Jump to content


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


1 Follower

About Costati

  • Rank
  • Birthday 11/14/1999

Personal Information

  • Name
  • Gender
  • Pronouns
  • Location
    South of France
  • Occupation
  • Romanticism
  • Sexuality

Recent Profile Visitors

334 profile views
  1. I just recieved my aro flag and it's so pretty and huuuge and I am so happy. It was a pain to have it down and made me really anxious but damn am I happy of the result. It is so awesooooome. I've never felt more proud of being aro. I wanna use it as a cape and wave it in everyone's faces like a queeen ♥

    1. Ace of Amethysts
    2. DeltaV


      That sounds so cool. I'd give something to see you with your flag. xD

    3. Costati


      Maybe I'll take a pic to put it as my avatar. We'll see x) 

  2. Costati

    Boston College Professor

    Can you email her back again asking for her to make a public statement about that and supporting of aromantics. Because it's pretty and all but if she really supports us she should clear that thing up right now because her intentions could easily get out of context like with that article and she should probably dissociate herself from the potential nasty consequences right now. Even if people probably won't care about her statement in the long run, at least for her and for us it's important that she shows her support. Openly. A statement is nothing to her it's like 5 minutes of her time, but it could mean a lot to us.
  3. Costati

    Boston College Professor

    Oh don't worry, I was just being sarcastic because that's how I am but I totally get your point and I'm sorry if I offended you a bit. I was in no way mad with your point of view or anything. It's nothing against you it's just me being sarcastic and annoyed at this article I'm sorry I realize now it could have be seen as rude. It's because I usually don't put smiley on my text either. It's making it hard to understand my intention. It's my bad. But don't worry I really never blamed you I'm only pissed at this article and situation.
  4. Costati

    Boston College Professor

    Yeah because giving extra credit to people who have the ability and "want" to date is definitely not discrimination against aromantics, arospec, anxious people, people already in relationships and just basically anyone that isn't interested by her program. It's discriminatory because it's linked to people personal life, there's no way this can't be discriminatory if you bound personal life with study courses. I mean it's a private school so I guess there's not this issue that much but like she said the one asking had to pay. And the one asking is the one having the extra credit ? So that makes it really complicated for people without a lot of money to really engage as well. I'm so pissed off by this. Do write about that to the Washington Post. I would really enjoy reading that.
  5. Costati

    The Aro <-> Romantic Q&A Thread

    Okay so I haven't read all the answer to this thread at all because I'm lazy I guess but I just want to step in to actually defend that test. Because if you read the test in absolutely no way they say having a high score is a good thing because you have access to romantic love. They actually denunciate this. Don't get offended it's clearly good to have a lesser score. I think the results should have been worded differently. Because it associate codependency to the feeling of romantic love but it does it in a bad way tho. I mean maybe it's my aro mind speaking but to me it clearly seems like having a higher result is really bad from the POV of the person doing this test. I mean: AUTHOR James Park is an existential philosopher and author of New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships, the first chapter of which is called "Romantic Love is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love' " __________________________ It's pretty obvious. The test is supposed to be really hard and the question are supposed to be hardcore because the good result (in the mind of the author) is to have the less yes possible. Don't do this test it's clearly not neutral at all. I'm sure there's some better out there that doesn't associate experiencing romantic attraction to automatically being codependent and irrational. @aro_elise Well yeah, allos can be a bit irrational sometimes but I really think that test don't put them in a good light at all. It's clearly from the point of view of someone that is against romantic relationship and think in the extreme situations. It's making allos seems crazy. It's like if we were to took a test made by really romantic centrist allos that are completely obssessive and dependent and romance we would seem like cold, depressed, sociopath. We're clearly not. But it's easy to make people seem crazy depending on your point of view. This test is really unreliable and I really don't think it should be used as reference for aros to understand allos.
  6. Costati

    Boston College Professor

    Sorry for my language but this is so f**ked not even only for aros but for anxious people, people that aren't out yet like the person before said. It puts romance even more in the center of things. What is the response of people ? I really really hope they'll be scandalized by this because I can't believe people would actually support this.
  7. @aro_elise That's actually what I talked with m'y bestfriend yesterday (she's bi, arospec and might ne ace-spec too) the thing is well fristly I am attracted to men's body but as a general term. I dont have any preferences even if the person look very different because I'm not attracted to one's body specifically I'm attracted to all body type and all. It doesn't make me want to have sex with every man I see tho not at all it's just that if I've got that vibe I'll always say why not because I do not have any turn off physically. Secondly, I just don't get along with women in the first place. I don't think it's due to attractions at all. I just think it's because I had bad experiences with bullying by women and that made it hard to me to be friends with women. Mostly straight ones because I swear to god they mostly talk about their boyfriends all the time and it's a real struggle. I'm also really close to my bestfriend and I'm pretty sure I would say absolutely no way and find the idea ridiculous if she'd ask to have sex with me. I don't know if it's because I'm really close to her which would make it Weird or because I would think she's gone crazy because I know I'm the complete opposite of her type in girls. I'm not completely opposed to the idea of having sex with women. But it's definerely not something I'm actively looking at nor something I think I would enjoy but if I like someone enough and they propose I think it doesn't cost me that much to do it. But it's more neutral than positive when with guys it's positive. That's why I'm pretty pretty sure I'm not homosexual or bi. I really don't think I'm heterosexual anymore with all these comments but I don't think I'm completely asexual (which I didn't think in the first place but still) because there is a difference between women and men for me. Maybe it's not sexual attraction maybe it is I do not know.
  8. Yes that actually helps a lot because that's what I've heard people talk about that made me recently question my sexuality. Because for me my sexual orientation would be more of a woah that person is cool, I've got a good vibe about them they're interesting, we could have sex I wouldn't mind. But I never had a craving/hunger to have sex with someone. I can have this craving to have sex but never with someone in mind I think it's just my libido. I do not have at all the good-looking factor. Because for me it doesn't have anything to do with how they look but more of what vibe they seem to have. If that makes sense. It's really confusing to me because I felt like everyone was on the same page with me about heterosexual attraction but I just realized that not really and maybe I'm acespec. Thanks for your answer that really helps especially the last sentence because I think the answer to that question is actually none. But it's really hard to separate sexual desire and sexual attraction (especially because I feel like I've been overcompensating my aromanticism by my sexual desire when I didn't know about the label. It was easier to tell myself "You're just a bitch who uses people for sex" instead of telling myself that I was broken for not feeling romantic attraction).
  9. Sexuality is confusing :(

    1. Eklinaar


      Indeed it is.

  10. Hello, I've got some questions for heterosexuals aromantics. I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality lately. I've always thought I was heterosexual. Well, I've been questioning being bi for a brief period of time but I'm not. The thing is I've never question my attraction to guys because it was so obvious to me even after discovering I'm aromantic. I was sure I was heterosexual aromantic but lately I've actually been thinking a lot and comparing myself to other heterosexuals and I'm actually not so sure anymore. Because it seems like for a lot of them they're sexually attracted to people. I don't think I actually am. I thought it was aromanticism that made me like that. Like yeah I don't feel romantic attraction to these people but that doesn't mean I don't feel sexual attraction. But I think my idea of sexual attraction isn't really what it is. Because I am not attracted to people. I'm interested in the idea of sexual relationships a lot and to have sexual partners even have a qpp where sex is involved but I don't think I'm actually attracted to people sexually. I'm attracted to people platonically, like I want to know them more, become friends with them and just share deep conversation because I love being with people like that. I would love to have sex with some too but as a plus. Anyway I'm not gonna talk more because this is hella confusing to me and weird to explain. So I just really wanted to ask you guys if you could define what your sexual attraction is or how your sexual attraction manifest itself. Are you actually attracted to people or you just want to have sexual relationship and can have them without feeling attracted to that person and it's not a bother at all ? P.S : I don't have aesthetic attraction. I thought it was important to add in case you guys think "Oh well it's like you think someone is really good looking" because I don't. It makes it so damn confusing. Please help me. I'm questioning everything it's a pain.
  11. What works for me is being really cold. I can play with my emotions really easily so I'm all smiley and nice when I want to be but if I have the slightest doubt that someone is flirting with me I go into cold borderline scary mode. Obviously I'm not being a bitch I'm still as nice as I was before but I just give off this really intimidating aura that tend to scare people off. That's actually my default mode. Strangers never talk to me if I want to be close to someone I do and they see I don't bite by themselves x). I wouldn't recommend that technique if you're not extremely good at distancing yourself from what emotion you feel and what you can seem to feel but I mean it does works. If you look like you're strong and tough apparently it doesn't appeal that much to guys (or appeal to the more shy one maybe). And if they're insisting they're way more susceptible to actually listen to you and back off when you say no if you're a bit intimidating than if you're not. But you definetely should say "No, no way in hell" because sadly saying "I'm not interested in relationship right now, I'm too busy for it, I have a boyfriend or even saying you're aro" that get misinterpreted a lot. They think it'll change because they only hear what they want to hear. Don't try to justify yourself just say "No I won't" and don't give more information let them come to their own conclusions. Giving an explanation will have a chance of being misinterpreted if you just say no they'll probably feel like it's for real since you don't even care enough about them to explain anything. You could always be mean and say that they're unattractive to you (because it actually is even if it's not really their fault) if they're really insisting. But I think they have to be really pushy if they still try it after all that. You can just be a bit intimidating honestly it works wonder. I'm heterosexual so I can tell you I have the intimidating mask on all the time and when I actually like someone I turn it off and I have no trouble so it's not me being unattractive it really works.
  12. Costati


    Don't worry that much about it. It's okay to not have labels, it's already great that you consider yourself being arospec and trying to find more about this. Don't focus on finding the perfect label just try to find the small things that could echo in you. You should read the "You might be aro if" thread it's mostly focus on aromanticism but it's pretty funny to read and you might understand aromanticism better after that (Dont think everything ils perfectly accurate tho it depends on everyone for exemple there's a lot of romance repulsed aros on the forum but I for exemple isn't. I'm still definitely aro tho)
  13. Costati


    Aaaw no problem. I'm still new there so I have no idea but I think it would be in the aromantic discussions or anonymous question (even if you're not anonymous). I've personally opted for the "ask wherever and start my post by apologizing for probably being in the wrong section" technique x).
  14. AKOIROMANTICISM !!! Akoiromanticisms... I'm sorry I'm coming in this thread like that but I've read all this thread and all the time I just wanted to skip everything to answer because damn there is so many damn things I want to say to you but I wanted to be sure to have all the information and be sure things weren't already said. So first thing first, like @Eklinaar said there's a thing for people that experience romantic attraction fantasize about the idea of relationships, marriage and all these type of traditional romantics things...but stop when it's becoming real. I'm pretty sure that's called akoiromanticism (before lithro but lithro was re-appropriated by lesbian community I think). I am not akoi so don't get your hopes up of me being like that and explaining it to you clearly because I am aro but I've found that term out some times ago when my friend shared to me a queerinclusive story with a character being akoi in it. I was really confused as to "What is that thing?" and by searching on the web I've found out that it is feeling attraction but from afar I guess because it's more of an idea than anything. I've actually got a character that is like that so I've remembered the term. You should probably check it out because I think it's that. Second thing...Yes to the shrink. My dad is a psychiatrist, I'm actually seeing two therapists right now and I'm pushing everyone around me to see someone because it does help so much. Especially if you're lost because their job isn't really to give you an answer but to help you find the answer in yourself. Don't think you're seeing a shrink because you failed to find it all by yourself because it's a lie. For starter from what I've understood you came from a really traditional family so it's already really really brave of you to have come this far and to be so open-minded about yourself and about everything. You made a lot of progress and that's really great so seeing a shrink is in no way a step back or a plan B it's a move forward actually and a way to complete your plan A because you're not giving up and letting someone control things for you or making the decision about who you are. You are doing the work, they're helping me but you get all the credits. What you said about ticking boxes actually made me think a lot about a song from my favourite show ever (that everyone should see because honestly it's so good and realistic and a great criticism of relationship and it's queer positive and anyway awesome) about mental illness. I think you should listen to it because that's pretty much the same thing it's just about mental illness and not about attraction. ( ) Which is a great thing is that Rebecca (the character) like you really hate the diagnosis that someone gave her because yeah it's true and it's the closest she's ever got to something real but there's a lot of stigma about it and a lot of things don't apply to her even if some do. And it doesn't mean that it's wrong it just means that things are more nuanced than boxes. Nobody lives thing the same way. Even in the aromantic community, well there's grey area for starter. You don't have to be alloromantic or aromantic but even in aromanticism a lot of people on here are romance repulsed or thing romance are toxic for people when me on the other hand could be consider as a sucker for romance. I can see the benefits of romance. It's just not for me. Mostly because we're all nuanced because we've lived different things and have been educated in different ways. And there's also other things and that's what I wanted to talk to you about next. On the subject of mental illness and trauma and all that. Have you thought about questioning about that too? Maybe your experience is really difficult and frustrating to you because of other things. I for example I'm precocious and have hypersensibility which make me more sensible about well everything because my emotions are at the center of everything. It also makes me really empathic and perceptive so there isn't only downsides to it but it could be a reason for your confusion. My parents both have that too and my dad just like me suffers from userpator syndrom. When you constantly doubt about everything about yourself even if you rationally know that you're like that or you like that but you can't stop questioning yourself and have these phases where you're "Do I actually like this music or do I force myself to think that I like this music because I want to be hip and trendy or maybe it's because I don't want to be hip and trendy and I want to convince myself that I don't like it and that's why I'm doubting about my taste in music in the first place". When of course when you get through that you understand afterward that it is absolutely ridiculous to overanalyse that this much because you actually like this music because the beat is good and that's just it. Anyway, check into that maybe too? Because if there's a slight chance that you are precocious it would help you understand yourself more and it would also make you understand why you always felt different even before really questioning your sexuality, romance attraction or gender. Also I relate to a ton of things you said but I'm not gonna talk more because this post is already long enough. Feel free to message me tho if you want to know more about my experience and learn from that (I personally love hearing other experiences it helps me figure myself out that's why I'm proposing that it's not because I have some magical answers). P.S: Hypersensibility and all that is related to IQ (having a higher IQ than average) it's just that it's honestly another way of functioning and I'm afraid bluntly say it's related to that will make you think it's related to intelligence and don't put that much thought into it because it's really not about intelligence but more about emotions and sensibility.
  15. Costati


    I don't really ship in real life. I mean I have one celebrity ship, where I ship two famous people. But it's honestly the only one. I feel like they really have a huge chemistry and i would love to see them together. Mostly because they're pretty transparent with their emotions I feel and they do seems sad when they don't spend time together vs spending time together. (They also joke a lot and make a ton of sexual comments so it's kind of a ambiguous relationship to start). Other than that I don't ship in real life except if I really feel like the two person would really be a lot happier being together. In fiction tho I do ship a ton. I don't really like shipping random people. I feel like for a lot of time it's at random but when I feel two characters really have chemistry and would complete each other and make each other more happy if they were together than if there weren't. I'm a really emphatic person so even if I'm aromantic and it's not for me. I totally get how some people would be better with someone and in a traditional romantic relationship. I hate it when it's people forcing characters together and this kind of things because like leave these characters or person alone if they're great alone but I've seen a lot of character being alone and feeling sad about it and I like shipping them with other characters that are alone and sad about it if there's already a chemistry between them. I also write a lot about romantic relationships and romantic characters because I find it really interesting and fascinating so obviously I'm shipping some of my characters together. But I feel like it would always be valid and I could probably write an essay about how them being together would improve their lives, mental health, physical health and all that. Well sometimes it doesn't because I like to write about abusive relationship or dysfunctional one too but I definitely don't ship characters in abusive relationship together. In conclusion I would say that I don't ship always but I do often but everytime for valid reasons that I could explain and goes way deeper than "Oh they would be cute together because they could have cuuute babiiiies". I don't exclusively ship romantics relationship btw I've got some Friendship OTP. It's mostly gonna be between my OCs and my friends OCs but I've got some fictional ships. Not that much tho. Anyway relationships are important, romantics one may not be for us but they still are for other people even fictional characters and there's also a ton of other relationship. Shipping for me is just seeing that these relationships would probably have a positive impact on the characters and that's what matters.