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Ice Queen

Atypical cisgender - anyone else out there?

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I was born female and I've identified as such from the moment I became aware of my own existence. I don't dislike it in the least. As I grew older, however, I became aware of the stereotypes. And there're lots of rules which I "break":

 

-I like cold and dark colours 

-My ability to describe colours is somewhat more accurate than just namig the generic ones, but also not that exact

-I'm a fun-maker

-No emotional rollercoasters

-My period doesn't make me behave like a ticking bomb

-Shopping sessions (unnecessary ones) don't make sense to me 

-As a child, I would play with anything from Barbie dolls, toy kitchen sets, jewellery crafting kits, toy cars, lego blocks...computer games followed the same pattern: from dressing dolls to car racing

-I would help my father, handing him the working tools he needed, and sometimes I'd play with them xD

-I don't care how many calories I consume

-I don't really care if all the items in my outfit resonate/match 100% or not

-Make-up or no make-up, I consider look cool in either case

-Taking care of myself, wearing make-up, perfume, jewellery, painting fingernails and choosing my own dressing style is something I do for myself. I don't do it to impress anyone, nor to make anyone jealous. If I lived alone on a remote island, I'd still look exactly the way you see me.

-During sex I'm totally confident and don't worry about the way I look at all

-After sex, I find cuddling relaxing - naked it feels physically good, or, if I have a strong (platonic) bond with the boy, too, I like to cuddle after we shower and get dressed, but I feel tired and sleepy, too

-I don't want to be dominated, nor to dominate a partner, I want it equal

-Multitasking doesn't work for me in all cases

-I never regard my female fellows as threats or rivals, let alone experience inferiority complexes because of them, no matter the context

-"Friendship" between women is generally shallow, it's all about rumours, gossip, criticizing and similar bullshit. My kind of friendship whether with girls or guys is getting along, laughing, respect, and if it is stronger, then loyalty, trust. etc., so it's waaay past that

-They say average women cry a certain number of times a year, I'm WAY below average

-I don't suffer from the "always right" syndrome

-I don't find anything tragic about me and another woman happening (like pure coincidence) to have the same outfit in the same place 

-not once was I taken for a guy on various websites (where you couldn't upload a profile picture, and my usernames were neutral) they judged "by the way I chatted" - at other times, however, people would figure me out my real gender on sight, such as: "you've got verbal diarrhea, you're a woman", or "I take it you're a girl, you use lots of emoticons" :-?

 

In any case, I don't like it when people think that the aforementioned things make me less of a woman. Besides, as you can see in my picture, I'm as feminine as one can be. But based on behavioural traits, some are like "what kind of woman are you?!" - me: "an atypical one? xD"

 

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Some of the stuff you list is traditional normative female stereotypes. While those have validity in relation to feeling that one is being one's real gender, they are social constructs rather than anything innate about women. Of course that's just my opinion.

 

You also list some things that I personally associate with women even if you don't (although they aren't necessarily women-only traits, these things are feminine and just not traditionally so):

- taking care of yourself for yourself rather than for other people

- being confident during sex

- wanting an equal balance of power in a relationship

 

The one about easy periods is probably the one to feel really good about. Most women tell me periods are hell.

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7 hours ago, chairjockey said:

 

You also list some things that I personally associate with women even if you don't (although they aren't necessarily women-only traits, these things are feminine and just not traditionally so):

- taking care of yourself for yourself rather than for other people

- being confident during sex

- wanting an equal balance of power in a relationship

 

The one about easy periods is probably the one to feel really good about. Most women tell me periods are hell.

Well, I listed those 3 things because women generally seem to have little self-esteem, therefore they take care of themselves either to impress or to try to awaken envy, and quite a few of them like submitting to various degrees.

 

Regarding the period, I DO feel very sick, but what I meant is that psychologically I am not affected at all. 

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1 hour ago, Ice Queen said:

Well, I listed those 3 things because women generally seem to have little self-esteem, therefore they take care of themselves either to impress or to try to awaken envy, and quite a few of them like submitting to various degrees.

 

Regarding the period, I DO feel very sick, but what I meant is that psychologically I am not affected at all. 

 

The actual women I've met IRL have mostly had great strength and confidence. Issues with self-esteem have been the exception. But that could be a generational thing, as I'll be 52 in about two weeks.

 

And I get it about the period. Sorry I misunderstood.

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10 hours ago, chairjockey said:

 

The actual women I've met IRL have mostly had great strength and confidence. Issues with self-esteem have been the exception. But that could be a generational thing, as I'll be 52 in about two weeks.

 

Maybe it's young women nowadays that are generally lacking self-esteem. I am only 21. 

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Well, my contact with younger people is limited to online. There's a lot of frankness online because the personal risk is low, so you hear more about people's self-doubts. Even then the collapse of opportunity in North America causes younger people generally to have fewer interests to protect than those my age and older, so younger people would feel more free just to speak your minds. I find that my generation and older still speak strategically even online because of their general prosperity and the sheer amount of interests they have to protect. Thus you don't find someone my age or older admitting to self-doubt even online as often as a younger person does.

 

I sometimes talk online to a young woman of modest but relatively comfortable origins who is headed for third year of law school. Standard Canadian gynocentrist, which means she's subtle rather than in your face about her gynocentrism. She tells me that, for law students her age, the future is looking kind of grim, because actual employment opportunities and chances to make decent money aren't nearly as plentiful as law school graduates are. She expects to struggle early in her career despite the legal professions being the new Dianic Wicca here in Canada. You'd expect someone like her, who is finding herself shut out, to be less devoted to bullshitting for the sake of protecting the status quo despite heading into law, and she is. I find her pretty direct and forthright, although not abrasive or disaffected.

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I feel like my 'gender expression' is autistic rather than masculine or feminine. I pick my clothes based on autism, I pick my hobbies based on autism, a lot of my personality traits are because of autism... Basically, most areas where the stereotypes say "guys are this, girls are that", my answer is "I'm autistic".

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Cisgender male here, but two traits are unusual based on the developmental expectation.

These standards are based on what I've learned in a class on human development, not on a gut feeling of what is or is not feminine. 

1. The clear majority of my friends are female. I didn't choose this. it just happens. This is odd because Individuals of any gender tend to associate most with others who share that trait in common. This trend becomes less pronounced after puberty, but doesn't disappear entirely. 

2. My response to interpersonal conflict is characteristic of female humans. I don't fight, but I hold grudges for years. The cause is generally some form of betrayal, not a disagreement. I don't do direct aggression. Relational aggression is the only kind I ever displayed as a kid. All that is unusual for a male human.

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On 26/05/2017 at 8:59 AM, Ice Queen said:

-They say average women cry a certain number of times a year, I'm WAY below average

we have a crying threshold? that resets on an annual basis?

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On 8/23/2017 at 4:29 PM, Apathetic Echidna said:

we have a crying threshold? that resets on an annual basis?

That's what wikipedia says :-?. 

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Quote

women cry on average between 30 and 64 times a year, and men cry on average between 6 and 17 times per year.

found it. aaaaand what the hell?! 

@Ice Queen assuming there were females like us in the survey there must have been a vast majority crying in excess of 50+ to pull the average higher. or there were a few who just burst into tears several times a day. That is a terrifying thought. 

 

just for fun I did something about myself



gender-stereotypes_edited.jpg

So these are things I see myself as, and how other people have seen my actions, and it seems in the words of Green Day: I'm a walking contradiction 

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