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Cristal Gris

Asexuality while being aro ace

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Okay, so… This is mainly for aro ace. I appologize. Bu if you're allo and have things to say, go for it.

Also I hope this is not off topic, but it's about being aromantic while being ace.

 

Like many (apparently ) aro ace, my aromantism is more important to me than my asexuality . Unlike a lot of aro, i discovered the aro community first… and i was disapointed when i meet the ace community. Let's be honnest, it's mainly for allo ace. And the aro erasure didn't help. I generally feel closer to the aro community than the ace community. I have no problems following allo aro blogs, but i will certainly not follow allo ace ones. ( i am in two (french) facebook group, one for ace, one for aro. I feel better in the aro one )

 

… and i feel like it's not right. I should not feel alienated from my own community ! I wish to reconciliate my aromantism and my asexuality , because while they are two sepparate things, my experience as an aro ace is not. It's either ace or aro, but i am aroace.

 

Anyone feel this?

(Sorry if my English is broken )

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I’m pretty new here and don’t really have any super helpful advice, but maybe you’ll feel like it relates?

 

I’m also aro-ace, and I definitely feel more a part of the aro community than the ace. (Possibly because it seems like lots of aros are also ace). I did discover asexuality and AVEN first, but eventually I found Arocalypse. Making an account and my first post was a big step, as it sort of meant that I was accepting and internally labeling myself as aro. But I never made an AVEN account and I haven’t visited since discovering aromanticism. I don’t really know why, I guess because I feel like being aro is a bigger part of my identity than being ace.

 

But anyway, it’s totally up to you where you belong. You know yourself best, and it’s totally okay to choose your community that you relate with the most. This is a really great community to explore and you can always find someone here who is in the same boat of being totally lost or has some good advice. 

 

Hope that helps :)

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I was super involved in ace spaces for like two years before I ended up more focused on the aro community, so while I don't have a solution to this issue I think I may have some perspective to add. 

 

- I think you might be shocked to find out just how many ace spaces and resources are actually run by aroaces and not alloaces. The reality of it is that there's a kind of old guard of aroaces community members who seem a little too willing to dismiss aro (and more specifically alloaro) concerns in favor of making sure alloace community members don't feel uncomfortable. My understanding is that there were in fact a number of factors at the time this old guard were joining the community that pushed them away from the aro spaces, but those things aren't in play anymore, so I don't think it's a great excuse for letting anti-aro sentiments fly under the radar.

 

-There's also the fact that even when ace spaces try to be aro friendly media and larger lgbt+ groups still only want to look at alloaces. That's not the ace communities fault, but it does result in a lot of aces (both alloro and aro) pushing aro-spec identities to the side in order to get resources and media attention. Aromanticism isn't "respectable" as far as the press is concerned so people give aros the short end of the stick in order to spread ace awareness and it's not pretty or pleasant, and believe me I've never been a fan of respectability politics, but even with my frustration I guess I understand it to a certain extent.

 

- I do find that in person ace spaces are heavily dominated by alloaces, and especially when you're romance repulsed this can be frustrating. I don't think I've ever been to an asexual discussion group where an alloace didn't ask for "romance and asexuality" to be one of the main topics so that's definitely an issue I've had, at least with my local ace community.

 

Idk I understand your frustration with how alloro focus some ace groups are, and honestly, I've felt very torn between my two identities lately  due to the tensions between the two communities so I don't have a good solution but yeah this is definitely a thing

 

 

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It's okay if there is no mirace solution i juste wanted to share ^^

 

8 hours ago, CloudlegtheVolcano said:

I’m pretty new here and don’t really have any super helpful advice, but maybe you’ll feel like it relates?

 

I’m also aro-ace, and I definitely feel more a part of the aro community than the ace. (Possibly because it seems like lots of aros are also ace). I did discover asexuality and AVEN first, but eventually I found Arocalypse. Making an account and my first post was a big step, as it sort of meant that I was accepting and internally labeling myself as aro. But I never made an AVEN account and I haven’t visited since discovering aromanticism. I don’t really know why, I guess because I feel like being aro is a bigger part of my identity than being ace.

 

But anyway, it’s totally up to you where you belong. You know yourself best, and it’s totally okay to choose your community that you relate with the most. This is a really great community to explore and you can always find someone here who is in the same boat of being totally lost or has some good advice. 

 

Hope that helps :)

Same, in the end whatever i do my aromantism is a bigger part of my aro ace Identity. Thanks !

34 minutes ago, bananaslug said:

I was super involved in ace spaces for like two years before I ended up more focused on the aro community, so while I don't have a solution to this issue I think I may have some perspective to add. 

 

- I think you might be shocked to find out just how many ace spaces and resources are actually run by aroaces and not alloaces. The reality of it is that there's a kind of old guard of aroaces community members who seem a little too willing to dismiss aro (and more specifically alloaro) concerns in favor of making sure alloace community members don't feel uncomfortable. My understanding is that there were in fact a number of factors at the time this old guard were joining the community that pushed them away from the aro spaces, but those things aren't in play anymore, so I don't think it's a great excuse for letting anti-aro sentiments fly under the radar.

 

-There's also the fact that even when ace spaces try to be aro friendly media and larger lgbt+ groups still only want to look at alloaces. That's not the ace communities fault, but it does result in a lot of aces (both alloro and aro) pushing aro-spec identities to the side in order to get resources and media attention. Aromanticism isn't "respectable" as far as the press is concerned so people give aros the short end of the stick in order to spread ace awareness and it's not pretty or pleasant, and believe me I've never been a fan of respectability politics, but even with my frustration I guess I understand it to a certain extent.

 

- I do find that in person ace spaces are heavily dominated by alloaces, and especially when you're romance repulsed this can be frustrating. I don't think I've ever been to an asexual discussion group where an alloace didn't ask for "romance and asexuality" to be one of the main topics so that's definitely an issue I've had, at least with my local ace community.

 

Idk I understand your frustration with how alloro focus some ace groups are, and honestly, I've felt very torn between my two identities lately  due to the tensions between the two communities so I don't have a good solution but yeah this is definitely a thing

 

 

that's… very interresting actually. Thanks for the info! I think i may be biaised by the fact that i don't care much for my asexuality, aside for the fact that it complete my aroaceness. And by my romance repulsion.  (I should not blame allo ace for looking for romance. They have their own problems. I just want them to be less amatonormative ) . 

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I have yet to really become comfortable with my aromanticism, ant that's at least partially because I'm more involved with the asexual community and the broader LGBT+ community than I am with the aromantic community. Particularly within the context of my gsa and the friends I've made through that, I feel lie mentioning my asexuality is okay, but saying that I'm not attracted to anyone ~at all~ feels like it would lead to alienation. I find myself highlighting the fact that I do find girls to be very pretty as if that would somehow make me gay enough to share a space with them.

 

Sorry, this is turning into more of a post about the LGBT+ community at large than about the asexual community specifically. But it is connected isn't it? I certainly wouldn't have ever heard of asexuality or aromanticism had it not been for the LGBT+ community, and I doubt that most others would have either. But thats a community mostly built around attraction, not a lack of it. In order to be accepted by it one must have some attraction to speak of.

 

Of course that's very much a symptom of the amatonormativity of society in general. In the end it's the idea that love is somehow what makes us whole and human that's the issue. And even alloromantic asexuals fall prey to the idea. I think that really the only thing we can do is speak up for ourselves. I think this is one of those situations where no one is going to take notice of us or advocate for us if we don't make enough noise and bring attention to ourselves. I dunno what that would actually look like. Maybe we need to "invade" ace spaces. Maybe that'll never happen.

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So.....I heard about asexuality back around 2009 or so ~probably closer to 2007? anyway, I looked around the community at AVEN found it interesting but rejected the idea of being asexual myself because I had had a sexual attraction based relationship (my first of two experiences with sexual attraction in 27 years, lol does that make me functionally ace? 😛). I know everything was still developing, but if I found aromanticism (even just as an idea) I think I would have been a much happier person, though I highly doubt I would have ever adopted the ace community as part of my life (too much relationship chatter).

Back then there was no aro community, so for the aroaces who felt comfortable there (AVEN or elsewhere) it functioned as a community for both their aspects of orientation (but those that weren't happy there were in constant conflict or they had nothing). 10 years later to the present, I feel that the aro community that has formed can serve the same function, it can serve both your aro and ace needs (it's not like we lack aces here). Maybe in the beginning the aro community was full of people uncomfortable or spiteful to the ace community, but I think that has been balanced out with newly realised people, so now we are more of a well rounded community. 

 

In the future maybe the communities will grow closer in a respectful way (which is what a few current initiatives are trying for), but there will always have to be divisions because what some people hate other people desire.  

For now maybe it would help to think of them like this:

Aromantic communities are for Aro-spectrum/Ace-spectrum who are more repelled by romance

Asexual communities are for Aro-spectrum/Ace-spectrum who are more repelled by sex

 

 

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13 hours ago, lonelyace said:

Sorry, this is turning into more of a post about the LGBT+ community at large than about the asexual community specifically. But it is connected isn't it? I certainly wouldn't have ever heard of asexuality or aromanticism had it not been for the LGBT+ community, and I doubt that most others would have either. But thats a community mostly built around attraction, not a lack of it. In order to be accepted by it one must have some attraction to speak of.

I agree, i first heard of it from a lesbian. I think she was ace. And for the "attarction required in the community" thing…. well that's what exclusionnist like to pretend anyway… I think.

6 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

Back then there was no aro community, so for the aroaces who felt comfortable there (AVEN or elsewhere) it functioned as a community for both their aspects of orientation (but those that weren't happy there were in constant conflict or they had nothing). 10 years later to the present, I feel that the aro community that has formed can serve the same function, it can serve both your aro and ace needs (it's not like we lack aces here). Maybe in the beginning the aro community was full of people uncomfortable or spiteful to the ace community, but I think that has been balanced out with newly realised people, so now we are more of a well rounded community. 

That's interresting! I admit I realized I was aro recently (maybe 6 month ago? ) so i didn't know of this.

 

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Edit: Sorry for this blank post, I went to edit and it  made this one blank and created a new post instead 

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8 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

In the future maybe the communities will grow closer in a respectful way (which is what a few current initiatives are trying for), but there will always have to be divisions because what some people hate other people desire.  

For now maybe it would help to think of them like this:

Aromantic communities are for Aro-spectrum/Ace-spectrum who are more repelled by romance

Asexual communities are for Aro-spectrum/Ace-spectrum who are more repelled by sex

 

I think it's worth pointing out that this model makes quite a lot of aroaces feel torn between their identities, and even just the idea that ace and aro identities can always easily be separated from each other leaves out a lot of aroaces who feel that their romantic and sexual orientations are intertwined, so while I agree that this is where the two communities seem to be with each other right now, there is a third kind of in the middle group that feels very left out by these divisions. So yeah, I think this is maybe a good way to view what's happening right now, it's not a good way to view the two communities long term because there's more complexity to the issue than aro and ace communities just being entirely separate entities.  

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4 hours ago, bananaslug said:

I think it's worth pointing out that this model makes quite a lot of aroaces feel torn between their identities, and even just the idea that ace and aro identities can always easily be separated from each other leaves out a lot of aroaces who feel that their romantic and sexual orientations are intertwined, so while I agree that this is where the two communities seem to be with each other right now, there is a third kind of in the middle group that feels very left out by these divisions. So yeah, I think this is maybe a good way to view what's happening right now, it's not a good way to view the two communities long term because there's more complexity to the issue than aro and ace communities just being entirely separate entities.  

Interresting. Well, aro and ace are two sepparate things, and aro allo , aro ace and allo ace are sub communities. At least, that's what i think it is for now. But I have to admit, while i am a part of two communities, i only have one aroace "feeling". I don't really want the aromantic community to disappear though. It's a good way to unite aro ace and aro allo. But… i think i see what you mean. 

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14 hours ago, Cristal Gris said:

I don't really want the aromantic community to disappear though

 

Oh neither do I! Sorry I maybe wasn't clear, I think having separate aro spaces is still important, but I think making room for aroace's who don't want to split their identity is also an important thing to do. We can make room for both, I just think viewing things like all aroace's can easily pick one side to lean to really doesn't capture the complexities of the aspec community. 

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2 hours ago, bananaslug said:

We can make room for both, I just think viewing things like all aroace's can easily pick one side to lean to really doesn't capture the complexities of the aspec community. 

Well, i agree.

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Also, I forgot to actually say it, but being aroace (at least for me) IS very different from being allo ace or allo aro (thanks captain obvious). I would probably live my aromantism differently if i was aro allo and same thing with my asexuality if i was allo ace. That being said, i am more confortable with the aro community (because of various reasons ) and I don't like it when peoples just call me "ace" without mentioning my aromantism… But I am fine with peoples juste calling me "aro". Even if I can't deny i am aro ace. I dont know this is a mess to explain. 

 

… but i feel like I have to "pick a side" and I... don't want to? Should not have to?

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I like how there's a mix of different people with different orientations and experiences here (and out there on blogs etc as well) - I've found it very useful for comparison purposes to see who I can relate to and for what reasons, etc. It's helped me figure out quite a lot of things about myself.

 

I don't really bother with the politics of "sides" and whatever though, so I guess I don't really know what's going on from that perspective. I'm so used to people making incorrect assumptions about me IRL, that I stopped caring (almost) completely about what people call me. Like, what people think is their business and their problem, and I will only bother to correct people if I really care about them. Strangers can think whatever they like, it's not like I'm likely to interact with them much. I still don't feel like there's anywhere I really fit in completely. Parts of me "fit in" to various extents with various communities online and IRL, but never 100% completely. I don't expect that to ever happen. I'm too much of a unique snowflake. :rofl:

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14 minutes ago, SoulWolf said:

I still don't feel like there's anywhere I really fit in completely. Parts of me "fit in" to various extents with various communities online and IRL, but never 100% completely. I don't expect that to ever happen.

It's okay, there are consolations to being this way :)

 

"I am a horse for single harness, not cut out for tandem or team work. I have never belonged wholeheartedly to country or state, to my circle of friends, or even to my own family. These ties have always been accompanied by a vague aloofness, and the wish to withdraw into myself increases with the years. Such isolation is sometimes bitter, but I do not regret being cut off from the understanding and sympathy of other men. I lose something by it, to be sure, but I am compensated for it in being rendered independent of the customs, opinions, and prejudices of others, and am not tempted to rest my peace of mind upon such shifting foundations" -- Albert Einstein

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@NullVector Thanks, I like that quote. :D

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That being said, I said that i have to choose, but i have no problem calling myself "aro" , even if i will not call myself "ace".

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I'm a gray ace. For all practical purposes asexual though I don't feel the term fits me since I do feel sexual attraction at times and I'm positive to sexual activities.

I've not really thought much about the asexual community. Like others have posted, my aromantic identity feels so much more important and I've not participated in any ace-forum or spaces. But reading this comment really got me thinking about how it would feel to be a alloromantic asexual and I realized how incredibly hard it must be to communicate to most people that romantic feelings doesn't equal sexual ones. For aro allosexuals at least there's a general understanding that people can experience sexual attraction without romantic (even though acting on it can be frowned upon). So for many aces just getting the knowledge out to people that it is possible to feel romantic attraction and attachments without the sexual is probably their major concern. Getting knowledge of the split attraction model out there is for good for aro aces aswell, since it gets people to actually realize there's a romantic orientation at all. But I don't think it's as interesting for us as for allo aces.

To get back to your original post @Cristal Gris why do you think it is that you feel more alienated by allo ace people than by aro allos? And what are you missing from the aro community that you'd like to get in the ace?

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31 minutes ago, Holmbo said:

To get back to your original post @Cristal Gris why do you think it is that you feel more alienated by allo ace people than by aro allos? And what are you missing from the aro community that you'd like to get in the ace?

Actually, i feel like the "problem" come mostly from me. I am very much more attached to aromantism than i am to asexuality. So i feel more at home in a place that don't fail to mention aromantism ;) Until recently i just… didn't really care about my asexuality but i am having (again) an identity crisis right now :/ That being said, i am still aroace and i am sure of that.

 

31 minutes ago, Holmbo said:

But reading this comment really got me thinking about how it would feel to be a alloromantic asexual and I realized how incredibly hard it must be to communicate to most people that romantic feelings doesn't equal sexual ones

Yeah, i don't really blame allo asexual for having their own problems honnestly. As long they don't forget aromantism is a thing.

 

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That being said, i dont think I (and maybe we ) need the aro and ace community to stay linked to make peace with being aroace. It seem...selfish i don't know. 

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On 3/7/2019 at 5:41 AM, bananaslug said:

- I think you might be shocked to find out just how many ace spaces and resources are actually run by aroaces and not alloaces. The reality of it is that there's a kind of old guard of aroaces community members who seem a little too willing to dismiss aro (and more specifically alloaro) concerns in favor of making sure alloace community members don't feel uncomfortable.

Most notably those who identify as aro ace, whilst mostly talking about asexual issues. In terms wanting to ensure that alloaces are not uncomfortable I'm thinking of the likes of "Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships." Which somewhat portrays aros as less emotional and the idea of romantic relationships being somehow "more than" not romantic ones.

 

On 3/7/2019 at 5:41 AM, bananaslug said:

-There's also the fact that even when ace spaces try to be aro friendly media and larger lgbt+ groups still only want to look at alloaces. That's not the ace communities fault, but it does result in a lot of aces (both alloro and aro) pushing aro-spec identities to the side in order to get resources and media attention. Aromanticism isn't "respectable" as far as the press is concerned so people give aros the short end of the stick in order to spread ace awareness and it's not pretty or pleasant, and believe me I've never been a fan of respectability politics, but even with my frustration I guess I understand it to a certain extent.

What this tends to mean is that many depictions of aromanticism are aro ace as a subset of asexuality.
Which results in many aro allos, especially aro heteros, not even realising they are aro.

 

On 3/7/2019 at 5:41 AM, bananaslug said:

- I do find that in person ace spaces are heavily dominated by alloaces, and especially when you're romance repulsed this can be frustrating. I don't think I've ever been to an asexual discussion group where an alloace didn't ask for "romance and asexuality" to be one of the main topics so that's definitely an issue I've had, at least with my local ace community.

By contrast in person aro spaces are virtually non-existent.
With ace groups trying to rebrand themselves '& aro' not going to help matters. Aro allos are going to be even less interested, than aro aces,  in topics like "romance and asexuality". Except possibly to express revulsion to even trying such a relationship.

 

On 3/7/2019 at 5:41 AM, bananaslug said:

Idk I understand your frustration with how alloro focus some ace groups are, and honestly, I've felt very torn between my two identities lately  due to the tensions between the two communities so I don't have a good solution but yeah this is definitely a thing

I think there is definite need for aro ace specific spaces.

 

On 3/8/2019 at 12:04 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

Back then there was no aro community, so for the aroaces who felt comfortable there (AVEN or elsewhere) it functioned as a community for both their aspects of orientation (but those that weren't happy there were in constant conflict or they had nothing). 10 years later to the present, I feel that the aro community that has formed can serve the same function, it can serve both your aro and ace needs (it's not like we lack aces here). Maybe in the beginning the aro community was full of people uncomfortable or spiteful to the ace community, but I think that has been balanced out with newly realised people, so now we are more of a well rounded community.

I think there is still quite a bit of imbalance here. e.g. typically the first definition of 'aromantic' which turns up using a search engine is AVEN's.
There's also under representation of allosexuals, especially heterosexuals, when it comes to anything aro related.

 

On 3/8/2019 at 8:55 AM, bananaslug said:

I think it's worth pointing out that this model makes quite a lot of aroaces feel torn between their identities, and even just the idea that ace and aro identities can always easily be separated from each other leaves out a lot of aroaces who feel that their romantic and sexual orientations are intertwined, so while I agree that this is where the two communities seem to be with each other right now, there is a third kind of in the middle group that feels very left out by these divisions. So yeah, I think this is maybe a good way to view what's happening right now, it's not a good way to view the two communities long term because there's more complexity to the issue than aro and ace communities just being entirely separate entities.  

The split attraction model is potentially confusing to perioriented people. Which includes aro aces.

 

On 3/8/2019 at 11:24 AM, Cristal Gris said:

IWell, aro and ace are two sepparate things, and aro allo , aro ace and allo ace are sub communities. 

That's probably the only viable way to build an "aspec" community However that isn't what I see going on currently.
 

On 3/9/2019 at 2:02 AM, bananaslug said:

We can make room for both, I just think viewing things like all aroace's can easily pick one side to lean to really doesn't capture the complexities of the aspec community. 

Expecting aro aces to pick 'aro' or 'ace' is no different from expecting bisexual/romantics to pick 'hetero' or 'homo'.

 

On 3/9/2019 at 6:40 AM, Cristal Gris said:

Also, I forgot to actually say it, but being aroace (at least for me) IS very different from being allo ace or allo aro (thanks captain obvious).

You should also thank professor Kimberlé Crenshaw.

 

On 3/9/2019 at 6:40 AM, Cristal Gris said:

I would probably live my aromantism differently if i was aro allo and same thing with my asexuality if i was allo ace. 

Rather than 'probably' it would be 'almost certainly'.
To the point that if the only depictions you saw aros were of aro allos and the only examples of aces were allo aces you could find it difficult to recognise that you were aro and ace.
Similarly if the typical example of ace were of aro aces then allo aces could fail to realise they were also ace.

 

On 3/10/2019 at 3:15 PM, Holmbo said:

But reading this comment really got me thinking about how it would feel to be a alloromantic asexual and I realized how incredibly hard it must be to communicate to most people that romantic feelings doesn't equal sexual ones. For aro allosexuals at least there's a general understanding that people can experience sexual attraction without romantic (even though acting on it can be frowned upon). So for many aces just getting the knowledge out to people that it is possible to feel romantic attraction and attachments without the sexual is probably their major concern. Getting knowledge of the split attraction model out there is for good for aro aces aswell, since it gets people to actually realize there's a romantic orientation at all. But I don't think it's as interesting for us as for allo aces.

The split attraction works equally well for both allo aces and aro allos. Whereas for aro aces it's of little use and potentially confusing.
A practical upshot is that an aro allo might tolerate a normative date or relationship for sex. Similarly that an allo ace might do so for romance. Whilst an aro ace would not consider attempting these in the first place.

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I think the reason we feel more alienated by the ace community than the aro one is because most of aces are allo (I think it's 80%? that's what I saw everytime). Which leads this place to talk a lot about romance. They like to exchange about how asexuality affects it. And one of their purpose is to alert people about the split attraction model. Now, I think it is also important for aro ace (I think that explaining to people that romantic attraction exist and is not the same as sexual attraction benefits to everyone), we don't need to explain them the split attraction to justify our actions or non actions. We could object this is the same thing with aro allo, but no. I think the ace Community was built to tell "romance with sex is ok", whereas the aro Community was built to say "no romance is ok". Even if aces try to be more inclusive, the base is still there. But with aro, even if it leads to subject specific to aro allos (split attaction too is essential, problems lead to how society view sex without romance) and to aro aces (difficulties when there is tension in the two communities, the fact we don't feel these attraction…), there is still a lot of topics we can talk about together (QPR, squishes, wanting children or not, society and romance…). IIn the ace Community I don't have that, not because they are hostile but because I don't feel like I have a lot to say.

 

 

 

And then there is another problem : the fact that some aces forget our existence. I remember, talking about Jughead in YouTube, someone say Something like "he can still be asexua, you can be asexual and still live a powerful love story". Though this is true, when I read that I felt like the person was erasing aromatnicism (like saying "who cares if he's not aro, asexual are not are, he can still be asexual, give me my representation and don't care about the other"). I mean, we all know that when they canon him as asexual they meant asexual and aromantic.

Some aces are just so focus on asexual romance, they sometimes forget us or are direspectful to us, even if they don't intend to. As if to exist they have to erase aro ace existence. Sometimes I feel like we are invalidating their cause for asexual romance by saying "actually I'm both asexual and aromantic". :crying:

 

On ‎3‎/‎10‎/‎2019 at 4:15 PM, Holmbo said:

But reading this comment really got me thinking about how it would feel to be a alloromantic asexual and I realized how incredibly hard it must be to communicate to most people that romantic feelings doesn't equal sexual ones

It remembers me a show I see once (Cristal gris I understand you are French (sorry if I got it wrong), so it may interest you "C'est mon choix - je n'aime pas le sexe"; some questions are acephobic but a lot of aces are talking about their experiences). In it their were asexual guests and very allosexual guests. The allosexual had a hard time to understand that you can be a couple without having sex (some of them said it was like saying you are dating your friend…).

They also made one about friends with benefits (C'est mon choix - sex friend), and for them if you have this kind of relationship long enough you necessarily develop romantic feelings… It also showed difference between allo and aro in that kind of relationship. But I think most of them was alloromantic.

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On ‎3‎/‎11‎/‎2019 at 11:32 PM, nonmerci said:

But with aro, even if it leads to subject specific to aro allos (split attaction too is essential, problems lead to how society view sex without romance) and to aro aces (difficulties when there is tension in the two communities, the fact we don't feel these attraction…), there is still a lot of topics we can talk about together (QPR, squishes, wanting children or not, society and romance…). IIn the ace Community I don't have that, not because they are hostile but because I don't feel like I have a lot to say.

That's… a good way to put it i think. With aro allo i CAN speak about typical aromantic things, even if we must be carefull about not erasing them , but yeah, definitly not with allo ace. I don't really blame them.

 

On ‎3‎/‎11‎/‎2019 at 11:32 PM, nonmerci said:

I remember, talking about Jughead in YouTube, someone say Something like "he can still be asexua, you can be asexual and still live a powerful love story"

Oh this is just the worst. I hate when it happen...

On ‎3‎/‎11‎/‎2019 at 11:32 PM, nonmerci said:

It remembers me a show I see once (Cristal gris I understand you are French (sorry if I got it wrong), so it may interest you "C'est mon choix - je n'aime pas le sexe"; some questions are acephobic but a lot of aces are talking about their experiences). In it their were asexual guests and very allosexual guests. The allosexual had a hard time to understand that you can be a couple without having sex (some of them said it was like saying you are dating your friend…).

They also made one about friends with benefits (C'est mon choix - sex friend), and for them if you have this kind of relationship long enough you necessarily develop romantic feelings… It also showed difference between allo and aro in that kind of relationship. But I think most of them was alloromantic.

That's interresting. I a not really a tv show person, but this is good to know.

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