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Naegleria fowleri

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About Naegleria fowleri

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    Student/Gallery Interpreter
  • Romanticism
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  1. Boyfriend came out asexual

    It helps to understand that some of us subconsciously assumed that romantic love, sex, etc, are an acquired taste. You know, like coffee. The first time you try it, it's bitter and awful. But you expose yourself to it enough, and you grow amenable to it. Eventually, you really like it. It's easy to delude yourself into thinking that you're normal. Now, some people take a lot longer than others to realize this for a variety of reasons. Me? I took a friend to prom, not really making it clear whether I intended to go as friends or as a couple. But I asked him to slow dance, because I genuinely wanted to. But as soon as I did, I wanted out. It wasn't really that are bodies were too close, nothing like that. It was the sweet way he was looking at me, like I was the only girl in the room. I wanted to look anywhere else, but I put a game smile on my face because, you know, what can you do? And afterwards, I told him that it was nice. And we slow danced again. Near the end of this song, he started leaning towards me. That was too close. I leaned away, and he picked up on it and stopped. Later I told him I just wanted to be friends. Now you ask me, why did I lie? I almost never lie. I'm one of those squares that tells the teacher when they gave me mistaken bonus points on a test. But I acted like I cared. When I came out as aro, this same person said, somewhat confused, that I seemed like I had been interested before. Well, sometimes I thought I was. And when I was squirming inside? I was just trying to get through the night without hurting anybody. It was instinctual, more than anything else. We hear about how great this and that is (kissing, slow dancing, holding hands, dating, etc) and no-one grows up with the idea in their mind that they might never find out what all the fuss is about. I had heard about aromantic asexuals, in passing, countless times on social media, and only idly thought about its place in me. I had heard that only 1 % of the population was asexual and thought, so why me? But this was brief. I realized nothing had to change. I love science, creative writing, music, family, Netflix, and video games, and I'm glad I have time to enjoy all of these things without throwing the rigmarole of romance/sex in the mix. Anyway, I'm rambling. Good on you for educating yourself, and coming here. It sounds like you really care. Know that just because he lied doesn't mean he didn't enjoy your company, or intended to be deceptive. We all lie to ourselves.
  2. What's coming out like?

    I've come out to a lot of people. I started with my Mom though, explaining the difference between aromaticism and asexuality and that I thought I fit both. She said okay, and that was that. I think she saw it coming, even if she didn't know the labels for it. Then I figured my friend that's a boy who I "friendzoned at prom" deserved an explanation, and he took it pretty well even if he wasn't a fan of labelling things. From that point on I just got cocky. I joined the lgbt+ group at my school, and they booked me a table in the school during aro-spec week so I could hand out aero bars and pamphlets. I've been surprised by how readily accepting people are. I've had a bunch people tell me, "I had no idea that was a thing, that's so cool!" Keep in mind though that this was at university, where people choose to be enlightened. One way you could go is just be like Hey, I learned that this exists, and if the person's like Hey that's cool then you can be like Btw I'm it, and if not then you're not in too deep. *shrug*
  3. idk am I aro?

    So here's the thing. There's a lot of grey area with this aro stuff. There are people who very rarely get crushes (grayromantics), people who don't experience romantic attraction but still want a relationship (cupioromantics) and a whole host of other orientations on the aromantic spectrum. You may be one of these. I know I definitely wanted someone to answer the question for me when I was questioning, but you just gotta see what echos inside you. I found the post You Might Be Aro If helped a lot. This might also help: Good luck!
  4. Early signs that you were aro

    When I was sixteen I took a few driving lessons to get some extra practice. The driving instructor suggested, as a trick for looking well ahead on corners, to imagine I was looking for my crush/someone I found good looking. Well, I told him I didn't have a crush. After some pondering I was like, I guess I kind of like the look of Ryan Gosling (who doesn't). And he was like okay, you can imagine you're looking for Ryan Gosling around that corner. And I was like... I'd rather look for kittens...

    Welp, I made it happen! A friend and I gave out over forty pamphlets, and we got some great feedback! Many people had no idea this was a thing and were eager to learn. Super stoked! My favourite interactions were with the teachers, since some had never even heard of asexuality. People thanked us for educating them. Honestly, I think I got one arophobic response out of the at least fifty people I talked to, and that was because she didn't fully understand what I meant. Here's what happened: Me: People who are aromantic don''t experience romantic attraction, ie, they don't get crushes, they don't fall in love, that sort of thing. Lady: That sounds like a psychopath! Me: *Laughs for a good three seconds, jokes "What did you just call me?"* Me: *Later explains that aromantics do experience love, and that an aromantic person could adopt a child and love it with all their heart. And they can love friends and family, just not romantically.* Lady: Oh... that makes more sense. So yeah, I mean the response will be different depending on where you go, but most of the time people who don't like aromanticism just don't understand it. And if you don't have the words to explain it, use mine. Don't worry. Your time will come.
  6. Hi (apparently this is a thing)

    I find it interesting how so many people on Arocalypse don't conform to romantic, sexual, or gender norms . It seems to me that these are all intangible concepts most people take for granted, and if you feel the need to question them you're probably not faking anything! I mean, there's a difference between a girl that likes "boy stuff" (ex. childhood me with my collection of bugs in jars in my room and aptitude for fixing random household items) and someone who's genderqueer. Just like there's a difference between getting "butterflies" (the good kind of uncomfortable) and feeling repulsed in romantic situations. Anyway, welcome to Arocalypse ! Happy Aro-Spec Awareness Week!
  7. I don't know about you guys, but I definitely didn't grow up having dreams of finding "the one" forced upon me. My mom raised me pretty much by herself, and she didn't date so that she could focus on raising me. The only displays of romantic attraction I can recall from her were romantic-aesthetic (as in, bookmarking all the movies on Netflix with a certain good-looking actor in it) and not frequent. I was not teased about who I "liked", and the prospect of marriage was optional. I certainly don't blame her for being cynical about relationships, but nevertheless I adopted the attitude that women were vultures, scooping up every good man that was out there. Then, it was my senior year, and I planned to move into the dorms of the university in town that next fall. And she started dating. And she found somebody. I ship them, honestly. He's sweet (to both of us), and he can cook, and they are in love. But I didn't meet him until they had been dating for eight months. So I saw how someone could fall in love, and still keep their head. She didn't introduce us until she was sure he would be sticking around for a while. I know a lot of people associate romantic attraction with recklessness, overoptimism, and just general lack of logic. That wasn't the case for me. I knew you could be allo, and not dream of marriage. I knew you could be allo, and have your priorities in place. I knew you could be allo, without getting carried away. Maybe that made it harder for me to realize I was aro, but maybe that also made it easier, since romance wasn't a dominant force in my life. So my question is, who else here feels their upbringing influenced their attitude towards romance?

    I'm particularly interested in feedback from aromantic sexuals and those who lie somewhere between romantic and aromantic, as my experience in these areas is limited. Also there are a couple typos in the pamphlet that I noticed. (It's abhor, not abhore, and spectrum, not specturm). Thanks guys.

    Sure! Let's put a by line on it somewhere though (something like By: Arocalypse user Naegleria fowelri). At the beginning or at the end, doesn't matter. I tried not to plagiarize when I wrote it, and I knew I couldn't guarantee no-one would do it to me when I posted it, but I figure it's the least I can ask for. That being said, feel free to modify it to include your experience. Go forth and educate!

    So a while back I pitched this out: Thinking it'd be cool if someone actually did it. Well, I recently joined the pride centre at my university, and they've agreed to help me do this (I just have to make it happen). I'd appreciate it if you guys could critique the pamphlet though. You know, add a little to it to make it more representative of our community as a whole. Here it is: I tried to write it as a message to both allos and aros. I would like allos to feel informed, but not confused or overwhelmed, and aros to have enough of an "aha moment" to come here and investigate. What do you think? You all get the pun, right?
  11. Confused about my orientation

    Here ya go. I agree with Star Girl, it sounds like you are on the aromantic spectrum, but this might help you decide if you are fully aromantic or somewhere in between.
  12. Aromantics at community college

    So my university has a pride group, and I've joined it, but there are no aros (sadly). However, aromantic spectrum awareness week is coming up (the week after Valentine's day) and I plan to raise some awareness. There's gotta be a bunch of aromantics out there that don't know who they are yet. Perhaps you would meet some aros if you did the same. Approximately 4% of the population is aro, although it really depends on what source you look at. (4,000)(0.04)= 160 aromantics in your school. Hope you find some!
  13. Im unsure where i fit...

    I like to think of it this way. If you were gay, would it be selfish? Of course not. You would only be attracted to other women, which (as far as I can tell) he is not. And yes, gay people have ended up in heterosexual relationships because of all kinds of pressures society and family can place, but should it be that way? Are gay people just supposed to be accommodating when someone of the opposite sex likes them? No. That is oppression. Aroflux, maybe?
  14. Im unsure where i fit...

    This might help. Or it might confuse you more : /
  15. Im unsure where i fit...

    Oh man, this takes me back. I've never been kissed, and I never plan to be, but I came close once. That was more than enough for me! I would suggest telling your boyfriend how you feel. I understand this can be a tricky thing to do. I have a friend who liked me romantically, and I led him on a little bit in an effort to "get myself there". It didn't work, and I told him I just wanted to be friends. This was after we had slowed danced at Prom, after he had leaned in slowly for a kiss, read my body language, and stopped. Of course he was confused, but he didn't interrogate me. He just said okay. We're still friends Before I found the term "aromantic", I kept trying to describe it like the part of me that was responsible for all of "that stuff" was missing. But that sounded insane to me, so instead what came out was, "I'm don't know if I want a boyfriend," and that was interpreted as, "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now." Not quite the message I was trying to get across. When I did find and accept that aromantic was part of my identity, I gave my friend the dictionary definition of the term. While he's not a fan of labels in general, it did help him understand why I had acted the way I did. I can't guarantee your boyfriend will react as well as my friend did, but if he's worth your friendship he will. Tell him that you're confused. Tell him that there's others like you. And when things get uncomfortable, let him know. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Here's some aromantic-spectrum ice cream!