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nonmerci

Does aromanticism affect appearance?

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Weird question, I know. I was never really interested in my looks. I don't make up, I don't care wearing clothes that makes me look pretty... And I think that being aro (and ace) affects that. Why would I bother to look sexy if I don't want people to think I'm attractive?

 

What about you? Do you wear (or don't wear) some kind of clothes because of your orientation?

 

And what about aro who are not ace? Does it change things?

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I never cared about my looks, but that might just be the result of me being an introverted nerd. I just think it would be way too much if I had to actively choose what to wear and things like that.

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i wear lots of makeup and i care about my style, which i think is mostly due to being in fashion design, but you might have a point about the sexuality thing.  i occasionally find myself hoping to look hot, by which i guess i mean sexually attractive.  i don't think there would be a huge difference in how i looked if i were ace, since my style is mostly about self-expression and aesthetics, but perhaps a small difference.  and i can't be sure but i don't think being alloromantic would change anything.

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I don't think that my romantic or sexual orientation has anything to do with how I dress. I wear what I wear because it makes me feel more confident, or because I just like it. I suppose that I've dressed in ways that might be considered sexy, I've worn tight dresses and I'm currently wearing bright red lipstick, but it's never been meant to attract a mate. It just happens to be how I like to look. 

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Perhaps that question could be part of the reason why I don't wear a lot of deodorant in the morning (unlike at least one of my roommates). I wear just enough so I don't stink. Oddly, though, when I was younger (say, high school age), I didn't want to wear any deodorant. I had always complained to my mom that if I wore deodorant, it would make girls become attracted to me (which probably wouldn't have been the case, at least not to the extent I made it in my head). Luckily, though, the deodorant I wear is scentless, so I don't have to worry about those smells that tend to make someone more attractive.

 

I also used not to shower as much for similar reasons and because I was less mature and not as conscious about hygiene. 

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On 11/26/2018 at 12:18 PM, nonmerci said:

Why would I bother to look sexy if I don't want people to think I'm attractive?

I like to look attractive, but then it still has to fit my personality. The saying is “better overdressed than underdressed” … well I also hate sticking out by being overdressed.

14 hours ago, Spirit of God said:

I also used not to shower as much for similar reasons and because I was less mature and not as conscious about hygiene. 

I wouldn't call it more mature. ¬¬

 

What counts as “hygiene” today is just crazy, imho. Of course you submit to those standards, but we should seriously get more relaxed about it. I guess in 1930 someone smelly was like REALLY nasty… (antiperspirants back then was just something for women). Now today admitting that you just shower every other day is a major embarrassment. :eyebrow:

 

This hasn't anything to do with health. Nothing. And it harms the environment in such a stupid, unnecessary way.

 

The fact that 1970s deodorants is still doing harm (via ozone depletion) is simply insane. Other environmental damage at least had a more important justification than “stinky armpits”. That's some seriously screwed up priorities. Personally, I prefer people who smell a bit funky to… skin cancer.

 

Shaving is another issue. Shaving foam from a can + cartridge razors (or even worse: disposable razors) = :facepalm: I just can't.

I use a safety razor and create my own lather from shaving soap. While using a safety razor takes some skill, everybody can use shaving soap or cream. There's no excuse for shaving foam cans, no excuse for disposable razors. They should be banned.

 

merkur-23c-long-handle-safety-razor-2_83

 

61huaJywkvL._SY355_.jpg

I actually use Feather – extremely sharp. I only need two of those blades per week!

 

Sweeny Todd style (straight razor) would be even better but I am too scared.

 

(end of off-topic rant)

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It took me a while to realize this, but part of the reason why my hair and beard are so unkempt is because I don't want people to find me conventionally attractive.  I feel like they don't really appreciate me for who I am as soon as they put me in the box of "potential romantic/sexual partner".  But much more than that, I don't want to be seen as conventionally attractive in a masculine way, because I'm nonbinary and that makes me very dysphoric.

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I dress to look good because it has professional and social benefits. Attractive people are perceived to be more intelligent, persuasive, trustworthy and healthy. All of which is based on bullshit stereotyping, but if I'm stuck in this system I may as well exploit it as far as I can.

 

So while I don't wear makeup as a general rule, I always do for job interviews, networking events, professional speaking engagements, formal social occasions, etc. For everyday purposes I dress in clothes that suit my figure and are easy to wear, and keep my face and hair clean and neat.

 

I think the only time my attitudes to sex/relationships have had an effect on how I present myself was back when I used to dress up if I was going out and hoping to pull. But over the years I've learned that I can pretty easily find sexual partners even in jeans and a tshirt, so why bother?

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I like to dress cute. I like to dress over the top. If men fall in love with me that's their fucking problem, not mine. I am GOING to wear pretty dresses and purple lipstick I'm not going to let amatonormative society stop me.

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On 11/27/2018 at 1:15 PM, DeltaV said:

What counts as “hygiene” today is just crazy, imho. Of course you submit to those standards, but we should seriously get more relaxed about it. I guess in 1930 someone smelly was like REALLY nasty… (antiperspirants back then was just something for women). Now today admitting that you just shower every other day is a major embarrassment. :eyebrow:

@DeltaV Yes!!!! I agree 100%!!! I find showering to be quite a chore so I don't shower everyday. I aim for every other day, but some weeks that just doesn't happen. When I went to Cross Country Camp with some of my classmates, the topic of showering obviously came up. I had showered the day before and when I showed no desire to shower that night, some of them were grossed out and I felt so embarrassed. They would be surprised how much just changing clothes and brushing one's hair can do to make one feel cleaner without ever actually taking a shower (but of course, I didn't tell them that because they wouldn't have believed me and I would've grossed them out even more...). Yeah, I was definitely such a misfit among the 4 other girls with me, my showering preferences being one of the many reasons why. Man, sometimes I can't help but hate societal expectations. 

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I refuse to wear makeup, but that's probably more me wanting to be weird and different than everyone else.

I love to wear pretty dresses and skirts occasionally because I like feeling cute (don't care what other people think though). I also like wearing "weird" things, like this cool cape/cloak/poncho????? thing I have that's really cool and warm. So really I don't know. All of this is really probably just connected to me wanting to be weird and different from people, rather than connected to my aromanticism.

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I don't wear makeup, but I do try to dress nicely. That said, tend to default to wearing just slightly too large sweaters and shirts so that people won't notice my curves. I want to look cute, but I don't want people to be attracted to me, it's a hard line to balance.

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17 hours ago, awkwardchickenpotatodragon said:

I refuse to wear makeup, but that's probably more me wanting to be weird and different than everyone else.

I love to wear pretty dresses and skirts occasionally because I like feeling cute (don't care what other people think though). I also like wearing "weird" things, like this cool cape/cloak/poncho????? thing I have that's really cool and warm. So really I don't know. All of this is really probably just connected to me wanting to be weird and different from people, rather than connected to my aromanticism.

sammmme I like the idea of having an eccentric style. Like I have this tiger walking stick that I'll bring to school a couple times during the school year sometimes for basketball games or during homecoming week. It's fun cause I'm the only one with an awesome walking stick and everyone actually loves it. I'd honestly love a cape or cloak but it's not "in style" so I can't get a hold of them in stores. When I can finally get out of the house, I'm definitely gonna by myself a cape online and a bunch of other eccentric stuff.

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i just wear really comfortable clothes, like sweatpants and stuff
The only thing that really matters to me about clothes is that I don't feel trapped in them

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I specifically care about my looks, I have a unique style and that’s my way of practicing self love and confidence. I also do want people to be attracted to me, but only because I think that in order to be beautiful, other people must think I’m beautiful. But this is 100% false

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I've never put too much thought into my appearance. I don't like makeup or dressing too feminine, but I'm not sure how much of that is personal taste vs. not wanting people to view me as a potential partner vs. complicated gender stuff (and the last two kind of go hand in hand). It's kind of hard to tell how I'd feel if I wasn't aroace, because I've never been anything else.

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I like to make sure I'm looking trim and I work out.
Simultaneously I feel like a fashion victim and definitely have days where I don't care about the way I look, e.g. lazy days at home.

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I'd say being ace and/or aro leads you to consider how attractive other people view you a) less or b) more. Most people would probably not dress up for other people but occasionally you'd find someone intentionally dressing up to be less attractive. 

 

Personally, I don't care. But dudes aren't supposed to as much

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On 12/5/2018 at 3:12 AM, Emerald Cheetah said:

@DeltaV Yes!!!! I agree 100%!!! I find showering to be quite a chore so I don't shower everyday. I aim for every other day, but some weeks that just doesn't happen. When I went to Cross Country Camp with some of my classmates, the topic of showering obviously came up. I had showered the day before and when I showed no desire to shower that night, some of them were grossed out and I felt so embarrassed. They would be surprised how much just changing clothes and brushing one's hair can do to make one feel cleaner without ever actually taking a shower (but of course, I didn't tell them that because they wouldn't have believed me and I would've grossed them out even more...). Yeah, I was definitely such a misfit among the 4 other girls with me, my showering preferences being one of the many reasons why. Man, sometimes I can't help but hate societal expectations. 

Ahhh man I am completely with you here. How often you need to shower depends on your personal skin type, how much exercise you've been doing, and a bunch of other factors. I definitely don't shower every day; in the winter especially I only shower on days when I've been training/competing and getting seriously sweaty. 

 

I also almost never use soap on my skin - only if I need to scrub off something oily, like if I've been working on my bicycle and am covered in grease, or if I've been wearing really thick SPF50 sunblock. And I only shampoo my hair every two weeks - I used to shampoo it every day because it would get super greasy, but it really is true that if you use less shampoo over time, your hair starts to adapt and produces less oil.

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3 hours ago, Confirmed Bachelor said:

I care about how I look. Why do people think taking care of yourself and your appearance only has to do with other people? I care about myself. 

 

Oh worm. I dress up all the time because I like it. I am but a simple woman, I see the poofy dress, I like it, I wear it. And I dye my hair green because I like it, too.

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I've never really cared about my looks, I've been that way for most of my life (and long before I started questioning).

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On 11/28/2018 at 5:45 AM, DeltaV said:

Now today admitting that you just shower every other day is a major embarrassment. :eyebrow:

 

On 12/5/2018 at 1:42 PM, Emerald Cheetah said:

I had showered the day before and when I showed no desire to shower that night, some of them were grossed out and I felt so embarrassed.

Oh my goodness! you both must live in countries that get lots of rain 'cause once level 2 water restrictions come in there would be so much disapproval. Even without water restriction I knew a guy who would rinse off in a shower twice a day, every day. Once he admitted that he was so shunned and teased. 

 

On 1/20/2019 at 8:31 PM, eatingcroutons said:

And I only shampoo my hair every two weeks - I used to shampoo it every day because it would get super greasy, but it really is true that if you use less shampoo over time, your hair starts to adapt and produces less oil.

😍 all hail the master! I'm down to shampoo once a week or every 9 days. Several days in the week I don't brush my hair either, no one really notices if it is in a ponytail ~ plus it actually gives me some more volume than normal, which might be helping with the oil because doesn't brushing stimulate the scalp?

 

Apart from being clean and smelling nice without showering, my clothing is generally all chosen for comfort but I do really like textures. The colours may end up clashing, I might not look as good as I could but my clothes will probably feel interesting. Velvet, polished cotton, black on black embroidery, or my favourite highly textured cotton/elastine lace! though I tend to get hit on or my friends pat me when I wear those. 

 

 

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