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Kaiju

Is it a QPR/squish ?

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Hey everyone,

 

I've been thinking about aromanticism a lot lately, I think I am one. Maybe. Or not. Actually I don't really know.

I think I might be one beacause I don't experience "romance" or what is said to be "romance". I don't like the words "in love" or "couple", they just don't seem right to me. But I still experience some "crush" and I do want close relationship with some people, so I thought that maybe squish and QPR might be good terms for what I fell, experience and desire but there's still something bothering me.

For example, what I'd call a "squish" is not really a "friendship crush" as everyone says. It's not a "crush" either. It's something very special, I can't really describe it. I feel like I want to be close to my "squishes", I want to share things with them, spend time with them but I'm also sexually attracted to them. And I don't really feel those things for my friends. I don't feel this sort of feelings. But I don't want more from my "squishes". Like I don't want a couple, I don't want to have children, spend all my time with them, I don't think about them ALL the time, I don't miss them. So it's like in between.

It's the same for QPR. For me a QPR would be like a friendship, but with special feelings and a physical bond (and sex). I'm really not sexually attracted to my friends so it's not friendship. But it's not a couple. 

And I can't figure out if I just have a particular vision of romance and "couples" and love or if I am really aromantic.

I guess it's a bit up to me to decide that, but I don't feel like I'm a "true aromantic", I don't feel valid as an aromantic. But I don't feel valid as a zedromantic. I'm so lost.

Also, this is another topic maybe but I don't really have interest in other relationships than "QPR". I have a few friendships but I don't value them as much as I value "QPRs". And I don't look forward them (it's nice if it happens, but I don't really care). And I feel like I can't really connect to people that I don't have a "squish" on, they're nice and all but... I just don't really care. And that make me feel really lonely because one of the conditions for me to have a "squish" on someone is sexual attraction, but I'm greysexual so it's pretty rare......

My feelings are such a mess and my social life is even worse because of all that. I'm lonely, lost, and I feel like I don't belong anywhere. And this is kind of difficult to talk about because most people have a very clear vision of romance and they say I'm just scared of commitment (maybe I am ????) and the discussion ends.

 

Honestly, since I've discovered aromanticism I feel both better and worse. So please help.

 

-Kai

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So here’s what I have to say:

1) A queerplatonic relationship (QPR) is a relationship of two people committed as life partners but the relationship isn’t centered around romantic or sexual actions. A platonic relationship is what you would call friendship

2) If you’re sexually or romantically attracted to the person, that automatically makes it not a squish

3) It sounds like you’re aromantic. Romantic attraction is pretty much falling in love with a person and wanting to date them. I’m not exactly sure what else you’re asking about

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I've never seen QPR defined as a commitment... And I saw that some people consider that squishes can involve sex. But if these are the "true" definition then what I feel is pretty far from that... I got to say this kinda bump me off because I thought I had found words for what I am feeling ... I feel even more lost honestly.

Is there any words for "squish with sex" and "QPR with no commitment" ? I know words are not necessary but I personally need them, like REALLY need them for some reasons, not having words for my feelings/relationships is just so confusing and makes me feel even more lonely and lost because I feel like nobody understands and like I'm just fucked up.

I've never experienced "falling in love", and I don't really understand actually so that's why I think I'm aromantic, but on the other hand I still feel that "special feeling/bond" with some people but I just don't know how to define it. I've read some things about "alterous love" maybe it's something like that, idk.

 

(sorry for my english if it's bad, I'm french)

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QPRs, as they were coined, are meant to be self-definable. While I've typically heard them defined as being committed, the level of commitment is probably going to vary. QPRs can have sexual aspects, though. Whether or not you would still wanna call it a squish is beyond me; attraction terms confuse me.

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seconding what @techno-trashcan says, sqishes/qprs can absolutely be sexual, they just can't be romantic. and again, a qpr can be whatever you want it to be. 'committed' is one way we distinguish qprs from friendship but honestly if for whatever reason you think your relationship differs from friendship while still not including romance, you're entitled to call it a qpr. I might also recommend looking into alterous attraction if your squishes feel like something else entirely? I'm not really an expert since I don't feel alterous attraction myself, but there's probably some info on the term somewhere on the forum. good luck!

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