Jump to content
David Box

Aromantic seems like an odd name for us

Recommended Posts

It's hard for me to call myself Aromantic even in private because while I fit right into the aro community by not wanting to date, not liking the idea of dating anyone, and never having a crush, it does imply that I will never fall in love and seeing how I'm not old enough to drink in America it feels like I'm trying to predict my future with no way to do so. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since you don't want to date you could also call yourself nonamours. nonamoury is different from being aromantic cus it's an active choice to not be in romantic relationships (although there are many nonamours aros) but since it's a choice people are often more forgiving when you decide it's not the right label for you. 

 

Of course, you're always allowed to ID as aro and then change labels later on, but if you don't like the term aro then nonamoury gets a similar idea across 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I mean, don't see how it's any different from any other orientation label. Should one refrain from calling themselves gay in case it rules out the possibility of ever being attracted to the "opposite" gender? 

The fact is, the reason so many people tell aspecs such a thing, and why so many believe it, is because of amatonormativity. You can worry about future "what ifs" all you want, but I refuse to disallow myself the freedom of having a way to describe my experiences just because some fuckos are more concerned with the possibility that I might someday become "normal".

  • Like 9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, David Box said:

It's hard for me to call myself Aromantic even in private because while I fit right into the aro community by not wanting to date, not liking the idea of dating anyone, and never having a crush, it does imply that I will never fall in love and seeing how I'm not old enough to drink in America it feels like I'm trying to predict my future with no way to do so. 

 

Hi have you heard of queerplatonic yet? Just because you don't want to have a romantic relationship doesn't mean you can't have close emotional relationships. :)

 

On 5/25/2015 at 1:06 AM, Amy Ghost said:

Queerplatonic - A queerplatonic relationship is a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. People in a queerplatonic relationship may be of any romantic or sexual orientation. It may include any romantic or sexual elements the people in the relationship feel they want, or none at all.

 

Also another thing you could do is look through A list of romantic orientations by Amy Ghost (which these quotes are from) since being aro doesn't have to make you completely non romantic, there are many different types of romantic orientations. I actually copied the whole lot onto another page so I could write my thoughts out about each definition and go yes, no, maybe, this is my thoughts on this etc. just to help me get it down and put thoughts into words. :)

 

Other suggestions pulled from the list:

 

As an alternative to using the word romantic you could also use:

On 5/25/2015 at 1:06 AM, Amy Ghost said:

Alterous - Is someone who can't be described as neither being (entirely/completely) platonic nor romantic, & is an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic, & is used in the place of -romantic or -platonic (so say bi-alterous instead of bi-romantic).

Someone can be both alterous & romantic &/or platonic & can have varying degrees on attraction, ultimately feel discomfort / unease / or just a sense of inaccuracy in calling it wholly romantic or platonic.

More examples:

  • Androalterous/Manalterous* - Alterous attraction to men and/or masculinity.
  • Gynealterous/ Womanalterous* - Alterous attraction to women and/or femininity.
  • Panalterous - Alterous attraction towards people regardless of sex and gender.
  • Polyalterous - Alterous attraction towards people of more than one multiple sexes and gender, yet not all.
  • Heteroalterous - Alterous attraction towards the opposite sex or gender.

 

On 5/25/2015 at 1:06 AM, Amy Ghost said:

Quoiromantic - Is someone whose romantic orientation is on the aromantic spectrum that describes people who cannot differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore are not sure if they experience it, experience attraction somewhere between romantic and platonic, or want to be in a queerplatonic relationship. It’s also known as WTFromantic or Whatromantic or Platoniromantic.

(aka Confusion between romantic attraction and platonic attraction extends to romantic orientation making the idea of being attracted to someone via gender confusing as well.)

 

Another term you may or may not want to use in the future is:

On 5/25/2015 at 1:06 AM, Amy Ghost said:

Cupioromantic - Is someone who is described as aromantic (people who never experience romantic attraction) who still desire a romantic relationship. Is a subset of aromantic.

 

Although you don't need to figure it all out now, these are just suggestions to help get you started. ^^

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I mean, don't see how it's any different from any other orientation label. Should one refrain from calling themselves gay in case it rules out the possibility of ever being attracted to the "opposite" gender? 

The fact is, the reason so many people tell aspecs such a thing, and why so many believe it, is because of amatonormativity. You can worry about future "what ifs" all you want, but I refuse to disallow myself the freedom of having a way to describe my experiences just because some fuckos are more concerned with the possibility that I might someday become "normal".

Reminds me the day I used that argument against someone who was waying that we were closing to doors to young people by saying aromanticism is  valid label for them, and that by identifying as aro these poor young souls will prevent themselves to date and repress their feelings… I answered that it was like saying that a teen is not valid to identify as straight because it will prevent its bisexuality to developp, but of course the person respond it was not the same thing as not falling in love at all... Amatonormativy, here it is.

 

 

Now, I think that there is nothing wrong to identidy as aro even when we are young (well, not to young, if you are 6 it's a bit early :rofl:). Because if you realize you are not aro in the end, you still have the possibility to change. It doesn't change the fact that aro felt right for you in the end. Of course, people could not take it seriously, and certainly they will tel you that annoying "I told you so", but who cares? You are labelling for you, not for others. You know what is right for you or not.

 

Plus, if we are scared to identify as aro because we are too young, when does it stop? 18 years-old? 20? 30? It is all about what you feel right now, not about what you may feel or not feel in the future.

  • Like 5
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/11/2019 at 11:10 PM, David Box said:

It's hard for me to call myself Aromantic even in private because while I fit right into the aro community by not wanting to date, not liking the idea of dating anyone, and never having a crush, it does imply that I will never fall in love and seeing how I'm not old enough to drink in America it feels like I'm trying to predict my future with no way to do so. 

I totally get how you feel. I try not to rule out anything in life - never say never, you know? For me, I've spent most of my life telling people that relationships were "not a priority right now", or that I'm "open to the idea but not actively looking". And it is completely, one hundred percent okay to prefer to say things like that, rather than to identify as aro, if it makes you feel more comfortable. 

 

As others have said, it's also okay to call yourself aro now, even if you don't stay aro forever. It's okay to ID as aro because that describes your life experiences at the moment, and still be open to the possibility that your experiences may change in the future. 

 

When I finally decided to start IDing as aro I was well into my thirties. But it wasn't because I'd reached some point where I felt like I was old enough to be SURE I'll never fall in love. I still might fall in love someday! Who knows! Human experience is weird!

 

Identifying as aro is, for me, a way of allowing myself to plan my life under the assumption that I probably WON'T fall in love, rather than blithely going on assuming that it has to happen eventually because that's what society has always told me. It was kind of a reframing of expectations and assumptions about where my life is going. And reaching out to aro communities has helped me talk about shared experiences with other people who have never fallen in love and don't want or expect to in the future. 

 

But even if you don't feel comfortable identifying as aro, you're still welcome to join in those discussions and figure out how your disinterest in dating and romance fits into your life! We're totally here for anyone who shares aro experiences, regardless of what labels you choose (or don't choose) for yourself. 

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm happy to know a word to describe my emotions and experiences with at last but I understand where you're coming from.
In real life I often say "I'm not interested" or something along the lines eatingcroutons said.
Otherwise I underline what the other posts are saying. It's ok to identify with one thing and change the label if your feelings change.
That's what these terms are for. Nothing more, nothing less.
 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, eatingcroutons said:

I totally get how you feel. I try not to rule out anything in life - never say never, you know? For me, I've spent most of my life telling people that relationships were "not a priority right now", or that I'm "open to the idea but not actively looking". And it is completely, one hundred percent okay to prefer to say things like that, rather than to identify as aro, if it makes you feel more comfortable. 

 

As others have said, it's also okay to call yourself aro now, even if you don't stay aro forever. It's okay to ID as aro because that describes your life experiences at the moment, and still be open to the possibility that your experiences may change in the future. 

 

3

Thanks for this, I didn't realize I needed that. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×