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Jot-Aro Kujo

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About Jot-Aro Kujo

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 01/20/1998

Personal Information

  • Name
    Alex
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/her
  • Occupation
    Graphic design student
  • Romanticism
    Extremely aromantic
  • Sexuality
    Bisexual

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  1. Whether or not you tell him is up to you. You know him well by now, I'm sure- How do you think he would respond? Do what you think is best. I think if you do decide to tell him, it might be a good idea to be careful to assure him that it's ok if he doesn't want to date you, and that this will not change your relationship. And if he feels awkward or uncomfortable around you after that, give him a little space if you can; I don't know how romance repulsed he is (if at all, I hope for both of your sakes he isn't), but for some aros it can be very, very uncomfortable and even scary to find out that someone you think of as a friend has a crush on you. Ideally it won't be an issue, but if he seems uncomfortable, I think the best thing to do would be to not pressure him, continue to demonstrate that you're not going to treat him any differently, and let him back away if he needs to. If you're good friends, he'll probably come around eventually. Of course, if he is nasty to you about it, then yeah he's probably not worth your time. One last thing, though- Uh, is he open about his aromanticism? Did your mutual friend out him without his permission? If so, that's not cool. I would probably double check that if I were you, and if it turns out your friend did indeed pull a dick move and out someone without their consent, either a. try not to let on that you know he identifies as aro or b. tell him that your friend told you. It sounds like they probably meant well, but he does have a right to be upset if he was outed without permission.
  2. Maybe it is disappointing to your parents. So what? Are you your parents? Are you a person, or are you their dress-up doll? This is something I've said to many people about many things, and now I will say it to you: Fuck your parents, the only person you need to worry about disappointing is you. Life is short, so live for yourself, not for other people. Don't force yourself into a life you don't want just because you think it'll make someone else happy. Do what makes you happy, and I'm sure if your parents love you, they'll come around when they see how wonderful a happy you can be. I know it can be hard to feel like someone you love is disappointed in you, but ultimately, they're the ones making the choice to be disappointed. I hope that, if your parents are worthy of your love, they'll be able to make the right choice.
  3. Depends on the person. Anxiety and dread in regards to romance is not aromanticism- It's romance repulsion, which is common among aros. Just like how it's not true that forgetfulness "is" ADHD, but rather that it is a common symptom of ADHD. Romance repulsion isn't aromanticism, no, and not all aros experience it, but it is very commonly experienced by aros.
  4. Jot-Aro Kujo

    C2

    You don't. Because you can't say you're "the only person for them"- They have freedom over their own lives, and frankly, trying to convince someone that they can't be happy with anyone other than you sounds manipulative if not downright abusive. Also, I'm not sure you realize this, but this is a forum for people who experience little to no romantic attraction, so maybe not the best place to ask how to beg someone to be monogamous?
  5. 1. One that exists, and will not involve romance, ever 2. No 3. Forbidden by society Like, to be honest... Allo aros are stereotyped as having lots of one-night stands or whatever, but honestly? A lot of the allo aros I've spoken to haven't even had sex, myself included. Society makes it very, very difficult to safely access sex unless you're in a romantic relationship. "Hookup culture" mostly lives at parties and bars, which is no good for those of us who aren't very social or just don't like those kinds of activities. Dating apps are also similarly off the table for those of us who don't want to get murdered (hi, queer latina here). And even "hookups", if you can get to one, are risky, because society has this concept that even if you explicitly say you're only looking for a sexual relationship and not a romantic one, if the other party "catches feelings", then it's your fault and you have to "take responsibility" and date them, or you're a horrible person. The concept of actually having a sexual relationship as an allo aro is basically a fever dream to those of us who aren't lucky enough to be very party-style social, and/or romance favorable.
  6. Sure, you have the right to whatever opinions you want. But you also have to accept that the vast majority of the community welcomes arospecs, and will not play along with your bullshit. Try all you want, but it's not happening.
  7. Great! I'm so glad to hear it!
  8. Bruh, literally everyone knows at this point that the only reason you want to redesign the aro flag is because you're offended that the current design is inclusive of arospec folks. Give it up. Your subtle exclusionary tactics are not going to fly under anyone's radar.
  9. I didn't always know. I mean, I knew I was different, but I didn't have a concept of being aro at the time (because I wasn't aware that it was possible to be aro and not ace). When I first started dating my ex, I did convince myself that I had romantic feelings for them, although deep down I think I did know I didn't and was just hoping that I would develop them over time; Eventually, though, it became very clear to me that I did not. I continued to fake it for some time, because I didn't want to disappoint people, but eventually decided to break up with them, and it was a huge relief when I did. I didn't find out I was aro until several years later. Sorry, you're right, I misread. I think I got your post and the other person's post mixed up. My comment was directed in general at people who are aware what they're doing, but I guess I didn't read your post clearly enough and thought that was what was going on. My bad!
  10. I'll be honest: As someone who, yes, did do this (and was miserable the whole time), I really, really don't think this is an ok thing to do. It's not right to lie to your friends, guys. Alloromantic folks expect a certain mutuality in their romantic relationships; How would you like it if one of your friends didn't actually like you, and was only faking it for convenience? You'd feel hurt and betrayed, right? So don't do that with romance. Now, I'm not saying you can't have a romantic relationship as an aro. You can! But you need to be honest about it. Say, "Hey, I'm not romantically attracted to you, but I'm still willing to date you and do the things you'd like to do. Is that ok?" And remember, they have the right to say no. If they do, and even if they decide to stop being friends with you, you need to accept that. It's ok. If you're looking for one relationship type, and they're looking for another, and you can't reconcile that in a way that is fair to both of you, then maybe you're just not compatible. There's nothing wrong with that, and there are plenty of other friends out there in the world- But you need to be honest. You can't keep deceiving people who believe you feel a certain way about them when you don't.
  11. Sorry, I thought I was more clear about my wording. That's exactly what I meant- Even after being made fully aware of many LGBTQ+ identities, including asexuality, aromanticism, and even demisexuality and demiromanticism, it took me a long time to understand that I was aro because nobody had ever told me you could be aro if you're not ace. I've heard similar stories from other allo aros as well. My point was less "Aroaces figure it out right away" (which is of course completely untrue) and more "If an aroace and an allo aro are both exposed to the same LGBTQ+ resources at the same time before being aware of their own identities, in general it may take longer for the allo aro to understand their orientation than the aroace, because there is a large lack of awareness for allo aro issues". I absolutely do not think it's easy to figure out that one is aroace, and I didn't mean to imply that it was, so I'm sorry I didn't word that more clearly (I tried to but evidently did not succeed). But from the aros I have spoken to, most allo aros agree that it took them a long time to figure out their orientations even after exposure to certain resources, whereas the aroaces I have spoken to generally very quickly learned they were aro after learning about asexuality. I was surrounded by aroace friends as a teen, but still hated myself and believed myself to be broken because nobody had ever told me that I could be aro too. This is a painfully common experience for allo aros, which is what I was trying to convey.
  12. Honestly, it’s not really about Annest specifically. I feel that every Tumblr user mentioned in this thread has been unfairly mischaracterized and taken out of context- See, for example, the claim that aphobephobe “had a friend repost” misinformation, when in fact they never did so. Yes, that’s been resolved now, but the claim should never have happened in the first place. And, given that this platform is not Tumblr, had there not happened to be people here who were aware of the actual context and willing to speak up, it would have been perfectly possible for everyone to assume this is true and go “Gosh, what a nasty person that aphobephobe is, spreading lies like that,” with no one being there to defend them. I do not think this kind of behavior is at all fair.
  13. Like I said, there's a lack of anything positive to be brought out of that first post. Far too many times I have seen accusatory statements along the lines of "The aro community is bad because they don't constantly acknowledge that everything they have came from the ace community!!!!", and this feels very similar, because the thread itself initially lacked acknowledgement of why these things are happening, nor any sort of "Here's what you can do to help". It was just a statement, "The aro community is doing bad things". I'm tired of such accusations. The aro community is bad, bad, bad, we need to apologize for saying words, we need to apologize for having feelings, we are so bad for doing things. I'm sure it comes across very differently to aroaces, but to those of us who have been constantly shut down and pushed away from our own community, it's a very familiar rhetoric- Pointing fingers at the aro community for not giving constant credit to the ace community. It's hurtful and it's exhausting and seeing this thread, even having read the full Tumblr post, just feels like a repeat of that. Furthermore, the mention of specific posts and their number of notes does feel a little unnecessarily bitter- There could be any number of reasons why one post might have more notes than another. Maybe the blog has more followers, maybe it got reblogged by a popular blog, maybe it was phrased in a way that's easier for people to parse than a full essay. Just because one post isn't as popular as the OP wants it to be doesn't necessarily mean the aro community has a specific agenda; This, combined with the mentioning of specific Tumblr users and especially their words being taken out of context, makes it feel like a bitter accusation towards members of the Tumblr aro community specifically, without any real attempt to address the context behind their words- It's just "This person on Tumblr made a bad post! I'm gonna show that bad post to everyone on Arocalypse so they know how bad it is!" If I were to reframe the issue in a less accusatory light, I might say something along the lines of "Hey, I've noticed the aro community has an issue with misinformation regarding QPRs. I see this go around a lot on Tumblr. I think this is probably happening for xyz reason, and I understand that completely, but this is still bad because blahblah. I think it would be really good if we could work together to prevent this from spreading further. You can help by doing yadda yadda. Here's a post with more information on this topic," etc.
  14. I have, yes, but the post and the thread come across very differently. The post is fine; The thread feels like an inflammatory attempt to shame the community and to call out users from a completely different platform. That's not cool.
  15. Alright, let me rephrase what I meant: I definitely agree that misinformation is a problem. I do think that people should stop claiming QPRs were not created by aces, and I think it is good to spread awareness, especially given that a lot of people genuinely don't know any better. I also agree that "just don't mention who created QPRs if it's not relevant" is fair enough. What I take issue with is the initial way this issue was framed in this thread. I feel like the initial post was very negative, more of an accusation than a PSA. It felt very much like specific individuals were being "called out"; Some of these individuals, like Annest, do not use the forums and therefore wouldn't be able to defend themselves, while others, like Magni, shouldn't really have to defend themselves and may find doing so stressful. Speaking especially as someone who has very deep, personal experience with the ways the ace community (especially allo aces) has hurt aros, to me... It just feels kind of like a repeat of that. To storm in here saying, "The aro community is doing A Bad, and you need to stop!!" without acknowledging why this is happening, without saying "I understand your hurt and I hear you," without saying "Here's what you can do to help," without giving any sort of positive end at all... It just feels like finger-pointing. Oh, how shameful the aro community is, once again committing sins against our great ancestors. How terrible. Thanks? And..?
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