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Holmbo

If you could take a pill...

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...that changed your romantic or sexual orientation in any way you wanted, would you do it?

 

I think I would change my sexual orientation. Right now I'm positive to sex but I feel little sexual attraction and when I do feel it I can't really act on it because it usually goes away quickly. I suppose if I got to choose I'd be pansexual as to have all the options :P

My romantic orientation I'd not change. I'm a very logical person who likes to make my decisions based on reason, falling in love sounds like a really unpleasant experience of loosing control. And then I'd suddenly want to be with this person day and night? Ugh, no thank you.

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The only thing that could make me take it is that I want children and that it would make it easier. But even for that, I think I won't. Romance comes with too much problem and drama. Of course, books might exagerate things, but it sounds so stressfull; often the "butterflies in the stomach" sounds like "I want to throw up right now". And then the sweaty palms, the heart who accélérâtes… Seriously, everything people say to talk about romantic attraction sounds like a disease. No, thanks.

And for sex, it don't sounds like an interesting thing for me, and I'm fine like that, so I don't think I would change it.

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I would be sorta tempted to try a pill that made me (temporarily) ace! Provided it was side-effect free. Sex drive and/or thinking/fantasizing about sex can be a nuisance and a distraction! Particularly when you're disinclined to jump through the typical romantic 'hoops' you see many people acting on their sex drives jump through (so, be careful what you wish for @Holmbo - it's not for no reason that 'sexual' and 'frustration' are often combined! :P).

 

But I probably still wouldn't take such a pill. I don't like the idea of a quick fix that leaves an underlying issue unresolved; in this case, how I deal constructively with having particular (strong) 'urges'. By simply removing a personal challenge, you also remove the opportunity to learn from it. Then, if I come across strong urges in another context (one where there isn't a pill for it!), I might no longer have the skills necessary for dealing with it.

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I absolutely wouldn't. I like being aromantic and asexual and wouldn't want to change that one bit.

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nope.  being aro and being heterosexual each have their advantages and disadvantages (and additional ones when they're in conjunction, which in my case they are), but it's who i am and i like it.  like @NullVector, i'd be interested to see what being ace is like, though it's easier to imagine that than being alloromantic (absence of something i know vs. presence of something i don't know), so i'd be even more inclined to try that out, but if my only options were a permanent change or none at all, i'd choose none.  in fact, i wouldn't magically change anything about myself, not my depression, not things i dislike about my appearance--it would feel wrong.  again, @NullVector, you said it. 

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On 8/10/2018 at 6:31 PM, aro_elise said:

in fact, i wouldn't magically change anything about myself, not my depression, not things i dislike about my appearance--it would feel wrong

 

I find it interesting that you included depression in that list. If I broke my arm (for example) and there was some sort of star-trek-esque medical machine that would fix it instantly (or Harry Potter spell, lol), it wouldn't really feel wrong to me, or like 'cheating', to use it. I guess depression is different to this somehow, but how/why?

 

I'm getting kinda off-topic here, but since I asked you about it a while back, I was reading more about dysthymia and I do seem to match most of the diagnostic criteria :/ . But (unlike aro, say) I wouldn't identify it as a core part of my personality, because I remember a version of me a few years back that didn't show those symptoms (had more energy, more passion for life, did more things with more joy, didn't sometimes struggle to get out of bed, etc) and I'd like to get that person back. Not sure if it's the same for you? Actually, some psychologists (e.g. this one) encourage people to actively dis-identify with depression, do the opposite of what 'it' 'wants' you to do, see it as an 'other', that has kind of temporarily 'possessed' you. I mean, if a pill could 'exorcise' that, turn off the inner voice that tells you to stay in bed all day, gave you back the energy to go out and interact with people (and was side-effect free, big if!), would it still feel wrong to take it?

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oh yeah, throwback!  i'm sorry to hear that and i recommend seeing a professional, if that's available to you, regardless of your diagnosis or lack thereof.

 

well, i think it's kind of like what you were saying about a quick fix, like, even if you magically solved one issue, there would be another; you can't just go around snapping your fingers every time something unpleasant comes your way.  that's life, you know?  you have challenges, and you do your best to work through them.  and while i do try to think of mental illness as a challenge which has been thrown at me rather than an aspect of my identity, and i do vaguely remember my life before it, i can say the following without any judgment of positive or negative: i don't know who i would be without it, but i wouldn't be who i am today.  that might sound dumb; maybe it's part of my trust in God's plan and discomfort with the idea of "playing" Him, but anything i dislike about myself or my life i try to either change (non-magically) or accept. 

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I wouldn't change either I think. I do sometimes wonder what it might be like on the other side but I can't imagine living any other way.

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honestly, i would. As someone who is aro but still wants to have a relationship, feeling romantic attraction would make things a lot easier.

 

(but then again, getting unstoppable crushes on people out of your league sounds pretty un-fun : /  )

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I pretty much agree with @NullVector in regards to the pill. If I used it I would probably use it to become asexual. Most of the time, sexual attraction is just distracting, and as an aro, most of the options it grants are most of the time immoral. But I probably wouldn't take such a pill because it would feel like just giving up.

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I would not change my sexuality. I love being ace, and sex seems like a pointless distraction and just one more problem to worry about. No, thank you. This one of the things I am most sure of about myself and I love it and accept it ❤️

 

I would DEFINITELY change my romanticism. I love the idea of a romantic relationship and I want that for myself it is so annoying and frustrating that I don't feel the romantic feelings essential for such a relationship 😭 

Or I'd take a pill to want romance less 😂

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I definitely wouldn't change it permanently and most likely not even temporarily.

I know some people who are sexually and/or romantically frustrated and I am thankful that I don't have to experience this.

But I have to admit that I am curious about what sexual and romantic attraction feels like and in the past there were two situations in which I probably would have wanted to change something - but only in a very specific way ;) : when I was in a relationship, I would have wanted to be romantically attracted to my boyfriend (but only to him and of course stop feeling attracted when he started behaving like an idiot); and when I was questioning my sexual and romantic orientation, I would have wanted to feel  both kinds of attraction - but only in order to compare it to what I have felt naturally ;)

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On 8/2/2018 at 10:05 AM, Holmbo said:

...that changed your romantic

no. I don't even want to know what I'm missing. Ignorance is bliss here. I only would like to be more able to have a romantic relationship, so it could theoretically be an option; I seem to be stuck at the level of “If you can afford two rooms why on earth would you share a room with your partner? Why deny yourself that luxury? W… why???” xD

On 8/2/2018 at 10:05 AM, Holmbo said:

or sexual orientation

nope.

On 8/12/2018 at 11:34 PM, NullVector said:

I'm getting kinda off-topic here, but since I asked you about it a while back, I was reading more about dysthymia and I do seem to match most of the diagnostic criteria :/ . But (unlike aro, say) I wouldn't identify it as a core part of my personality, because I remember a version of me a few years back that didn't show those symptoms (had more energy, more passion for life, did more things with more joy, didn't sometimes struggle to get out of bed, etc) and I'd like to get that person back.

I agree, I don't understand the criticism against antidepressants from that direction, for me the problem is just that they are overhyped drugs.

It's one of those super weird moments when the new huge meta analysis by Cipriani is touted in the press as the definite proof that antidepressants “work”, but then you actually read the study and notice Cipriani got even a bit lower effect size (0.30 vs 0.32) than the infamous “antidepressants don't work”-study by Kirsch?!?! Seriously, why is it so difficult to admit that we struggle to treat depression effectively (compared to, say, OCD)?

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On 8/26/2018 at 12:29 PM, Tagor said:

I pretty much agree with @NullVector in regards to the pill. If I used it I would probably use it to become asexual. Most of the time, sexual attraction is just distracting, and as an aro, most of the options it grants are most of the time immoral. But I probably wouldn't take such a pill because it would feel like just giving up.

 

Man I am the complete opposite. I'd take a pill to become pansexual, so that there'd be even more people I want to have sex with.

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On 9/17/2018 at 9:11 PM, eatingcroutons said:

Man I am the complete opposite. I'd take a pill to become pansexual, so that there'd be even more people I want to have sex with.

Haha. I actually would be tempted to try a 'gay pill', for reasons mentioned here.

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