aussiekirkland Posted December 18, 2016 Share Posted December 18, 2016 I did the you might be aro if list and I got 44 yes and 6 no's 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zema Posted December 18, 2016 Share Posted December 18, 2016 I did that list as well. 9 were "no", 6 were "sort of", 8 were "not applicable" as I haven't been in a romantic relationship, and 27 were "yes". Most of the reason there were so many "no"s for me is because some of the questions assume that you don't know whether you're aro, and I am pretty damn certain that I am aro. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWolf Posted December 18, 2016 Share Posted December 18, 2016 36 of those were a 'yes' for me. Some were kinda N/A, but I didn't bother to count those. Very few were an outright 'no' though. "You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love." Yes, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to figure it out! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted December 18, 2016 Share Posted December 18, 2016 Quote When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Yes I Quote Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. Mostly the latter, certainly not "happy". Quote When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. No Quote You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. If they are from others. Quote You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. Unsure Quote You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. Yes, see 6, Quote You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. Attraction seems more complex and varied to me than these terms. Quote You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. At times. Quote You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. Mostly the first two. Especially if there is no sensual or sexual element with it. Quote You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. Not sure I ever had much idea what it's ment to mean. Quote You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. No Quote You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. Lol, yes. Quote If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. Hell yes. Quote You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. Yes Quote Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. Yes Quote You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. It's more not understanding why everyone is expected to be do this. When it's OK not to be a mega fan of just about anything else you can think of. Quote You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. TBH such behaviour appears part of the human condition. Quote You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. I don't understand wanting a romantic or other kind of exclusive relationship. What "committed" means outside those contexts is up for debate. Quote Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. Sort of. Quote You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I've tried it, even though getting one is hard. Because finding what I actually wanted was much, much harder. Never again. Quote When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. The uncomfortable bit is there from the start. Quote Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes Quote Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. Rather ironically I like things like touch, affection and kissing way more than the average person. Quote A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. I'd have been open to trying it when I was younger. Not any more. Quote You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. More not being into the weird stuff. Quote You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. It's just not the right kind of relationship for me. Quote When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. Yes Quote You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Sort of Quote You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. Not remotely interested in marriage. Quote You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Maybe. Depends on the details. Quote You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Maybe Quote It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. Yes Quote You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. Oblivious Quote You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. No Quote You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. I don't live in such a community. Quote You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. I'm unsure how I do this. Quote When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. Yes Quote When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. Not really. Also I think people rather than person... Quote The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. Yes. But it's rendered unsustainable if there is romance there. Quote You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Yes Quote You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Yes Quote You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. Yes, though they get a say in the matter. Quote You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. Preferably more than one and no exclusivity. Quote You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. I feel I'm missing out on plenty. Though a romantic partner would be no help to me at all here. Quote The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. No Quote You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. Plenty of ways to be attracted which do not involve romance. Quote You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. It's the requirement for romance (or romantic relationship) which tends to spoil things for me here. Quote You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. TBH I might be more inclined to go if that seemed likely to happen. Quote You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. I don't especially care if people like story genres I don't. Quote You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. Meh 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iigolden Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 On 4/8/2016 at 3:06 AM, Cassiopeia said: You might be aro if you felt suffocated and overwhelmed in a romantic relationship. Never been in one. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AceUpMySleeve Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 YMBAI you felt like your relationships and friendships were the same YMBAI the thought of romance does not interest you YMBAI you felt the need to force yourself into a relationship to feel "normal" 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ettina Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 Regarding anagnori's list, here are my responses: When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. I don't really get that feeling. I didn't get it about autism, asexuality, or really anything I've discovered about myself. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. More like myself. When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Yes, at first. And then I described what I consider a squish and someone said that they wouldn't call that a squish, and now I have no idea if I have squishes or not. I have something non-romantic and intense, but is it a squish or something else? You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. Yes! You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. Yes. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. Used to be. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. Yes. That's why I used to think I had crushes. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I used to think crushes had to be sexual, and romantic aces just had a screwed up concept of friendship and decided that they wanted romance because they wanted to be close to someone. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. Not if it's really well-written, but only about 1% of romances I've seen in fiction I would consider well-written. I also get very upset if an engaging non-romantic bond gets turned romantic. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. Yes. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. Not really? I did choose my 'crushes', but I didn't think I was choosing them. Does that make any sense? You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. No. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. I am asexual, so no. You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. They haven't really done that. During my confused self-deluding phase I had only one (messed up) friend, who never mentioned anything like that. Only now do I actually hang out with romantically involved teens, and I've had only a single conversation with one of them about their feelings. And I could relate to them because the feelings they were discussing weren't romance-specific. (Anxious attachment type feelings.) Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. I don't really have an opinion about it. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. Yes. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. Yes. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. Actually I find the idea of one night stands or friends with benefits more incomprehensible. I'm more ace than aro. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. Yes, but my answer might be different if I'd had more contact with other aces. I'm sex-repulsed, so any hint of romantic interest from an allosexual has me wanting to nip it in the bud quickly. If a romantic ace had a crush on me, I might go for it. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. N/A Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. N/A Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. N/A A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. Haven't really had anyone likeable suggest something like that - only pushy creeps. My Dad says I don't act flirty at all (I can't really tell) so I'm guessing the guys who care about reciprocation just back off before I notice anything. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. N/A You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. N/A When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. N/A You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yes. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. Yes! You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Yes. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Yes! It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. Yes, yes, yes! You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. Both. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. Only in Mass Effect. Kaiden, just because I'm interested in your childhood doesn't mean I want a relationship! I wish I didn't have to be rude when you came to comfort me later. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. Small community, but I do go to university and no one did it for me. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Yes. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. I don't say or do romantic things. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. Yes. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. Yes. Platonic and sensual. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Most romantic activities, if with the right person, would be platonically enjoyable to me. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. My brother. He's the person I'm closest to. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. Not really. I can't really maintain more than one close friendship very easily, and I prefer to just focus on one person. Trying to be that close to all my friends would be exhausting. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. I don't really care, as long as we don't have sex. Or kiss. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. No. But I think what I'm missing is a best friend. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. Sounds kinda lonely, and I'm not sure if I will have the independent living skills for it. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. I think I would feel that way. I certainly have in video games, like Katawa Shoujo. You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. No. Except for kissing, I have no real objection to most romantic things. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. Yes, but more because all of those situations are noisy and overloading. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. Yeah, but they are! I mean, do you know how many sex scenes in romances are actually rape or potential rape disguised as consensual sex? It's horrifying! You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. No. If I ever get married it'll be a small quiet thing. The idea of having a big wedding celebration is way more objectionable than being married! 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Untamed Heart Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Yes, though it still took a little while to fully accept it (I'm grey rather than fully aro) Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. Definitely When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. No, I get crushes, but my romantic feelings come and go all the time You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. Not really You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. I've had crushes, probably only been in romantic love once though and it's been downhill since then You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. What I thought was sexual attraction turned out to just be sensual/aesthetic attraction - I never knew the difference until recently, but it turned out I was a favourable ace. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I know crushes and love exist, but according to my exes I don't know what love actually "is" and never got any explanations when I asked, so? Right now I just think it's a neurological con job. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. I don't mind it if it's actually essential to the plot and not shoehorned in. Otherwise it's just annoying, especially when it's unrealistic like "let's do romantic stuff just before the novel's antagonist comes to rip us to shreds" You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. Not really. I don't think I'd feel comfortable with that even if I wasn't ace You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. Yes, though it only happens once in a blue moon lol Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. It doesn't really You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. True You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. True You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. In a way I do, but logically speaking, IMHO it's probably one of the worst things you can base a relationship on. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I have had a few but hardly ever found them comfortable When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. Yes Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. I've never really had any lovey-dovey relationships aside from my first, but I found I couldn't inject much of that into them, either A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. I rarely feel attracted to other people, and would only agree if I did feel the same way (but then I'd regret it anyway) You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. Yes You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. Yes When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. Yes You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yes, though I am still kind of asocial. Given the choice I'd rather have a new friend than partner, though. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. I'd rather live by myself, maybe with a few pets if I could You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Definitely You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Yes It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. I'm totally fine being on my own You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. I can feel uncomfortable. Not totally oblivious but if it's subtle I prefer to just ignore it. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. Not really You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. Once in a blue moon, but I'd rather it didn't happen You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Yes, most of the time When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. Yes When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. Yes The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. I've never really got anything out of a relationship that I couldn't get from friendship, aside from hugs, but I only like hugging people if I'm attracted to them anyway. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Yes You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Yes You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. Not really, I'm not really very touchy-feely You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. If I ever wanted to date again and could pick, I guess I'd prefer that You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. True The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. Yes! You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. Not sure? Don't think I would really though. You don’t enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. Probably both You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. Yes You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. In most cases. Soap characters get on my nerves a hell of a lot in this context You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone Yes. I like mentally planning weddings (non-traditional themed ones), but if anyone gets married in those fantasies, it's always an unknown couple and never myself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinoa Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I got 39 yes, 3 no, 8 N/A. I cheated a little bit and counted ones that were true before I realized I was aro as "yes." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Untamed Heart Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 YMBAI you had to Google 'how to be a girlfriend' just after entering a new relationship. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NullVector Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 2 hours ago, Untamed Heart said: YMBAI you had to Google 'how to be a girlfriend' just after entering a new relationship. Lol. And what was google's advice? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Untamed Heart Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Some stuff about seeing them as a whole person and letting the feelings bloom naturally... yeah, I totally failed at both 8 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollipop Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 YMBAI if you tried to have an actual interesting conversation with someone and everyone else assumes you're flirting because you actually pay attention to what the person said and responded intelligently. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anzu2snow Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Yes Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. At first, I was reluctant about it, but after thinking over it and reading other people's experiences, I embraced it. Pretty happy about it now. Somewhat freeing, too. When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Yes. I've only had about 4, but it definitely made sense. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. I do have trouble telling when things start to get romantic. I can tell full on romantic stuff, but there seems to be a weird in between thing. You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. True. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. I'm pretty sure I haven't. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. I used to have trouble with telling the difference between romantic and aesthetic attraction. Now that I know there are different types of attractions, it's more definite for me. I do experience aesthetic and platonic (?) attractions. Very strongly with the latter, and differently than the former. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. I used to, and still kind of, feel like it was all fake. Especially, if it seemed overexaggerated. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. Sometimes I'm indifferent to it in stories. Sometimes it's gag-inducing. Very rarely is done so well that I like it. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. Yes. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. No. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. I didn't care, so N/A? If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. I'm asexual... You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. Yes. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. Yes. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. Yes. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. Yes. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. Yes. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. Sort of, I guess. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I have been in a romantic relationship. I didn't look around or try to be in one. Was kind of suckered into it. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, or I would say suffocating/smothering. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes. Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. Yes. I never initiated it, either. A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. Yes. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. Yes. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. Yes. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. No. I was very emotionally attached, and he dumped me over the phone while across the state. It hurt badly. It wasn't in a romantic way. Hard to describe... You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Yes. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. Yes. You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Yes. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Yes. It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. Yes. You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. I'm usually oblivious. The rare times I'm aware of it, I feel very uncomfortable. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. Yes. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. No. I don't live in a large community, and I don't live where there are a lot of people my age. When I was in college, I didn't feel 'romantic feelings'. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. Yes. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. Yes. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. I guess? Only, I've never liked the idea or felt like dating. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. I liked the emotional and platonic parts the most. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. Yes. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Yes. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. Hmmm...I'm not usually a touchy-feely person. I'd probably prefer to be the most emotional/huggy (if I feel like it) with one super close best friend. Not all of them. I want to stay close to the others as well, though. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. Yes. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. Yes. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. No. I'd still would like to share life experiences with someone. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. No, not usually on the enjoying things labeled 'romantic'. You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. Yes. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. Nope. I usually don't think about that part. Probably the oblivious part of me. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. Yes. You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. Yes. I've always thought of just the dress and maybe food, never the partner. My parent was upset by this recently for some reason. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salt Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Here's for all the artists and writers. YMBAI you try to avoid drawing or writing romance, but when you have to you get uncomfortable. Once you manage to finish it, you're automatically dissapointed and self-concious about it because you don't know how to portray the romance. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ettina Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 On 2/25/2017 at 0:13 PM, Salt said: Here's for all the artists and writers. YMBAI you try to avoid drawing or writing romance, but when you have to you get uncomfortable. Once you manage to finish it, you're automatically dissapointed and self-concious about it because you don't know how to portray the romance. This! I'm working on a LGBT YA dystopian novel, and the main characters are a homoromantic ace who falls in love with a pansexual. Argh! Definitely out of my comfort zone as a writer! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
techno Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 On 2/25/2017 at 1:13 PM, Salt said: Here's for all the artists and writers. YMBAI you try to avoid drawing or writing romance, but when you have to you get uncomfortable. Once you manage to finish it, you're automatically dissapointed and self-concious about it because you don't know how to portray the romance. I feel this!! There's a constant pressure of people who ask, "why don't you write those two characters getting together?" And no answer seems to be good enough, so you end up not really sharing your work with anyone anymore. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeltaAro Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Have you tried to make the characters have incompatible attractions? Might still be realistic if you keep the number of characters small. Or is this one of the excuses you've already tried? In this case maybe use aliens who don't understand the concept of romance. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeltaAro Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Also an interesting way to quickly finish off a developing romantic story arc comes from "Mr. Robot", season 1, episode 8: Spoiler Darlene: You are seriously the best person I know, you know that? I love you so much. (Elliot kissing Darlene on the lips) Darlene: Oh, my god, Elliot! What the fuck?Elliot: I'm -- I'm sorry.Darlene: What the hell is wrong with you? Elliot: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I thought -- I just -- I'm sorry. Darlene: Oh, my god, Elliot. Did you forget again? Did you forget who I am? Elliot: What do you mean? Forget what? Darlene: Elliot, I need you to tell me who you think I am. Elliot: What are you talking about? Darlene: Tell me right now. Elliot: What are you saying? Darlene: Elliot. Elliot: Of course I didn't -- didn't forget. You're Darlene. You're Darlene. Darlene: Elliot. [...]Darlene: - I'm your...Elliot: - Sister. Only works if your character is suffering from dissociative identity disorder. So can't be used that often, sadly. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omitef Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 On 3/6/2017 at 4:49 PM, DeltaV said: Have you tried to make the characters have incompatible attractions? Might still be realistic if you keep the number of characters small. Or is this one of the excuses you've already tried? In this case maybe use aliens who don't understand the concept of romance. Ah see but then you run into the allo myth of "opposites attract" or the myth that anyone can open up to romance by meeting the right person. I'm pretty sure allos believe that it's simply impossible NOT to feel romance, and that all you need is someone to show you how "awesome" romance is, for you to get those feelings. Which is bull. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omitef Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 Also just for funsies my Anagori YMBAI test results: Spoiler When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you. Mixed feels. I knew about aromantic--and more specifically, lithromantic--but I feared the stigma of being arospec so much that realising I might be aro caused more suspicion than anything. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself. At first, no, I was scared as hell because of the stigma. Now? I'm confident and free and can't believe I didn't identify as aro earlier. When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you. Somewhat. Due to mental health issues, it was hard for me to determine which feelings were produced by genuine affection, and which feelings were produced by insecurity and fear. I went through a lot of deliberating before declaring that my past "crushes" were indeed squishes, because of conflicting information on the internet. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings. I used to have trouble, but now I don't. Unfortunately, I find that other people's definition of romantic/friendly don't perfectly match with mine, which pisses me off. I wish everyone had a strict, universal definition of what behaviours and feelings are considered romantic, and what behaviours and feelings are considered platonic. I'm someone who needs to have clear definitions and categories to interact with others, and when people are wishy-washy about their definitions and categories, I don't know how to interact with them. Because I don't know exactly what they need. You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love. Eh. Love means different things for me as an aro. I believe love is friendship, and love is family. I've fallen in platonic love with my friends. I've fallen in familial love with some of them too. I have an aromantic definition of love, which means, "I am going to prioritize you in my life, and take care of you." And that kind of love, I've fallen into many times. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love. No crushes. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction. Not after much deliberation and introspection. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs. YUPPPPPPPPPPPP. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well. YES, USUALLY. It must be well-written and complex to not upset me. I recently rewatched the first Pirates of the Carribbean film, and I thought the romance between Will and Elizabeth was brilliant. Their intimacy is organic, intense, and earnest, and not revolving around PDA/lust/creepiness. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend. YUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it. No. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on. Not applicable. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you. I'm currently having a redefinition period about what ideal sexual relationship I want. I don't think I really want a sexual queerplatonic friend anymore, or even a sexual friend. I think a one-night stand sounds most ideal to me. I'm moving towards a relationship structure of aggressively split attraction, where I don't have mixed types of attraction involved in any relationship. That is, for me right now, a sexual relationship only involves sexual attraction, and a friendship only involves feelings of platonic attraction. And it's not something that I have to force myself to adhere to--it's just how I feel about people, right now. While I wouldn't be opposed to doing sexual things with a queerplatonic friend, I would never initiate it due to lack of interest. You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings. Yup. My default response is SHUT THE FUCK UP or YOUR CRUSH IS AN ARSE HOW CAN YOU FIND THAT ATTRACTIVE or ????????????????????????? Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you. Romance does not excite me. Queerplatonic attraction and intimacy do excite me. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love. I do understand, from an intimacy standpoint. I think intimacy is beautiful--I think trust, honesty, and healing/growth through vulnerability are beautiful. I believe love involves desiring to be trusted, desiring to be honest, desiring to grow, and desiring to be vulnerable, with someone, and I think that's a big deal. Because we all start out as strangers to each other--we all start out alone in the universe. What are the odds of finding someone you want to connect with like that? What are the odds? You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love. Hell yeah I do. I do irrational, over the top things for my close friends all the time. For the past two years I've been waking up at 5 or 6AM to Skype with my qpf in England, regardless of how tired or shitty I'm feeling. I stayed up to 3AM making soup for my now ex-qpf once. I spent like 2 days painting a watercolour birthday card for my best friend, even though I have no experience with watercolour--I just know she loves it. Tomorrow, I'm buying my other best friend dinner and we're going to sit on the rooftop and watch the sunset like we're in an anime and then we're gonna play videogames all night long because he's leaving for Spring Break the day after. It doesn't even have to be someone I have a strong, established connection to. When my friends are having personal or mental health issues and need someone to talk to, I drop everything and talk to them until I know they're okay, no matter what I have going on. Fuck, I'm queerplatonically attracted to some dude I met at a museum last week and I'm going to be travelling to some off-the-grid town in the middle of the desert that Google Maps doesn't even map bus routes to, because he's going there and said it'd be cool if I came with. I do irrational things in the name of platonic love, and I don't fucking care. Life is short, most people are arseholes to each other, and I just want to fight all the hurt in the world through aggressive, impulsive kindness. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them. Yeah. For me at least, sexual and aesthetic attraction are superficial and fleeting. And I think it's dishonest to not reflect the superficiality of those feelings through action. I can't stand it when people act as if they love someone, when they really just love their body. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them. No, I understand those things, and I'm hella mad about the way most people are about them. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better. I had three because I suck When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable. Seriousness has nothing to do with it. When anyone gets romantic around me, or just starts aggressively hitting on me, it makes me feel cold, distant, and uncomfortable. I've Googled "how to break up with your partner" literally seconds after getting into a romantic relationship. I'm fairly romance-repulsed. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about. Yes. Absolutely. Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are. Here's the issue: I aggressively devote myself to studying things that make my intimate partners/friends happy, regardless of my personal feelings towards the matter, because I want to be able to talk about things that interest them, with them. So sometimes I've found myself more into "lovey-dovey stuff" than my past romantic partners. I personally don't care for "lovey-dovey stuff." I just see it as a means to the end of making my partner happy. A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages. No. Not open. Slamming my door shut, preferably in their face, preferably against their face, preferably knocking them out. Mixed messages? No such thing. I only have one message and it is REJECTED. LEAVE NOW. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back. Yeah. Meh. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong. Yeah. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person. I felt nothing....#classicColdAro You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love. Uh, for me, making new best friends is love....so... You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them. I would strongly be opposed to marrying either of my best friends. I would be fine rooming with one for life, but not the other. Confession: I am seriously considering moving to England to be closer to my queerplatonic friend after college, but I think it would be ideal if we didn't cohabitate, so we could have more independence and privacy. You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date. Yes. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship. Yeah. It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted. None of the three bother me--it's the idea of being hated that bothers me. It's the idea of being told that my identity is wrong, and that I need to "correct" it. You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it. Threatened. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly. No. I'm very explicit in communicating my feelings towards people, both in terms of words and action. If people continue to misinterpret my blatantly clear messages as mixed, that's their problem and their ego and their issue. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you. *side-eyeing the people at my university* Yeaaaaaaaaah. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively. For myself: the closest feeling I've had to romance is alterous, and I knew it intuitively. For others: interpret based on other gestures, because I know their definitions of romance are different than mine. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you. Yes. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend. No. I have no criteria for person I want to date, because I don't want to date anyone. That's like asking a fish, hypothetically, what ideal method would they want to walk on land. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most. There are no benefits from romantic relationships, only much upset You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level. No, as long as there's romantic intent on behalf of the other person, I hate all the activities! The romance has tainted the intellectual and platonic aspect of enjoyment. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be. Yes. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person. Yes and no. I'd rather only be emotionally and cuddly intimate with only a select few, close friends. Intimacy just isn't something I can share with everyone; I need to get to know and trust someone A LOT first. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship. Yes. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out. Not missing anything. Having a romantic partner would be terrible. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you. I don't even consider myself single because single implies that I'm on the romance market You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with. Nope! If it's traditionally romantic I hate it. The fact that someone else is doing it with romantic intent just makes it worse. You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you. *NODS FURIOUSLY* You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts. *NODS FURIOUSLY* I almost died when my friend wanted to drag everyone to a strip club for her birthday. So glad we opted for mini-golf. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional. Ye. I like stories about intimacy, though. You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone. No, I hate the idea of a big wedding celebration. In fact, that's the thing I hate most about weddings. I don't believe that expressions of intimacy should have to be publicized or extravagant. I think that takes the earnestness out of it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeltaAro Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 13 hours ago, omitef said: Ah see but then you run into the allo myth of "opposites attract" or the myth that anyone can open up to romance by meeting the right person. I'm pretty sure allos believe that it's simply impossible NOT to feel romance, and that all you need is someone to show you how "awesome" romance is, for you to get those feelings. Which is bull. Oh no, you misunderstood me. With “incompatible attractions” I mean that the characters are alloromantic but their romantic orientations are incompatible. I picked up the term here because ... I thought it was something you all knew. The romantic orientations are in such a way that there is no pairing available which would make romance possible. Like the stereotypical “lesbian woman and gay man”. Can't happen (in this case it would be even double-sure). The drawback is that the number of main characters has to be kept very small for this to work. And I never believe in any allo myth. NEVER! It's just an example of an explanation that most allos (excluding total douchebags) would accept. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omitef Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 @DeltaV Ahhh. That makes more sense. But there are still allos who fervently believe that they can be "the exception to the rule." Like I know guys who personally take pride in the fact that all their ex-girlfriends were lesbian (until they met him). 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeltaAro Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 On 3/9/2017 at 4:55 PM, omitef said: But there are still allos who fervently believe that they can be "the exception to the rule." as I wrote: On 3/9/2017 at 9:58 AM, DeltaV said: excluding total douchebags 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen of Spades Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 If the major part of the songs in your playlist have no romantic lyrics at all?xD 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.