Untamed Heart Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 I wasn't really sure what to use as a title, I guess it's the closest I can get without a detailed explanation. It's just something that's been nagging me a little bit, and that is wondering if anyone else gets mood crashes when they have a crush/squish? In my experience, it's a sudden, almost total loss of interest and feeling for the other person, like the opposite of euphoria I guess, since I end up feeling numb and like I'm going through the motions for hours at least, but it can last longer. I always wonder if my feelings will come back, just because the low is disproportionately worse than the high (think of a pigeon jumping off Nelson's Column, aiming to land on one of the lions and missing...). Am I completely wrong though, to assume when other people have a crush or squish, that their moods or feelings remain more or less stable until the crush dies or evolves into something else? I've asked mental health professionals about this in the past and got nowhere (a counsellor and the leader of the Mind youth group I used to be in). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apathetic Echidna Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 2 hours ago, Untamed Heart said: think of a pigeon jumping off Nelson's Column, aiming to land on one of the lions and missing... I cringed at the image of a pigeon face-planting into the side of a stone lion. You say you wonder, so do your feelings come back? I have never felt mood crashes with squishes, it is more of a slow dwindling, and my non-squish attractions were never really sustained long enough to give data for this. I had a friend who would crush on someone but then her feelings would drop off, generally she would start in on the self-hate so maybe she was having a bad low? not really friends with her any more to ask either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Untamed Heart Posted October 10, 2017 Author Share Posted October 10, 2017 Thanks for the reply 15 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said: You say you wonder, so do your feelings come back? Yeah, I should clarify that this has been a general pattern since I was around 15 years old or so. The feelings do usually come back, as mysteriously as they disappeared in the first place, but usually not as strong as they were before. But when they disappear, they go very suddenly and I'm left feeling numb, but also anxious, and just thinking I really hate this, but I don't know how to snap out of it. There's never been a tangible cause, either. I have had a few crushes where it didn't crash and just dwindled naturally, though. The last one I had was a few months ago, on one of my martial arts instructors, and it lasted a week before dwindling to a natural end. One thing that does stand out to me, is they've been nicer experiences when the other person appears to be off limits to me, either for definite or based on an educated assumption. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWolf Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Mine sorta comes and goes in the sense that if I don't see or hear from the person, I can literally forget about them for days. But then the feelings come back just as strong as they were before, mine doesn't really fade out. Even sometimes when I'm hanging out with them, I can go kinda numb suddenly and just get bored (or even annoyed) with their company. It can happen and then disappear again within minutes. Now I just ignore it because I know it's temporary, but it has been rather confusing in the past... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Untamed Heart Posted October 10, 2017 Author Share Posted October 10, 2017 Thanks SoulWolf, like I kind of implied in my original post I've been left wondering if this is 'just me', as nobody else I've tried explaining it to understands, or if it's more normal and nobody talks about it for some reason. But that is helpful to know when it's at it's worst I've found it impossible to ignore, since the numbness lasts so long (from a few hours to a day or so, but it's unpredictable by its very nature) and I can't feel much else; it feels like I'm just existing in a physical sense and going through the motions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apathetic Echidna Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 3 hours ago, Untamed Heart said: it feels like I'm just existing in a physical sense and going through the motions. could it be some sort of disassociation or disconnection if it effects everything and not just your feelings for the other person? I have sometimes felt numbness and a disconnect with reality, sort of like being lost in a daydream. It happens for no reason that I can tell and lasts only a few hours at maximum. But if it only happens when you are having feelings for other people I guess they have to be connected... is the anxiety a result of the crash or was it already underlying and you notice it more when the other feelings disappear? I am generally a lot more relaxed with people who are 'off-limits', so with the feelings dwindling for them but not for other 'available' people could it be that there is a sort of threat to the possibility of a reciprocation of feeling? I am probably asking too many questions, feel free not to answer any. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Untamed Heart Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 @Apathetic Echidna that's not too many questions at all I'll answer all of them, too. It does only happen when I have feelings for someone, and as far as I can tell the anxiety is a result of the crash, rather than being underlying. It's usually quite pleasant, or exciting initially. Disassociation sounds very likely, too. The group leader at the Mind group I was in suggested that my reactions could be a defence mechanism of sorts, but aside from that he was pretty stumped. I've also noticed a slight disconnected feeling if I'm with someone in person, which is a bit difficult to describe. The best I can come up with is, being face to face is kinda lacklustre or even uninspiring? It could be partly to do with the kind of people I've been with, though. I'm normally quite independent, spend a lot of time in my own company and not used to having to entertain others. Interaction is hard! I seem to end up going with whatever the other person suggests because I have no clue what I want, so it's difficult to make the effort when every choice feels the same. I think you might be onto something with the 'threat' of possible reciprocation. Sometimes I do want it, but even then I know I won't know what I'm "supposed" to do if/when I get it. I understand the chase much better than the catch, so to speak. There's a lot to think about here, anyway, and the cogs in my brain are certainly starting to turn a bit! Thanks very much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apathetic Echidna Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 I'm glad I could shake some things loose! 9 hours ago, Untamed Heart said: I've also noticed a slight disconnected feeling if I'm with someone in person, from all you have said and this, I think there is definitely some conflict happening somewhere and the mild disconnect and the crashes is when the conflict is at complete opposites. Not knowing about triggers or even what these conflicts could be must be super annoying! It happening when you have feelings for someone else does point to it being related to how you interact with that other person, possibly as wide ranging as how you think about them when they aren't around to actual physical interactions you may have with them. As for the 'threat' thing, it comes from my own experience of avoiding becoming friends with single guys -I think my pessimistic subconscious tells me it is probably a waste of emotional investment or something. But a mild disquieting feeling when you are around certain people can change how you interact with them or think about them. Feel free to take my 'threat' analogy and apply it or change it as you need in case it helps you work out some stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Untamed Heart Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 It's making some things a bit clearer, will take some more working out though. But thanks, it has been helpful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWolf Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 This also reminds me of this again: http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/873-alexithymia-difficulty-knowingdescribing-your-inner-life/ Sometimes I wonder if my feelings are actually disappearing, or if I'm just losing my perception of them. Is there even a difference? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Untamed Heart Posted October 12, 2017 Author Share Posted October 12, 2017 I'd totally forgotten about that thread! But your reply sounds very much like how I generally feel - neutral gear, or, in the famous words of Bohemian Rhapsody (), "little high, little low". I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 17, but haven't discussed it with counsellors that much. Maybe if I had, this would have been picked up? It brings a slightly unrelated incident to mind, where I'd had a breakdown at work and was being referred to Mind by the doctor. She asked when the last time I'd been happy was, and I ended up giving her a plausible, but not entirely truthful answer - we had gone to the rescue centre to adopt a new dog shortly before. Logically, most people would be pretty excited about that (and I do love dogs), but I didn't really feel anything much at all. It didn't even occur to me to say I wasn't sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWolf Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 8 minutes ago, Untamed Heart said: but I didn't really feel anything much at all. It didn't even occur to me to say I wasn't sure. Hehe, I can relate to trying to give people 'plausible' answers rather than the truth, because it seems like less effort than having to explain the actual truth to them after their reaction is to stare at me like I'm from another planet. 13 minutes ago, Untamed Heart said: I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 17, but haven't discussed it with counsellors that much. Maybe if I had, this would have been picked up? From what I've read, many counsellors don't even handle stuff like that very well even with specific training... so, I guess it depends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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