mix of attractions I experience.  
  • "tertiary attraction" doesn't fulfill this; I think we need a word parallel to romantic, platonic, alterous etc. which makes sense both as a type of attraction experienced and also as a base for identity labels
  • I don't currently have any ideas for the word itself, just the definition

 

People are encouraged to add more relevant terminology, these two are just the things which occurred to me.

Questions/discussion topics/etc:

• the term "tertiary attraction" in and of itself, things people like or dislike about it, or questions about it
• Word suggestions for a vague umbrella type of attraction as I defined; also, suggestions for improvement of definition
• Other terminology/identities related to how people experience tertiary attraction
• Other things relating to tertiary attraction that I haven't included

 

Question to get people thinking if needed: How would you describe the way you do or do not experience tertiary types of attraction?

[Neir]

This is a great discussion. Thank you for starting it.

 

I think it might be useful to coin a term that has some sort of "mix" meaning in it, meaning that the attractions the person experiences blur together or are grouped together in a singular entity. Would we want to keep this term specific to tertiary attractions or also include the possibility of mixed attractions including romantic or sexual components (kind of like how "queerplatonic attraction" is used in a way that signals "queering platonic" and may or may not involve other experiences of attractions depending on the person)?

[Magni]

12 minutes ago, running.tally said:

I think it might be useful to coin a term that has some sort of "mix" meaning in it, meaning that the attractions the person experiences blur together or are grouped together in a singular entity.

 

oooh yeah! That makes sense....tertiary is umbrella of types, new term is for mix.  That also gives me ideas for where to possibly start looking for etymology/word ideas (I won't put here yet because need actually take time to research it).

 

13 minutes ago, running.tally said:

Would we want to keep this term specific to tertiary attractions or also include the possibility of mixed attractions including romantic or sexual components

 

I think I already covered this? Basically the term would emphasize tertiary attractions but it can include romantic or sexual components since that is often blurred for aspec people.  But like....it needs to include tertiary attraction? It wouldn't be used for blur between just romantic and sexual.  I think to an extent romantic and sexual each implicitly include elements of tertiary attraction, thus why allos generally don't differentiate them.  However, I also acknowledge there are a lot of aspec people who do sometimes experience romantic and sexual attractions and that for them it might blur with tertiary attractions and I want to leave that open for them; basically, I want the term to be accessible for aspec people who find it useful and overall I trust people to use the term in a way that is consistent with it's intent? And overall I'd rather err on the side of overly broad use that might dilute original meaning rather than exclude people from a term they find useful.

[Galactic Turtle]

3 hours ago, Magni said:

Question to get people thinking if needed: How would you describe the way you do or do not experience tertiary types of attraction?

 

When I think about gender preference I can only think of the fact that I desire friendship exclusively with other women. I don't know how I feel about calling that platonic attraction though but since I'm aro ace this is the only aspect of myself that feels oriented at all. 

[F1shCake]

I am generally confused about what tertiary attraction I feel, and if i's oriented. 

[Apathetic Echidna]

The issue I have with my initial reflex understanding of Tertiary is that (at least in Australia) it is generally used in relation to the school system. Who knows, maybe an Australian coined the word in this use because it does sort of fit the pattern (in a sort of really horribly problematic way):

 

Primary School (I guess Elementary in US?) = Simple, common, shared experience, compulsory.

Secondary School (Freshman/Middle/High School? I find US year separation names confusing) = Difficult, common, shared experience, partially compulsory

Tertiary (University or college) = Complex, nuanced, specialised

 

So the word Tertiary is already charged with a bunch of uhhh...extra understanding? I wonder how common this understanding is...is it an Australian thing?

@Ace of Amethysts

 

9 hours ago, Magni said:

but that it is useful to have terminology to describe them as a group rather than listing them out individually

People define them all quite differently and there seem to be heaps of different word out there as well as different definitions. Personally I don't really think they have any meaning in a conversation unless context is given and for that you sort of have to list them, or at least your experiences if you don't give them a defining term(s). I think when arguments get theoretical enough to need shorthand words for groups of things that negate their actual identification then you are just asking for people to misinterpret what you mean.   

And we learnt from the SAM conversation that there are many varied ways to understand how it works or is applied (simply from the sort of ridiculous length those posts and the whole thread got)

[Prismatangle]

Okay for context, quoting myself in our earlier conversation from the other thread:

 

This is how I experience attraction:

 

 

Quote

 

Sensual attraction =

• Aesthetic
  • Visual
  • Aural or Sonic (sound)
  • Dynamic (movement, mannerisms)
  • Stylistic (fashion sense, similar taste in art etc.)
• Tactile (wanting to touch, hug, cuddle, kiss, etc.)
• Olfactory (scent)

 

 

 

Yes, it's very different from the norm and that's why I've described it. It's all mixed together in ways that are difficult to distinguish. If you want a longer explanation, see here, here, and here. Or just check out my post in the other thread.

 

Quote

For me, this cluster that I described is the primary way that I experience attraction. The things outside of it... aren't really best described as attractions.

 

This cluster of attractions, in combination with other factors, is how I determined that I am bi (but not biromantic). It's not that I feel pressure to label these types of attraction, but that I feel pressure from people questioning why I say I'm bi in addition to ace, when I also don't ID as romantic, to explain that. In other words, I'm not going to let people take away my bi card, just because I'm not allosexual or alloromantic. I've been IDing as bi since I was 13, and the bi part didn't go away just because I realized I'm also ace (and now also kind of aro).

 

 

So to hear these described as "tertiary" feels really wrong to me, since it's totally contrary to my personal experience. And hearing it in the way that @Magni originally brought it up, sort of felt a bit like it was (unintentionally) talking over/erasing my experience with words I didn't choose or agree with. (But we've already worked out that misunderstanding, so all is well. )

 

It also feels SUPER WEIRD to hear queerplatonic/alterous attractions grouped with sensual attraction, since I feel like they don't automatically go together. I know they can for some people, of course. But I don't even have QP/alterous attraction, so it confuses me.

 

Quote

Why is there a need to group these attractions in the first place? Is it just to say "attractions that aren't romantic/sexual"? That is the only thing I'm seeing that they share in common and that's... not much. If that's why you are referring to them as a group, then why not just say "non-romantic/sexual attractions"? I mean yes, it is a bit more of a mouthful, sure, but if it became commonplace enough you could shorten it to "non-R/S attractions" at least, and that's shorter than "tertiary attractions" by one character. I just don't see the need to adopt a term like that which implies that they are somehow lesser than R/S attractions

 

and

 

Quote

 I do think that (regardless of whether or not you meant to do it) using a term like "tertiary attractions" centers romantic and sexual attractions, and suggests that the other kinds of attraction are peripheral. I understand that the term kinda describes the current state of affairs in the aro and ace communities, but I just feel like it reproduces and reinforces the problem, you know?

 

...so that's the cliff notes version of our previous conversation.

 

Anyway, I'm not particularly attached to the idea of saying "non-romantic/non-sexual" attractions or the abbreviation that I proposed earlier. I mean, I have never even seen a need to refer to these attractions as a group, so I'm probably not the best person to come up with new terminology for that. I was just saying that I would not use "tertiary" as I feel it's very problematic, and I probably would never even think to make up a new label, I'd just describe what I mean. I agree with @Apathetic Echidna that a term like this is VERY likely to be misinterpreted, and I tend to be the sort of person who just writes everything out rather than getting into specialized terminology anyway. I feel it can be a major accessibility barrier for people who are new to a community.

 

But... I feel like, if there is going to be a new term, how about we focus on what all of these types of attraction have in common? That can be a good guide for coming up with a term that is more agreeable.

 

So far from this discussion I am seeing this group of attractions referred to as: under-discussed, less well known, less "visible", less acknowledged, and perhaps more complex/nuanced/specialized.

 

What else do they have in common? Can you think of any other words to describe that? Brainstorming session!

 

-----

5 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

Primary School (I guess Elementary in US?) = Simple, common, shared experience, compulsory.

Secondary School (Freshman/Middle/High School? I find US year separation names confusing) = Difficult, common, shared experience, partially compulsory

Tertiary (University or college) = Complex, nuanced, specialised

 

Freshman just means your first year of whatever school, it's not a name for a type of school but rather a group of students. So you can be a freshman in high school, or a freshman in university/college, etc. (Sophomore, Junior, and Senior are words for second, third, and fourth(+) year students.)

 

This extra meaning/association you mentioned explains a lot!! But yeah, still problematic, in a different way.

 

[Neir]

9 hours ago, Prismatangle said:

But... I feel like, if there is going to be a new term, how about we focus on what all of these types of attraction have in common? That can be a good guide for coming up with a term that is more agreeable.

 

So far from this discussion I am seeing this group of attractions referred to as: under-discussed, less well known, less "visible", less acknowledged, and perhaps more complex/nuanced/specialized.

 

Yes! Somehow integrating those "less visible," more "complex/nuanced," and potentially "mixed" facets would be excellent!

 

"Blur" is a word that kind of gets at all of those things. Blurry things are less visible, are often many things mixing together, and aren't very clear in terms of being nuanced.

A problem with "blur" or a word similar to "blur" might be that some people think of blurs as flaws or blemishes or something dirty, and that's the OPPOSITE kind of meaning we want for people who might use this word.

 

"Oblique" is also a word that is sometimes used as a synonym for something obscure (or less visible, more complex). It's also a word for a wide angle, which is kind of a nice picture - widely covering many different experiences.

 

I'll keep searching and reading your experiences; I'm offering up a few words to start.

[Apathetic Echidna]

9 hours ago, Prismatangle said:

Sophomore

I knew there was an 'S' word somewhere related to all of this, but I ALWAYS forget what it is. Thanks for clearing up the freshman thing too. 

Maybe I should also make clear that in my list the first two are identified as 'school' but I didn't do it for tertiary because it is normally used with words like learning and education because there are many routes of tertiary learning (from certificate courses to all the different levels of degrees)

 

back to the main point of this conversation, I think mostly because they might be less clearly defined (because they mix and meld  very differently in different people and some of those people might shy away from discussing them (either because they themselves have issues defining them, to try and describe them would mean being uncomfortably open about personal experiences, or there are dictatorial people in the community/conversation who might deride their usage of the specific attraction terms). So in short: they are tucked away because they are 'messy' (at least for some people).

(though I don't know how that might be worked into any terminology. It seems mainly about their reasons for lower visibility which could maybe be fixed with a shift in community focus from highlighting non-romantic/sexual orientation labels and experiences)

[Coyote]

Doesn't look like Mark's comment made it over here to the relevant thread, so I'm quoting it here:

 

8 hours ago, Mark said:

It seems somewhat at odds with the way 'primary' and 'secondary' are used in connection to demi.

 

Although technically the "primary and secondary attraction" model* is kinda dated and I'm not interested in reviving/endorsing it as a way of looking at things, it's worth knowing that that's one of the associations that "tertiary attraction" might invoke for people.

 

*sidenote: hey look, it's an oldschool "model" actually theorized and named as such as an intentional effort at modeling.

 

 

24 minutes ago, running.tally said:

"Blur" is a word that kind of gets at all of those things. Blurry things are less visible, are often many things mixing together, and aren't very clear in terms of being nuanced.

A problem with "blur" or a word similar to "blur" might be that some people think of blurs as flaws or blemishes or something dirty, and that's the OPPOSITE kind of meaning we want for people who might use this word.

 

"Oblique" is also a word that is sometimes used as a synonym for something obscure (or less visible, more complex). It's also a word for a wide angle, which is kind of a nice picture - widely covering many different experiences.

 

A couple of thoughts on this.

 

"Blur" would, I think strike me as too similar to some of what's being described in this post on greyromanticism and this post on graysexuality: "knowing you’re feeling something but you can’t be more specific than that," "vague and fuzzy experiences," "confusing," etc. I don't know if that's dissuasive to anyone or not, but more generally I would think of "blur" as best suited to describing ambiguity of experience, not... things going culturally unrecognized, even when clear to the individual.

 

Oblique, I'm... not as sure about? Curious to see what others say.

 

But also what I want to know is: What context are people looking to use this for? Like what kinds of sentences or conversations, where it would be easier to talk if you had this umbrella term instead of having to write out the list? I've got a situation right now where I guess I could use this concept, but I'm wondering about what other situations people are/have been in where they've felt this as a lexical gap.

 

 

9 minutes ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

So in short: they are tucked away because they are 'messy' (at least for some people). 

 

I'm not so sure of that.

 

I mean... maybe? But I don't know. I certainly had a completely different impression of what the reason was.

 

[Neir]

From what I understand, the purpose of this term is to describe a set of attractions that are not the "mainstream" (for lack of better term) romantic or sexual attraction, without making the term problematic like "tertiary" was (i.e., making sure the term doesn't make these attractions seem like they are 'lower' than romantic or sexual attraction, or an afterthought).

 

Sometimes, when people describe alterous and platonic and sensual and all those other types of attraction other than romantic/sexual, others can't relate to those separations. For me personally, I can very clearly recognize alterous and sensual and two different and unrelated attractions I experience. For others, they may not, and they may want a word that captures a mix of those two or a relatedness that makes them inseparable. Maybe not those two specifically, but a mix of two or more attractions that manifest as one experience.

 

Like instead of saying "I experience [ALTEROUS AND SENSUAL AND AESTHETIC] attraction," it would be "I experience [NEW TERM] attraction." Further explanations of what that [NEW TERM] is made up of can follow in the conversation if the person wants (e.g., "I experience [NEW TERM] attraction, and I think alterous and sensual and aesthetic make up a part of it"). I think we're looking for something vague, like how "greyro" is a vague term that describes many nuances and many very specific identities under that umbrella all under the same idea that romantic attraction is a blurry grey area.

This new term, from what I understand, is for a type of attraction that is a blurry grey area that is hard to define by solely "romantic" or "sexual" terms.
I don't think we're looking for a term to append orientation prefixes to (like bi-alterous or bi-romantic --> bi-[NEW TERM]), but just a word to be able to express that one's experience of attraction toward other people has facets not captured by "romantic" or "sexual" on their own, and that other types of attraction are experienced in an interconnected way. Correct me if I'm wrong on this point though.

[Prismatangle]

58 minutes ago, running.tally said:

Like instead of saying "I experience [ALTEROUS AND SENSUAL AND AESTHETIC] attraction," it would be "I experience [NEW TERM] attraction." Further explanations of what that [NEW TERM] is made up of can follow in the conversation if the person wants (e.g., "I experience [NEW TERM] attraction, and I think alterous and sensual and aesthetic make up a part of it"). I think we're looking for something vague, like how "greyro" is a vague term that describes many nuances and many very specific identities under that umbrella all under the same idea that romantic attraction is a blurry grey area.

This new term, from what I understand, is for a type of attraction that is a blurry grey area that is hard to define by solely "romantic" or "sexual" terms.
I don't think we're looking for a term to append orientation prefixes to (like bi-alterous or bi-romantic --> bi-[NEW TERM]), but just a word to be able to express that one's experience of attraction toward other people has facets not captured by "romantic" or "sexual" on their own, and that other types of attraction are experienced in an interconnected way. Correct me if I'm wrong on this point though.

 

Thanks for this explanation, this really helps me understand more of what kind of situation this would be used in. Although of course I'm sure there are more situations than just that. I'm curious about those as well.

 

1 hour ago, Coyote said:

Although technically the "primary and secondary attraction" model* is kinda dated and I'm not interested in reviving/endorsing it as a way of looking at things, it's worth knowing that that's one of the associations that "tertiary attraction" might invoke for people.

 

*sidenote: hey look, it's an oldschool "model" actually theorized and named as such as an intentional effort at modeling.

 

Yeah, I was there when that model was created, so I thought about it immediately. Decided not to link it though because it's so old. There were apparently still people using it when The Invisible Orientation was written though, I was told. Not sure about now.

 

Course that model got away from its creator too, and turned into something that didn't represent Rabger's views.

 

Anyway... Not gonna comment on the specific suggestions right now, but this is good! Keep em coming! ?

[Mark]

6 hours ago, Coyote said:

Doesn't look like Mark's comment made it over here to the relevant thread, so I'm quoting it here:

 

Although technically the "primary and secondary attraction" model* is kinda dated and I'm not interested in reviving/endorsing it as a way of looking at things, it's worth knowing that that's one of the associations that "tertiary attraction" might invoke for people.

 

*sidenote: hey look, it's an oldschool "model" actually theorized and named as such as an intentional effort at modeling.

I hadn't got around to it. Nor had I decided if the best option was to link to the other thread, cut and paste or write something similar.
Short version: I dislike both the term and the thinking behind it.

IMHO describing it as a model is a positive.
Though the model presented is obviously incomplete, missing 13 rows. (Even if it only addressed 'attraction' it would need at additional row.)

Adding the concept of 'desire' complicates the whole thing. Ironically someone who only has sex because it's romantic coded without identifying as 'asexual' would fit the definition in that model well. There are situations, such as sex work, where desire without attraction can be a good thing. Not sure if there's a good example of 'romance work' since 'escorting' is typically sexual as well. Possibly aro authors who write romance genre or aro actors who play romantic characters.

A sign that it's old is the use of 'sexual' rather than 'allosexual'.

Whilst I can work out if the sexual (, sensual, aesthetic, etc) attraction I'm feeling is 'primary', 'secondary' or both it's a purely intellectual exercise without practical application.

[Prismatangle]

8 hours ago, Mark said:

Not sure if there's a good example of 'romance work' since 'escorting' is typically sexual as well. Possibly aro authors who write romance genre or aro actors who play romantic characters.

 

Japanese host/hostess clubs could count as "romance work" I guess? If you're looking for a sort of romantic analog to "escorting" then that's the best example I can think of, especially on the host side, although sometimes (illegally) it does involve sex work too. However, it's not generally presumed to be a euphemism for sex work like escorting is. This would probably be better discussed in a different thread, though.

 

Mark, any thoughts on potential replacements for "tertiary attraction"? Or just other ways of describing them or things they have in common?

[Apathetic Echidna]

I was doing some research for something else and the more I thought the more I realised that the fundamental problem with this idea of sexual and romantic VS other is because ultimately the divide is between instant attractions and extended knowledge attraction. So instant could be things like visual and extended knowledge would be like learning about them. But even then it doesn't take into account reactive attractions or growth of attraction from interest or appreciation. Gah. Maybe I am making it all more complicated than it needs to be and maybe what I am thinking about doesn't even fit the original post. 

[blanketqueencas]

I'm not a huge fan of the term "tertiary attraction" because, as stated above, it does make it sound like it's not quite equal to romantic and sexual attraction. At the same time, I don't have any ideas as to what we should be saying instead, so it will work for now.

Personally, I experience platonic and aesthetic attraction the most. I often see queerplatonic attraction treated as a synonym for platonic attraction, and I appreciate that they are differentiated here. I very frequently will experience platonic attraction as a desire to be friends with a specific person, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a QPR with them, so I appreciate the distinction.

I also agree that grouping them together is a good thing. They aren't the same, but they're treated similarly, so hopefully if we put them under one umbrella it will make it easier to advocate for all of them.

[assignedgothatbirth]

 

On 3/25/2019 at 1:55 PM, Prismatangle said:

But... I feel like, if there is going to be a new term, how about we focus on what all of these types of attraction have in common? That can be a good guide for coming up with a term that is more agreeable.

 

So far from this discussion I am seeing this group of attractions referred to as: under-discussed, less well known, less "visible", less acknowledged, and perhaps more complex/nuanced/specialized.

 

What else do they have in common? Can you think of any other words to describe that? Brainstorming session!

 

hmm, i definitely agree that as a political goal at least its good to recognize that there are other types of attraction that don't get recognized as much, but im not so sure about using it as an identity word. if you're going off of those qualities, most of those are functions of our current society, not necessarily 'inherent' to the types of attraction that we typically think of. (and im not a huge fan of describing them as 'more complex/nuanced' either....like personally i feel like my sensual feelings are a lot more straightforward then my sexual ones).

this point is probably moot on here but i think its good to keep in mind that these 'tertiary attractions' are generally included romantic and sexual attractions for most people so if we do have more political discussions about these kinds of attractions we should probably specify that its a-specs with these other attractions that tend to be affected by this stuff more than allo people... i think the a-spec community's gotten over the more obvious kind of applying the "split-attraction model" to everyone but just in case.

 

On 3/26/2019 at 12:22 AM, running.tally said:

From what I understand, the purpose of this term is to describe a set of attractions that are not the "mainstream" (for lack of better term) romantic or sexual attraction,

maybe we should call it hipster attraction

 

On 3/26/2019 at 12:22 AM, running.tally said:

Sometimes, when people describe alterous and platonic and sensual and all those other types of attraction other than romantic/sexual, others can't relate to those separations. 

that's a good point. its the same issue you run into with aroaces not really seeing those (non-)attractions as separate and wanting just one orientation instead of having to split up their identity like that. i think there are probably more than one umbrella terms for these though- like, alterous, platonic, and queerplatonic could all go under "emotional" attractions, and aesthetic attraction could already be considered an umbrella term that includes aesthetic attraction. there's still more combos that could work too though- like, i personally experience queerplatonic and sensual attraction separately but linked to a certain degree, and even though im okay identifying as both i can definitely see a scenario where people would want a way to link the two. maybe "emotional-sensual attraction"? (of course, romantic and sexual attraction could also fit into any of these categories i mentioned, but i still think its useful for like...personal discussions, just not as much for political ones)

[Neir]

2 hours ago, assignedgothatbirth said:

On 3/26/2019 at 12:22 AM, running.tally said:

From what I understand, the purpose of this term is to describe a set of attractions that are not the "mainstream" (for lack of better term) romantic or sexual attraction,

maybe we should call it hipster attraction

 

The 'hipster' thing was totally a joke but it's actually got me thinking. A term that vaguely means 'nonconformist' attractions would be ideal here. It could describe 'non-mainstream' types of attractions and also potentially include 'non-mainstream' romantic- or sexual-adjacent attractions as well.

 

Some terms:

- oblique attraction(s): still like this one because it covers the below and above

- obverse attraction(s): obverse meaning complementary but not 'opposite,' since many attractions are kind of complementary (like connected along an emotional axis like you described @assignedgothatbirth or perhaps crossing certain axes) or alongside romantic/sexual attraction, or can be understood in ways similar to romantic/sexual attraction in terms of being oriented

- diametric attraction(s): diametric meaning 'opposed,' kind of 'as opposed to 'simple' romantic/sexual attraction'

[Coyote]

58 minutes ago, running.tally said:

- diametric attraction(s): diametric meaning 'opposed,' kind of 'as opposed to 'simple' romantic/sexual attraction'

 

Can't be sure, but diametric sounds like it might get mixed up with diamoric.

[Neir]

Good point @Coyote

[Magni]

On 3/26/2019 at 12:22 AM, running.tally said:

This new term, from what I understand, is for a type of attraction that is a blurry grey area that is hard to define by solely "romantic" or "sexual" terms.
I don't think we're looking for a term to append orientation prefixes to (like bi-alterous or bi-romantic --> bi-[NEW TERM]), but just a word to be able to express that one's experience of attraction toward other people has facets not captured by "romantic" or "sexual" on their own, and that other types of attraction are experienced in an interconnected way. Correct me if I'm wrong on this point though.

I don't necessarily agree with this? I think it's good to have an umbrella term to include these attractions but which is not itself a specific type of attraction.  Though, I suppose having another word for a specific type of attraction like this could be useful?  But I think currently, "alterous" is purposely vague in order to somewhat fill that role?  Having both is good, but I would also like a term which is not itself a specific type of attraction, but which I can use to describe the other specific attractions I feel as a group.

Hmmm....perhaps, like, Oblique attractions as the group, and Obverse attraction as a specifically vague type of attraction? at least, based on the terms that have been previously mentioned 

[Neir]

Oh gotcha! I wasn't sure about whether we were just searching for an umbrella term or both that and a specific vague attraction.

 

I'm definitely biased, but I like oblique especially as an umbrella term. I would readily use it.

As for the specific vague attraction, I'm not a person in need of this term but if others are in search of such a term and like it, it would make a great sibling term. You do have a point with alterous (and arguably queerplatonic or honestly just queer) being vague enough to potentially include what some folks here are thinking of.

[Guest Luna]

On 3/26/2019 at 5:12 AM, Neir said:

 

Yes! Somehow integrating those "less visible," more "complex/nuanced," and potentially "mixed" facets would be excellent!

 

"Blur" is a word that kind of gets at all of those things. Blurry things are less visible, are often many things mixing together, and aren't very clear in terms of being nuanced.

A problem with "blur" or a word similar to "blur" might be that some people think of blurs as flaws or blemishes or something dirty, and that's the OPPOSITE kind of meaning we want for people who might use this word.

 

"Oblique" is also a word that is sometimes used as a synonym for something obscure (or less visible, more complex). It's also a word for a wide angle, which is kind of a nice picture - widely covering many different experiences.

 

I'll keep searching and reading your experiences; I'm offering up a few words to start.

What about "eriattraction". Eri comes from Finnish, "erilainen", which means different. It'd mean "different attraction than romantic or sexual" and it'd be a term for people to describe multiple attractions they experience.

 

For example: I experience queerplatonic, noetic and sensual attraction. It's kinda tiring to say all of these, alongside telling people I'm demiromantic. It'd be far easier to have a conversation like this:

 

Me: "I experience eriattraction."

Person 1: "What does that mean?"

Me: "I experience multiple non-romantic and non-sexual forms of attraction."

Person 1: "Oh so which ones do you experience?"

Me: "I experience QP, noetic and sensual attraction."

Person 2: "I experience QP, platonic and aesthetic attraction, I also experience eriattraction!"

 

Basically this term encompasses anyone who experiences any two or more forms of non-romantic and/or non-sexual attraction without the term having the problematic potential for being misinterpreted as inferior - eri means different, different doesn't mean inferior! 

 

Any thoughts on this?