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Greyson

Am I aromantic?

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I shall prefix this by saying I already know questioning does take quite a long time and figuring things out takes time but I am an impatient teenager so here I am. I have been questioning whether or not I am aromantic for a little over a year now. I did identify as such for about a month when I first discovered the term. It felt as if things clicked into place. I searched up terms and videos and found the word cupioromantic. In a way I felt as if that fit. It may still fit to this day but I am unsure. I believe I had crushes when I was younger but I cannot be sure because I was a child. Recently I have said I have had some but deep down I feel as if I am lying. That whatever I am feeling isn't truly a crush. It most likely isn't. I am confused about what romantic attraction feels like. People have described it to me before I do not hold back from asking nor do I hold back from asking what crushes feel like. Most people say they cannot describe it or say that they feel butterflies in their stomach, they get nervous, and flustered. I have never experienced that as far as I can recall. In fiction I read romantic stories and the way they explain things is quite beautiful but I still have a difficulty relating. In a way I can experience the feeling through my imagination while reading but that is just pretend. Not actual attraction. This happens with love songs as well. It is important to note I am attached to the idea of romance. I do want to know what it feels like but I don't know if I already know. I read romantic fiction (pining, dates, generic love stories, etc.) though sometimes I cannot stand it. This goes for the songs again as well. In the past I have had romantic relationships- if they could be called that- most only lasted three days at most before I broke them off due to anxiety and discomfort. The longest one I have had lasted a month and it started off as a queerplatonic relationship before becoming romantic. I broke that one off as well. In theory relationships can sound nice but they can also seem suffocating and in practice they usually are. That is why I leave fast. Kissing sounds good in theory too though I have never put it to practice and I have only ever platonically held hands and gave hugs. Romantic gestures seem amazing. I love the idea of cooking a candlelight dinner, drinking from wineglasses, while rose petals are scattered on the floor. Going slow dancing with a partner while we are both dressed fancily. There are more but they are mostly extravagant such as these. I know these are rather silly but once again I am a teenager and when comfortable I am quite dramatic and dare I say extra. I don't know. I don't think I have ever felt romantic attraction but I cannot be sure. I would like to hear people's thoughts on this. Thank you!

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Hello and welcome to Arocolypse! Your descriptions sound pretty similar to me. I haven't the slightest idea what romantic attraction feels like though I can see what it does to people. The only time I ever actually tried dating was in 9th grade and I broke it off a few hours later due to anxiety as well. It's normal for aromantics to love the idea of romance and/or to love seeing romance in fiction and nonfiction stories. The only thing that makes one aromantic is just lacking that romantic attraction for themselves. Not to mention, if you have to question what romantic attraction feels like, there's a good chance you're aromantic  🙂 I hope this helped!

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