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About running.tally

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  • Birthday 12/26/1995

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    Ey/Em/Eir or They/Them/Their
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  1. running.tally

    New Here, Romantic Ally

    So nice to have you here. Allies are always welcome (especially because sometimes aros like me on here really need an allo voice to compare to and understand)! I'm also really happy to hear about your respect for the importance of friendships - I think we can definitely have good conversations about that.
  2. Amatonormativity~~~~ I grew up with a lot of that kind of narrative. Marriage as an established norm, and basically a "normal" stage in adult development, akin to learning to talk and walk as a baby. I never questioned it until my parents started asking me, "Sooo have you got a boyfriend yet??" It definitely is frustrating because people who aren't married are often viewed as selfish or aloof. However, I have noticed recently that more and more people have been treating marriage as just a ritual. There are people who don't want to have a grand marriage ceremony (a coworker of mine said she and her husband just eloped - signed papers and stuff). I also know that there are more people I have heard of recently than I had when I was younger who are getting married for the benefits, not for the 'love' or whatever it was supposed to be for. That definitely isn't the norm yet, but I feel like some of the Millennial generation and younger is popularizing more flexible unions and slowly stretching societal norms. So there's hope!
  3. running.tally

    newbie here

    Welcome! For the Disvord server, I would recommend checking this thread: I would ping someone there as well; the invite link changes frequently
  4. running.tally


    Welcome! Have some aro ice cream: We're happy to have you
  5. running.tally


    Welcome! Have some aro ice cream and come hang out~
  6. All of your responses have been really helpful! I think where my ideas are coming from is from a lot of allos' conflation of best friends and romantic partners (like how @Mark mentioned). It's really nice to hear from people who have best friends (one OR multiple!) and hear how they conceptualize the term. Once again, it seems like I have been well-manipulated by allo norms. I think allo folks might see 'best friends' as a stepping stone to a romantic relationship rather than a relationship in and of itself (like a tool), but y'all are completely right in that some of this narrative is being broken down nowadays, which is great! Perhaps it's less that the concept of Best Friend reinforces amatonormativity and more that it can sometimes play a role in it indirectly. The concept itself seems neutral but when paired with "oh, they're your best friend? Why don't you marry them?" kind of things, it inevitably becomes a part of the whole shebang. Also, I apologize if bringing this up seemed like I was delegitimizing best friends and QPPs and casting them as inherently romantic concepts. I just realized that the question carries that assumption but I do not view best friends or QPPs in this way. I wanted to know more about the parallels I see in people managing best friends and romantic partners rather than actually [falsely] argue that the concept of best friend IS always a romantic concept in disguise.
  7. What differentiates a friend from a best friend for you if not importance (however that might be defined, since that's a loaded word), out of curiosity?
  8. I was thinking about this the other day, because I cannot seem to understand the idea behind having a 'best friend' or 'special' platonic relationship. Perhaps this is more related to ideas about how monogamy is weird to me (why would you dump so much responsibility onto one person?), but I was also thinking about how the concept of the Best Friend, when I was young, seemed almost like preparation for finding a romantic partner. I'm wondering whether society, who reinforces monogamy and puts romance on a pedestal, has used the concept of Best Friend to further highlight those monogamist and amatonormative ideals. Similar to romantic partners, Best Friends are often seen as more important than other friends and even other relationships (like family) sometimes, and as I have gotten older this message seems to be even more intense. When I say I don't have a romantic partner, I get pity and 'sympathy.' When I say I don't have a best friend, I get the exact same reactions. Maybe it's just me, but I'm really curious about these parallels. Any thoughts from the aros?
  9. running.tally

    Writing Thread

    @Tired-Sparo I absolutely love how you simultaneously called out Man imposing his definitions and structures onto nature, but also used a manmade idea, i.e., the ballroom, to characterize and describe nature. It very clearly shows that although the narrator is wary of staying past their welcome and claiming nature, they are still beholden to Man's ideals and assumptions and ingrained notions that one must always see through human eyes. It's like an acknowledgement of bias that was taught to the narrator and can't ever fully be erased. Just a lovely poem, thank you for sharing
  10. running.tally

    Aromantic Character Headcanons

    I was replaying DmC: Devil May Cry recently and I had some Ideas. Dante as an aro allo would make so much sense. I often see people shipping him and Kat, which I find annoying at romantic and sexual levels, but I also see them as potentially a QPR? In fact, a lot of their interactions are how I picture a QPR to unfold. It's now canon in my head. Furthermore, I headcanon Dante in pretty much all the other DMC games (that I've played) as aro. Vergil as aro ace (or demi). I just get the Aro Vibe from him. He doesn't seem interested in pursuing any relationships beyond familial and platonic (and alliances). I reckon he'd want a lot more commitment and development with a person, getting to know them, before pursuing a relationship. I'm not sure if that would also mean attraction - I'm kind of ambivalent between completely aro and demi on this one, regardless of what I think his actions and behaviours might be.
  11. running.tally

    Hello folks!

    Welcome! Have some aro ice cream for your troubles: I think many of us will relate to your romantic experience; it is nice that you found a word to describe your feelings. I know that finding the aro label was a big win for me. I am also very excited to hear about your writing and world-building, as a writer myself. There are some cool writing and creativity threads on here that I'm sure you'd like, so hopefully you'll stumble upon those as you peruse the site.
  12. Hi Cyg! Welcome This is such a lovely story; I'm really glad that you were able to find a label that fit and explained some of those feelings that were stressing you out. Have some aro ice cream and hang out with us:
  13. This is a very interesting and often controversial topic. I think it's very difficult to answer but as long as we are not using our answers to justify hatred and hurting others (many anti-LGBT people claim that "becoming LGBT" would mean those people could "un-become LGBT" and they purport things like conversion therapy), it can be an interesting intra-community topic to ponder. I have my own thoughts on this but I'm not entirely committed to them simply because they're not based on concrete evidence. Just a heads up! I think that defining ourselves as particular sexualities/identities /is/ something we made up socially, as a way to group people and segment them by their differences and labels. I often see this idea that "you are born X Sexuality and don't change" being thrown around and I do not think that that is the case. Orientation and identity are fluid because we live in a social and ever-changing world, ever changing ourselves via growth and learning. I think that labels are useful descriptively but not prescriptively, meaning that I use "aro" to label my general pattern of experiences. I can still label myself "aro" if there have been exceptions to the pattern, but I find it a useful label for getting across what I observe my natural tendencies to be. These natural tendencies are influenced by my state of life and being moment to moment. I may grow into a new person, personality-wise and physically, in the future so it is entirely possible that my orientation or identity may change. They also might not. But my point is that by nature these things are fluid and CAN change, whether or not they actually do. My issue with using labels prescriptively is that a lot of misunderstandings and self-hatred arise this way. If i call myself "aro" but this ONE TIME i experience something different, am i suddenly no longer aro? Even if i never experience that difference again? Am i supposed to act like a non-aro now? What does that even mean? Saying someone is born a certain way makes it seem like that person has to fit a box with rules and if they don't, they have to find another box. This isn't very inclusive to me. So to answer the original question, I don't think we are "born aro" or the like, but i also don't think that breaking orientation down into "nature or nurture" is in any way a productive conversation. It's like asking whether we're born with or acquire certain personalities. I don't think that orientation is simple enough a concept to be broken down in this simple way. Orientation, to me, is something that can change (naturally, not necessarily by influence, as conversion therapy failures show us time and again), but can also stay the same. Orientation isn't completely immune to change, but it isn't something that can be externally changed, just like personality. We grow and change, so parts of our identities also have the potential to. Hope that makes sense. This is a good topic, thanks for starting it.
  14. running.tally

    Aromantism and Marriage

    Sometimes marriage is something that's helpful for sharing benefits or solidifying your commitment in writing to your BFF. (It's also a great excuse to throw an awesome party and have cake!) Attraction and action are separate. Just like how a heteroromantic person might not pursue a relationship or get married with someone they are attracted to, someone who is aromantic could do those things without feeling romantic attraction. You wouldn't be a "bad aro" for wanting to get married. You're allowed to do whatever you want.
  15. running.tally


    Welcome! Identifying as bi before aro or ace is something I went through as well, and is a very common experience for many of us. I hope that we can help you figure out the specifics, whether you end up going back to your original label or embracing a new one. We're happy to have you.