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Guest 8b8e4...6f6

Help, I'm really confused

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Guest 8b8e4...6f6

So, I know the whole "I don't know if I'm Aro" question has been asked in this part of the forum many times over but I'm just really confused and I don't know what to do, so I'm going to ask anyway and hope that somebody will be able to give me a piece of advice.

I'm a 19 year old girl who has never felt romantic love for anyone. I have been in a long-term relationship once but it was more of a "I was overwhelmed so I said yes and I didn't want to break his heart afterwards" situation, I never had feelings for the guy. I don't have any problems with other people talking about relationships with me, as long as they don't ramble on and on about them, but I am absolutely terrified of the thought that somebody I know could develop a crush on me. So much so that when I suspect any of my friends having feelings for me I immediately distance myself from them and only really doing anything with them during group activities with multiple of my friends. I never really have had a crush on somebody either.

Up until this point everything seems to point to me being aro, but I here comes the point where my problem lies. I fantasize a lot about romance. I dream about me and a faceless partner doing all of those great couple things together and reaching milestones in the relationship. All of this is always in a very idealized and theatrical fashion and tends to be overly dramatic.

However I never dream about the romantic feelings themselves but only about the actions (like dates, proposals of weddings).

Now I don't know if that is just my creativity running wild or if I just haven't found the right person yet.

Does anyone know anything that could help me with my confusion?

Anonymous poster hash: 8b8e4...6f6

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It definitely sounds like you're aromantic to me. Being aromantic just means you don't have romantic feelings for real people; fantasies are something separate.

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I agree with DavidMS703.


I can relate to a lot of things you said, I fantasize a lot too. But from my experiences the fantasy is completely different from reality.
Remember, fantasies, society, families and other external sources can trick the mind, so follow your heart, not your mind. If your heart says: No, this is not okay, believe in it. And if one day you meet your perfect other your heart will tell you that.

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45 minutes ago, Sn0wFl4kes said:

I can relate to a lot of things you said, I fantasize a lot too. But from my experiences the fantasy is completely different from reality.
Remember, fantasies, society, families and other external sources can trick the mind, so follow your heart, not your mind. If your heart says: No, this is not okay, believe in it. And if one day you meet your perfect other your heart will tell you that.

Yeah! Plus, it could just be all that toxic amatonormativity that’s saturated in Western culture (especially the United States, you see this sort of romance everywhere). We’ve been like, brainwashed? We’re all led to believe we’ll all meet ‘the one’. Hell, I think that, too! Even now, and I know in my heart it’s not true.

 

Feelings are strange. One’s happiness is different from another’s, you know? I know many of us just want strong bonds with people we like and get along with. (And I know some are perfectly fine on their own, which is cool, too.) 

 

On 1/2/2019 at 4:47 PM, Guest 8b8e4...6f6 said:

I fantasize a lot about romance. I dream about me and a faceless partner doing all of those great couple things together and reaching milestones in the relationship. All of this is always in a very idealized and theatrical fashion and tends to be overly dramatic.

However I never dream about the romantic feelings themselves but only about the actions (like dates, proposals of weddings).

Now I don't know if that is just my creativity running wild or if I just haven't found the right person yet.

Does anyone know anything that could help me with my confusion?

Anonymous poster hash: 8b8e4...6f6

I can relate to this, yo. And you know why? Because we’re all led to believe your bonds with a people mean nothing if we ain’t romantic with them. (Least that’s what I’ve concluded.) However, I do feel...something. Like a warmth? And giddiness when I’m having a discussion with a close friend. Or I’ll worry about them a lot and let them know I’m here to help. I fear they don’t care about me as much as I do for them, but at the same time I don’t mind? Because if we were any closer, what if they develop feelings that I can’t return? There’s only so much affection I can give. So much time I’d want to spend with them. Romance is just not for me. And it’s hard to accept my aro-ness sometimes.

 

Now that’s just me. You could be totally different, because feelings are allllllll different. Being aro is a spectrum. Our feelings are a spectrum. Just...everything is a spectrum. There. Lol.

 

Everything will be ok, friend. You’re not alone, ok? But do keep asking questions to figure yourself out! :D

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