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Digestive Biscuits

Some Arospec Questions (For fun) (Part 1?)

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Hey all,

 

I thought I'd start a thread where I ask some questions for people to think about.

 

(Apologies if this or the questions I ask have been done before, there's so many threads and comments that I haven't caught up yet...)

 

These questions just meant for fun and aren't about coming to a universal conclusion or creating a fierce debate about them. They're more about personal opinions. And remember, it's for fun! :D

 

You can post your opinion if you want, you don't have answer them all, and maybe even post other interesting questions you have. I might do this again if this goes well, and I come up with other questions (and if I'm not lazy...)

 

--- Questions ---

 

1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? (Maybe look through emojis for ideas?)

 

2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief?

 

3) Would you describe a QTR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing?

 

Bonus tough question:

 

Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why?

 

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1) i have zero idea

2) yes. I have experienced 'heart-break' when I've been forced to split within my platonic relationships.

3) Is a QTR like a QPR? If so I'd say its own thing. purple is neither red nor blue- similarly QPRs can neiether be described as simply romantic nor platonic.

4) I think that there are the current ratio of aros to allos for a reason- changing it would mess with the natural way somewhere along the line...

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1) The Greater Glider! (It's a very cute squirrel/lemur-looking thing mostly found in Australia.) "The greater glider is nocturnal and is a solitary herbivore feeding almost exclusively on Eucalpytis leaves and buds." As an aroflux person who is romance-repulsed, I sympathize with the need to keep a distance from others sometimes and be very choosy, to the point of excluding every potential romantic partner pretty much 100% of the time (like the greater glider favors its Eucalyptis). 😌

 

2) Yes. At least for my case.

 

3) I would also agree it's its own thing, for me personally. I tend to separate feelings and attractions into many different levels (e.g., platonic, quasi-platonic, alterous, romantic, etc.), just because I find that that works for me.

 

4) This is a tough question that would need its own thread, hahaha. 

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1. the aromanatee (courtesy: http://kirstendraws.tumblr.com/).

2. yes.  i can't imagine losing my best friend.

3. for me, hypothetically, a qpr would include platonic attraction, which is similar to friendship, so that would be fair, but what if at least one of the people in the relationship weren't aro--even demi, gray, or whatever--then romantic stuff might be involved...it gets complicated.  i feel like i'd just call my partner(s) my boyfriend(s) and not worry about it.

4) it would make it easier to find relationship-compatible people (getting involved with allos is a dangerous game) and even just to find friends who personally understand and don't ditch you for their partner or talk about romantic stuff all the time.  and there would be less annoying amatonormativity in general.  and fewer people would have kids, since that usually takes place within a marriage or committed romantic relationship, and there are already too many people in the world.  i don't see any negatives, but i guess i'm biased.

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1) I've seen aardvarks and dragons used but I prefer dragons. Because why not?

 

2) I'd probably only be heartbroken if a friend, especially a good/close friend, died. If they'd just gave up on me or left me I would just be annoyed although I'm used to it by now.

 

3) I don't even know what QTR is and still don't really understand QPR so I won't say anything else. However "modified relationship" sounds like a peculiar description for a relationship affected by a third party.

 

Bonus question) Let me answer that with a question: Would the world be better if WWII never happened? I and many others would foolishly jump to say "yes" as the obvious choice but in reality reality is far too complicated and such a chain of events that it lead would drastically alter which may have turned out worse. An equivalent probably would have happened later anyway, only with bigger bombs and worse weapons. If one thing good came out of it that would be lessons learnt.

 

I can't see how things would be better if half were aromantic though. You'd still get wide-spread discrimination and "us or them" mentalities and at least someone somewhere would make other's lives hell because of it, so it may be worse. Fortunately it's not up to me to decide let alone magically make that case true.

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1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? (Maybe look through emojis for ideas?)

If you want a throwback, the old website AroPlane used an Aardvark as their mascot, so there's some precedence there :P 

https://web.archive.org/web/20141027025609/http://aroplane.org:80/
 
2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief?
 I would and have. The worst heartbreak I've experienced came from being forced to emotionally cut myself off from a dying friendship.


3) Would you describe a QTR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing?

Is QTR a new form of QPR? I guess that depends on the how people in the relationship want to see it. I imagine that some aros aren't terribly comfortable having their bond assumed to be more of a form of romance than friendship though. 
 
Bonus tough question:
 
Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why?

I don't know if it'd be better so much as different. It'd certainly have the potential to make aromanticism quite a bit more normalized, but at the same time, a pretty significant portion of the world is made of women, and that doesn't stop the negative biases from pervading culture. I could see that having an impact on certain aspects of culture like art that are used to convey thought, but who knows what kind of butterfly effect such a difference could have.

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1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? (Maybe look through emojis for ideas?)

Probably a cat. Because of the way they can alternate between being super affectionate and absolutely completely ignoring you in an instant. And maybe also how they alternate between liking being petted and then suddenly want to rip your arm to shreds.

 

2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief?

If by relationship grief, you mean friendship, then yes.

 

3) Would you describe a QTR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing?

I don't really know. I don't even know where the lines between friendship and romantic relationships are.

 

Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why?

Yes it would be much better, because aro's seem more likely to value friendship more than most other people. More good friends = happier/healthier humans overall.

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1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I feel like a cat would be suitable, maybe a black cat.

 

2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief?

I definitely would, and I definitely have in the past.

 

3) Would you describe a QTR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing?

I've never been in a QTR, so I honestly don't feel like I can answer this without getting something wrong, but I think that it is its own thing just as much as a romantic relationship is its own thing.

 

The last question was tough, so I'll try to come back and answer it later.

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Woah... didn't expect so many responses...

 

Thanks everyone :D

 

Well, I'll throw in my opinion too, since everyone else did.

 

--- ---

 

1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? (Maybe look through emojis for ideas?)

 

I didn't realize that this question is actually kinda tough... since, you know, animals don't really display romance to one another. Still, I reckon a good one for me is cat, just like time-is-ticking and Soulwolf for pretty much the same reasons. I did like all the animals though.

 

 

2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief?

 

I would say yes, but recently I thought I was going to lose a friend due to an argument, and I really, really care for them, but the term 'heartbroken' didn't seem to fit it... but it was an argument; I'm not sure what I'd feel if they had died. Maybe it's more of a personal prefrence to an individual?

 

3) Would you describe a QTR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing?

 

QPR! I MEANT QPR! Goddamnit...

I really can't spell... sorry Mezzo Forte.

I see it as a modification of a friendship, but in saying that I can't see why it couldn't be classed as it's own thing. I suppose it already is, since it's got it's own name.

 

4) Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why?

 

Nah. I think around 98% or something of the population is alloromantic (correct me if I'm wrong though, it's more of a logical guess). Because of the overwhelming majority of the world being alloromantic, there's very few issues with conflicting romantic orientations that they experience. If the world was 50/50, I imagine the aromantics being pretty happy, but alloromantics and even some others on the aro-spectrum (e.g. Grey Romantics) would suffer from falling for aromantics who can't return their feelings and fulfill their needs. That's 50% of the population potentially suffering, instead of the much lower percentage that is right now. I think it would be nicer to have more aromantics however, so then there is a greater chance of meeting one another and helping each other out.

 

Also, there are the issues Mezzo Forte and Open Ace said. So if I get my one wish from a Genie sometime, I won't be changing the ratio. I'll probably just ask for some chocolate or a PS4 instead, haha.

 

 

--- ---

 

Anyway, keep the conversation going! It's really interesting reading what everyone's opinions are.

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  1. Gotta be the aro flag painted Manatee, or the Aromanatee if you will. Plus who doesn't like the sea cows? :) cuute
  2. Yes. Definitely. ....bit iffy on the word 'lovelorn' though, that is much more of a romantic term right?
  3. A QPR is a step beyond a friendship, like dating someone who is a friend is a step beyond friendship. So I think it would rank equal to a romantic relationship as being 'beyond friendship', but it is it's own thing. 
  4. Who is to say they aren't in denial/ignorance and are half aromantic already?!!! mmm, well I don't think the world would be a better place, in love people are stupid with money so I think they hold up a fair section of the economy just with weddings. 
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1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? (Maybe look through emojis for ideas?)

The first thing that comes to mind is a seagull. Many people don't like seagulls, so there have been times I've told someone that that's my spirit animal, and they've said "Oh, I'm so sorry!" which kinda reminds me of a staple ignorant comment about aromanticism. Also, they're white, grey, and black. Add some green and you have an aromantic flag.

 

2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief?

Why not? I suppose it is frequently used in a way that has romantic connotations, but it just means  "very upset". It could mean being very upset about anything.

 

3) Would you describe a QPR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing?

I've not had any personal experience with QPRs, but I would think of it as using aspects of both, but ultimately it's own thing. If you think of relationships as being like colors, you might say that romantic relationships are red, friendships are yellow, and QPRs are orange. Orange is a mix of red and yellow, but also a distinct color.

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Guess this is a good first topic to reply to? :3

1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? 

I liked the AroPlane Aardvark :3 I also like the idea of a platypus for quoiromantic, because it defies all binaries and classifications to the point of confounding people and making science question itself. That's what I'm all about, son. 

 

2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief?


I would, yeah. It's still a matter of the heart, it's still something you feel, so 'heartbroken' absolutely could apply. I think it can apply to a lot of things even beyond relationships.

 

3) Would you describe a QPR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing?

I'd absolutely call it it's own thing because it's a part of arospec culture and I think it's reductive and disrespectful to call QPRs *as a phenomenon* anything but their own special sort of relationship. If a person individually feels it's more like "a really committed friendship" or "a romantic relationship lite(tm)" then that's cool and fine. It's just when non-aros pick up the idea that QPRs shouldn't be respected as their own valid sort of relationship. 

Also the whole friend/romantic partner binary doesn't fit with me so ofc I'd say a QPR is something different. :P

 

Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why?

 

I don't believe in an actual defineable binary between aro and non-aro, especially if you're including all possible arospec experience. There's a lot of folks who would be considered "alloromantic" who might have more aro-spec experiences and just not label them as such. I think everyone has a unique relationship to romantic attraction and there's already diversity of feeling and attraction that just needs to be further encouraged and recognized, and a lot more people might fit across that spectrum than we currently recognize. 

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I feel like I'm late to reply to this, but I'm going to do it anyways because these are some interesting questions.

1. As far as a mascot goes, I don't really care, as long as it's cute. Of the already suggested animals, I kinda really like the cat, because I like cats.

 

2. I wouldn't use it personally, because I feel it's usually used in a romantic context, but I do absolutely believe that it should be able to be used in any instance where it applies... So, yeah, if someone lost a friend, I'd be cool with them calling it heartbreak. It still counts.

 

3. A QPR is its own thing! It's different than romance and different than typical friendship! Though, I personally think it's far closer to friendship than romance. If I were in a QPR and someone called it modified romance, I'd be a little bit offended.

 

4. That's complicated; I think no, it wouldn't be better in some ways. I'd mess up something we didn't know we could mess up, and discrimination would probably still happen. But on the other hand, more focus on friendship. Better for us, probably, but what of those who aren't? I don't know. That'd take a lot of thought to fully think through the pros and cons.

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Also gonna reply because I feel more mentally equipped to answer.

On 1/28/2018 at 12:33 AM, Digestive Biscuits said:

1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation?

 

Hm... I'm bad at choosing symbolic type things but I like panda bears! They feel like a platonic animal to me (whatever that means)

 

On 1/28/2018 at 12:33 AM, Digestive Biscuits said:

2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief?

 

I don't see why not. Heartbreak is heartbreak no matter the type of relationship.

 

On 1/28/2018 at 12:33 AM, Digestive Biscuits said:

3) Would you describe a QTR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing?

 

I'd like to say it's an amalgamation of the two and its own thing all at the same time.

 

On 1/28/2018 at 12:33 AM, Digestive Biscuits said:

Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why?

1

The world could be better in a lot of ways but having equal amounts of different types of people isn't one of them. I think we're drifting to a place where more people might start identifying as aro-spec but I don't mind being one of a few as long as I can talk to those few about it.

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1) What would be a suitable animal mascot for your romantic orientation? (Maybe look through emojis for ideas?)

 

I like the aro aardvark idea. I know armadillos have been used sometimes for asexuals already, but i think they'd be a pretty good aro mascot too :) I remember seeing something about aromantic griffins to go with asexual dragons, but it seems like most people just do aro dragons anwyay? Both of those are cool!

 

2) Would you use 'heartbroken' to describe an aromantic going through relationship related grief?

 

Absolutely, and i've felt that myself. Not for a romantic partner, but for several friends. I don't fall in love, but i can love my friends with the same intensity as alloros feel towards their SOs, and losing them is often just as devastating.

 

3) Would you describe a QPR more of a modified friendship or a modified romantic relationship? Or is it it's own thing?

 

I consider it its own thing, but closer to a modified friendship.

 

4) Would the world be better if half the population was aromantic (or on the spectrum) and half was alloromantic? Why?

 

It'd certainly be different, but i don't know if it would be better overall. Platonic relationships would probably be taken much more seriously, which would be great, and it'd be easier for us to find friends who won't stop paying attention to us in favor of an SO, but it'd also be a lot harder for alloros to find partners, and it could cause conflict for everyone if alloros kept falling for their aro friends. I'd like it if there were more aros, but i don't think half the population is necessary!

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1) I've always been partial to cephalopods, like octopi, squid, and cuttlefish, because they are incredibly intelligent despite being so distantly related to most other intelligent animals, most of which are mammals, including us. They evolved over a completely different pathway to mammals, and are often seen as cold and unfeeling due to their primitive, almost alien appearances. 

 

2) Yes. Heartbreak is caused by any intense relationship-related grief, regardless of the type of relationship. For alloromantics, romantic relationships are the most intense and highly prioritised, and thus cause them the most heartbreak, but a-spec people can experience this across various relationship types. 

 

3) I view QTR/QPR's as being any long term or committed relationship that has features from both traditional friendships and traditional 'romantic' relationships, without being just a modified version of either. I'm also a relationship anarchist who believes that all relationships are unique and cannot easily or accurately be boxed into defined categories. 

 

Bonus tough question: Having a larger community of a-spec individuals would definitely help to increase awareness. However, I find most of the a-spec communities definitions are based off comparing our experiences to (sometimes exaggerated) alloromantic ones. If it was more 50/50, perhaps society's understanding of romance and human relationships would be vastly different, and not so restricted to clear categories of "just friends" and "romantic/sexual relationships", etc., which could be beneficial for all, a-spec and allo alike. 

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