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Joslyn

Why does society make us believe we HAVE to get married?

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As a kid it’s ingraved in it brainds that our life goals should be and only be to get married and have children. Obviously marriage doesn’t just “make you happy”. About 45% of married couples get a divorce. The other couples could be either forced to stay into married or they think they will be lonely or looked down upon if they divorce. 

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I don’t know. It doesn’t help that most parents will dismiss you if you say you won’t get married and tell you they will change your mind later.

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Amatonormativity~~~~

 

I grew up with a lot of that kind of narrative. Marriage as an established norm, and basically a "normal" stage in adult development, akin to learning to talk and walk as a baby. I never questioned it until my parents started asking me, "Sooo have you got a boyfriend yet??" It definitely is frustrating because people who aren't married are often viewed as selfish or aloof.

 

However, I have noticed recently that more and more people have been treating marriage as just a ritual. There are people who don't want to have a grand marriage ceremony (a coworker of mine said she and her husband just eloped - signed papers and stuff). I also know that there are more people I have heard of recently than I had when I was younger who are getting married for the benefits, not for the 'love' or whatever it was supposed to be for. That definitely isn't the norm yet, but I feel like some of the Millennial generation and younger is popularizing more flexible unions and slowly stretching societal norms. So there's hope!

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I don't know either. My eldest sister is wasting $2,000+ on hers, so I guess it's a boon for capitalism.

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On 11/12/2018 at 1:50 AM, Joslyn said:

As a kid it’s ingraved in it brainds that our life goals should be and only be to get married and have children. Obviously marriage doesn’t just “make you happy”. About 45% of married couples get a divorce. The other couples could be either forced to stay into married or they think they will be lonely or looked down upon if they divorce. 

Even when marriage was most "popular" around the mid 20th century at least 15% of people never did it.
Since then census data from around the world shows a massive decline in the marriage demographic. (Until recently somewhat obscured by rising populations and people previously married getting married more than once.)
Ironically hyping of marriage in popular media has massively increased at the same time that the proportion of married people has been going down.

 

On 11/13/2018 at 1:23 AM, running.tally said:

Marriage as an established norm, and basically a "normal" stage in adult development, akin to learning to talk and walk as a baby. I never questioned it until my parents started asking me, "Sooo have you got a boyfriend yet??"

Something I've noticed is that virtually every online discussion along the lines of "I can't find a date/boyfriend/girlfriend" tends wind up with lots of "I felt like that until I found my spouse/husband/wife" responses. Even if the OP makes it clear that they actually want something fairly casual, more sexual than romantic, etc.
 

On 11/13/2018 at 1:23 AM, running.tally said:

also know that there are more people I have heard of recently than I had when I was younger who are getting married for the benefits, not for the 'love' or whatever it was supposed to be for.

Prior to romantic marriages becoming fashionable (prior to the mid 19th century) this was the norm.
Actually more common is people not getting married. Even in the face of legal and social discrimination against unmarried people.
With even North America soon likely to join Europe and Australasia in having marrieds being a (hugely) privileged minority of the population.

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Partly because, I think, they crave sex and romance so much that they really do feel incomplete without it. We know we are not missing out on much, but sometimes our families and friends want us to happy in just exactly the same way as they are. There are pros and cons to the single life, and pros and cons to married life as well.

 

This isn't an exact comparison, but I once accidentally - tactlessly - asked someone how they survived as an only child. I can't imagine life without siblijngs. I can't/couldn't iimagine life without a sibling. In the same way, they feel as if you're deprived of something, when really, you're quite content the way you are.

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In Sweden a lot of people never marry. The act itself is not expected. But of course living in a romantic monogamous relationship is what most people strive for still.

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