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The 'Why I don't want to be a parent' thread


Untamed Heart

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On 23/06/2017 at 9:22 AM, James said:

True dat @Holmbo. As far as I'm aware, the carrying capacity of ten billion is a loose estimate based on current food and water production rates. If either process becomes more efficient, the capacity will likely increase some anyway. That's assuming climate change doesn't mess too much with the arable land and that the widespread trend of overfishing is halted. However, alternatives may exist that alleviate that food pressure.

The problem with that is that food and water are commercially and politically controlled. Global society would have to drastically change for the resources to be free flowing enough to support that many people. Anyone else remember that Indonesian (?) leader who stockpiled tons of rice to drive up costs then let it sit rotting in sheds? or the massive amounts of wheat (enough to feed 200 million people if I remember correctly) that was left to rot in India? actually how about all of India's export bans! (though India is not alone) Companies want open markets so they can make maximum profit from primary producers, then when stopped they tend to keep prices high selling to domestic markets so the poor remain poor and there are many more people hungry than needs to be. After WWII my grandfather predicted most of the wars of the future would be over water, and it seems we may be heading straight for those conflicts.

 

@James it is generally argued that the largest freshwater source in N. America is actually the ice cover you get over winter, allowing a slow drain into water courses. Global warming is already messing that up. Most places are get a month or more less good snow every winter compared to 20 years ago, and storms are dumping snow in areas that normally would not see that amount and so much of it is naturally wasted, and winter rain can mess up the snow you get. You can only use water that fills your storage, and they can only hold so much at once. Not to mention that with global warming areas of tundra are melting like never before and scientists are finding viable bacteria from long ago diseases so I think it is only a matter of time until another epidemic starts. Good thing viruses aren't viable for years because there was a recent discovery of a mass grave of Spanish Flu victims recently defrosted. 

 

As you can probably tell from my rant I think most of our offspring will be doomed and I don't want to subject my bloodline to the horror of the future. Plus there are plenty of children already existing who have been abandoned or neglected that I would much prefer to spend time with rather than trying to make my own. 

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On 8/24/2017 at 4:10 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

As you can probably tell from my rant I think most of our offspring will be doomed and I don't want to subject my bloodline to the horror of the future. Plus there are plenty of children already existing who have been abandoned or neglected that I would much prefer to spend time with rather than trying to make my own. 

Pretty much this.

 

I wonder: have you also found it a lonely and isolating experience sometimes, having these sorts of "dark" thoughts about our likely future? I read your fellow Australian Clive Hamilton's book Requiem For A Species a few years back and found it enormously helpful, particularly this paragraph from the final chapter:

 

Quote

Some people live largely for today and give little thought for tomorrow. Others have a deep sense of attachment to the healthy evolution of their societies, the natural world or civilization. Those with an interdependent or metapersonal self-construal are more likely to feel distressed by the threat posed by climate disruption to the future welfare of other people or the natural world. In some cultures, people feel a much stronger attachement to their ancestors and descendants. How we mourn will be influenced by how our society and those around us are responding to the loss. At present, the early mourners feel lonely and isolated, sometimes keeping their thoughts to themselves for fear of alienating those around them with their anxieties and pessimism. It is as if the doctors had declared there is no hope of recovery for a sick child, yet all around friends and family are saying, "Don't worry, she will be fine."

 

Context: the "loss" he's referring to us "mourning" above is the loss of the kind of future we've been culturally conditioned to expect; for ourselves and for our descendants. I see a lot of environmentalists patting themselves on the back for not being stuck in the "denial" stages of climate-change grief, but, to me, they look like they're just stuck in the "bargaining" stages instead! Too much of the discussion is focused around how to avert catastrophe, whereas catastrophe is probably already upon us now, IMO, and so the the discussion should shift to how we go on living through it. "The wind is rising! . . . We must try to live!" (from this poem)

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 26/08/2017 at 4:26 AM, NullVector said:

I wonder: have you also found it a lonely and isolating experience sometimes, having these sorts of "dark" thoughts about our likely future?

I guess I don't talk about it with friends and I have said pretty much all I have to say on it to my family already. So I guess it is isolating. I don't drag the conversation out so I don't know which of my friends might agree and which might not, but the same can be said of religion.

 

I don't think it is particularly lonely, and is it dark to expect the world to work in cycles? I have read about plagues in history books all my life so when the SARS outbreak happened my reaction was 'oh, that makes sense'. I believe a lot more people are worrying about it or in denial, if they are thinking about it at all, because of the news and publications talking about the end of the effectiveness of antibiotics. It was over 5 years ago I found out there are several strains of resistant tuberculosis (my own personal horror disease phobia) in PNG, some afflicted individuals are brought to Australia for isolation and treatment. That was the point in time I decided to support voluntary euthanasia, because if I get untreatable TB I am offing myself quick smart. 

 

I don't know if my attitude to all of this is considered healthy...probably not. Which may also be the reason why I don't tend to bring it up. I guess I would be the downer in a conversation as most of the people I am around are the live largely for today and give little thought for tomorrow-people, but then I kinda fit in with them, they don't care beyond our generation, I think we are all doomed. Yay, friend group high-5 for the now! saying that, we are quite protectionist about the environment for several different reasons. 

 

On 26/08/2017 at 4:26 AM, NullVector said:

Too much of the discussion is focused around how to avert catastrophe, whereas catastrophe is probably already upon us now

Yup. I watched a documentary about the bushfires in Tasmania a few years (maybe not quite 2 years?) ago and one of the scientists basically stated something along the lines of "people have been waiting for sure signs of global warming, well it has happened. Fires like this have NEVER happened here before. Global warming is upon us" 

yet governments still aren't taking it seriously. Simple changes could change so much! soz for the wall of text, I'll stop myself before I start a rant, though if you ask I will happily continue the rant....and try to tie it to the topic. 

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Soo, I've never really thought about having Kids in the distant future but now that I do I probably don't want any.

It's not that I hate/dislike kids but I never really got along with them (?), I just can't relate to them and they seem to think I'm weird (kind of).

Also I think, should I ever want kids, I would probably adopt some because IMO there are so many children orphaned or given up for adoption that I would want to give them a home.

Also I don't know what the future will be like, and the current dirrection it's heading in is not a world I would want my children to have to live in.

 

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  • 2 months later...

I don't really like kids, or enjoy being around young children. I just feel super awkward and have nothing to say to them. Outside of my family/close friends of my younger brothers, this has always been a theme where I never (willingly) socialized with kids more than a year younger than me - even as a 9-year old. I always got along better with older children, teens, or adults. 

I enjoy working with youth (12+ years) though, especially at-risk youth facing challenges. I volunteered this summer with them, and it was an incredible experience - a lot of really meaningful connections, and I learned so much from them. I think that if I were ever in a financially-secure/stable position, I would probably look into fostering/adopting an at-risk youth or teen, because they tend to be overlooked or just destroyed by the system. 

 

I do intend on having one child, as a surrogate for my best friend (basically a platonic life partner) whenever she decides she wants to have children. She has a lot of health problems, and is unable to conceive or safely have a child herself. I decided to be a surrogate for her back in high school, and have never wavered in this decision (though the whole pregnancy process is rather...icky). But in my mind, it has always been her child - even though it will undoubtedly be a part of my life as well (I think I'll be an okay aunt, even to young kids, haha). 

 

So I'm choosing to remain (mostly) childfree because I have other things that I would much prefer to do, and believe that I'll find more meaning in life outside of parenthood. Also, it's the most environmentally-friendly (if controversial) and sustainable lifestyle choice - and I like the planet. :) 

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8 minutes ago, ladyasym said:

 

So I'm choosing to remain (mostly) childfree because I have other things that I would much prefer to do, and believe that I'll find more meaning in life outside of parenthood. Also, it's the most environmentally-friendly (if controversial) and sustainable lifestyle choice - and I like the planet. :) 

Preach! :clapping:

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 2017-12-01 at 9:58 AM, ladyasym said:

I do intend on having one child, as a surrogate for my best friend (basically a platonic life partner) whenever she decides she wants to have children. She has a lot of health problems, and is unable to conceive or safely have a child herself. I decided to be a surrogate for her back in high school, and have never wavered in this decision (though the whole pregnancy process is rather...icky). But in my mind, it has always been her child - even though it will undoubtedly be a part of my life as well (I think I'll be an okay aunt, even to young kids, haha).


I might like to do something like that if the option ever came up. Pregnancy is actually really fascinating to me. I'm sure it'd be very uncomfortable but also interesting to see all the weird changes of my body. Also that the kid can hear sounds in the uterus and taste the food in the amniotic fluid. If I knew someone who'd make a great parent I might have a child for them. I doubt the opportunity will come up though, which is probably just aswell because what if I wouldn't want to give the baby up. Hormones can do crazy things I've heard :D

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  • 2 months later...

I have almost always felt uncomfortable around children. I'm too selfish to care for them. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world in the state it is in now. Yes, it could (and probably will) get much worse than it is now, and that's my point. Children are the future. Mental health illnesses also run in the family. I wouldn't wish these burdens upon another soul. Can you tell I'm a pessimist?

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  • 6 months later...
  • 2 years later...

(Old thread but yea)

I guess I don't fancy bringing more ppl into the world especially myself there are enough ppl anyway plus it's a lot of work and dedication. There are other ways to help the community or look after kids and ofc if u wanna care for something there are always pets.

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  • 1 year later...

Honestly,I wouldn't want kids at all for plenty of reasons....for one thing,have y'all seen newborn kids?they scream ridiculously loud,always need constant attention and food,and they can't even sit up by themselves!They're so small and fragile and if you even pick them up wrong it can screw them up for life.

I can barely even take care of myself properly,much less a screaming,crying,newborn who needs a diaper change and milk.And I could adopt kids,thats true,but I have seen lots of kids,and while some parts of parenthood seem nice,like those sweet moments when the child does something sweet,theres so many moments when kids will yell about hating their parents,ect,ect.Plus,you have to enroll them in an education and feed them and get them toys and stuff to keep them happy and make sure they get enough sleep and vitamins and brush their teeth and all that good stuff.

Plus,I have seen a great deal of pregnant women.I would hate to be in that situation,I don't need more dysphoria,and I have heard so many stories about how incredibly painful the whole birthing process is and how it can go wrong-

Yeah,nope,no thanks,if I really want kids,I'll just help my friends take care of theirs,or babysit.

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  • 1 month later...

My anxiety is bad enough when I’m most trying to take care of myself. 
I have a variety of physical and mental health issues that would absolutely have an effect on any kids. Even if they’re adopted, I don’t want to put a kid through that.
I want to focus on myself and my interests. 
It costs a lot of money to have kids.  

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Kids can be loud and obnoxious, my ability to be patient is very low, I don’t have very good resolution skills, I am very bad at acting enthused about things, I just don’t want one, I’m also ace and I’d rather just adopt on that list if I did. Even if I did adopt it’s be incredibly awkward and I don’t want a partner either so I guess that being a single stepfather wouldn’t be that great. Besides my best interests lie not in having kids, but in doing what I’m most proud of, honing skills, enjoying life, talking with friends. Nothing else.

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I don't hate kids, in fact I honestly wouldn't mind working with them or babysitting for someone. Even when they're being annoying I'm quite chill and non-abrasive with them, and I like hearing them talk about their silly thoughts. its full time that is the issue with me.

-Firstly, I'm aro, and I'm not really sure about getting a long-term partner in the future. Maybe I will, but its hard to predict. Being a single parent isn't always bad [if the child is born in a stable community where raising children is more of a collective task, for example, that can work. I've heard of cultures and groups that work like that] but on a practical level where I live its usually better: more income to provide for the child, emotional/physical toll of taking care of a child is shared, and the kid has multiple role models to rely on, learn from, and feel supported by. Basically what I'm saying is if I don't have a partner to parent with me, I wouldn't want kids because I don't think it would be good for the kid.

-Secondly kids are expensive lmao. I'm already highly anxious about money, having kids would only accelerate that anxiety and I don't think that would be good for the kid either.

-Thirdly, I kind of want to pursue my own goals and ambitions. Obviously you can have those things alongside kids, but I'm not sure if I have the time management and skills for that, I'm the kind of person that can only really do one thing at a time.

-Lastly, I don't want to go through childbirth! And while adopting is an option, I don't think its right for me either. It is a difficult process, and there is a lot of added trauma and difficult experiences for adoptees that I don't think I would be suited to handle. The whole system is a mess, honestly, and I would advise anyone interesting in adopting to be cautious and understand what it entails.

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17 minutes ago, Harvest-Unity said:

I don't hate kids, in fact I honestly wouldn't mind working with them or babysitting for someone. Even when they're being annoying I'm quite chill and non-abrasive with them, and I like hearing them talk about their silly thoughts. its full time that is the issue with me.

-Firstly, I'm aro, and I'm not really sure about getting a long-term partner in the future. Maybe I will, but its hard to predict. Being a single parent isn't always bad [if the child is born in a stable community where raising children is more of a collective task, for example, that can work. I've heard of cultures and groups that work like that] but on a practical level where I live its usually better: more income to provide for the child, emotional/physical toll of taking care of a child is shared, and the kid has multiple role models to rely on, learn from, and feel supported by. Basically what I'm saying is if I don't have a partner to parent with me, I wouldn't want kids because I don't think it would be good for the kid.

-Secondly kids are expensive lmao. I'm already highly anxious about money, having kids would only accelerate that anxiety and I don't think that would be good for the kid either.

-Thirdly, I kind of want to pursue my own goals and ambitions. Obviously you can have those things alongside kids, but I'm not sure if I have the time management and skills for that, I'm the kind of person that can only really do one thing at a time.

-Lastly, I don't want to go through childbirth! And while adopting is an option, I don't think its right for me either. It is a difficult process, and there is a lot of added trauma and difficult experiences for adoptees that I don't think I would be suited to handle. The whole system is a mess, honestly, and I would advise anyone interesting in adopting to be cautious and understand what it entails.

Oh yeah, they’re just a MASSIVE economic burden. In my school we had a sex ed class explaining the cost of children inside high school and no matter how good your time management is, your gonna be in a living hell.

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I don't hate kids, but I don't think I'll ever be able to raise one. Working with them doesn't seem so bad, but that's a whole different story.

Parents are the people who are responsible for you. They are supposed to give you love, support, happiness, and teach you stuff no one else will. Being a part means taking full responsibility not only for yourself, but also for an another human being. Pretty much every time you do something, you have to think about how the consequences of your actions might affect your child. Because you're their guardian. You're their home. I know it might change later, because I'm still pretty young, but judging by my current behaviour I can say that I'm definitely not a parent material. I'm not mentally stable, and I'm afraid that it's not going to change (or at least not anytime soon). Plus, just like I've said before, parents have unimaginable impact on their kids, meaning one mistake might that might seem frivolous could literally ruin their lives. That's too much for me.

Also, kids are really expensive.

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