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About briesplease

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    cis female
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  1. coming out again

    This question made me realize that I am not out to that many people. I'm out to my mom, I've never felt the need to come out to my dad because he's the only person who doesn't seem to need labels in order to accept/understand me as a person, and I don't think I'm "hiding" anything from him. I came out to my mom on an intense car ride where I asked her to stop inquiring about my love life because it's not relevant (we have a lot of those.) and she asked me about several male friends of mine, and when I'm just going to "choose one", and stop denying that I was just friends with all 4 of my male friends (which I was). I said that she didn't have to worry about them, when I say I'm going to hang out I'm literally just going to hang out. I don't remember what exactly I said to her, but I explained that I was aromantic and what that meant. She got so sad, she told me my brother also came out as ace (though I suspect him to be aro/ace) to her, and just wanted to know "what she did to make us this way". I sporadically come out to random people who really aren't affected at all by this information. I came out at work (all queer women.) after I spent three weeks internalizing my moms comment about whether I'm aro or just gay. Which in fact I realized I wasn't gay (my best friend confirmed this weekend ; i told her the whole thing and she was like "dude I'm gay everyone you know is gay, you're not gay you'd know."), and just aro af. I told my job at our staff meeting about my identity crisis with my sexuality, then concluded with "so please don't ask about my sexual/romantic life it doesn't matter, and it does not dictate who I love. ". They received it really well, and nothing changed in our relationships. I lost one of my best friends (I as actually heartbroken for weeks) after coming out. he called me "another one of those selfish, ultra liberal, tumblr bitches." turns out he just wanted to fuck me (he was in it for the long haul apparently.). Monday I came out to my friend in one of my classes because it was relevant to a story I was telling, and she literally said "yo dude me too." wtf right? so some downs, but some gems.
  2. HI

    Ah yes, another over-caffeinated (If i'm following the biologist trend correctly), and stressed aro. Also your sexuality in your bio is real talk. Like I've tried to tell people that I wish I could go back in time and never tell anyone I was het- because now it doesn't even matter, and just an annoying fact in my life that I literally never think about, but everyone thinks about it for me.
  3. HI

    @James White Thank yo for the ice-cream! That's amazing and comforting to hear, Hi all! I'm a biology major studying microbiology, with a humanitarian affairs minor! What about you all? @Apathetic Echidna I am pretty chatty, but it's only because apparently I've been starving to be able to have these conversations. It's extremely validating to be able to read other peoples experiences and relate them to my own. It's not been painful, but it's been kind of emotional to have a lot of the thoughts and emotions I've experienced in my life be represented by other people, and not just conversations I have with myself. I'm excited to be here, thank you for welcoming me.
  4. Anyone else?

    Sorry I edited the hell out of this. I don't really find myself jealous of my friends romantic partners, but I do relate to the sentiment highlight in purple. I get mad when their partner makes them forget/abandon things they like to do, when it seems like their partner is isolating them-- not in terms like Oh I never get to see you anymore, but in terms of "Hey can you come out to this thing I'm doing?" and they respond "No I have to have dinner with X" but they have spent every waking moment with their partner but can't spare like 45 mins to be with you. -- It's hard to feel like you're screaming through sound proof walls when your friends lets romance blind them. All of my people are really far from me most of the time since I'm in school, I'm a bad digital communicator, so staying in touch in these friendships mean quick texts, writing letters on birthday, and then really long and intense reunions. Again, like no time has past our wave length meet and it feels so good to be with them again. I don't mind this. I'd rather have a forever friend that I only see once ever 2 years that a friend that with me all the time but don't have that same feeling. With these friends, I know that them getting married won't change the feeling of when were together, people won't understand it, but it's ours. *super sappy I apologize* I think If I were to be in QPP later in life (still not sure if that's something that I want) it would have to be with someone also aro. Because my sexual life is very different from my love (platonic/~rom) life, the sexual component of my life wouldn't come from my QPP. I don't desire that and it makes me uncomfortable to have those two components together.
  5. That's definitely when I began suspecting, it was almost cyclical. I also had one person say that i "lead too many people on" so I unfortunately became quite withdrawn from trying to develop close friendships like that. Overtime I've been "officially" pursued I've disengaged immediately. It made me so uncomfortable. I was fucking around on tinder yesterday and swiped right for like the second time in the year I've had the app (I just like to see who's out there.) As soon as he started talking I was like "sorry this was a mistake this isn't your fault I am already extremely bored I shouldn't have swiped right."
  6. Singer comes out as aromantic!!!!

    Yes, I don't even know the artist, i nearly cried reading "[important person] comes out as aromantic"
  7. #AromanticProblems

    I'm not playing "hard to get" I don't want to be got No, i'm not waiting for that one "perfect person", I'm not waiting for anyone.
  8. Aromantic Moments

    I used to think all my friends are crazy (I still do sometimes) about the things and behavior they'll deal with for the sake of romantic love. Or the the leaps and bounds they'd take to make someone like them; the changing of appearance, and behavior to win the romantic affection of another person. It always irritated me. people joke about "Dump him" culture, but I am always 100% serious.
  9. Aromantic Moments

    i NEVER understood shipping. It was always so random and weird to me. I never associated that me being aro until now
  10. Aros at family-orientated events and holidays

    I dread going home my mom always brings up my love life (which I deliberately tell her not to because it doesn't exist and it makes me uncomfortable) and she literally probes it until I break down and cry. EVERY SINGLE TIME. She always asks me if I'm really aro or "actually just gay". "Any boys?" from my family members, I fucking hate. Just let me alone (literally.).
  11. Platonic connections in a romantic world

    I agree with you about needing a life with intimacy which is what is so confusing for some people, I think, about the arospec identity. Every nonplatonic intimate relationship (I've only been in one "officially romantic" relationship) I've been in has ended due to issues with romance and infatuation. I have a few sensual relationships with my closest friends who are not arospec, but I feel like I'm just waiting for them all to find a romantic partner, and I hate that feeling. I know they love me, but it's hard to convey that I feel their intimacy is important in my life without them thinking it's possessive, or romantic. I also don't feel like I want to come out as arospec to everyone I meet, which sometimes feels like the solution but I know it's not. It also ruins the idea of trying to meet someone "organically".
  12. Movie/TV Series Recommendations?

    Frances Ha! I cried, shows the importance of friendships, and the experience of having an all friend enter a romantic relationship. Also Portlandia is great, they can get a bit touchy when it comes to certain issues but I mostly watch it because I love Fred and Carries relationship. Such a wonderful, strong, platonic bond
  13. Do folks feel like the only way they'll feel truly understood in a relationship unless the other person is also arospec? Like I feel because romance is so emphasized even in my very intimate platonic relationships it's understood that your platonic friendships will become less important/intense once romantic companionship is found. I don't necessarily see my life going in a direction where any of my friends becomes a permanent QPP because I value my solitude, but like I feel like I'll always kind of be looking to be fully understood unless I meet another arospec person whom I connect with.
  14. Squish Thread!

    I have a squishy squish on my co-worker and she's also queer, but she's expressed confusion about the aro/ace community and QPPs. I want to tell her I want to be her best friend but it feels so weird. I also work in a diversity/social justice education center, all of my co-workers are queer, one is ace, but I feel very romance/sex isolated in the space sometimes as the "token straight", even trapped sometimes by my sexual identity in the space, because my romantic identity is more important. She never makes me feel bad about being "straight" and I think she has healthy platonic relationships with her other friends, but I'm still nervous because of the QPP thing. I don't want to be in a QPP right now, or am I thinking about asking her. But I feel like if I try to explain that I have a squish on her she may retreat. We're good friends now, but like y'all understand...(?)
  15. I've recently gone from identifying as arospec to grayrom, and have been in varying types of relationships. I've been in one purposeful romantic relationship which I think was a squish which was pressured to romance. I wasn't successful or happy in that relationship because I genuinely enjoyed his company but I always felt inadequate because he needed a romantic aspect I couldn't give him. I have been in long term sexual relationships that I couldn't distinguish from romance until I found that feeling and relationships can be platonic, sensual, sexual, romantic, etc and intersect but don't need to. I started finding that the energy I bring into and have with my partner in sexual relationships is very different than the energy between those I share strong platonic or sensual platonic relationships with. My sexual life is very compartmentalized from other aspects of my life. I had a very intimate platonic relationship with a male friend of mine a few years back we spent a lot of time together, we held hands and were very comfortable with physical contact (we never kissed or anything). He was my best friend. It confused some people but like it was fine. I came out to him as aro, and he didn't take it very well. He called me selfish. We're no longer friends. He broke my heart. My closer female relationships haven't been constrained by the expectation of sex or romance with varying degrees of platonic--> sensual platonic type relationships.