New aro here

[nonmerci]

Hi everyone!

My name is Nathalie and I'm French. I apologize if my English is not perfect. I'm 23, and (hopefully) a future teacher.

I identify as greyro and ace. I consider myself greyaro because :

1. I had only one real crush I think, and even this one didn't seem as intense as it is for other people, and didn't last long.

2. The few other crushes that I had were not intense at all; most of the time it didn't last more than a few seconds.

I might have some crushes at university, but it was before being aware that aromanticism exists. So I don't know if they were crushes (but I doubt they were), or if I just pretend they were : romance just seems something that I had to look for, so I must have pretended to have crushes because I wanted a boyfriend  . Or, exactly, I wanted a fther for my children : I realized that I never looked at boys as potential boyfriends but as potential fathers.

I'm not romance repulsed, I have no problem to watch it on TV. I just don't like it on me.

It' nice to know that aromanticism exists. Now I know what to respond when people are surprised because I never dated anyone. And it's nice to meet other aros too!

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Nice to meet you! I’m glad to see aro awareness is slowly spreading to other languages too!

[Eklinaar]

Welcome!  You aren't the first person here from France!  Hopefully they will say hi.

 

I understand a lot of what you're saying.  I have strong feelings for people sometimes and I wonder if they are crushes, but they are so rare and don't seem like they are nearly as strong as what others feel.  But I convinced myself they were crushes because I thought I needed to date.

 

It's cool that you think about having kids!  A lot of aromantics don't.  Is that something you want to do?  Or now that you know you're aromantic, do you not want to?  I have always wondered what aromantic parents would be like.

[arokaladin]

Welcome, it's so nice to meet you! And your English is amazing!

[nonmerci]

4 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Nice to meet you! I’m glad to see aro awareness is slowly spreading to other languages too!

Thanks! AVEN has a French version, that's how I heard about aromanticism.

3 hours ago, Eklinaar said:

Welcome!  You aren't the first person here from France!  Hopefully they will say hi.

 

I understand a lot of what you're saying.  I have strong feelings for people sometimes and I wonder if they are crushes, but they are so rare and don't seem like they are nearly as strong as what others feel.  But I convinced myself they were crushes because I thought I needed to date.

 

It's cool that you think about having kids!  A lot of aromantics don't.  Is that something you want to do?  Or now that you know you're aromantic, do you not want to?  I have always wondered what aromantic parents would be like.

Yeah, that's confusing sometimes. And as every movie is dealing with romance, I just thought it was something I had to want.

I still want kids. I always wanted them. I like the idea that someone who has a bit of me will live after me. I'm a bit scared about what people will say and how I will manage to have one, but I don't think about it right now. I don't consider having a child before a few years, I'm not ready at all.

I suppose that the most difficult for an aro parent is to explain things to his child. I have a cousin who were confused because his parents weren't married; I wonder what he'd say if they weren't in love.

1 hour ago, arokaladin said:

Welcome, it's so nice to meet you! And your English is amazing!

Thanks!

You didn't hear me speak it. I read English, I write English, but for some reason I'm unable to speak it 

[Abster]

I’m new here too so welcome fellow newbie 

[aro_elise]

9 hours ago, nonmerci said:

You didn't hear me speak it. I read English, I write English, but for some reason I'm unable to speak it 

i get it!  i consider myself fluent in french, but i get tripped up when i speak without having prepared.  i have elementary skills and the same problem in estonian and japanese.  but your writing really is excellent.

 

anyway, welcome!  

[Arivin]

Hi! Welcome! I relate to your second point so bad... I'm an Indian and we seem to consider ourselves extremely romantic. It's near to impossible to find a show/movie without romance in it. Due to this I thought I had to love someone and would "force" myself to get crushes on guys. After I realised I was aromantic, I realised that I was just confusing aesthetic attraction with romantic attraction and didn't actually like any of the guys that I was telling myself I had a crush on ^^;

[nonmerci]

Thanks you all!

Yeah, all this amatonormativity in fiction makes thing so confusing. In the end I was like : "This guy is cute. Let's have a crush on him". But it doesn't work like that  .

[Abster]

5 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Thanks you all!

Yeah, all this amatonormativity in fiction makes thing so confusing. In the end I was like : "This guy is cute. Let's have a crush on him". But it doesn't work like that  .

Omg yes! That is my entire life! 

[Naegleria fowleri]

I'd like to have a kid or two someday as well. I don't have any details worked out though (I'm in my teens still, and sex is icky, lol).

 

On 4/10/2018 at 1:56 PM, nonmerci said:

I have a cousin who were confused because his parents weren't married; I wonder what he'd say if they weren't in love.

 

I can provide some perspective on this. My parents are not aro, but when I was really young my father got this brain infection, and he ended up permanently brain damaged. He relearned a lot of things (walking, talking, writing, swallowing) but not so much on the social side. He can't handle people hardly at all, not even family. He's pretty much estranged now, and I like it that way.

Anyway, for a few years we all lived in the same apartment, and my parents not being in love was just a fact of life. Nobody else's seemed to be, either. I would go to a friend's house, and the dad would either be at work or in a room away from the rambunctious kids, on a computer. Not helping the mom make sandwiches for the kids. No hugs, no kisses, nothing. 

However, what I saw was that the love my mom would have shared with my father, she shared with me. We grew very close. We were best friends back then, and we're best friends now. What I'm trying to get at here is that there would be upsides to having aro parents, as long as they are both dedicated to the child. And in the case that only one parent is dedicated, well, that just makes things harder for the parent, not the child. I think the rarity is having parents that are still in love, that tell each other and show each other that every day. And in that way, an aromantic household could be considered completely normal.

[nonmerci]

On 12/04/2018 at 10:46 AM, Naegleria fowleri said:

I can provide some perspective on this. My parents are not aro, but when I was really young my father got this brain infection, and he ended up permanently brain damaged. He relearned a lot of things (walking, talking, writing, swallowing) but not so much on the social side. He can't handle people hardly at all, not even family. He's pretty much estranged now, and I like it that way.

It must have been difficult.

What scares me is more how other people's opinions will affect my future child if I have one. I don't know if I'll find a father or if I'll be alone. If I'm alone, I suppose that he'll hear things and he'll have questions, and that I'll have to "justify" myself.

But anyway, I'm not here yet.

[Naegleria fowleri]

13 hours ago, nonmerci said:

It must have been difficult.

 

Oh jeez, don't think about it like that! I was like, three when all of that happened, and my parents had already been separated for about a year. There was no "loss", in fact he had been living in another province and I only saw him after he had been recovering for quite some time. He wasn't mean, he was just uninvolved. And honestly, when you are the sunshine in your mom's world, you don't really care what daddy's doing. There was no shortage of love in my house, don't you worry.

 

13 hours ago, nonmerci said:

What scares me is more how other people's opinions will affect my future child if I have one. I don't know if I'll find a father or if I'll be alone. If I'm alone, I suppose that he'll hear things and he'll have questions, and that I'll have to "justify" myself.

 

In my experience, if you are your child's cheerleader, they will be yours. I respect the hell out of my mom for focusing on me rather than trying to "find me a father" (ugh) just to make things seem normal. I like to think of it this way. Everyone grows up learning that people are different. Some are taught that it's ok. Some are taught that it's not. Which side would you rather be on?