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arokaladin

physical 'symptoms' of romance repulsion

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k so sometimes when my romance repulsion is very bad it has manifested as feeling hot, shaky, sick etc. and I wondered if that's common in aromantics? I'm also very interested in what triggers romance repulsion/how it feels in general so any other personal experiences would be welcome knowledge.

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I just get, like, a general feeling of discomfort/disgust, but if it's real bad (the sound of kissing in particular is real bad for me) sometimes it feels more physical. I can't explain it, as it's so in the moment and often brief.

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You're definitely not alone in sometimes physically reacting when you feel discomfort around displays of romance/affection! For me, I'll sometimes actually get nauseous (giving a whole new meaning to "I find romance nauseating" haha), or have other anxious symptoms like (cold) sweat. It doesn't happen all the time, but I find that I pretty reliably experience physical repulsion when it interrupts something I'm doing/saying in a noticeable way. E.g., when I'm telling a story to a couple and they randomly peck each other, or when I'm lost in thought about something and am interrupted by loud kissing noises or flirting or something like that. In situations like those, I think I react so anxiously because I'm confused about why people would find their actions socially acceptable (and, therefore, why I think they're not socially acceptable - and if I'm actually the weird one for finding something wrong with what they're doing). I don't know what to do, but think that I should do something, so my brain just goes "!!!!!." There's usually a threshold people have to cross to trigger repulsion for me, but the threshold varies day by day. Sometimes even the slightest flirtiness in a movie will do it, and sometimes I'll think that that same thing is cute.

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For me, kissing is not inherently romantic - so I don't usually notice or care when I'm around PDA. Unless of course, the couple is acting particularly romantic or over-the-top flirty - then it's gross, haha. Like if my roommate and his girlfriend are cuddling on the couch, and acting all lovey-dovey I generally need to leave the room, lol. 

 

I get really bad romance repulsion while watching movies or shows - I actively walk away or browse my phone, and just get fidgety. If I'm watching with someone else, I make cranky comments. Some shows that I love (like Jane the Virgin) I need to pause every 5-10 minutes and go do something because it's so romance heavy and I get distracted/can't pay attention to the storyline, lol. 

 

Romance repulsion usually manifests for me as a general fidgetiness, feeling very uncomfortable, wanting to look away or do something else, occasionally nausea. I've only had really bad chills/nausea with romance repulsion when there's a grand romantic gesture directed at me, that I have to react nicely to and can't run away from. 

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14 hours ago, ladyasym said:

For me, kissing is not inherently romantic - so I don't usually notice or care when I'm around PDA. Unless of course, the couple is acting particularly romantic or over-the-top flirty - then it's gross, haha. Like if my roommate and his girlfriend are cuddling on the couch, and acting all lovey-dovey I generally need to leave the room, lol. 

My reaction to PDA tends to be one of envy.

Something which can make me feel nauseous is a Public Display of Congratulations towards people getting into couples.

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I only get repulsed when romantic behaviour is directed towards me (I'm fine with seeing other people kiss, watching romantic films, etc) but it can be very physical. Once, a guy sent me flowers and I was immediately drenched in sweat. Other times, I've been asked out or flirted with and felt queasy or shaky. Horrible stuff.

On 3/17/2018 at 2:56 AM, ladyasym said:

I've only had really bad chills/nausea with romance repulsion when there's a grand romantic gesture directed at me, that I have to react nicely to and can't run away from. 

Those situations are the worst, and I'm so bad at reacting nicely! One time I literally ran away. We were on the bus, and I got off at an early stop and bolted, haha!

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Quite honestly I don't really know since I haven't really had any serious romantic advances towards me at least IRL. Romantic gestures generally lead to awkward feelings, discomfort and rarely outright disgust.

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hmm, i do consider myself repulsed, but i don't think i have any physical reaction.  just kind of like @ladyasym, i want to look away/leave the situation; it's just weird and uncomfortable.

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The responses to this are really interesting. My main repulsion is when people I know are kissing each other or acting 'flirty' with other people around, in public, and for no good reason. I actually think that's rude. It's like some kind of public indecency. I mean if one was saying goodbye to the other for whatever reason, then it'd be acceptable. But not just randomly out of the blue and with no warning, eww.

 

Is 'cringe' a feeling word? I feel kinda similar to how I feel when I see something disgusting... and I usually quickly look away.

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I've tried to describe it as feeling itchy, inside. But only when it's serious, and directed at me. People kissing in the same room as me is no biggie. And in elementary/high school, when romantic feelings manifested as antics, I just thought it was hilarious. Fake proposals? Hilarious. Austin saying hi to me in the hall and then following it up with a mumbled, "Loveyou." Hilarious. I always just assumed they didn't *actually* like me, they were just trying to be funny. Who knows.

Does anyone else find their romance repulsion is linked to eye contact? I find I generally am not a fan of eye contact, but the discomfort reaches a whole new level when it's romantic eye contact. It just seems like it goes on for far too long. Like please, I can't watch you look into my soul and hear what you're saying at the same time. How do people do it?

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If I observe romance, even if it's over the top, I just find it kind of cheesy, silly and slightly annoying (though I strangely still manage to feel happy for the couple, if they're friends), so that's probably not yet repulsion. If it's shoved at me, I experience it as weird, awkward and uncomfortable. But physical symptoms? No, it never went that far. xD

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my reactions tend to get worse if the people are friends who I love and respect. Strangers can basically do anything and I will be disgusted and move away or cringe and ignore or something. However when one of my best friends started baby talking to his partner I did end up throwing up. I dread to think what I would do if it was aimed at me, but I would assume that if I asked them to stop they would ...unlike my friend who just said 'it's not for you' and continued. 

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On 4/13/2018 at 4:04 PM, Naegleria fowleri said:

I've tried to describe it as feeling itchy, inside.

 

Yes! Like the opposite of butterflies. Like unpleasant moths that don't feel at all nice and make you want to get out of whatever romantic thing is causing it. 

 

For me I don't mind in tv or movies but in real life I do not like pda, why would you kiss with smacking and tongue in public? It's gross and rude! At best I take a scientific interest. And if the romantic interest is towards myself then it's even worse. Disgust. I want to smack whoever called me sweetie or darling or babe and puke at the same time. I feel like cold water is dropped on my head. Where romantic people go loud I go quiet. Where romantic people increase their heart rate mine feels like it stops. I could describe so many instances where I was disgusted by romantic advances but then we would be here a while. 

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On 6/3/2018 at 6:53 PM, snapesonalane said:

babe

urgh! instant disgust and walk away is my only reaction to this term

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@snapesonalane

Surprisingly 'darling' doesn't bother me. Maybe because I watched things and read stories where characters were legitimately named Darling as a last name....so I guess I see it more as a nickname than an endearment. I can see why the possessive 'my' would be an issue though, but then it could be my friend, my buddy, or something like that. heh, if someone greeted me with "Hey my babe" I would probably lose all respect for them. 

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On 6/8/2018 at 5:32 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

urgh! instant disgust and walk away is my only reaction to this term

If you're not a native English speaker and your language doesn't have an equivalent to this term, “babe” (or “baby” to which it is closely related) as a cutesy name for your lover is one of the weirdest things about the English language ever. At first you wonder what disturbing psychological issues compel somebody to use such a term for an adult? ;) But then you learn that very normal people constantly use it…… *confused*

 

It's like with motherf*****, which though it is regarded as very vulgar, is still something pretty normal people say. When I first encountered it, I found it so extremely drastic that I thought you have to be like this to use such a word:

Spoiler

2673465824_749f48d8f4_o.jpg

 

When you learn a foreign language you take everything so literally. After a while you understand that by constant use the literal meaning of some terms fades in a language; but it's still not the same as if you grew up with it.

 

So yeah, “babe” and “baby” ………… super weird. xD

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9 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

If you're not a native English speaker and your language doesn't have an equivalent to this term, “babe” (or “baby” to which it is closely related) as a cutesy name for your lover is one of the weirdest things about the English language ever. At first you wonder what disturbing psychological issues compel somebody to use such a term for an adult? ;) But then you learn that very normal people constantly use it…… *confused*

I more associate it with a film featuring a talking pig.

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On 6/9/2018 at 8:57 AM, snapesonalane said:

I tend to dislike other more possessive petnames ever more. My love, my darling. Ew!

How about "my precious" - not creepy at all, right?!

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3 hours ago, NullVector said:

How about "my precious" - not creepy at all, right?!

“my precioussss” please 😉

 

Mmh… Gollum quotes work pretty well to describe romantic situations:

 

Retrospection about meeting partner: “It came to me. My own. My love. My own. My precioussss.”

Successful love rival: “We wants it. We needs it. Must have the precioussss. They stole it from us.”

Breakup: "Curse it and crush it! We hates it forever!"

etc. xD

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(arrives late to topic)

 

my romance repulsion fades in and out but when it's super bad it feels.... like my throat wants me to throw up? it's not nausea per se, my stomach is fine, but my throat feels like there's going to be imminent upchuckage.

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11 hours ago, DeltaV said:

At first you wonder what disturbing psychological issues compel somebody to use such a term for an adult?

to be honest, even growing up an english speaker I still think this. I guess the terms are more acceptable towards pets (and really people are strange and call their pets weird things anyway), but there is still a hint of 'crazy cat lady' in that. I totally agree with @Mark . This is the most acceptable (if not only acceptable) use of the term Babe for me: 

Spoiler

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4 hours ago, gravityspiker said:

(arrives late to topic)

 

my romance repulsion fades in and out but when it's super bad it feels.... like my throat wants me to throw up? it's not nausea per se, my stomach is fine, but my throat feels like there's going to be imminent upchuckage.

Yeeeeeeees! Like an itchy throat that could escalate to dry heaving. 

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One time a guy was hinting that he wanted to kiss me.

 

My symptoms:

  • I don't know if this makes sense... I could taste the adrenaline pumping in me
  • My heart was beating VERY fast (not in a good way)
  • I was shaking
  • I felt nauseous

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I get romance repulsion at people kissing or making out and it feels like my insides are twisting. I'm not very repulsed though, mostly indifferent

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