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Apathetic Echidna

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Everything posted by Apathetic Echidna

  1. Also because they moved interstate, some people seriously thought my friend had been murdered/joined a cult or something else horrible like that, until of course some of us older friends managed to contact their parents (who had no idea they had dropped everyone). That is the worst! I knew people like that, they are so non-confrontational that they bottle stuff up and become some of the worst people to know. I've found it that those people are the ones who will talk about you behind your back, probably as a way of letting off steam...but that doesn't change anything about the situation so it is an irrelevantly bitchy thing to do to a friend (talking behind someone's back isn't always bad, especially when the power dynamic is unbalanced ~ so complaining about a boss can be a bonding experience)
  2. Tired That feeling you get when your eyes are open
  3. I was doing some research for something else and the more I thought the more I realised that the fundamental problem with this idea of sexual and romantic VS other is because ultimately the divide is between instant attractions and extended knowledge attraction. So instant could be things like visual and extended knowledge would be like learning about them. But even then it doesn't take into account reactive attractions or growth of attraction from interest or appreciation. Gah. Maybe I am making it all more complicated than it needs to be and maybe what I am thinking about doesn't even fit the original post.
  4. Your situation sounds seriously hard. You supported them while laying down boundaries which they didn't respect. It is a shame, and it sucks that it was a friend doing this . I hope some opportunities to get away come up soon. I had a friend who did that. They moved to a large city in another state and cut all contact with everyone they knew before. Apparently there were lots of hurt feelings and burned bridges, so when they visits family here there is no one willing to catch up. Must be fairly isolating but it was a bitchy thing to do so I'm not going to make the first move...even if I did have contact details.
  5. I used to make fun of a friend who moved to another state but would return to my city to see her health professionals of different sorts (she only went to places local to her if it was an emergency). After the experiences I have heard about and some stuff that happened to me when I didn't see my regulars I now know it is so much better to find someone good then cling on to them. I hope the sessions you have in the future are better than that one. or that overall you find a better situation. 💚
  6. I had no idea those pages existed. It is nice to have them clearly accessible now
  7. Me? well I would coyly laugh at the kissing girls comment and say I am trying to emulate Gerard Manley Hopkins rather than Shakespeare. Hopkins wrote about environmentalism and God, and how industrialisation is a cancer and what can faith be when Nuns are drowned? then throw in one of the darker quotes from one of the more depressing poems, ...though in reality I am much more likely to smile and nod then leave the room. Though there is always the possibility that I would throw out a comment about not wanting to end up writing like Patsy Cline as I left the room.
  8. soo for the point about non-romance/sexual centric people who focus on other attraction types they would come towards the unorthodox side? I just wanted clarification of this section because my brain is error-ing a bit on it.
  9. This is the exact problem that plagued most of my life. I have been in the same sort of situation but because it was years ago and the people responsible for issuing the rules were the sort to brush off romance and not see it as a problem nothing was done to help me even if I when I was brave enough to try and articulate my problem. Literally the advice I got once was "Did he follow you home? no? then don't worry about it" You did nothing wrong. Your professor was great! giving you a solution to your immediate issues. Even the PhD is not really being penalised, he's just learning that not being able to control his reactions to maintain a cool professional demeanour can hurt others (which is a lesson he would have had to learn eventually, especially if he wants to be a good professor in the future ...even going into private industry, being open and uncontrolled in this way can leave you open to manipulation).
  10. Yeah, this is hard. I decided not to come out to a friend who is very active in LGBT+ initiatives because they were displaying aphobic tendencies and comments for many years before I even discovered aromanticism. That certainly added to the death of that friendship. I hope your friend can be more open minded in the future.
  11. I have come out using the word aromantic. One of my friends was privy to my whole questioning process. But it is a very limited number of people who know. Otherwise I don't think it is anyone's business, and after learning the things I know about some people I have met, I do wonder about discrimination (though not only orientation discrimination, but some of those people are closet sleazebags and I don't want to give them any information about anything)(....and I guess now I am much more cautious with new acquaintances because of bad experiences)
  12. I'm glad that your descriptions have moved from describing types to describing the concepts in a spectrum/scale/gradient/slider bar. I understood the types you had before but with all the discussion I guess I was one of the few to happily sit in a category. This point though. I had some trouble trying to understand it. Is it meant to be so centred on romance/sexual? From my understanding this is tied with the axis ideas for point 5 but brings up the ideas that was started in the other thread about the term tertiary. I do understand that romance/sexual are generally given priority (in a total population) but what about all those people who drop them to focus on others? for example a person who is aroace homosensual, but decides to focus on what they feel rather than what they don't, so the sensual attraction is the most important thing to their orientation identity.
  13. I think this is a very tricky problem. Many people who mean they want a 'date' with all the romantic attachments will often say other words as they try and avoid rejection, and so because of that there are a heap of terms and phrases that are used and can be interpreted in vastly varying ways. Hang out. Catch up. Go for coffee. Just dinner and a movie. Have some fun together. This topic is worth an in-depth discussion. Let's study together. I think the safest thing is to explain your intentions as clearly as possible. Maybe find a phrase you like that can become short hand for what you mean, though you will still be best to explain the meaning to every new person you deal with. I did see recently that someone was using the phrase 'but it has to stay casual' as a sort of disclaimer to warn that the dates/interactions would not lead to a serious relationship.
  14. Hello and welcome! please enjoy some aro colour themed virtual icecream I'm sure you will find quite a few relatable experiences in the forums, especially as I think so many of us have had alternative experiences with that thing, the 'crush'. Hope to ee you around the forums!
  15. Very very important. I am sort of fascinated and horrified at some of the allergies that children at local schools have, and have to be catered for: eggplant, Kiwi fruit hairs, severe touch contact lactose allergy, strawberries, certain natural red food colourings from cochineal to the one made from berries, Peach fuzz.... There are so many good points here. Great information! You could decide your group should have an annual grand meeting (AGM) which is generally something larger groups do but certainly everyone can do them. Basically the only rules of a good AGM is that it happens once a year and is notified weeks or months in advance so people can work it into their scheduled if they can. You might have a guest speaker or a poetry reading as the 'meeting' part but for the most part they are just social events to get the whole groups together which is especially beneficial if you have sporadic attendance from members (so not everyone knows each other, which is more of a problem in larger groups). Tying back to the food comment: (The AGM) If it is to be an event with food, but not in a location that serves a variety of suitable food you can use the rule of Bring for yourself, to share. Which is simply bring a shareable quantity of a food you are happy to eat. (Being Australian this normally turns into a 'bring a traditional dish' to celebrate different cultures and see different foods)
  16. I haven't heard about the new laws but I'm fairly sure Arocalypse might have been started around April 3, 2016
  17. I knew there was an 'S' word somewhere related to all of this, but I ALWAYS forget what it is. Thanks for clearing up the freshman thing too. Maybe I should also make clear that in my list the first two are identified as 'school' but I didn't do it for tertiary because it is normally used with words like learning and education because there are many routes of tertiary learning (from certificate courses to all the different levels of degrees) back to the main point of this conversation, I think mostly because they might be less clearly defined (because they mix and meld very differently in different people and some of those people might shy away from discussing them (either because they themselves have issues defining them, to try and describe them would mean being uncomfortably open about personal experiences, or there are dictatorial people in the community/conversation who might deride their usage of the specific attraction terms). So in short: they are tucked away because they are 'messy' (at least for some people). (though I don't know how that might be worked into any terminology. It seems mainly about their reasons for lower visibility which could maybe be fixed with a shift in community focus from highlighting non-romantic/sexual orientation labels and experiences)
  18. To continue your tangent in the tiniest of ways: Yes, this is a good metaphor for sort of how I see it too. I have a post with a table somewhere in the SAM thread yeah, go you! bringing all the heavy conceptual thinkers over here (I hope that is an all right term to refer to pretty much everyone posing) Have some Ice-cream! Yup, Still understand. Still identify my experience with #3 description. Can't think of much else to add because I find these sensible and within my experience and (albeit shallow online) interactions. Though one thing I will say is for some reason I read this 3/24 as the third iteration in a total of 24 possible edits. Brain fail.
  19. The issue I have with my initial reflex understanding of Tertiary is that (at least in Australia) it is generally used in relation to the school system. Who knows, maybe an Australian coined the word in this use because it does sort of fit the pattern (in a sort of really horribly problematic way): Primary School (I guess Elementary in US?) = Simple, common, shared experience, compulsory. Secondary School (Freshman/Middle/High School? I find US year separation names confusing) = Difficult, common, shared experience, partially compulsory Tertiary (University or college) = Complex, nuanced, specialised So the word Tertiary is already charged with a bunch of uhhh...extra understanding? I wonder how common this understanding is...is it an Australian thing? @Ace of Amethysts People define them all quite differently and there seem to be heaps of different word out there as well as different definitions. Personally I don't really think they have any meaning in a conversation unless context is given and for that you sort of have to list them, or at least your experiences if you don't give them a defining term(s). I think when arguments get theoretical enough to need shorthand words for groups of things that negate their actual identification then you are just asking for people to misinterpret what you mean. And we learnt from the SAM conversation that there are many varied ways to understand how it works or is applied (simply from the sort of ridiculous length those posts and the whole thread got)
  20. These descriptions are much much clearer for me than the ones detailing convergent pieces and multiple orientations. So much clearer. I must say I love the wording you have ended up using, it really puts the emphasis on the way people present themselves to others. I'll probably say more later, but I don't have time now
  21. oh, I was thinking it might be swapped to singular to avoid the plural use of They. None of your examples in the table specifically made that clear, so thanks for telling me!
  22. I actually haven't ever seen that variant before with the 'h', but I have seen many using the 'i' like in Zir. The Ze is probably becoming more popular (well at least the pile of content using it is growing quicker) because the letter makes sense to many people. Your chart certainly makes it clear, and as a singular it would bypass the only failing I think 'They' has which is its need to change more than one word in most sentences to keep it grammatical....but it is not like I use find & replace regularly to swap out She/He with They. also I just noticed this That comes into regional grammatical slang. Have you seen the movie 'Brother where art thou?' ? it is used there, and is representative of the speaking quirks of the region and time but I doubt it has fully dropped out of use. There is a great quote that starts "Is you is, or is you ain't...". It is like the English/British(?) use of 'I was stood' rather than 'I was standing'
  23. @Magni I am seeing the Ze form much more now and I think they are a cool set of alternatives to use! Are you saying you coined them? if so, super cool! (Though a little while ago I read a short (very short) work of fiction which had two characters (un-named characters I might add) that used Ze and it's other forms. It was the most confusing thing I have read recently. The author had taken it all a bit too far. The same exact problem would have come up using two 'she', 'he' or 'they' characters. The author just really needed to give at least one character a name!)
  24. Definitely. I wouldn't say it is a unanimous community reaction, I just find for answering those initial questioning topics that run less along 'I feel bad about my self' and more like 'I am scared I am this thing I have preconceived notions about' with a 'you don't have to be that thing' is more welcoming/encouraging(?) than debating why they are wrong, when the perception change must come from inside which is best done by hearing others experiences and opinions which never really seem to make their way onto those questioning posts. I guess this is all my reaction to those posts elsewhere where questioning people ask about terms they are interested in and get answers along the lines of 'that's not really a recognised/legit term #toomanylabels' and then the questioning person abandons their account. Some people have a drive to quantify themselves with labels even if they later decide to stop using them. (Those other 'I feel bad about my self' topics don't tend to focus on labels like questioning topics do so it is much easier to discuss and reassure using personal contexts, generally they also get much more activity, more different users and more comments) This thread is monster length 😎 and it goes off topic a few times (with very long posts). Sorry!
  25. Welcome! It is tradition to give new members some aro flavour/coloured icecream as for help with figuring things out, well reading other peoples experiences and thinking about your own should help a lot. It is fine to be as specific or as general in definition as you want, or you may find you never want to use a label which is cool too
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