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What would you say to your younger self?

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Every time I see one of those "letter to my younger self" things it's always the same cliche "don't worry about that relationship, you'll find the one some day, you have time, you can get over having your heart broken, blah blah blah." Insert allo nonsense here.

 

So now I'm wondering: what would you say to your younger self?

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I would have told myself to not be ridiculous and wait three years to look up asexuality... (which eventually got me here... although how old is this place anyway? But now that I think about it, having this community earlier might have saved me a lot of very painful loneliness that significantly contributed to my depression, but anyway...)

 

I'd be interested to know what other people have to say.

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I have one word for my younger self: aromantic. 

 

Not knowing such a thing existed was not great. 

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You're not as alone as you think - other people have really weird feelings that make no sense towards 'romantic interests' as well. Some of them even understand what you're talking about! The impression you get of romance and love is a Hollywood sham - it really is easier for you to be by yourself. I'm glad you didn't buy into the toxic messages too deeply, at least. 

Also, thanks for the memory of kneeing that dickhead you used to hang out with in the groin. It might have been an accident but he deserved it.

 

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There are other people similar to you out there, and someday you will find them. They will make sense, and they will understand. In the meantime, trust yourself and don't let other people's ideas about human relationships interfere with what feels right to you deep down.

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Try to get into DBT sooner.

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"There's a beehive in there, and Joe's about to run right into it."

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I'd give myself some pointers on things like mistakes I wish I hadn't made that weren't big enough to change my life completely, and probably give them some hints to get me looking up on sexual and romantic orientations sooner.

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"It's okay not to have crushes. Also look up 'aromantic asexual', it might make your life easier. And please don't make out with random guys at parties, you will instantly regret it."

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In 1989 someone called Tim Berners-Lee will invent a system for publishing and sharing information whilst working at CERN.
It might be worthwhile using what will become known as "The Web" to talk about the lack of romantic attraction even though bringing this information to the world around a quarter of a century "early" may create a temporal paradox. Creating a world where touch, affection and sex is acceptable between friends as it within (romantic) couples is worth that risk.

Of course it does depend exactly which younger self is involved. Utterly pointless telling my 13 year old self to "Look up 'aromantic' on The Web".

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On 2017-07-26 at 1:09 PM, Mark said:

In 1989 someone called Tim Berners-Lee will invent a system for publishing and sharing information whilst working at CERN.
It might be worthwhile using what will become known as "The Web" to talk about the lack of romantic attraction even though bringing this information to the world around a quarter of a century "early" may create a temporal paradox. Creating a world where touch, affection and sex is acceptable between friends as it within (romantic) couples is worth that risk.

Of course it does depend exactly which younger self is involved. Utterly pointless telling my 13 year old self to "Look up 'aromantic' on The Web".

 

Whenever I do the hypothetical scenario of being able to talk to a younger me, or going back in time and living my life again, I always get stuck in such theorizing like time paradoxes and changing history. I always start with the small thoughts, like that I would tell that popular guy what a creep he was when he talked about Catcher in the Rye and he agreed with the protagonists view about girls and sex. But then I go into how if I was around at the time of some big disasters I'd have to warn people  and how would I go about that. And also how would I make lots of money and influence the direction of society.

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I'd say to my younger self, "maybe be less of a jerk and think more carefully about how your actions can hurt people."

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"Stop calling your toy cutlass a 'pirate sword.' Non-pirates carried them for two hundred years."

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You will be alright. Things may seem and feel like a mess right now, but you will make it through and things do get better. It is hard for you to just relax and not overthink things, but also give yourself some breathing room: You are only human like everyone else and you aren't being fair to yourself even if you are trying to be understanding and fair towards others all the time. Give some of that compassion to yourself, you deserve it. Also, people start to make more sense as you get older- not in "they act more logical/sensible" way but more in "people never were designed to be constantly sensible/logical beings and we work with hormones so it is only logical that we are not always logical, we are just organic beings under countless influences including whimsical nature of energy/matter to start with" way. Also, maybe you should give a bit thought to if what you really want is a lover, because you don't even value actual romantic part of the relationship but only want some mindmate to yourself who you can relax and feel secure with. You will meet some amazing people and sometimes you will seperate your ways, you will have things you will feel guilty for but also things you will be proud of. 

 

So, relax. You will be fine. You are only human, I am repeating this because you never hold yourself to same expectations compared to what you expect from other people. You still will be a lil dweeb interested in characters, stories, personality theories though. You will also regain your childish&lively spirit you lost for a while.

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Dear Apathetic Echidna of 2003

Soon you will see a poster on the way to the airport of a band that will be touring soon. They are called Blink-182. You will love them. You in 14 years will still love them. So do us a favour and beg everyone in the family for a ticket. This is the only chance you will ever have to see them live. EVER! 

You will eventually become allergic to figs, so enjoy them while you can. Also watermelon juice is an interesting and easy thing to bring to summer parties, it also makes a pretty decent mixer. You have another 8 years with your pet. Enjoy every day. 

Forever yours,

Apathetic Echidna of 2017

PS. Pay attention to bushfire back-burning strategies in your environmental conservation course, it will be 20% of the final exam and the marker will not be amused by your rendition of the Mona Lisa as a bilby if you can't remember. 

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On 8/19/2017 at 7:00 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

the marker will not be amused by your rendition of the Mona Lisa as a bilby if you can't remember. 

I need to see what this looks like. My soul needs this. 

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@James answer booklets were non-returnable :( (I assume because they must get drenched in wine as the markers slowly get drunk while marking)

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@Apathetic Echidna I feel like if I had to grade papers then I would need something stronger than wine.

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I'd tell my younger self about being ace/aro because there was a lot of stress and fear for me surrounding romantic relationships when I was younger. There were a lot of kids who wouldn't believe me when I told them that I didn't like anyone romantically and some who said there was something wrong with me. I'd also tell myself not to sweat the little things.

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8 hours ago, Coby Asola said:

I'd also tell myself not to sweat the little things.

And also that ultimately there are no big things, only bigger things. 

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Me to younger me : ............. THE HECK I AM HERE ??? *1 hour of intense panicking later*  Buckle up, young padawan, life is coming ! It won't be easy or wonderful, but it'll be okay : you'll get one hell of a friend and many video games to cope about it. Also, you've got a cat, you're aro but there nothing wrong with it and you're about te be the coolest legist in the world !  

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To Elementary School Me:  

 

1. You don't actually have a crush on that person.  I know you're lying to yourself and you know you're lying to yourself.  Don't believe what people tell you about having to like-like somebody; you're fine.

 

2.  Go find a book series called The Lord of the Rings. Just trust me.

 

To Middle School Me:

 

1.  That person you "take" to the 8th grade Dance thinks that you like them.  That's what the awkwardness is.

 

2.  DO NOT LET THE TROUBLE-TWINS WANDER OFF ALONE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AROUND GRANDMA'S HOUSE.   YOU WILL END UP PICKING CACTUS SPINES OUT OF ONE OF THEIR BUTTS.

 

To High School Me:

 

1.  When you tell that guy who wants to go see The 300 that it's not a date, you're just going to see the movie as friends and he says "yeah, sure, sure", don't believe him.  He totally thinks its a date.

 

2.  You know that absolute JERK that your best friend ends up with a crush on in freshman year?  Yeah, he's gonna get hit by a car, spend half a year in recovery, get a reality check and some serious life perspective, become less of a jerk, and end up becoming one of your best friends.  Go figure. (Also, he's still a little bit of a dick sometimes, but like....in a love-able, brotherish way.)

 

To College Me:

 

1. Sometimes I miss being you.  

 

2. Also, you should maybe look up "asexual" and "aromantic" online and then check out the local LGBTQIA group.  Find your people.

 

To Adult Me:

 

1.  The job offer sounds too good to be true and also vaguely sketchy.  Just go to the interview.  You'll be fine.

 

 2.  Trust in your own definition of yourself.  

 

 

 

 

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