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lonelyace

QPR advice please

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Yesterday during a conversation with a friend of mine, aromanticism and queer platonic relationships came up naturally in conversation. She said that if we were both single and alone by the age of 30 we should start a qpr. Sort of like that thing where people say that if they're both single by a certain age they should get married to each other, except she's heterosexual and heteroromantic. I brushed it off because friends say that sort of stuff and never act on it all the time. 

 

Today she brought the topic of qpr's up herself, and said that she needed one in her life. I just kinda sat there awkwardly because I didn't know what to say. I've never been in a qpr before, but I think it would be cool, and I wouldn't even mind being in one with her. But, well, I'm not entirely informed on what a qpr entails, and I'm not sure that she'd really want a legitimate partnership of any kind because she's a little bit iffy on all things lgbt+. Still, I feel like she's hinting at me that she might be interested. What should I do?

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It does kind of sound like she's hinting that she's interested in one.  I'd suggest asking her to be explicit about how she feels and what she wants.  And then if you decide to start a QPR with each other, make sure you discuss in detail what you both want that to look like, what kind of assumptions and expectations you have about it, how you feel about each other, what boundaries you want to have, and so on.  If you're concerned about her lack of understanding of queer theory and identities and all that, maybe talk about that, too, and why it's important to you that she understand those things.  Just be honest and nurturing and make it clear that you want to work all this out and be close (assuming that is what you want).

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On 11/29/2018 at 6:28 PM, lonelyace said:

But, well, I'm not entirely informed on what a qpr entails...

If there's one thing I've learned from reading dozens and dozens of articles and discussions about QPRs, it's that there no such thing as "what a QPR entails". QPRs are defined entirely by the people involved in them, and everyone has different ideas about what one should entail.

 

If I were you I'd see if I could find an opportunity to ask your friend to explain what she envisions as the kind of QPR she'd like. What sort of commitment would she expect it to involve? What sort of behaviours would be expected/acceptable? How long-term would she want it to be?

 

Once you have a better idea of what she specifically is looking for, you'll be better placed to have a think about whether you're interested in having that kind of relationship with her.

 

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