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About Magni

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  • Birthday 09/01/1999

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    College Student, Engineering major
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  1. Mood, I don't like pepperoni and generally only eat cheese; the only other topping I like at all is bacon, and even then I often pick most of it off to eat separately first. though yeah there's a certain reasonably equivalent ratio you want between cheese and sauce and stuff? Like....if there's too much sauce the cheese tends to slide too much and it's generally messy....I suppose there's a point where too much cheese is a problem but it doesn't generally come up I think? Also, part of it depends on the sauce itself and how spicy it is though....and I think overall, the bread/crust is what's most important for overall pizza quality.
  2. One thing that can be useful in general is explaining the difference between sexual attraction and libido. Food metaphors can also be useful for explaining attraction in a more tangible way.
  3. Oof yeah....I haven't had any mental health professional who I've come out to, and stuff like this is part of why I'm wary and mistrusting of therapists because I wouldn't be able to talk about my issues without incorporating the fact I'm aro, but coming out to them seems...difficult. I doubt they would have made a big deal out of someone just happening to be single. If anything, there tends to be a healthy perspective that you need to take care of yourself before able to healthily enter a relationship. But society is such that NOT wanting a romantic relationship at all is seen as a weird or bad thing so...yeah. Tbh them saying a romantic relationship would improve your depression is....a really unhealthy attitude in and of itself? The narrative of finding a partner to fix you and make you happy is bad and could lead to over-dependence. I hope stuff goes well and you're able to actually talk about what you want to. Also, if they expect you to educate them about aromanticism, during the time they're supposed to be helping you, remind them of what you're supposed to be talking about and tell them to do research on their own time (though possibly useful if you can recommend sources).
  4. That's a good one! Also, "aurea" specifically translates to golden, which is cool because yellow/gold is kinda an aro color (since yellow symbolizes friendship and also is in the aro allo flag). It's also cool because I think a lot of people like AURA because it sounds nice and this sounds similar to that but would likely be a lot easier to search.
  5. Other types of attraction include queerplatonic and alterous; alterous is defined as basically wanting an emotional closeness which isn't strictly romantic or platonic.
  6. I tend to come out whenever I know the other person is also queer. I also was a leader in my college's lgbtqa club and in general wanted to create more visibility for aros (and aspecs in general) and educate others about stuff, so I often would come out and educate others as a part of that. And yeah I always explain with the actual words in these instances. On the other hand, if talking to straight people, I'd be far more likely to just shrug it off as me not being interested in dating. Overall, I don't think people should feel they have to come out to increase visibility, but if you're comfortable coming out in a space anyways, it's useful to feel confident in explaining things and it can be rewarding to educate others and increase visibility.
  7. I'm fond of Bellsprout and Roselia
  8. I don't think that's necessarily a good definition; it's too vague? Like...there's lots of types of attraction that don't fall under platonic or romantic, such as alterous. Like, I know I don't feel romantic attraction so I identify as just aromantic, but I do feel other types of attraction which don't fit neatly into those categories and instead is a weird mix of platonic, alterous, and sensual. Also, I wanted to link back to other thread and context provided there by @Coyote and @Mark (am unsure how well quoting thing from different thread works, so figured would go ahead and post links) links: quoiromantic , umbrella crunching Both of these are kinda long.....the first link seems to have a lot of history about the origin of the term and how it has changed over time; the second link is....about how terms have been redefined? Quote: "We have and do and will need umbrella terms, not just specific terms, to hold open that sorely necessary space for gray areas of feeling, relationships, and identity. Crunch down one term, and somebody will eventually make a new one to take its place, starting the cycle over again. But we shouldn’t have to start over again. We should get to build on what we have instead of reinventing the wheel every three years with whole new terms to do the exact same semantic work." (From what I understand, this is basically saying that we keep taking umbrella terms that are intended as umbrellas and we assign them highly specific definitions which results in us needing to make even more terms, which overall is confusing and unproductive) links: Note on Quoi (this is a tumblr post which seems to be on the same subject of the origin of quoi and how it has been redefined; this is a shorter format). Definition from LGBTA Wiki: "Quoiromantic (also called WTFromantic or whatromantic) is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum. Quoiromantic is an orientation for those who can't tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction, those who are unsure if they experience romantic attraction or not, are unable to understand or define romantic attraction, or for those who are struggling to find another term."
  9. Yeah...in my experience with irl lgbtqa communities, people have accepted aromanticism but that's not the same as including it? Like....to start with people aren't well informed and need to be taught that it isn't just a subset of ace and stuff. Then there's the casual amatonormative language, assuming everyone wants romantic relationships. Then there's people simply forgetting to mention aromantic stuff. The thing I've had the most trouble with is that romance repulsion just....is not respected. I can't establish boundaries about being repulsed by romance at all without being attacked for it. At one point in my friend group I tried to request we limit or move romance in a d&d game because it made me uncomfortable and unable to enjoy it....and one of my friends at the time, who herself is ace (but biromantic), didn't respect that at all and basically said it was homophobic because it would "limit their ability to express their queerness"....clearly not caring about how it made me feel. (I previously wrote a tumblr post pertaining to this)
  10. Summary of Suggestions: ANREA (Aro-spec Network for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy): Is a unique acronym but is a bit long, hard to pronounce, and kinda awkward feeling. AAN (Aromantic Advocacy Network): Is concise and the words are relevant, but it cannot easily be pronounced as a single word ACARE (Arospec Community Alliance for Recognition and Education): is slightly long and less intuitive; focus on recognition & education is a bit specific whereas advocacy is more open ended. Might be hard to search for since auto-corrected in "a care". ACURE (Arospec Community Union for Recognition and Education): Similar issues to ACARE, but "a cure" has bad connotations/can comes across as ableist. AURA (Arospec Union for Recognition and Advocacy): Is relatively concise and clear; is a recognizable word which has a good aesthetic BUT it also makes it harder to search for. ASAC (Aromantic Spectrum Advocacy Coalition/Center/Community?): similar to AAN but can be pronounced aloud; also emphasizes spectrum more; last word for "C" is unclear. (switching out Network to avoid overlap with ASAN). ARENA & ARNA ( @running.tally what did people suggest these stand for?) Overall People like the word "Advocacy"; it is clear, relevant, and broad Factors to consider: clarity & conciseness, acronym being pronounceable, acronym being recognizable and easily searchable People seem to prefer AAN, ACARE, and AURA the most...I also think ASAC is a good one to consider (I don't know how many people noticed it/it hasn't been commented on).
  11. Ace of spades does have more an association with asexuality, though iirc it's more specifically for aroaces. Anything with arrows is a symbol because puns are good lol. Other things I've seen (many of these are more things adopted as aro culture rather than specific symbols per ce): Ice cream (aces have cake, so ice cream & cake) Pizza (also parallel to cake, this time because sliced....though personally I'm not too fond of food symbols) Dragons are more known as ace but are also for both? Dragons are aspec thing. Alternatively, I've seen griffins somewhat commonly used for aros since it's another cool mythical creature. More recently, bees have become a symbol....I think it's because st. valentine was also patron saint of bees, so for valentines day we ignore the romance and instead celebrate bees in a way? Succulents (and plants in general) are also popular...which also matches aesthetic since green. Yellow roses because they represent friendship/platonic love So yeah overall we don't necessarily have a few specific noticeable symbols, but there's a lot of things we end up adopting as aro culture/symbols and I think that's cool *** Oh yeah! I also think a symbol we should use more often as it's useful when making pride stuff is specifically an arrowhead. I recently made an arrow pride patch in the shape of an arrowhead and I really like it! (pictured below):
  12. This is great and really useful! I wanted to elaborate on some things and provide some more resources. I've previously been involved in leadership of my college's queer organization and have been to workshops with tips for different aspects of queer community organization. Coalition Building: If there's local lgbtqa groups in your area, it can be useful to build an alliance with them. As you mentioned, these such larger groups can help spread awareness of your group. They can also help with stuff like providing space to meet at a local lgbtqa center and even fundraising things. In general, they will have more experience on running queer organizations in your area, and therefore might be able to provide resources and advice specific to the area where you live. This is good both with overall queer organizations but also if there are established ace organizations in the area, they would be well positioned to help. (TAAAP has a list of ace groups that exist in america, seen here). Advertising: Advertising is very important, though it can be difficult posting to a bunch of different social media platforms. Make your life easier by using a media management tool which allows you to post to multiple social media sites simultaneously, such as hootsuite and others found here. Also, it's good to have aesthetically pleasing and easy to see advertisements/pictures; you can use websites like this to make them more easily. Leadership: Most people in leadership positions for communities like this kinda stumble into it; people might look like they know what they're doing, but often they're trying to figure things out themselves and that's okay. I also agree, it's very important to get help because then there's multiple people to do the work and hold each other accountable. Also, never stop recruiting people for leadership: many hands make lighter work, plus eventually people will leave for one reason or another so it's always best to have more people. Another thing is set realistic goals; trying to do too much too quickly just leads to burnout. Additionally, it's important to communicate well with leadership team; if you notice conflict, stop and address it because a lot of times it's due to miscommunication or different leadership styles. Lastly, use things to help stay organized, including: google drives, trello (online to-do list for groups); also "slack" is a good messaging app for those kinda things...it has a bunch of different channels and overall is like the "professional" version of discord. (these are based on things I've previously used, I'm sure there's many more) Activities/Meetings: Community discussions are really good, though sometimes it can be difficult if people struggle to think of what to discuss, so plan discussion questions ahead. Also, especially as an organization grows, you might want to have themed discussion topics. In my old club, each week we'd have a powerpoint presentation for themed discussion, such as representation in media or intersections with other minority groups; though, it's good to make sure these still are discussions with questions rather than just lectures. Additionally, it's good to have a social element, such as going out to eat after meetings if people want. Discussion groups are important and form camaraderie, but more fun and social things help people become friends. Community Guidelines: These are really great to have for facilitating discussions! Here are a few community guidelines I've often seen used in queer spaces: "Take space, make space": People are encouraged to talk but remember to leave space for other people, who may be more shy, to be able to talk too "One diva one mic": Don't talk over someone who's speaking "ouch-oops": If someone says something hurtful to you, say "ouch" and then they'll respond "oops" to acknowledge they did something that upset you. This is a useful way to address these things without completely derailing the conversation; I've most commonly seen it used when someone accidentally misgenders someone. Gender inclusive language: Remember not to gender people based on presentation and to use gender inclusive language in general. For example, instead of addressing a group with terms such as "guys", use terms such as "Y'all". "Stories stay here, lessons leave": there's a certain amount of confidentiality around things people share, and it's important to remember not to share other people's stories which they shared in confidence. Take and share the lessons you learn, but don't repeat the stories. "I" statements: talk about your own experiences, not other people's. Diversity: the queer community has a lot of diverse intersections to other minority groups, and it's important to respect all aspects of other people's identities. (Here is a link to "Campus Pride" which has similar guidelines and more) Accessibility: It's important to try and be accessible and provide relevant accessibility information. Now, it's generally unrealistic to be 100% accessible to everyone due to limited resources and also conflicting accessibility needs, but there are some relatively simple things that can help: Provide accessibility information for events this includes how physically accessible the location is and also if it would require much walking/standing or if it is very loud which might cause sensory issues. Food and dietary information if your event has food, that's great! people love food! But remember, a lot of people have dietary restrictions including food allergies, so it's important to make sure food is properly labelled. Also, have information available on what kind of food it will be beforehand, perhaps providing a link to restaurant/caterer as relevant. Examples of common dietary restrictions: Vegan/Vegetarian, gluten (Celiac disease), lactose intolerance, Food allergies (including nuts, shellfish, eggs, & soybeans), and religious dietary restrictions (Kosher & Halal). (I personally have had a lot of issues with this; if something says there's food but doesn't specify what, I have to assume there will be nothing for me to eat...and I'm typically correct. I can think of at least two times where I was at events where I expected there to have enough to eat only to discover the provided information was insufficient, and I found it very stressful and it made me unable to enjoy the event). Communication accessibility Making visual presentations easily visible (with size and font/background colors); use bullet points and frequent paragraph breaks to make things more readable Speaking loudly/clearly; when talking to people who have problems hearing, speak facing them; have discussions in a circle so people can see each other Avoid use of ableist language (There's more detailed info for accessibility here, especially under "Holding inclusive events") Hope this helps!
  13. (Disclaimer: I've only skim-read this thread so might not be consistent with things previously said) I think it's kinda because....for example, society (especially in the US) doesn't really value friendships that much; people don't consider it normal to be affectionate with your friends. Because of that, the word "friend" has been kinda watered down to be a weaker relationship than what it should mean. Therefore, terms like queerplatonic were created because it's not considered normal to be super close to friends and be affectionate, much less prioritize each other as part of life plans. So it's not just trying to make terms that are "closer to romance", it's that platonic isn't considered as strong as it ought to be. I think some elements of it have been formed with internalized amatonormativity, and that has been complicated due to conflicting definitions...especially between the aro community and parts of the ace community. Part of it might also be from trying to explain it to others in a way they'd understand. But yeah I think it's generally useful to point out how the terminology has evolved in response to the surrounding culture; I know I've had previous conversations where it was realized that americans tend to use these labels even more because our culture has made it so taboo and weird to be genuinely close with friends.
  14. My overall point is that different platforms are easier for different people. I've seen other people outright say on tumblr that they're interested in the conversations occurring on the forums but that they do not find the forums accessible to them. I agree the forums are overall better for some discussions, otherwise I wouldn't be here. However, I disagree with universally stating that one platform is awful and shouldn't be used at all because it's dismissive of people who use that platform. Tumblr does have its uses; it is more conducive to short summaries of things which makes it easier to understand for people who have problems focusing (such as with ADHD), it generally reaches a wider audience and therefore makes it easier for people to find out discussions are even happening, and also generally gives people a platform to post their feelings on a topic which often leads to topics of discussion being established in general. However, long discussions on tumblr aren't ideal because the information ends up scattered. Therefore longer discussions make more sense on the forums. There is a way to make these things work together. As I previously mentioned, I'm planning a new thread to talk about how to more effectively conduct discussions while making them more accessible in general. We don't need to keep debating it here. I don't want to upset anyone; I just generally want clear civil discussion. If anything, I feel upset. I feel like I shouldn't bother talking on this thread anymore at all because apparently all my opinions are awful and everyone's upset with me. I feel like I'm apparently not able to clearly express what I'm thinking and people are quick to become mad rather than ask for clarification. I want to learn and understand but there aren't enough paragraph breaks and everything is confusing so I feel like I'm too stupid to understand and a nuisance for having to ask. I want to be able to participate in discussions because I care about the issues, but things are often too confusing or combative and it's really upsetting.
  15. Thanks for explanations, I feel I understand better now. I hadn't realized the link to the discourse; I generally avoided it completely and only got the echoes I suppose. Hmm....I think my initial concept of it was based on the pre-discourse discussions, but I was generally less informed then so didn't get the nuance of it...then later saw SAM presented as the official term for that concept; thus I was generally confused by this apparent binary between SAM/non-SAM because just kinda viewed as words for describing stuff? Kinda confused by this....hmmm, (simplified) matched would mean same prefix vs. mixed means different prefix. Uh...was there ever terminology for describing these ideas(matching identies/orientations etc.)? Examples of individual labels generally makes things more clear to me. Would aroace be similar? as singular term conveying matching/overlapped identities. Hmmm....is there some nuanced difference to how y'all are using orientation/identity vs. attraction? I tend to perceive orientation/identity as being defined based on attraction. Our you using orientation and identity as having specific strong differences? I am unfamiliar with this background/do not perceive it that way. From my perspective, different types of attraction have been specifically defined which makes them easier to identify and understand. For example, figuring out that aesthetic attraction is a separate thing helped small-me actually figure out that I'm ace (and aro), because had previously perceived all types of attraction as a singular thing. I've seen tertiary attraction used as umbrella term for this group of lesser-known attractions (that can be discussed more in other thread I made). It seems like oriented aroace kinda smushes the different tertiary attractions back together into general descriptor & then combined with aroace identity? So I don't see how these terms are themselves problematic? Though I'm also confused what you mean by "orientational language".
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