How easy it is to discover aromanticism online?

[Holmbo]

If someone, who is aromantic but doesn't know it exists, is trying to figure out what's up with them by searching online, how likely are they to learn about it?

I was thinking about that and decided to search for different phrases and open all the test results on the first page to see if aromantic/aromanticism comes up.
"I've never been in love" 0 pages had the term aromantic/aromanticism

"I don't want a romantic relationship" 4 pages had the term

"Why don't I fall in love" 1 page had the term

 

And this is any kind of mention, even the comment section (at least as far as it loads initially).

 

So it seems like if someone is content with their orientation they are more likely to learn that it exists. What are some other phrases that could be interesting to try a search for?

[Star Girl]

I would try terms like "nonromantic" (which I think got zero mentions of aromantic, but I wasn't very thorough) that people might use to describe themselves if they don't know the term "aromantic."

[Apathetic Echidna]

the first time I searched for 'aromantic' this site didn't even show up on the first page of results. 

 

I do think most people would search the word 'love' with no qualifiers when they mean romantic love, but aromanticism tends to use the key words of romantic and relationship, so there is a disconnect between terms. 

 

It would be interesting to see what comes up if you use the terms boyfriend or girlfriend, as in 'I don't want a boyfriend'. I hope some sort of LGBTQIA+ reference is somewhere in the search results. 

[Guest]

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[Mark]

3 hours ago, Holmbo said:

If someone, who is aromantic but doesn't know it exists, is trying to figure out what's up with them by searching online, how likely are they to learn about it?

I was thinking about that and decided to search for different phrases and open all the test results on the first page to see if aromantic/aromanticism comes up.
"I've never been in love" 0 pages had the term aromantic/aromanticism

"I don't want a romantic relationship" 4 pages had the term

"Why don't I fall in love" 1 page had the term

A couple of problems I can see with some of the results you can get with these searches are:
Some of the articles and comments pathologise lack of romantic interest.
Someone who isn't asexual is unlikely to read ace articles which may make a brief mention of aro near the end.
 

40 minutes ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

It would be interesting to see what comes up if you use the terms boyfriend or girlfriend, as in 'I don't want a boyfriend'. I hope some sort of LGBTQIA+ reference is somewhere in the search results. 

Tried this and didn't find any obvious links to the effect of "you may be aromantic".

 

17 minutes ago, Zorcodtoa said:

Every time I've seen an asexual related BBC article pop-up none of them say anything about aromantics (and in fact tend to give an impression that asexuality means sexless relationships) so they've hardly helped, although I don't know how much other high profile news and media publishers tend to give us exposure. I was going to say not so much from AVEN but actually I think many people have heard about aromanticality from there first and perhaps there alone.

IMHO trying to link asexual and aromantic together is a big part of the problem.
Especially when it comes to allosexual aromantics. Who are unlikely to read though any article which obviously isn't about them...

 

[Apathetic Echidna]

6 hours ago, Mark said:

Tried this and didn't find any obvious links to the effect of "you may be aromantic".

so how do we make this happen? is there some sort of click count to make the more popular links higher in the results or something?

[Mark]

On 15/11/2017 at 7:22 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

so how do we make this happen? is there some sort of click count to make the more popular links higher in the results or something?

I tried a few possible searches.
The difficulty is what an aro person who dosn't know the right jargon (especially if they arn't also ace) would use to describe either themselves or what they are looking for.

Non romantic relationships This found an ace article (possibly even aro ace) but no obvious mention of "aromantic".
Non platonic friendship Dosn't find anything which mentions "aromantic".
Sexual friendships & friends with benefits Don't find anything which mentions "aromantic" as well as portraying such relationships as lacking in commitment and short term.
 

[Holmbo]

On 2017-11-15 at 8:22 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

so how do we make this happen? is there some sort of click count to make the more popular links higher in the results or something?

Maybe we should buy a google add
Every time someone searches for "I've never been in love" our result comes up first with a link to a quiz if they are aromantic.

[Holmbo]

I just now became a member in a Swedish relationship and family forum in order to post about aromanticism in every single I've-never-been-in-love-thread there. Maybe if we each do something similar it will add up to something.

[DeltaAro]

On 11/14/2017 at 9:32 PM, Holmbo said:

"I've never been in love" 0 pages had the term aromantic/aromanticism

Yeah, but that's not so bad. In our culture this often means something different than never having had any romantic feelings.

 

Now, stuff like this makes my head spin. What are those guys talking about? Anyway, I guess, “being in love” describes one of the later stages described there for many people.

[NullVector]

3 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Now, stuff like this makes my head spin. What are those guys talking about?

They are very...specific...with their timelines 

 

Still, according to the article, you just gotta stick it out till at least the four month mark  Useful to know!

[Apathetic Echidna]

8 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Now, stuff like this makes my head spin.

do people actually take things like that seriously? ....or horror, is it actually a fair representation  ? 

 

@Holmbo I like what you are doing! getting the word out on other forums 

[Mark]

15 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Yeah, but that's not so bad. In our culture this often means something different than never having had any romantic feelings.

 

Now, stuff like this makes my head spin. What are those guys talking about? Anyway, I guess, “being in love” describes one of the later stages described there for many people.

This looks like taking the relationship escalator and putting specific times on it.
I find the concept scripted and dehumanising enough even without this addition.

[SoulWolf]

I know a few things about SEO (Search Engine Optimization). If there were topics on this forum with those exact titles (and a decent word count of discussion on each one, say 500-1000 words), and they were linked to prominently on this site (and possibly others), that would boost the rankings of those pages. At least in theory. Lately Google just doesn't seem to care much about relevance and boosts 'big brand' sites regardless of their usefulness. But I suppose it's worth a try...?

 

Although it might be easier to get published on some already popular site like Medium.com and put the info there instead. Or reddit.

 

You can also figure out what people search for by using Google suggestions. Each of the things that comes up is something someone has searched before.

[Apathetic Echidna]

14 hours ago, SoulWolf said:

Google suggestions. Each of the things that comes up is something someone has searched before.

My internet is so slow those things only pop up about 10% of the time. 

 

and yeah, most of the larger search engines (and probably the smaller ones too) seem less about a well functioning helpful system than trying to boost their profit margins. 

[sarcastic kitten]

I saw that most of the time I want to add another word next to 'aromantic' in my search bar, Google assume that I mean 'aromatic' or 'romantic'

 

[dyingrose07]

On 11/14/2017 at 7:11 PM, Zorcodtoa said:

Every time I've seen an asexual related BBC article pop-up none of them say anything about aromantics (and in fact tend to give an impression that asexuality means sexless relationships) so they've hardly helped, although I don't know how much other high profile news and media publishers tend to give us exposure. I was going to say not so much from AVEN but actually I think many people have heard about aromanticality from there first and perhaps there alone.

 

We'd probably gain more interest if we "advertise" aromantic but still close or intimate relationships. Humans are highly social creatures and many of all ages are often hungry for more relationships, caring so much for intimate and sensual relationships, followed by close friendships and family matters or stories that could affect their social life or bonds between others. "Sexless" romantic relationships easily turns heads or becomes click bait because the title contains something relating to sex (even just the word "sex") and it's about some couple, coupled (there I go again) with an unusual story, twist or headline.

3

The first I even heard about aromantics was through AVEN and most people dont even know about this website i was on AVEN reading and some people were even saying theres no website for aromantics like AVEN. Im not hating on asexuality but i often get really annoyed that every time there's an aromantic article some idoit feel the need to add asexuality to it making some people assume if youre aromantic then you obviously asexual to. Theres plenty of articles on just asexuality just not aromantics and i wish more people knew as much about it like asexuality. Before I knew about the aromantic term and that theres others my conclusion was i had a brain defect and that was scary!! I'm still questioning myself about being aromantic but finding out people can be aromantic and theres nothing wrong with you is the first step so i wish more people knew cuz that feeling sucks.

[Mark]

3 hours ago, dyingrose07 said:

The first I even heard about aromantics was through AVEN and most people dont even know about this website i was on AVEN reading and some people were even saying theres no website for aromantics like AVEN.

How many aro allos would look at AVEN very deeply? Simply on the basis that they are self evidently not asexual

 

3 hours ago, dyingrose07 said:

Im not hating on asexuality but i often get really annoyed that every time there's an aromantic article some idoit feel the need to add asexuality to it making some people assume if youre aromantic then you obviously asexual to.

It can seem at times that "Not all aros are aro ace" can more feed than bust that myth.
Also times where an aro article is more of an aro ace article or about an aro ace person. Which gives a rather limited perspective on the whole thing.
Not sure someone aro ace could offer much insight into matters such as non romantic sexual relationships or arophobia within straight and LGBT culture,
Often perioriented people can have difficulty distinguishing what is down to their romantic orientation and what is down to their sexual orientation. Whilst this can be rather more obvious to someone who is varioriented.
 

3 hours ago, dyingrose07 said:

Theres plenty of articles on just asexuality just not aromantics and i wish more people knew as much about it like asexuality.

Also seem plenty which are primary about asexuality with an aromantic footnote.

 

3 hours ago, dyingrose07 said:

Before I knew about the aromantic term and that theres others my conclusion was i had a brain defect and that was scary!! I'm still questioning myself about being aromantic but finding out people can be aromantic and theres nothing wrong with you is the first step so i wish more people knew cuz that feeling sucks.

Worst there are medical professionals who with pathologise aros in exactly that kind of way
A more subtle issue is aros believing they are "immature" or "not ready for a relationship". Effectively putting their personal lives on hold whilst waiting for "Cupid's arrow".

[Holmbo]

18 hours ago, sarcastic kitten said:

I saw that most of the time I want to add another word next to 'aromantic' in my search bar, Google assume that I mean 'aromatic' or 'romantic'

 

It doesn't help that aromantic.com is a website for skincare products

 

9 hours ago, Mark said:

How many aro allos would look at AVEN very deeply? Simply on the basis that they are self evidently not asexual

Yes, it's mostly only helpful when one is also questioning ones sexuality. I can't even remember anymore exactly how I got to aromantic. But I know there was a lot of questions about sexuality involved. If I was just a standard sexual active straight woman I would probably have very different questions.

[NullVector]

11 hours ago, Holmbo said:

I can't even remember anymore exactly how I got to aromantic. But I know there was a lot of questions about sexuality involved. If I was just a standard sexual active straight woman I would probably have very different questions

 

Well I'm heterosexual and it took me forever to stumble across the concept of aromanticism. For the longest time I couldn't work out why my motivation to actually act on my (very real) sex drive was apparently nonexistent. I think my pre-aro-aware assumptions were basically encapsulated by @Mark above:

 

20 hours ago, Mark said:

A more subtle issue is aros believing they are "immature" or "not ready for a relationship". Effectively putting their personal lives on hold whilst waiting for "Cupid's arrow".

 

Because it's not seen as "normal" or "healthy" or "mature" to openly desire sexual relationships lacking conventional romantic aspects, I guess (in the medium to long term, that is, and as a more or less permanent lifestyle orientation, not just in the short term, which I think is mostly accepted, albeit as a temporary "phase" in somebody's life).

 

And it's not just that it's not readily accepted by society, but also by the person themselves, having internalised the romantic norms of their culture - I think that happened in my case and it caused me to fear my own actual innate desires and as a result not actively seek out sexual relationships of a type that I would want  Sorry, veered off-topic somewhat there..

[Mark]

On 28/11/2017 at 10:05 PM, NullVector said:

Because it's not seen as "normal" or "healthy" or "mature" to openly desire sexual relationships lacking conventional romantic aspects, I guess (in the medium to long term, that is, and as a more or less permanent lifestyle orientation, not just in the short term, which I think is mostly accepted, albeit as a temporary "phase" in somebody's life).

Temporary as in something like "in between" (romantic) partners.
There's the way in which it's expected that Friends With Benefits relationships will specifically avoid anything romantic coded, even actual friendship.

[Naegleria fowleri]

If you look up "I've never had a crush" you can find "aromantic" pretty fast although only in conjunction with "asexual".

I think I learned the term on a tumblr post on pinterest. Same with demisexual.

[Momo]

On 19/11/2017 at 1:23 AM, SoulWolf said:

I know a few things about SEO (Search Engine Optimization). If there were topics on this forum with those exact titles (and a decent word count of discussion on each one, say 500-1000 words), and they were linked to prominently on this site (and possibly others), that would boost the rankings of those pages. At least in theory. Lately Google just doesn't seem to care much about relevance and boosts 'big brand' sites regardless of their usefulness. But I suppose it's worth a try...?

 

Although it might be easier to get published on some already popular site like Medium.com and put the info there instead. Or reddit.

 

You can also figure out what people search for by using Google suggestions. Each of the things that comes up is something someone has searched before.

 

Talking on Medium and other places is actually a really good idea. Much of the reason those big brands are up the top is actually the relevance algorithm - things that are talked about and linked to more are 'more relevant' by virtue of the fact they are more popular. Interlinking between websites is and has always been a pretty important part of Google's algorithm.

 

I've recently started my own website with a resources section. If anyone has anything they feel I should add then please do let me know!

[Mark]

On 31/12/2017 at 9:42 AM, Naegleria fowleri said:

If you look up "I've never had a crush" you can find "aromantic" pretty fast although only in conjunction with "asexual".

My feeling is that the 'only in conjunction with "asexual"' is likely to be a barrier here.
Many aros are likely to see the "asexual", "Asexual Visbility and Education Network" or similar and see it as nit applicable to them.
I did find this Reddit thread where the OP reacts badly to the suggestion that they are aromantic and there is nothing wrong with that.

There's also the problem that "crush" can often be used to describe "squish", "lush" or any other intense non-romantic attraction. It's easy for someone who's unfamiliar with the distinction (maybe isn't even aware of the latter) to conflate these.

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

8 hours ago, Mark said:

My feeling is that the 'only in conjunction with "asexual"' is likely to be a barrier here.
Many aros are likely to see the "asexual", "Asexual Visbility and Education Network" or similar and see it as nit applicable to them.
I did find this Reddit thread where the OP reacts badly to the suggestion that they are aromantic and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

^^^ I can confirm that it is.

I didn't figure out I was aro until a little less than two years ago, even though I'd always known that a. something was different about me, b. I was neither straight nor gay, c. I had never liked anyone, and d. I wasn't asexual. I spent most of my teenage years losing my mind over it, and I was actually part of a very nice and welcoming LGBTQ+ group that was even open to more "unusual" identities like demi- or gray- whatever... But I never knew it was possible to be aro and not ace, because absolutely nobody talked about aromanticism outside of asexuality. To me, there were aces, there were aroaces, and I was clearly not one of them, so that was that. Every time I mentioned my confusion over my orientation, people would just tell me "Oh, sounds like you're asexual!", which didn't help at all.

It's not terribly hard to find out about "asexuals... oh and I guess some of them are also aromantic", but it IS hard to find out about aromantics.