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Joslyn

Can you be aromantic and still feel sensual attraction?

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Now, it's this dude who I think is pretty attractive. Which is odd for me to say because it's incredibly rare for me to think someone is attractive enough to daydream over. But this dude is really attractive, at least I think so. But ABSOLUTELY NO sexual attraction is involved. Hugging and kissing and cuddle sound like an amazing thing I'd want to do with him. But then again, when I think about it, I'd get uncomfortable extremely quick. I'm not a touchy-feely person, and I hate when people touch me. I don't like to touch objects that other people have put their hands on (OCD). I feel like if I were to hug him I'd get uncomfortable quick and push away. Or kiss, it sounds great but imagining it can make my skin crawl after a while. But, then again, only dude I've ever hugged was my dad, uncle, grandpa, and other male family members. I have no brothers, so yeah. Help. (Btw, I don't even really wanna date him, it's more like a squish) I only wanna be friends, I think.

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@Joslyn Yes. You definitely can experience sensual attraction while being aromantic. The two aren't tied, just as sexual and romantic attraction aren't tied. You know, it could just be strong aesthetic attraction you feel for him, which is why you feel uncomfortable with sensual things. Or you could be sensually attracted to the guy, but may also be averse to it at the same time. Have I made sense? I hope I have helped. 

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@Joslyn I am in excatly the same boat, except that I just have this sensual feelings towards a girl. I am already on good terms with her, (something like pals) but I don't know how I would make clear to her, that I would want to be in qpr with her, without sounding like a creep. Most people I know, haven't even heard of the term qpr. So yeah, you are definitely not the only one who experience these feelings. 

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Yes, you definitely can. Sensual attraction is a type of attraction separate from the romantic one. Just because you want to cuddle, hug, and hold a person's hand, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have a crush on them. 

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yep! sensual attraction is one of the ways i personally distinguish between having a genuine squish on someone and just wanting to get to know them better or w/e.

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@Joslyn wow, I can't believe I didn't find this sooner. You almost sound like me back in 2014. I am definitely aromantic and I felt a really strong attraction to a man but there was no sexual attraction involved, it was all sensual (his voice was amazing. voice=hearing=audio sensual=sensual attraction 😛) Because I knew my attraction had little to do with his looks I had a easy time classifying it (when I finally discovered the split attraction model). 

I know you posted a while ago, so hopefully you have things worked out now, but generally I like to think that when you fantasise about things that would make you feel uncomfortable in reality it is some sort of internalised amatonormativity. Our lives have been bombarded with it for so long our brains think those are the things we should want. As far as I know the best way to get rid of those thoughts is to test them out, you don't have to do everything of course, but test out some of the easier behaviours like a friendly hug to see if you would like it (or to prove to your brain that you do in fact find it uncomfortable, which then hopefully means your brain will stop giving you those fantasies)

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