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Jot-Aro Kujo

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Everything posted by Jot-Aro Kujo

  1. Simple. It's romantic if they feel like it is. At the end of the day, no matter what activities someone decides to take part in in relation to their attractions, or what it looks like to outsiders, it's about what they feel, not what they do. Romantic attraction isn't some combination of other feelings, it's a feeling in itself. Everyone says it is, and I see no reason why we should assume that they're lying, or too stupid to understand their own feelings. If I say I'm friends with someone, would it make any sense to question whether friendship is even something that exists or if it's just a misinterpretation of other feelings? No. If I say I'm friends with someone, then I'm friends with someone. So why do that to romance? If someone says they feel romantic attraction, then they feel romantic attraction. The end. Now, what makes certain acts romantically coded is a fine question for sociologists and anthropologists, but I don't think it's at all right to make assumptions about other people's feelings. And, again, I really don't like the implication that my attractions could be in any way considered romance, and I really, really think assuming romance has to do with sex is extremely unfair and disrespectful to asexual people.
  2. I'm sorry, but this is... Not right at all. First of all, asexuals exist. To say that romance is merely a combination of sexual attraction and friendship is extremely acephobic. Plenty of people experience romantic attraction without sexual attraction, and you need to respect that. Secondly, as someone who is the opposite- I experience sexual attraction, but not romantic attraction- I am VERY offended by the implication that if I were to enter a sexual relationship with one of my friends, that would qualify as "romantic". None of my attractions are romantic, no matter how they may or may not overlap. I understand that romance can seem almost fake at times from an aro perspective, and I don't think it's wrong to try to think philosophically about the nuances of different types of attractions people feel (or don't feel), but please, please try to be careful with the conclusions you come to. Try to think about things from different perspectives, and be very careful what labels you try to put on others for them. It's really not fair to try to assume other people's feelings; No matter how it may sound to us, deciding that alloros are just making it up and don't "really" feel romance is just as horrible and disrespectful as it is for them to assume that we're making things up and not "really" aromantic. Please have respect for other people's feelings, and let them label them for themselves.
  3. I'm not a PoC, but I am hispanic and tired of having to explain to stupid exclusionshit fuckheads why deeming asexuality a "white people thing" is, in fact, extremely racist, because hey! I don't like being subjected to the spicy latina lover stereotype! πŸ™„
  4. That would require them actually existing, so no.
  5. Jot-Aro Kujo

    Widower

    I... Don't know? Do you have evidence to support this claim? What men are you even talking about? Bruh you know what website you're on? Why are you asking us. Are you ok. Are you dating a man whose wife died
  6. Yeah, that's pretty much how it's used.
  7. Not me, but try joining some aro Discord servers. There's lots of folks with alters hanging around there.
  8. In fact, in many ways they are! Do a little research into the subject yourself. I say this as someone with at least two mental illnesses, both of which have changed classification several times over the course of my lifetime.
  9. How can you claim you're not trying to make people feel unwelcome, while simultaneously saying their identities don't exist?
  10. I'll get off your case when you stop trying to define how "allo" or "aro" people are without having been invited to. No one can define their orientations but themselves, and I know that a lot of arospecs actually do not feel welcome in the aro community because of people like you- People who tell them "Oh, actually you're just allo" or "Oh, you're aro now/you've always been aro and just had internalized arophobia". It is our job to make these people feel welcome and to feel accepted for who they are, and make them feel like they can define their own lives, without trying to police their identities and categorize people for them. Knock. It. Off.
  11. "I'm speaking from personal experience," you say, as you try to armchair label someone else's personal experience,
  12. Hey, stop calling arospecs alloromantic. That's pretty fuckin rude and dismissive. If arospecs are somehow "allo" for feeling romantic attraction in any capacity, then bisexuals must be "straight" for being sometimes attracted to the "opposite" gender, and I'm sure we all know that's not true. (Or at least I should hope so, cause I ain't playing the biphobia game with anybody.)
  13. Think of it like the LGBTQ+ community. Obviously (to pick an arbitrary example), gay people are not bi, and bi people are not gay, and I'm sure most of them would not consider themselves a part of those specific communities (i.e. I, as a bisexual, do not consider myself part of the lesbian community because I'm not a lesbian). But at the same time, most of them do consider themselves part of a larger unified community, based on the experiences that they do very much share and the benefit that can be gained from unifying with each other. That's how I feel about the aspec community; I don't consider myself ace, and I don't consider myself a lesbian, but I do consider myself aspec and queer.
  14. Ah, that makes sense. Well, good luck figuring it out!
  15. Well... Can't say I've found a solution either, but at least I can say you're not the only one? (I'm 21, lmao)
  16. I think that yes, it should be inclusive. How inclusive is up to who feels like being included. If someone feels like their lack of a certain kind of attraction impacts their life and identity enough to seek out our community, then I think they should absolutely be included, regardless of how else they may identify. If someone pops in saying they're heterosexual heteroromantic aplatonic, then clearly something has compelled them to seek community for that; I don't think it would be fair to turn them away. I'm also fond of the term "aspec" (ignoring the pronunciation issue) because, speaking of an allo aro, it's what- to me- joins the ace and aro communities together. I am not part of the asexual community. I cannot be part of the asexual community, don't want to be, and presumably they would not want me to be either, given that I am, as mentioned, not asexual. But at the same time, there is a ton of overlap between the aro and ace communities, not only due to the number of aroaces out there, but because of shared history and experiences. I think it's important to acknowledge that overlap, and to be allies to each other, so the aspec community is the union of both the ace and aro communities as one large, diverse whole. "Ace and aro" more implies a partnership than a single unified community, imo.
  17. Have you done any research into the term "genderfluid"? Idk much about what you're feeling, since I'm cis, but of the terms I know that one immediately came to mind based on your description. If you have thought about it before, don't mind me, but I thought it might be worth mentioning in case maybe you've never heard of it before.
  18. First of all, not all aros feel squishes, nor do most friendships start out that way. It's also possible to have a squish on someone and be an absolute fuckwad to them or others, so there's really no correlation between squishes and moral purity. Same with sexual attraction- sexual attraction without other types of attraction isn't inherently evil, it's just something that exists. Anyway, I don't know what you mean by "don't really care about any of them" in regards to your friends. Is it just that you don't particularly feel a need to have especially deep relationships? Because that's fine. That's totally acceptable and doesn't make you a bad person. Is it that you want them to do things for you, but you wouldn't do things for them and wouldn't be bothered if something horrible happened to them? Well... Yeah, then you might be kind of a jerk. But you can work on it. Finally, I would like to say that "am I aromantic or just a bad person" is never a question that needs to be asked; It's entirely possible to be aromantic and still be an absolute bastard. One does not negate the other.
  19. 'Hmm... Although I've never been in a QPR myself, so I can't really know what they feel like, I feel like there might be some insight to be gained in defining why I don't want a QPR. To me, I don't want a QPR because... I like to be my own boss. I very strongly dislike the idea of any sort of formally defined relationship- I can't be tied down to any one specific person (or multiple people, in the case of polyamory). Now you might think this makes me a very solitary person, but I'm not. I love my friends. I love having very close friends, I'm very committed to my friends, and I would absolutely love to live with friends someday. So what's the difference? Well... Friendships aren't formally defined. They just evolve naturally, and can change in nature without it being a big deal. I feel like once you're in a QPR, though, then you're In a Relationship, you know what I mean? You can't be in a QPR with someone unless one of you brings the idea up and you both agree to it, and then after that you're Partners, and you can't change that without like, announcing it you know. (Obviously all QPRs are different and not everyone uses the same terminology, so please forgive my generalizations.) With friends, you don't have to formally declare the nature of your relationship, and honestly you don't really have to do much of anything. Should you do things like keep in touch with your friends, make time specifically to spend with them, etc.? Sure, if that's the kind of friendship you have. But you're not obligated to. I am extremely committed to my friends and I like to go the extra mile to support them, have fun together, and make them feel appreciated, and I would absolutely never abandon my friends at the drop of a hat, but I like being secure in the knowledge that I'm doing it because it's what I want to do at any given moment in time. It's ok for friendships to change. You can be super ultra best friends with someone at one point in time, and maybe a few years down the line you two aren't nearly as close anymore, but you're still friends. That's ok! Friendships are loose and volatile and fluid, and that's what I like about them. Hell, even my best friend... I've known her since I was four years old. We're super close, go everywhere together, we'd totally be willing to live together indefinitely. But even with her, I know that should we ever grow less close, there's no need to formally declare it. And I like knowing that I don't have to consult her on any life decisions I make- I might do so anyway just because I value her opinion, and I certainly wouldn't up and move away without telling her, but I don't have to. I can do whatever I want with my own life. I'm not afraid of commitment, I just dislike obligation. Now of course, it's not like I can do everything my way forever. I know eventually things like roommates, etc. will become a factor in what I do. I also know that no two QPRs look alike, and not all may involve life partnership or a specific level of intimacy or anything like that. But in any case, to me, the thing that makes me feel like I wouldn't want a QPR- even if a theoretical QPR I could have might in all other ways seem identical to friendship- is the act of formally declaring a relationship status, as well as in general a sense of obligation to do things a certain way and share a level of involvement in each others' lifestyles.
  20. I understand that feeling. For me, it tends to be a fear that they won't be as interested in spending time with me if they have a romantic partner, or that they'll be constantly talking about them/engaging in PDA around me (I'm romance repulsed). It's an unpleasant feeling to have, and obviously you should be careful not to be a dick about it, but it's important to know that it's normal and doesn't make you a bad person.
  21. It never works for me. Everyone always says "Ohhhh, you're just saying that because you're young! Trust me, once you're a little older you'll change your mind!" (I'm 21 btw) or "You probably just haven't met the right person yet." or "It's probably just school stress getting to you." Everyone thinks they know my feelings better than I do. I don't think I've ever had anyone hear me say "I don't do relationships" and actually accept it instead of trying to convince me I'm lying, or rationalize it as a temporary situation caused by (insert thing here).
  22. Me, furiously digging myself further and further into the hole I have created within my fandoms by blacklisting every ship tag and blocking half the fandom and only interacting with the 5 people in my gen servers and churning out 20 genfics a year: Sorry did someone say something I think I have dirt in my ears
  23. I study Japanese, and afaik the word for aromantic in Japanese is just... "aromantic" (γ‚’γƒ­γƒžγƒ³γƒ†γ‚£γƒƒγ‚―). Aroace is "asexual" (をセクシャル), and allo ace is "nonsexual" (γƒŽγƒ³γ‚»γ‚―γ‚·γƒ£γƒ«). I think there's also some non-loanword terms that aren't as frequently used, I forget what they are... there's like... mu-ai-something-or-other I think... Idk.
  24. Yeeeeeah that would not be funny. I mean you could try it on straight people, sure, but don't you dare do that to a gay person. They already get that shit enough from heteros.
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