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Josie

Wanting internet friends

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Hello! I really want some internet friends, but I find the whole "starting a new friendship and getting to know eachother" bit kinda awkward even though I understand that it is necessary when meeting someone new. Do any of you have any tips on how to meet and introduce yourself to new internet friends? Any help will be appreciated!

 

Sincerely, an awkward aro who just wants someone to chat with. 

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I am in the same boat entirely, wanna figure it out together?

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2 hours ago, zo_zum said:

I am in the same boat entirely, wanna figure it out together?

sorry if that was cringy, I don't know that many friend-pickup lines 🙃

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find a topic you both share an interest in and start an in-depth discussion and see where it takes you. TV shows, music and sports are generally good areas to find shared interests in. (conversations about animals or celebrities can become shallow or dead ends when talking with new people). If you get to the point of recommending things to each other call the conversation a success :)

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Maybe you can find a context where you get to know someone without having to make small talk. Like if you join some weekly meetup. 

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Alright guys. The following story will explain why I think this is a bad idea and therefore strongly recommend you to think twice. 

 

I met this woman on a lyrics translating website back in 2013. We live in the same country (but different towns) and one day she just approached me on the chat. Since that day, we would talk on a regular basis and I realised that we had lots in common despite the age gap (11 years). We started feeling more and more comfortable around each other and our range of conversation topics became wider and wider. We became friends on facebook, too, in 2014. As the time passed, I realised she was the one to understand me all the way through and the other way round. I came to love her deeply and she told me she loved me, too. We'd been there for each other in our darkest times. We were best friends and I thought there was nothing that could possibly shatter the strong bond we had formed. Until one day. Back in November 2016 she told me she had been experiencing certain symptoms for a while and sank into depression because she managed to convince herself she suffered from some serious illness. She told me she wasn't able to talk to anyone and that her way to cope was isolating herself. I respected her wish. I hoped it was just a phase, that she would go to the doctor and everything would turn out to be alright. Several months had passed and still no good news....

April 5th 2017 - a day I will always hate. The day I lost the life partner of my dreams. I will never forget the fear and the pain I felt when he gave me the sad news. (but we've stayed best friends, which I'm infinitely grateful for <3 )

I desperately needed to talk to someone. As my other best friend (the woman) was the only one who could understand me completely (I'd told her everything about my aromanticism and the queerplatonic thing), I turned to her the day after. E-mailed her asking for her support, telling her I needed her more than ever. This is what she replied:

 

"Hello, my dear friend! I’m afraid I am too much of a wreck to be able to help anyone at this point in my life. So much has happened lately, it’s like every day brings me something else as if there wasn’t enough already for me to struggle with. I am sorry, but I can’t help you, and no one can help me and what doesn’t kill you doesn’t make you stronger, what doesn’t kill you makes you a monster because that’s what I feel I am, a monster, I have become self-centered , I can’t carry any other emotional burden, I can’t even cope with my own problems... please forgive me…"

  

Needles to say I felt even worse. I tried to understand... Ever since, time was passing by and still no sign... I would cry at night thinking about her... I couldn't understand what had changed her in that way. She had overcome so many things, and then... Nothing was changing. I would dream about her approaching me on facebook and telling me everything was back to normal...and then wake to face reality.... She never talked about it... I wanted so badly to help her... "Whatever happens, we'll try to work it out, to understand each other", "You'll never lose me", "I'll never abandon you" - our promises... which she had broken. I kept it to myself until December 2017 when I couldn't take it anymore and e-mailed her. Told her how I felt about the situation. Told her I felt abandoned and I couldn't understand why. The outcome? With no warning whatsoever, she blocked me. She just blocked me, leaving me broken and confused. I thought our bond was real and nothing could shatter it... I was wrong. 

 

Those having been said, never open up to someone you can't meet in real life. I'll never trust people on the Internet again. I'll never open up to them like I did to that woman again. She broke not only her promise, but my heart as well. I want to forget her and I'm confident that one day, she will be nothing but a blurred, distant memory. But for now, I feel empty because although it doesn't hurt anymore, she left a void...

 

 

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Ice Queen, I'm so sorry to hear you had such a negative experience. It's never easy when you put your trust in someone in a big way and things go so far south. I wish you nothing but good things following something like that. ❤️

 

Josie, in response to your original post -

On 7/8/2018 at 4:27 PM, Josie said:

Hello! I really want some internet friends, but I find the whole "starting a new friendship and getting to know eachother" bit kinda awkward even though I understand that it is necessary when meeting someone new. Do any of you have any tips on how to meet and introduce yourself to new internet friends? Any help will be appreciated!

 

Sincerely, an awkward aro who just wants someone to chat with. 

I've only just made an account on Arocalypse, and am also hoping to establish some Internet friendships here. Hopefully this isn't too odd, but I actually found your profile after stumbling across another one of your posts, when I was looking to find information on intersections between the aro community and fanfiction culture. I'm also really (REALLY) into Supernatural and fandom, and while from the sound of it our tastes in fic aren't entirely the same, it would still be fun to swap recs sometime. Or talk about the show, or anything aromantic related. But of course no worries if that isn't of interest! I just figured it wouldn't hurt to reach out. Hopefully you are well :D

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On 7/22/2018 at 2:00 AM, Zorcodtoa said:

Fixed.

 

Yeah, I was gonna say - I'm sorry for what you went through Ice Queen, but being let down by one friend doesn't mean that friendship is a bad idea. I've been let down by friends "in real life" and I've got friends online I've known for fifteen years and still trust to turn to for advice. People are people, online or offline.

 

As for the original question, one of the things I love about making internet friends is that you tend to come at the "getting to know each other" part entirely through shared interests. When I make friends with someone online, it usually starts with talking entirely about a TV show or movie we both love. The more we talk about that thing, the more personal details start to slip into the conversation, and the more we get to know each other, as a natural progression.

 

So yeah, what Echidna said: If you see someone talking about enjoying a thing you also enjoy, jump in and join in the conversation! Find a community that also likes the thing! You'll probably discover that just by hanging out and chatting about the thing, you'll start to get to know and make friends with people.

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On this topic. Is it easier to befriend someone if you're in a more anonymous forum, like this one, or if you're in one with your picture and public info visible?

 

I think I might like to make an internet friend too, but I'm kinda specific in the friendship I'm looking for. Is there any place where one can speed date for internet friends? :D

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