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DavidMS703

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Everything posted by DavidMS703

  1. DavidMS703

    Is kissing romantic or sexual?

    That's definitely possible. I'm pretty sure I'm not totally asexual, but I'm really not interested in kissing, at least not on the mouth, for any reason. And don't feel like you have to tolerate anything that makes you uncomfortable. There are definitely people who feel the same way as you. There are whole cultures where kissing is uncommon and even that view it negatively (Source: http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/some-culturally-based-differences-sexual-activity), which I think shows that kissing doesn't have to be a part of sex.
  2. DavidMS703

    Help, I'm really confused

    It definitely sounds like you're aromantic to me. Being aromantic just means you don't have romantic feelings for real people; fantasies are something separate.
  3. DavidMS703

    Arocalypse pen pals

    I would like to be part of that. I've found that it's hard to find other aros anywhere near me and it is definitely hard to make friends in a society that values romance so much more than friendship.
  4. DavidMS703

    What Are Your Favorite LGBT+ YouTube Channels?

    I felt her video about being aromantic was one of the best videos ever made on the topic. I sometimes give it as a resource to people who want to know more. She's become one of my favorite YouTubers since I discovered her from that because she's great at all kinds of videos.
  5. Another problem with many of the studies is that they only counted the people who stayed married as married, though some looked at if people had ever been married but that still doesn't account for society and the fact that what is best for one person may not be the same as for another so that if most people did what would make them happier but those who did one thing were rewarded for it and those who did the other were treated like there was something wrong with their lifestyle, that could produce different outcomes for the two groups not caused directly by relationship/marital status.
  6. The largest focus of that speech was on the studies that claim to prove being in a romantic relationship or getting married makes you happier. I pointed out that they were conducted in society rather than a controlled lab setting and compared it to doing a study of the relationship between height and happiness done in an apartment building where all the doorways have a low clearance of around 5'7" and finding that shorter people are happier without considering that maybe bumping their heads frequently is what's making taller people less happy rather than not being shorter. I also talked about how most other ways the argument that you should get married is made depend on logical fallacies and about the prevalence of amatonormativity.
  7. I can help with that. Actually, just a couple hours ago in my public speaking class I made a persuasive speech about why amatonormativity as a claim about how everyone should live is invalid. My teacher and multiple classmates told me I did really well so I think I'm going to try to start making more speeches about that in more public settings.
  8. You can identify however you feel at this time. To quote Connie Glynn's great video about aromanticism, "Some people are what they are forever, and that is valid, and some people change their identity, and that is also valid." She goes on to say that, "This is my truth right now, and if it changes, it doesn't mean it was any less true." Which basically means, if you feel that an identity fits you in the present, you can identify with it even if you're not sure if it will always fit you. And you can still be on the spectrum if you have some level of romantic attraction, or not. Only you can define what you are because only you know exactly what you feel.
  9. I filled out the form a few days ago but haven't gotten the questionnaires.
  10. DavidMS703

    Our Favourite Aromantic Songs

    Heart Eater by aromantic YouTuber Connie Glynn is a great one. Her other original song, Video Boy, has some lyrics to suggest not having romantic feelings toward real people but is about being romantically interested in a virtual character. Another good one is Me, Myself, and I by G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha.
  11. DavidMS703

    Hi!

    Welcome Nicole! Here's some ice cream. I'm David. I'm not sure if you meant the state or the city, but I'm in New York State as well. You've come to the right place for answers about the aromantic spectrum, so I hope you enjoy the site.
  12. I tried to write a Wikipedia page, but they merged it back with romantic orientation because it didn't have enough content for them.
  13. Hi everyone. I shared my story about being aro on Matthew's Place. Here it is if you want to read it: https://medium.com/matthews-place/learning-about-aromanticism-deff2ca1486?source=collection_home---2------0----------------
  14. DavidMS703

    Celebrity squishes?

    I don't know if she counts as a celebrity, but Connie Glynn. I think she is the most of a celebrity of identified aromantic people, and I feel like she understands me in ways most people I actually know don't for that and other reasons, and her personality is the type I feel I would get along really well with.
  15. DavidMS703

    my parents think i am in denial

    I would recommend telling them what you are because I think it will be easier for them to accept something they have a name for and can read about online. It still took some people a while to accept that as who I really was, I think mainly because I had tried to find a romantic partner before I knew my own identity because of the messages society had sent me saying I was "supposed to" do that. Still, many people who were trying to support me went from seeing my not wanting to date as an extreme decision I had made because of rejection to understanding that romantic relationships weren't for me once they had a name for how I felt. And unless your parents can invent a device that accurately identifies everything a person is feeling somehow, they don't have the proper authority to accurately tell you how you feel, so maybe it would be a good idea to point that out to them. These are just my suggestions. Some people believe so strongly in the idea that romantic love and the desire for a romantic relationship is universal among all humans (amatonormativity) that it's really hard to convince them that anything contradictory to that is true.
  16. You can totally still be aromantic and like those things. Aromanticism is only defined by what you yourself feel for other people, not what kinds of books and movies you like or what you do or don't understand about other people. I personally don't mind if romance is involved in media that has an actual story I'm interested in, though I don't especially like extended kissing scenes but I'll watch through them to get to more stuff I'm interested in. I actually really like the show "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend," partly because it's a funny story about the worst of the types of drama I basically get to just bypass without experiencing them myself, kind of like the time when I was on a bus that got to bypass a big traffic jam by using a bus lane, and I enjoyed seeing people just sitting still in their cars as the bus went by them.
  17. I believe that there are more of us than anyone knows due to our relative invisibility that makes many of us think romantic relationships are for everyone and keep trying to make them work. I almost ended up on that path myself, but difficulty in finding romantic relationships gave me a chance to reflect on why that was something I felt like I needed and realized it wasn't something I really felt and had just been pushed on me by society. My plan now is to try to spread aromantic visibility so people who may be aro but not know it can find out that that's an option.
  18. DavidMS703

    Where might I fall?

    You could definitely be aromantic. If you don't see your relationships or attractions as romantic then they're probably not. I have only really been interested in having that type of close friendship you describe with females; I've never been quite sure why and some people have tried to invalidate my aromantic identity with a logical fallacy about that fact about my relationships, but since they don't feel like anything romantic to me that means I can still be aromantic and so can you if that's the label you feel fits you.
  19. DavidMS703

    Aro playlist

    Another one I would suggest adding is Me, Myself, and I by G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha.
  20. DavidMS703

    Aro playlist

    Connie Glynn is an aromantic artist who has released two original songs, "Heart Eater" and "Video Boy." "Heart Eater" describes very well the feeling of thinking you're broken because you don't have romantic feelings, and "Video Boy" is about wanting a relationship with a character on a screen but having no romantic interest in real people.
  21. It does sound like you might be aromantic, though only you can determine that for sure. I think you should explain your situation to her before ending anything. I don't know your ages from this post, but I know that parents and legal guardians have more power than they should in many cases with anyone under 18. If you do identify yourself as aromantic, her parents might be more comfortable with you knowing you don't have romantic feelings for anyone, but I think it's more likely they'll think you're just pretending so you can see her. But my best advice is just to tell her about your feelings and see what she wants to do about it. Do you know how much she is into romantic stuff? Because some people, even who don't identify as aromantic, care more about the person they are with than the type of relationship they have.
  22. DavidMS703

    Hello everyone!

    Welcome to the community Clarice. Here's some ice cream. You can like romance in stories or movies, or have romantic fantasies, and still be aromantic. You sound a lot like Connie here, so I think listening to her experience might help you, but aromanticism means not feeling romantic attraction to real people, and other than that there's a lot of variation between us.
  23. DavidMS703

    Alloromantic Fragility

    Hi all. So I learned about the concept of White Fragility at school. This is a basic description of it: I found online that there is a similar thing called Straight Fragility, which is basically the same but about sexual orientation. And recently, I was talking with my family about the movie "The Dating Project," based on Boston College professor Kerry Cronin's dating assignment. I haven't seen the movie, but I've read articles about it and a discussion guide I found online. And the discussion guide says that Shanzi, one of the people in the movie, said that everyone secretly wants to date and just doesn't want to admit it. I mentioned this and my sister said in a defensive way that she probably just meant most people, or everyone who is "normal" or not aromantic. I know she said everyone and meant it. Does anyone else have experiences with responses like this, which are what I think should be called Alloromantic Fragility?
  24. DavidMS703

    Labels in the future

    I'm hoping the general public can know something about our labels so that people who may be on our spectrum can label themselves more easily. I'm mainly hoping to let them know aromantic is a thing and that it's a spectrum, and that will give people who may be on the spectrum enough information that they know what to Google to find more specific information.
  25. You can have a gender preference and still be aro. I tend to be more interested in making friends with girls and I don't want to be romantic with anyone. This may help understand the difference between preferring a certain gender and romantic feelings: maybe you are more interested in having a cat than a dog, and that probably doesn't mean you are romantically interested in cats. Or maybe you are more interested in having a dog than a cat, and that probably doesn't mean you are romantically interested in dogs. So it's basically the same way with being more interested in developing a platonic relationship with one gender than with the other and it doesn't mean you can't be aro.
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