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Apathetic Echidna

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Everything posted by Apathetic Echidna

  1. Probably...but I can't help you out there I'm white cisfemale It just seems to me that on Arocalypse at least I seem to interact a lot with more males than females. I guess apart from the socialised lack of self-identification that you mention there could also be an aspect of the gender stereotype 'women are emotional and men are physical' that if they didn't experience revulsion to romance and just coasted through life neutral to it all they might think it is a part of their masculinity.....maybe. I was a bit conflicted at the stats lining up with other LGBT+ groups. I'm happy it is backed in data that underscores the legitimacy of our issues (yeah, in your face exclusionists!) buut it super sucks that it is happening. The fact that being asked out was ranked as more distressing than being physically harassed totally fits with my own perceptions. I wonder what reasons other people have for putting them that way, that would make some interesting reading, but it would most likely have to be qualitative not quantitative.
  2. Apathetic Echidna

    Asking a girl to be in a qpr. Advise

    Well, I'm certainly no expert but the basics would be making sure she knows all about what a QPR is so there are no misunderstandings when you ask her. Be open to answer any questions she has, especially how it might relate to your personal preferences (touch, repulsions, expectations of priority).
  3. Sadly I missed out on participating but it was a really interesting read. I sort of can't believe how large percentages of the participants were to white and cisfemale (I did kinda see the nonbinary/genderqueer and the youth overrepresentation coming though)
  4. Apathetic Echidna

    Allow personals/dating requests?

    The community isn't really that big........ so would the 'dates' be limited to romantic dates? I feel that if there was a topic pinned in the 'Visibility, Articles, and Meetups' it would allow people looking for specific kinds of conversations or meet ups to post and all further contact could/should be made privately. It might also clean up those topics of 'any aros living in ......?' that don't refer to a specific event. Warnings and such could go in the topic contents which would make them very visible.
  5. Apathetic Echidna

    Hello!

    Hello and welcome! Yes, pretty much all content is welcomed so posting a survey would be fine!
  6. We know good representation of Aromanticism is important because one of the main issues we face is erasure in the face of ignorance. The community is probably only small because so many people don't know that romantic attraction and lack of it is possible. So here pick which types of representation you think is the most important to you and what you think is most important for the community as a whole. I tried listing all the options but I have probably missed some. It is a multi answer poll, so pick as many as you want! Edit: If you pick 'other' can you comment if you are thinking of something specific
  7. Internalising of phobias that directly conflict with romantic orientation could also possibly represent as Aromanticism. You mention internalised Acephobia but you can also include internalised Homophobia or even possibly internalised Transphobia.
  8. Apathetic Echidna

    self love

    @DeltaV I meant everything light heartedly, I certainly didn't take anything you said in a bad way. I didn't realise pity was so unique. I think many people who express pity may truly believe they are expressing sympathy, well, I also know people who claim empathy but show no sign of it at all. So I guess a lot of English speakers mix them up. Objectively, pity is basically sympathy that focuses on the perceived lost ability or negative differences, for example this would be pity "I'm so sorry. It is such a shame you will never Insert appropriate social or physical activity eg. mountain climb/scuba dive/get married". The assumptions can be wrong or irrelevant, or they could throw in some supposedly positive comments like "at least you get the best parks at the supermarket" which puts you in the same category as the severely disabled and wheel chair bound. Pity is a offensive form of sympathy that makes the receiver feel bad or the comments are so wildly inaccurate that they have no connection to their life (which makes you realise how ignorant the person talking is). I hope that clears it up a bit for you. Though I still understand 'first-world problems' to be the hight of triviality and I just don't think that includes any mental health issues.
  9. I have sort of lost the count, but my maths works it out as day 9(?maybe?) Tough one to answer for me.....well as of right now, this week, it has to be Final Destination 5. I love it when movies are full of self referential Easter eggs, and as I just managed to find a copy to own I can now pause and rewind to my heart's content to try and find them all.
  10. I knew there were a few topics floating around so I thought it would just be easier making a reference post to find them all. There seems to be very little overlap between the movie listed on each topic so they are all still handy! and maybe if they are easier to find people will be more likely to add more recommendations. Heavy on the Thriller, Horror and Sci-Fi movies Lots of TV Shows and Anime, along with a wide mix of movies. Some discussion and disagreements. Recommendations that are stricter about having little or no romantic content Discussion about movie content, with a few recommendations and a few movies listed that seem to demonize the aromantic experience (ones to avoid)
  11. Apathetic Echidna

    A Carnival of Aros

    I do understand why they chose the topic and also why some people are peeved. Personally with that topic I feel I have nothing to contribute and won't be all that interested in the content anyway. However I see that this first month might be good engaging a bunch of aces who are already aware of the carnival and so can spread the news the best. I just hope this event can snowball and the other topics are more inclusive and specifically aro-centric, then it will definitely be worth re-advertising the carnival.
  12. Being with family or friends feels good and is fun. I feel important with them, no longer an anonymous face in the crowd.
  13. Apathetic Echidna

    Ranking Importance of Representation by Type

    @Mark oh yes I had completely forgotten about audio drama, I realise now I generally left out radio -that just shows where my interests aren't. I split TV shows and movies because having a stand alone movie with an aro character I think is quite different from a long running Tv show, like a soap opera or something, adding in an aro character. Movies, unless they are long series like Harry Potter or the Marvel Sagas, have to interest people to that specific movie to possibly see representation but televiosion offers an option of slotting in an aro into an established show with a already set fanbase. My whole aim for the split of pop culture is to find out what people think is the most important pathway, and it is multiple choice, and you can always change your vote so I think it is fairly flexible.
  14. Apathetic Echidna

    Aromantic activism Poll

    I was really conflicted about what to pick. I did end up picking Media because once it is out there and a topic of conversation lots of things can come from that, buuuut I also really want the laws to change where I live because there are huge gaps in the wording that leaves me no legal standing against discrimination (though the laws are all sorts of messed up anyway as there are still homophobic laws on the books, and there are heaps of ways of slipping around the laws anyway as discrimination is very hard to legally prove to the extent that proof is required)
  15. Apathetic Echidna

    Combined Movie/Film/TV Show Thread

    @Holmbo You've given me an idea!
  16. Apathetic Echidna

    so I guess I'm going on a date?

    @lonelyace wow, sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Now you know his true character and can avoid his toxic presence. Just my own thoughts but he probably didn't like you very much to believe some gossip rumour about you being lesbian when you had already accepted to go out.
  17. well I'm late to the party....It is a really fun idea though! I sort of avoid chocolate and candy. I am not a sweet tooth. However there is one chocolate I go out of my way for and I love being given, that is Haighs Strawberry and Pepperberry. The pepperberry adds a cool spiciness (imagine that mint had a baby with a mild chilli, then that baby eloped with some strawberry cream). There is nothing like it anywhere else. But a really honest answer about my favourite candy would have to be Chinese Hickory Flavour Sunflower Seeds, they aren't sweet per se...but they are addictive and flavoursome and they smell so good and taste so good and there is skill to eating them that makes me feel competently skilled (lol, ego boost food).
  18. So I found this, the article itself was sort of hard to find, so I am putting it here for posterity http://aromanticaardvark.tumblr.com/post/44655392052/aromanticplatonicqueerplatonic-dating-checklist I think it is a fairly good idea to have a list of specifics to outline exactly what is comfortable for you in any sort of close relationship. You would obviously have to have a specific person in mind when filling it out, but I hope it is useful in some way, even if it is to just give you ideas about your own limits
  19. Apathetic Echidna

    so I guess I'm going on a date?

    The fact that he started talking to you like he knew you but never spoke to you in high school probably means he is seeking familiarity, or he might feel out of depth in the Spanish class (My friend's high school ex was in one of my university classes and tried to be all friendly, I shut that down fast and he seemed super surprised)....or maybe he just feels more free and confident in approaching you..... Apparently it is a thing to go on a few dates then tell the other person if there is a 'spark' or not, if they are cool with no 'spark' on your side it is still fine to keep going out to see what happens. I have only heard of people in their early 20s doing this so it probably has something to do with curiosity and experimentation being accepted and prevalent amongst the people I know. So I guess the best thing is to be honest, but that doesn't mean you have to cut your interaction short if you do in fact want to explore a relationship. Definitely be honest about what you are comfortable with and what you are not. Talking about not wanting sex could be a good way to measure whether he will be a safe person to come out to, but beware if he just assumes you are shy and he can eventually wear you down.
  20. I'm glad. I just reread my post and I seem to be throwing lots of ideas at you, basically a new one for each sentence. Friends really do help when you are doing something that does scare you. I hope things work out well with your guy friend! (I've found that good friends tell you you are weird but still love you so I don't think you should be really scared about either of the situations you detail) I detailed my issues with living alone somewhere but I can't remember if it was here or on Aven.....not to scare you but...I had the dream once to live by myself, preferably a little cottage in the suburbs, but then I tried it for real and turned into a raving crazy in under 4 months. It was like paranoid PMS to the maximum, plus without 'supervision' my shame controlled food choices became erratically horrible (basically with no one around I never thought "I should't" and there was no one around me to remind me when "I should") Anyway I wish you luck, and that on your journey to living in a house all to yourself you only discover good things about yourself.
  21. Apathetic Echidna

    Where does touch aversion come from?

    Thanks for trying! Though I definitely see that people with only a mild aversion would fake or force themselves to act 'normal'. I didn't even know the concept of touch aversion before I came here, especially as I explained mine away as being moody because mine is variable
  22. I'm not sure about your experiences, but just reading some of the posts on the forum can make you start feeling a little wary of friends and the possibility of them dropping you because of their romantic interests, while family don't seem to do that (maybe they spend less time with you but they don't drop contact like friends can). Personally my attachment to my family comes with a feeling of certainty and continuance. I used to have a few friends that felt like family to me but one has dropped me (I am suspicious it is because their long-term partner doesn't like me) so I learnt the hard way that most friends only ever stay friends. Anyway... The pain you feel thinking about leaving your parents might be fear of becoming a visitor, which is highly unlikely to happen. A active social life with friends can also replace much of the day to day interactions you would have with parents so you won't really feel like you are alone, but it will be different. Also, moving out is not the be all and end all. One of my friends has moved out 4 or 5 times but keeps moving home depending on the logistics of how to get to where he was working at the time. If you are used to living with people it might not be a good idea to suddenly live alone, moving in with a friend or cousin can be a good step in becoming independent without feeling like you are isolated. You never know, you could be like me and have serious issues with living alone (I just can't do it) so you will always be happier sharing a house -and really as long as everyone is happy what does it matter if you are living with family or friends or flatmates you met through room for rent articles? Last year I read a great article about a lady in her 60s who shares house with 3 or 4 flatmates in Bondi, sometimes one of her flatmates is her daughter and sometimes they are all foreign exchange students, but the house is always full of life. Who knows, if you move into a share house you might find a pseudo-extra-relative
  23. Apathetic Echidna

    self love

    My body is mine but I am not my body. I guess a good metaphor would be I am driving around in a defective car, the car being my body and the driver being my perception of self, connected but other. I had a compare and contrast conversation with members on the Arocalypse discord where health seems to be a much bigger topic of conversation and let me tell you, you weren't insensitive but issues that impinge on personal welfare are not first-world problems because (cue mad concept): if our problems were external to us, our mental or physical problems weren't internal but were coming directly from a stranger, would you have a restraining order on them? or would they be in jail? or slowly rotting in a shallow grave.... One not very nice (probably unhealthy) side to my 'I am not my body' is when people pity me. Sympathy is something you give to an equal, pity is something you give to something/someone believed to be lesser. It is the whole disabled vs differently abled argument. However if someone pities me to my face I can't help but manipulate them and lose pretty much all respect for them. That must be such a tricky situation to navigate. I doubt I would be able to deal with that as my whole life is all about avoiding regret. Palaeolithic standards of strength is good! lol, not much is more embarrassing than having to go to a neighbours house to get help opening a jar or can (especially if the food is dubious like canned macaroni and cheese)💀 New point to the self love conversation: You know how people talk about romantic love, and how it can't exist without trust? Is self love the same, it doesn't work without trust? I can't trust my body not to do something horrible to me so I can't love it. Trust in the yourself is normally seen as confidence but maybe it does have another side, the side of self love because even shy people can love themselves (right?).
  24. Apathetic Echidna

    self love

    @Anything_but_allo You are so sweet. Sometimes I think my acceptance of myself is a bit too deep, especially when I throw out hard truths to people (that might not actually be true to them) buuut I guess it is a good way to find out whether they are my friend or a polite acquaintance
  25. Apathetic Echidna

    Need advice on a few things: Aromantic short film and awareness week

    Thanks @Holmbo, as your tagging isn't working my forum search is not working so I couldn't find the Bingo to tag it! oh technology, always playing hard to get (to work as expected)
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