Jump to content
Cristal Gris

I am nonamorous but sometime i wish i was not?

Recommended Posts

Hey.

 

Okay so… i am nonamorous. I don't think i could have a qpr , well , i don't think i would want one anyway. I don't know if i could get THAT close with someone.

 

… but sometime, i want to be close to someone. A qpr sound nice ( that being said, i would never be able to get physically close with them (like hugs or kisses) ). And everyone make it soud like this is the best thing in the world. 

 

(serious question : do you think this is a form of amatonormativity even if this is not romance ? )

 

Well, i wonder if i am really nonamorous. Or maybe i just wish i had close friends. I don't know anymore. Maybe my stance on nonamory will even change if i get closer to someone? I know i can get squishes but they never lead to anywhere. (for various reasons)

 

(anyone can relate? Or want to add something? )

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I RELATE A LOT to this. Most of the time, I would say that the nonamorous label is accurate for me. I don't desire exclusive partnerships of any kind. But occasionally - most often when I'm lonely but also when I feel close to a friend of mine - I will think about what it would be like to have a partner. Living with someone and seeing them often would relieve my loneliness but also I often enjoy my friends' company. For me personally, this is why I identify as aroflux. My feelings about partnerships (not just QPRs but also romantic relationships) change and sometimes it seems more possible to want to be close to someone in those ways. I still use the nonamorous label because every time I've had a chance to go through with a partnership I have pretty much ran away (quite literally once) so I'm not sure I would like relationships in practice. 

 

As for amatonormativity, I think it could definitely be a part. It may be that you sometimes get overwhelmed by the constant push to be in a relationship to be happy. It may be that because people around you seem happy in relationships, you see the positives. Or it may be that because everyone around you is in a relationship, you're lonely, and then you start thinking about What Ifs. It doesn't always have to be about romantic relationships; amatonormativity affects all relationships. If romantic relationships are inherently more important, then all other relationships are less important, right? So even if you don't desire romantic relationships, amatonormativity still teaches you that friendships should only be casual and a certain level of emotionally intimate, and that friendships (defined this way) aren't enough to be happy. Although QPRs can be like particularly close friends for some people, they're still far enough away from the common definition of friendship to be different.

 

Feelings are complicated and there can be many things contributing to them.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, running.tally said:

I RELATE A LOT to this. Most of the time, I would say that the nonamorous label is accurate for me. I don't desire exclusive partnerships of any kind. But occasionally - most often when I'm lonely but also when I feel close to a friend of mine - I will think about what it would be like to have a partner. Living with someone and seeing them often would relieve my loneliness but also I often enjoy my friends' company. For me personally, this is why I identify as aroflux. My feelings about partnerships (not just QPRs but also romantic relationships) change and sometimes it seems more possible to want to be close to someone in those ways. I still use the nonamorous label because every time I've had a chance to go through with a partnership I have pretty much ran away (quite literally once) so I'm not sure I would like relationships in practice. 

 

Saaaame. But i think, in the end, that i just want someone close.

8 minutes ago, running.tally said:

As for amatonormativity, I think it could definitely be a part. It may be that you sometimes get overwhelmed by the constant push to be in a relationship to be happy. It may be that because people around you seem happy in relationships, you see the positives. Or it may be that because everyone around you is in a relationship, you're lonely, and then you start thinking about What Ifs. It doesn't always have to be about romantic relationships; amatonormativity affects all relationships. If romantic relationships are inherently more important, then all other relationships are less important, right? So even if you don't desire romantic relationships, amatonormativity still teaches you that friendships should only be casual and a certain level of emotionally intimate, and that friendships (defined this way) aren't enough to be happy. Although QPRs can be like particularly close friends for some people, they're still far enough away from the common definition of friendship to be different.

Yeah, i think you're right. Everyone seem happy with their qpp , i think i just want to be happy too. But i should remember that no Relationship is more or less important.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, I didn't know this term. I think it fit me, though I am a bit like you : sometimes I with I wasn't, bit it could be amonorlativity even here. In particular for me because unlike a lot of aro, I do want children. I experienced squishes. And I'm not against the idea of having a QPR  (I think about it as an emotional bond that don't require kisses), I just miss it.

 

I do believe that even here, we can talk about amanormativity. No offense to any aro in a QPR or who want one, but I think that QPR is some how described as something that replace romantic relationship for us : we don't have a romantic relationship but we can still form very powerful bounds with people. It's kind of the "we don't have se but fall in love" of the aro community.

(Of course I'm not saying this is exact my the same thing, QPR is different of romantic relationship for a lot of reasons, but it share the particularity of being very important for people who are in them, and a minority of aro gave me the feeling they use it as a replacement for romantic bounds).

 

So when we don't feel the need for it, I think we can feel the same way than with romantic relationship.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To anyone interested in what nonamory means: https://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/68737057155/nonamory 

Nonpartnering is also a term used for it

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, nonmerci said:

I do believe that even here, we can talk about amanormativity. No offense to any aro in a QPR or who want one, but I think that QPR is some how described as something that replace romantic relationship for us : we don't have a romantic relationship but we can still form very powerful bounds with people. It's kind of the "we don't have se but fall in love" of the aro community.

There's this definition of queerplatonic: "A queerplatonic (or quasiplatonic) relationship is a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection (platonic) beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship."
Which could also be described as "queer/quasi/pseudo romantic". It also seems unlikely that 'platonic' here was intended to mean anything other than it's regular definition. I wonder if 'powerful bond', 'close emotional connection' & 'commitment level' are describing mania (μανία).

Certainly describing all possible non-romantic relationships as (queer)platonic is not very useful.

 

13 minutes ago, bydontost said:

To anyone interested in what nonamory means: https://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/68737057155/nonamory 

Nonpartnering is also a term used for it

Interesting, since if you took the literal meaning of the term it would be synonymous with 'asexual' 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
43 minutes ago, Mark said:

Certainly describing all possible non-romantic relationships as (queer)platonic is not very useful.

FWIW, the term "queerplatonic" was specifically coined in the context of "queering platonic relationships" - that is, expanding the concept of "platonic relationships" to make space for non-romantic relationships that cross boundaries of (usually conservative USAmerican) expectations of what's acceptable in a platonic friendship. Which boundaries are crossed can vary; queerplatonic relationships don't necessarily have to involve long-term commitment, or a deeper emotional connection than friendship. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
51 minutes ago, Mark said:

Interesting, since if you took the literal meaning of the term it would be synonymous with 'asexual' 

you mean the translation?? because I'm pretty sure the root is supposed to mean love

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Wow, I didn't know this term. I think it fit me, though I am a bit like you : sometimes I with I wasn't, bit it could be amonorlativity even here. In particular for me because unlike a lot of aro, I do want children. I experienced squishes. And I'm not against the idea of having a QPR  (I think about it as an emotional bond that don't require kisses), I just miss it.

 

I do believe that even here, we can talk about amanormativity. No offense to any aro in a QPR or who want one, but I think that QPR is some how described as something that replace romantic relationship for us : we don't have a romantic relationship but we can still form very powerful bounds with people. It's kind of the "we don't have se but fall in love" of the aro community.

(Of course I'm not saying this is exact my the same thing, QPR is different of romantic relationship for a lot of reasons, but it share the particularity of being very important for people who are in them, and a minority of aro gave me the feeling they use it as a replacement for romantic bounds).

 

So when we don't feel the need for it, I think we can feel the same way than with romantic relationship.

Interesting way to put it. I do think qpr can be amatonormative in a way.

 

44 minutes ago, eatingcroutons said:

FWIW, the term "queerplatonic" was specifically coined in the context of "queering platonic relationships" - that is, expanding the concept of "platonic relationships" to make space for non-romantic relationships that cross boundaries of (usually conservative USAmerican)

It work in Europe too. Where i live at least.

 

To be honnest, i describe myself as nonamorous now, but i am currently wondering if this is true. I guess time wil tell.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...