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lonelyace

New to queerplatonic relationships (aka a mess of thoughts)

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I just recently started a queerplatonic relationship with a long time friend. I've been aware of qprs for a while now and I've done as much reading as I can on them, but they're still a little bit confusing. I know that there isn't really any one standard definition of qprs aside from them being a committed friendship. When I envision a qpr, I imagine doing date like activities. Like, yeah lets go to a movie and share a bucket of popcorn or go to a fancy restaurant and I'll buy you dinner. I don't know if that's normal or not for a qpr, or if it could somehow make me less aromantic because those activities could be viewed as romantic. I don't really understand what romantic attraction is even supposed to be so I have a hard time knowing wtf I'm even feeling.

Ugh

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oh boy, so as far as we can tell right now what is romantic is intent - so, if you're going to movies or restaurant with a friend or your qpp and the intent isn't romantic - congrats, your activity isn't romantic. what it *can* be is romance-coded (like kissing on the mouth is pretty romance-coded), but what decides if something is romantic or not is just the intent. and if you wanna see the original definition of queerplatonic, see here: https://realsesmith.tumblr.com/post/2868581031/word-of-the-day-queerplatonic

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Hi! So this is only one perspective, but I've been in a committed qpp for 4 years now so hopefully I can be of some help. 

 

I would say that it's perfectly normal to go on dates with your qpp. My partner and I go on dates all the time (in fact they've mentioned that they go on more dates with me than they do with their fiance). None of that has made me any less aro,  and tbh I think a lot of what we consider "dates" are things that friends just do with eachother anyways.

 

Qpps are a relatively new concept so there's no set way to have them, just figure out what works for you and your partner and as long as you're both happy you're doing it right.

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What you are willing to do and what you are willing to receive is something personal that has to be worked out between you and your QP partner. The looseness of the QPR definition means you can do things that are important to you, that work for you, and avoid anything that makes either of you uncomfortable, and the relationship is understood and respected by the wider community. 

I don't know if you found this list before on the original blog or somewhere it was copied, but this might be helpful

 

 

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