Loneliness, Guilt, Loss of Emotional Intimacy in a Platonic Relatioship

[Guest b48be...db1]

Hi, Internet.

 

I don't know what to do. I currently live with my favorite person, my roommate. I love them so much. But not in a romantic or sexual way, if that makes sense. I love them platonically. But I feel so alone because I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what protocol there is to ask a person to be your QPP. We had been, over the course of several months, been building up our relationship and trust bonds. It suddenly stopped though when a mutual acquaintance (of whom I used to think of as a friend) invited themself into my life and the life of my favorite person. They have now completely dominated all of our interpersonal relations. My "blossoming" relationship with my roommate has now taken so many steps backwards. For a while there was a guise of us being a trio of friends, but then shit hit the fan, and now I don't feel comfortable with the person who intruded into my life anymore. I'm so sad and confused. I'm so lonely. I love my roommate so much and so incredibly much want us to be working on our emotional trust bond again. I don't hate the person who, my anxiety is telling me is trying to "ruin", my relationship with my roomie. I'm just so confused and so hurt and I don't know what do do in order for us to regain trust in our friendships. I've admitted to both of them that, yes I realize that my recent struggles with my mental illness' have impeded and stretched some lines. However neither one of these people seem to be willing to try to work out our grievances or issues or thoughts or feelings. I just want to have a proper talk with them separately in a calm mature manner in which we can discuss these things! But I feel as if I'm being cut out! I feel as if I'm being abandoned! I feel as if everything is my fault for whatever reason regardless of whether or not I actually truly did something awful! I feel so alone. I'm losing the person I love so much and really felt emotionally close to. And I'm losing a person who I though was a friend but has only recently done nothing but show me that they don't really care for or respect me? I feel so sad and alone and isolated. I feel as if everything is my fault, like usual. Like I fucked up everything, because everything is always my fault according to the opposing parties. It's through my personal flaws that any of these supposed issues were created.

 

I don't really know where I'm going with this, Internet. Reading this back I realize it's really scatterbrained and more like brain-vomit. But I don't really know how to eloquently phrase anything that I've veen thinking. I don't even know why I'm posting to the Internet. Maybe because I'm just that desperate?

 

But thanks for listening to me and if you leave me some feedback I'd appreciate it even more.

Anonymous poster hash: b48be...db1

[SoulWolf]

Hmm, that sounds like a tough situation.

 

What helps me is to discuss complex things with people over text, like email or something like that. Gives everyone more time to think before they respond. Also, look up non-violent communication, because people tend to respond more to how you say things than what you're actually saying. Talking about your feelings is harder than telling people that you don't like X, Y or Z about what they did, but they tend to be more willing to listen that way.

 

I hope those links are helpful... it sucks that people don't seem to take friendship all that seriously.

Good luck...

[Apathetic Echidna]

I understand from your post that your flatmate doesn't feel the same way about this third person as you do?

I don't know how you can heal your relationship without removing this third person from both of your lives if they are that destructive, but whatever happens don't let them make you feel guilty for your feelings. They are your feelings and you are allowed to feel them, and if they dismiss or blame you for them that is their disrespect.