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About running.tally

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  • Birthday 12/26/1995

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    Ey/Em/Eir, but will accept They/Them (or She/Her or He/Him in certain contexts)
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  1. running.tally

    Hello folks!

    Welcome! Have some aro ice cream for your troubles: I think many of us will relate to your romantic experience; it is nice that you found a word to describe your feelings. I know that finding the aro label was a big win for me. I am also very excited to hear about your writing and world-building, as a writer myself. There are some cool writing and creativity threads on here that I'm sure you'd like, so hopefully you'll stumble upon those as you peruse the site.
  2. Hi Cyg! Welcome This is such a lovely story; I'm really glad that you were able to find a label that fit and explained some of those feelings that were stressing you out. Have some aro ice cream and hang out with us:
  3. This is a very interesting and often controversial topic. I think it's very difficult to answer but as long as we are not using our answers to justify hatred and hurting others (many anti-LGBT people claim that "becoming LGBT" would mean those people could "un-become LGBT" and they purport things like conversion therapy), it can be an interesting intra-community topic to ponder. I have my own thoughts on this but I'm not entirely committed to them simply because they're not based on concrete evidence. Just a heads up! I think that defining ourselves as particular sexualities/identities /is/ something we made up socially, as a way to group people and segment them by their differences and labels. I often see this idea that "you are born X Sexuality and don't change" being thrown around and I do not think that that is the case. Orientation and identity are fluid because we live in a social and ever-changing world, ever changing ourselves via growth and learning. I think that labels are useful descriptively but not prescriptively, meaning that I use "aro" to label my general pattern of experiences. I can still label myself "aro" if there have been exceptions to the pattern, but I find it a useful label for getting across what I observe my natural tendencies to be. These natural tendencies are influenced by my state of life and being moment to moment. I may grow into a new person, personality-wise and physically, in the future so it is entirely possible that my orientation or identity may change. They also might not. But my point is that by nature these things are fluid and CAN change, whether or not they actually do. My issue with using labels prescriptively is that a lot of misunderstandings and self-hatred arise this way. If i call myself "aro" but this ONE TIME i experience something different, am i suddenly no longer aro? Even if i never experience that difference again? Am i supposed to act like a non-aro now? What does that even mean? Saying someone is born a certain way makes it seem like that person has to fit a box with rules and if they don't, they have to find another box. This isn't very inclusive to me. So to answer the original question, I don't think we are "born aro" or the like, but i also don't think that breaking orientation down into "nature or nurture" is in any way a productive conversation. It's like asking whether we're born with or acquire certain personalities. I don't think that orientation is simple enough a concept to be broken down in this simple way. Orientation, to me, is something that can change (naturally, not necessarily by influence, as conversion therapy failures show us time and again), but can also stay the same. Orientation isn't completely immune to change, but it isn't something that can be externally changed, just like personality. We grow and change, so parts of our identities also have the potential to. Hope that makes sense. This is a good topic, thanks for starting it.
  4. running.tally

    Aromantism and Marriage

    Sometimes marriage is something that's helpful for sharing benefits or solidifying your commitment in writing to your BFF. (It's also a great excuse to throw an awesome party and have cake!) Attraction and action are separate. Just like how a heteroromantic person might not pursue a relationship or get married with someone they are attracted to, someone who is aromantic could do those things without feeling romantic attraction. You wouldn't be a "bad aro" for wanting to get married. You're allowed to do whatever you want.
  5. running.tally


    Welcome! Identifying as bi before aro or ace is something I went through as well, and is a very common experience for many of us. I hope that we can help you figure out the specifics, whether you end up going back to your original label or embracing a new one. We're happy to have you.
  6. running.tally

    I'd rather ... than get Married

    I would rather go to a wedding for free food than spend the money to get married myself
  7. running.tally

    Early but asking anyway - Halloween plans?

    Halloween is such a fun event; I am SO HERE for chatting about autumn in general. Take summer away from me. I recently laboured over a Princess Zelda (Twilight Princess version) costume for weeks for a fan convention, so this may be the chance to reuse it! I don't have any party plans but will likely be at my parents' house handing out candy.
  8. running.tally

    How various sexualities view aro

    To answer the original post, I will echo what a lot of people have already said but also add that I've encountered the whole spectrum of responses. My aromanticism has been called a mental illness, immaturity, a direct result of my social anxiety, and etc. My aromanticism has been ignored outright, for whatever well-intentioned reasons. My aroness has been ignored for harmful intentions, in the hopes of excluding me from the LGBTQ+ community (anyone ever encounter "cishet aros/aces aren't welcome in the comm"?). On the other hand, most of my friends, whether LGBT or not, have been interested in and supported my coming out. They asked questions, said the label suited my experiences well as they understood it, and have stood in solidarity with me even if they experienced more overt hatred/discrimination. How one views aromanticism depends highly on how open a person they are, and not their orientation. I've had plenty of LGBTQ+ folks both support and shun me, and the same goes for non-LGBTQ+ folks. Knowing that it depends on personality and openness, it is a lot easier to spot who might threaten me and who might support me.
  9. Got a phone call from my uni. I have been given a last-minute upgrade to the thesis-based Master's degree I was originally rejected from! So excited. Good things happen sometimes 😚

    1. NullVector


      Yay! Happy for you, I remember being super hyped when I got accepted onto a PhD course ^_^

  10. running.tally

    Arocalypse Discord Server

    @not_my_standard_username It was up for a bit, but invites were closed recently due to influx of unwanted accounts i think. I'm not a mod but I think @Zemaddog will have more info. Stay tuned!
  11. An excellent, well-written article!! I particularly liked the point about the definition of romantic attraction being blurry even to romantics in the first place. It really puts into perspective how much we elevate and prioritize a feeling that is far from universal (in its presence and in its expression). Thanks for sharing this
  12. running.tally

    Differentiating between types of attraction

    I'm not sure we're able to distinguish between these things inherently because we're aromantic or because aromantics are in general more sensitive to amatonormativity and thus try to deconstruct relationships and feelings to not always equal romance. It would be nice if romantic folks could step back and be aware of the differences, but I think they often aren't simply because they have been socioculturally conditioned to think that any sort of intimacy beyond a certain point = romantic attraction. In this sense I agree a lot with what @Eklinaar has said! I really think it's just a lack of knowledge about how many boxes there can be that contributes to fewer (or no) romantic folks being aware of these types of feelings. To them, it might be that anything that is not strictly platonic has to be romantic, so many diverse feelings may be thrown into that one box. This may also be a personal thing, as I know I love having lots of boxes but others may put different feelings into one general category.
  13. That feeling when all your good friends begin to ignore you, and all of your attempts to make new friends are blocked by people having romantic partners or an already-established group of close friends...

    Heartbreaking. And boring. /Rant over

    1. Zorcodtoa


      Wait 'til you're 30, then they disappear or block for those reasons and more, such as multiple/full-time work and parenting. No one has the time let alone the will it seems and by this age making friends and building relationships takes more effort and more time - after all a year is 3.33% of the life compared to > 5% for 20 or under, and most people already have all they need/want by then too.


      But "good friends" don't ignore you, otherwise they weren't good in the first place.

    2. running.tally


      Thank you for coming to sit with me in this little pit of despair! (There's always room here...) Funny enough, it actually helps to know I'm not just overbearing; the few people I have that do not ignore me are the keepers. It's frustrating but a part of life I will have to deal with more and more as I grow older. Wish it weren't that way

    3. Eklinaar


      I think you're pretty cool, and I doubt you're overbearing.  People just don't seem to take friendship seriously.

  14. running.tally

    Just Another Intro Post :)

    Hi Alex! Welcome to the forums; always nice to have new people here. Sometimes just using general labels works so I definitely don't fault you for that. I hope you find some good stuff in these forums
  15. running.tally

    I'm not good at writing introductions

    Welcome Have some aro-themed ice cream as a welcome gift: