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About DavidMS703

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 09/19/1998

Personal Information

  • Name
  • Gender
    male-ish, don't identify strongly with any gender
  • Pronouns
    he/him or they/them is fine
  • Location
    Ithaca, NY
  • Romanticism
  • Sexuality
    heterosexual, possibly gray-ace

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  1. My main reasons for not fully identifying as cis anymore are based on gender expectations that I want to be free from. For example, the norm for male friendships seems to be for the friendship to only involve doing things with each other and not talking about your lives at all. This isn't my idea of a good friendship, and I've dealt with that norm (mostly subconsciously) by mainly finding female friends, which has in the past led people to try to invalidate my identity as aromantic because they also thought that the only reason someone could be more inclined to make friends with the opposite gender was romantic feelings. The main therapist I see also repeatedly tried to tell me the perfect solution to not being able to find good friends because of people's prioritizing romance and the fact that what I want could be considered an emotional affair by alloromantics was to just try to find male friends, not understanding that it's hard to get the kind of support I want from friends from most male friendships. Also, I'm into Connie Glynn's Rosewood Chronicles series and the Frozen movies which are more female-oriented, and on one occasion a while ago I was in a hospital unit with mostly girls and they wanted to watch the movie Ice Princess, which staff there seemed to expect me not to agree to but I saw no reason not to watch it with them. So it's not because I have a problem with male identity labels that I now think I'm non-binary; it's because I'm realizing more and more that I don't fit what society expects from men and don't want to.
  2. I sort of feel like I want a zucchini who is my closest friend, and I'd be open to having just one or more. However, I sort of see the concept of monogamy as like deliberately building a wall to keep everyone else out, which I think people should be allowed to do with their own lives (not an entire country) but I wouldn't do since I want to be available for people who may have similar struggles to me getting close to people and the concept of monogamy seems to tell you to avoid letting anyone other than your one person, especially the same gender as that person, get close really at all which isn't something I agree with.
  3. I think gender is based on what kind of brain you have rather than your body. I've always until recently thought I was cis too just because gender isn't really a part of my identity and how I see myself as an individual.
  4. I've become pretty aware of that gender coding, partly from college classes, and I've realized that I don't identify with it. I've also taken multiple online tests that say I have a balanced or androgynous brain based on my style of forming friendships and ability to do well on various cognitive tests.
  5. It's true, unfortunately, that in many countries being anything other than straight is still not accepted by society. Have you tried finding other aromantic people from your country online? Also, would you want a QPR with your own gender/the gender people think you are, or a different gender? A relationship that appears straight on the outside might be possible to disguise, but if you want something that doesn't look like a straight couple it will be harder.
  6. You can definitely be aromantic. What you can enjoy in stories or movies/TV doesn't change that. Have you heard of queerplatonic relationships? It sounds to me like that might be what you're looking for. That is a type of relationship that doesn't fit society's boxes for "just friends" or for a romantic relationship.
  7. I think the best thing for now is just to let them give up, because a break would probably help them. Then, if it really does make them happier than being single, I'm sure they will eventually realize that on their own.
  8. @Blazkovitz I think that's true but I don't really identify that much with being a man either. I haven't changed my pronouns as of now but I basically don't identify with the binary system society has put in place and feel like I might rather just be free from it.
  9. I think this is a result of the way our society treats guys and girls differently. Things that are common between women are seen as not normal between guys and automatically romantic between a guy and a girl. I think if you have a guy friend who agrees that things aren't romantic it shouldn't matter what everyone else thinks. I have one female close friend who accepts me the way I am (and doesn't seem especially inclined to get into a romantic relationship either) and we've basically disregarded the boundaries other people think cross-sex friendships should have and just act however we want.
  10. I've recently been considering that I might not be entirely a man, because I don't really conform to what's expected of a man in terms of what I'm interested in, what I like, what I want from relationships, or hair length. I've been living how I want without much regard for gender norms for a while, but I don't really feel totally like a man so I think I may be non-binary.
  11. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way, and your identity is still valid. I'm only drawn to the idea of a QPR with a girl or maybe a non-binary person. I'm more inclined to make friends with girls too, and people have tried to invalidate my identity as aromantic based on the invalid heteronormative belief that any preference for the opposite gender is romantic. I think my preference is based partly on the fact that male and female same-sex friendships tend to be different in pretty significant ways and the female type is more like what I want out of a friendship or something closer. Also I'm much more comfortable with physical contact with women and am to some degree heterosexual though ace-spec as well.
  12. I wrote a story for a fiction writing class this past semester that centers around aromantic characters. It's called "Love Over Life." The central conflict to this story involves amatonormativity with a twist, and takes place starting on Valentine's Day. I also made it about characters with intersectional identities to give more representation to non-white aros and the main character is non-binary. Does anyone know a good place I could share this story with the community?
  13. Your experience definitely sounds to me like being aromantic. You can fantasize about things without feeling them for real people. Have you ever had feelings for real people? If you have but are uncomfortable with people liking you then you could also be akoi/lithromantic.
  14. I actually just this semester found my first friend since middle school who seems to put as much into friendship with me as I want. She doesn't really know what she wants in terms of relationships but knows that friendship like what she has with me is important to her. I feel like I can talk to her about pretty much anything and we have a lot in common in terms of having trouble forming friendships as well as some interests. I sort of want her as a zucchini, but I don't feel like I need that label to have a high-quality friendship with her. In general I think females are more compatible with me too, and in the past people have used my primarily finding female friends to try to tell me I wasn't really aromantic.
  15. What kind of college is this? I go to a public state university (SUNY Cortland) and I feel accepted by pretty much everyone I know there. I went to a community college before, where I was given stress questionnaires in a couple of my classes that seemed biased in favor of alloromantics, and this was in my first semester when I wasn't quite as open with my identity as I am now. Have you taken a sociology class? I found sociology class to be what really helped me as this class talked about all kinds of social issues including the pressure to be in a romantic relationship. I would definitely recommend taking a sociology class if you haven't already.
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