Jump to content
JetSettingAro

Trying to Figure Out Who I Am

Recommended Posts

Hello Arocalypse members, nice to meet ya!

 

I am a university student/student teacher who has recently come to the conclusion that I am aromantic, I barely understand what type of aromantic (all of this world is still very foreign to me), but I know that I am somewhere on the spectrum. Real briefly, I have never been romantically attracted to anybody my entire life. I have had no desire to kiss, to hold hands, to go on dates, to show or have any kinds of PDA (or private displays of affection for that matter). I started to realize that there was something different about me about 4 or 5 years ago when I was entering into my early twenties and still had never had any kind of a romantic relationship. I went and sought counseling at my school's counseling office, and the psychologist thought that I might be an Ace...and gave me a brochure on it. It was my first time ever hearing of asexuality, but I knew that I wasn't an ace...I do have sexual attraction to others, just not any romantic attraction. In fact I would love to get married and have a family, but it would have to be a platonic marriage built on close friendship and understanding because I don't think I could handle a romantic one.

 

Fast forward, a couple of months ago I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said "Aro Pride" and I looked it up out of curiosity. Instantly I knew I was an Aro, but it took time to process it. So now here I am! :) I am hoping to learn more from all of you, and hopefully it will help me to understand myself more as well.

 

Cheers,

JSA

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow a bumper sticker! :aropride: that is a really cool way to find out about aromanticism, though very lucky as that is probably a very uncommon sight, an aro bumpersticker. 

Welcome, I hope you decide to delve into learning the vocabulary, it really does help with expressing yourself and joining discussions..and just expanding your language skills (before I found this forum I never knew about limerance and that was coined back in '77)

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@JetSettingAro Hello! Welcome to Arocalypse! Have some :aroicecream:! A bumpersticker representing aromanticism is definitely not a sight you see every day! Also, it's a great way to discover your own aromanticism!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi there, and welcome!

 

I'm glad you could make your way to finding out you're aromantic eventually; most people just assume everyone is perioriented (all relevant orientations have the same prefix, such as asexual and aromantic or pansexual and panromantic) and don't say anything about other possibilities.

 

As for what kind of aro-spec you are, you don't seem to be describing anything that reminds me of a more specific label than aromantic.

 

Regarding relationships, there are relationships other than romantic ones, and you might want to know more about queerplatonic relationships and alterous attraction (1, 2, 3, 4).

 

And you can totally identify just as aromantic, or as aromantic + a sexual orientation (such as bisexual or heterosexual, or even such as gay or neptunic, which are words that may be used as any kind of orientation). Or as aromantic + queerplatonic orientation, or as aromantic + alterous orientation + sexual orientation, and so on. 😋

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you everyone for the welcome (and ice cream @Spirit of God)!

 

I am definitely starting to dig into the vocabulary and as you say @Powder I can't seem to peg my aro-spec down to any of the specific labels. Maybe demi, but that doesn't necessarily seem right to me, I have built plenty of close friendships in my time and never felt or wanted them to evolve into anything romantic. Having now read about qp relationships I think they are something that I would be very open to! I would also be interested in developing a very deep "aromate" friendship with someone (which I take it is an advanced version of a qp relationship), but I think the chances of finding a deep platonic partnership like that is going to be pretty hard. 😅

 

As for sexual orientation, I assume I am heterosexual as I have always been sexually attracted to the opposite sex, but it is kind of hard to say. Basically I have been ostracized by others my entire life for not having romantic inclinations, and at many times I have been downright bullied, humiliated and shunned by my peers for being who I am, so I have always kind of been lost and adrift on these matters. This is the first time I have ever spoken about my feelings with anybody besides a couple of counselors, it actually feels really refreshing! I feel like I can finally breathe.

 

If anyone has any other advice for me as a newly discovered aromatic, I am very open to listening!

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi and welcome!. 

Fellow heterosexual aro here, I'm emphatic with your story friend, specially in the "ostracized" part and being a little lost, is . Fortunately you realized that you are aro before starting a relationship or having a family lying yourself or worse, lying others and faking feelings and gestures. I damaged wonderful women doing this and nobody deserves that. 

My advice is that in the  future if you want to start a family, be open and sincere about how you are (explaining that we are not broken or damaged is hard, I know 😂😂) , many people probably will not understand,  but maybe you will find someone that will be perfectly cool about it. In the meantime, just ignore and don't listen to toxic people, focus in work, hobbies and friends that don't judge you. We have a advantage as aros!, we don't have to deal with agonizing crushes,  dramas, irrational fights, etc. So we have more time to learn new things, travel, know people and the list continues. Is hard if people often see us as weird beings, but as you accept the way you are more and more, gain confidence and focus in  being happy and proud, people will criticize less and less. Is not an easy but is surely rewarding. 

Sorry about my English  and have a good day!. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/10/2018 at 11:41 PM, JetSettingAro said:

I am a university student/student teacher who has recently come to the conclusion that I am aromantic, I barely understand what type of aromantic (all of this world is still very foreign to me), but I know that I am somewhere on the spectrum. Real briefly, I have never been romantically attracted to anybody my entire life.

I find it interesting that you have used the term "type of aromantic."
Since there do appear to be a variety of different types...

 

On 7/10/2018 at 11:41 PM, JetSettingAro said:

I have had no desire to kiss, to hold hands, to go on dates, to show or have any kinds of PDA (or private displays of affection for that matter).

I'm kind of the opposite: lots of desire to kiss, hold hands, go on dates and to do physical affection. With virtually no opportunity to do so.

 

On 7/10/2018 at 11:41 PM, JetSettingAro said:

In fact I would love to get married and have a family,

I'm also the opposite here. Never had any interest in this kind of thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/11/2018 at 9:17 PM, JetSettingAro said:

If anyone has any other advice for me as a newly discovered aromatic, I am very open to listening!

 

Kind of new for me as well but I think you're doing fine!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome to Arocalypse! And let me just say I know what it feels like to Ben confused for Ace! I often feel that Aro and Ace are confused for one another a lot! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

general advice?  just be honest with yourself and others; you owe nothing more or less than the sort of kindness and consideration you'd give in any other matter.  it's a journey, and a variety of emotions will arise.  accept them.  you'll learn a lot about yourself, the aro-spec community, the larger community, and how they all relate.  sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's pretty cool.  if you have any more questions, i'd be happy to help, or at least to share my experiences.  welcome to the club.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×