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Ice Queen

Unhealthy romanticism - a turn-off (also friendship-wise)

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It is needless to say that I would never give a chance for a (queerplatonic) relationship to someone who is the unhealthy type of alloromantic (e.g. possessive, clingy, etc.). 

 

I have nonetheless realised that I could not even accept being friends with someone who falls into this category. People who ignore everyone else once they get into a relationship make me just want to spit them in the eye. Also, there's this girl I've been friends with since high-school. She got married back in 2016 (all of a sudden). I remember her saying that she wouldn't accept the idea of her husband hanging, talking and laughing with another woman. When I hung out with her and another high-school friend of ours this year, her husband would call her (mind you, he did know where she was and with whom), asking her "how much longer are you staying?", coming up the following reason: feeling lonely, missing her. Really? They live in the same fucking house! She obviously finds such an approach perfectly normal. Given that, I don't think I really want to hang with her anymore. I've been growing apart from her. I don't like such people. Am I the only one? 

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No, you're definitely not the only one.  Once again I can strongly relate to what you have to say.  That kind of relationship seems incredibly unhealthy to me.  Friendships are important and people shouldn't ignore them just because they have a romantic partner.  I feel so betrayed by my friends who stopped spending time with me after they got married.

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A situation like one described in the OP would drive me nuts. My condolences (is this a good word to use here? Words fail me sometimes).

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I can definitely relate to what you say. I don't have friends like that, but a friend's brother and his girlfriend are like that and even my alloro friend can't stand them. Can't figure out why would anyone want to act like that with a partner, it sounds suffocating

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14 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

feeling lonely, missing her. Really? They live in the same fucking house!

Whatever you do, don't say that out loud - people do not react well to it, trust me! 

I totally agree though - it seems so suffocating and unhealthy. Unfortunately, society romanticises possessive behaviour so people tend to think it's a good thing.

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yes!  i feel like people who are jealous, possessive, overly dependent etc. must have some kind of self-esteem/attachment issues, but that's not an excuse.  my ex dated my friend before me and she was like that--it's why he ended it with her--and it drove me crazy just to hear about.  (then he got the other end of the spectrum with me, lol.)  i also have a friend whose girlfriend is like that, to an extent which to me (and my allo roommate) sounds legit abusive.  he's such a great guy who deserves so much better.  i mean, no one deserves that.  

 

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It's not just you. That sort of thing drives me nuts also. All of my friends changed once they got married. They stopped being their own person and had to get permission from their "owner" to make any decisions or do anything... :/

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On 8/25/2018 at 12:05 AM, Ice Queen said:

 coming up the following reason: feeling lonely, missing her. Really? They live in the same fucking house!

 

My brother and his wife are the same. When she goes out she feels guilty for leaving him alone and she wants to go back as quick as possible because she misses him. I don't know if that's unhealthy or not because I'm used of this type of behavior from couples but I know for sure it's not for me. I don't think I could let myself become that dependent, it's insane.

 

On 8/25/2018 at 3:06 PM, Skittles87 said:

Whatever you do, don't say that out loud - people do not react well to it, trust me!

 

I agree 100%. I tried to bring it up once but they told me I didn't understand real love (they don't even know I'm aro haha) and that I was completely insensitive.

 

On 8/27/2018 at 1:08 AM, SoulWolf said:

It's not just you. That sort of thing drives me nuts also. All of my friends changed once they got married. They stopped being their own person and had to get permission from their "owner" to make any decisions or do anything... :/

 

Ugh yeah. "Can i go there ? Can I buy this ?" -_-

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