Aromantic, Quoiromantic, or Demi-panromantic?

[[Deleted Account]]

I've been loosely using the term demi-panromantic for a little while, but I'm not 100% sure if I experience romantic attraction or just sensual/emotional/platonic attraction.

 

When I think a romantic relationship would be great, but when I think about the perfect romantic partner, I think someone always there to spend most of my time with, someone I can cuddle with and hug, someone I can talk to about anything, maybe a few pecks. Like best friends except romantic partners. I know it's hard to pinpoint whether the feelings are platonic or romantic since everyone has slightly different terms, but it would mean a lot to me to be able to pinpoint whether or not I'm a romantic.

 

I think I might have had a couple crushes, but it was fairly easy to get over them. I didn't experience a ton of heartbreak or anything, and it was the same as friends, except I wanted them to touch me more and I think about them more. Could this mean they were more like plushes (platonic & sensual attraction)?

 

Another thing to think about is that I really like cuddles and hugs, but am very touch-starved, so I might just be reacting to the occasional touches both crushes(?) gave me. I've also never been in a romantic relationship or queerplatonic relationship. Plus the difference between queerplatonic and romantic has been up for debate for awhile.

 

I can also relate to a lot of aro things like "Why is everyone obsessed with dating?"

 

I know it would be easier to call myself quoiromantic and get on with my life, but again, I would feel better knowing for sure if I experience romantic attraction or not. Could you guys please give me your thoughts on whether or not you would consider these feelings romantic or platonic? If you have any questions, feel free to ask and I will answer!

[NullVector]

6 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

I think I might have had a couple crushes, but it was fairly easy to get over them. I didn't experience a ton of heartbreak or anything, and it was the same as friends, except I wanted them to touch me more and I think about them more. Could this mean they were more like plushes (platonic & sensual attraction)?

 

I asked a similar question here, except it related to the difference between sexual vs. romantic 'crushes' rather than platonic/sensual vs. romantic 'crushes'. 

 

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The one point that still has me questioning [if I'm really aro] is whether I've experienced any romantic "crushes" in the past. Previously, I assumed I had - but I think I may have just confused this with strong sexual attraction for a particular woman. Do you think there is any simple 'acid-test' to distinguish a romantic from a purely sexual "crush"?

 

Most of @DeltaV's answer to my above question probably isn't relevant to you, as it related to sexual 'crushes', but this part might be:

 

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There's also a distinct childishness (I really tried to say this non-cynically) about a crush (that also distinguishes crushes from squishes): you care strongly about minor non-sexual details, for example, you find a certain mannerism insanely cute. With a crush there's a feeling that you just want her in your life, and it's typically inexplicable what you could “gain” by it and why you want it. There may be a silly or absurd idealization of the person. Full-blown romantic love in its manic phase can go so far that you think “As long as I am together with her, whatever fate throws at me, I'm happy.” – the usual crush is not that strong, but it at least hints at this feeling.

 

So yeah, I agree that asking (and then answering for yourself) the question "were my 'crushes' actually romantic crushes?" could be one good way to work out if you're aro or not.

 

 

6 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

Like best friends except romantic partners.

 

I'm interested in your use of the word "except" here. What extra things would you like to see added to the relationship by being "romantic partners"? That wouldn't already be covered under the label of "best friends"?

 

 

Also, welcome to arocalypse!  

 

[SoulWolf]

4 hours ago, NullVector said:

There's also a distinct childishness (I really tried to say this non-cynically) about a crush (that also distinguishes crushes from squishes): you care strongly about minor non-sexual details, for example, you find a certain mannerism insanely cute. With a crush there's a feeling that you just want her in your life, and it's typically inexplicable what you could “gain” by it and why you want it.

Huh, I guess I do get crushes then, if that's the definition. I can also find certain mannerisms of a person really annoying, and then later on once I spend more time with the person, I can find the exact same mannerism cute. Makes no sense to me...

 

Does this really distinguish squishes from crushes? How much is insanely, as opposed to just finding it kind of adorable, but not going completely crazy every time the person does it?

 

8 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

I can also relate to a lot of aro things like "Why is everyone obsessed with dating?"

I don't even understand why people date at all... I mean it kind of makes sense in theory, but ... not really.
 

8 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

when I think about the perfect romantic partner, I think someone always there to spend most of my time with, someone I can cuddle with and hug, someone I can talk to about anything, maybe a few pecks.

That's pretty much how I see it as well. But I don't see anything romantic about it...

 

8 hours ago, QuirkyGeek said:

Could you guys please give me your thoughts on whether or not you would consider these feelings romantic or platonic?

I interpret pretty much everything platonically, so I guess I'm not of any help, since I'm probably about as confused as you are.

 

Like, I personally have given up on understanding differences between romantic and platonic feelings. I think it's pretty much different on a case-by-case basis. I've heard people say stuff like "if you're romantically attracted to someone, you'll just know"... so I'm assuming if I'm not sure, then it isn't romantic... probably... maybe?

 

Maybe romantic attraction is just a combination of sensual/emotional attraction anyway, and isn't even a seperate thing? Especially since nobody seems able to really define it in a way everyone agrees with (if someone has, please link me to it)...

 

Good luck figuring stuff out... I'll keep an eye on the replies here, maybe I'll figure something out too.

[NullVector]

Quote

If you ever get close to a human
And human behavior
Be ready, be ready to get confused

There's definitely, definitely, definitely no logic
To human behavior
But yet so, yet so irresistible

 

 

[[Deleted Account]]

I think I've pretty much given up on figuring out of my feelings are platonic & sensual or romantic as well. I think even though I'd love something more specific, I'm going to go with Quoiromantic to keep my options open but still quite reserved and because it describes me quite a bit. Thank you for the helpful advice though. I really appreciate it!