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Apathetic Echidna

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About Apathetic Echidna

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    Prickly Ball of Aro

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  • Gender
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  • Location
    The Antipodes
  • Romanticism
  • Sexuality
    Greyasexual of some form

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  1. Also because they moved interstate, some people seriously thought my friend had been murdered/joined a cult or something else horrible like that, until of course some of us older friends managed to contact their parents (who had no idea they had dropped everyone). That is the worst! I knew people like that, they are so non-confrontational that they bottle stuff up and become some of the worst people to know. I've found it that those people are the ones who will talk about you behind your back, probably as a way of letting off steam...but that doesn't change anything about the situation so it is an irrelevantly bitchy thing to do to a friend (talking behind someone's back isn't always bad, especially when the power dynamic is unbalanced ~ so complaining about a boss can be a bonding experience)
  2. Tired That feeling you get when your eyes are open
  3. I was doing some research for something else and the more I thought the more I realised that the fundamental problem with this idea of sexual and romantic VS other is because ultimately the divide is between instant attractions and extended knowledge attraction. So instant could be things like visual and extended knowledge would be like learning about them. But even then it doesn't take into account reactive attractions or growth of attraction from interest or appreciation. Gah. Maybe I am making it all more complicated than it needs to be and maybe what I am thinking about doesn't even fit the original post.
  4. Your situation sounds seriously hard. You supported them while laying down boundaries which they didn't respect. It is a shame, and it sucks that it was a friend doing this . I hope some opportunities to get away come up soon. I had a friend who did that. They moved to a large city in another state and cut all contact with everyone they knew before. Apparently there were lots of hurt feelings and burned bridges, so when they visits family here there is no one willing to catch up. Must be fairly isolating but it was a bitchy thing to do so I'm not going to make the first move...even if I did have contact details.
  5. I used to make fun of a friend who moved to another state but would return to my city to see her health professionals of different sorts (she only went to places local to her if it was an emergency). After the experiences I have heard about and some stuff that happened to me when I didn't see my regulars I now know it is so much better to find someone good then cling on to them. I hope the sessions you have in the future are better than that one. or that overall you find a better situation. 💚
  6. I had no idea those pages existed. It is nice to have them clearly accessible now
  7. Me? well I would coyly laugh at the kissing girls comment and say I am trying to emulate Gerard Manley Hopkins rather than Shakespeare. Hopkins wrote about environmentalism and God, and how industrialisation is a cancer and what can faith be when Nuns are drowned? then throw in one of the darker quotes from one of the more depressing poems, ...though in reality I am much more likely to smile and nod then leave the room. Though there is always the possibility that I would throw out a comment about not wanting to end up writing like Patsy Cline as I left the room.
  8. soo for the point about non-romance/sexual centric people who focus on other attraction types they would come towards the unorthodox side? I just wanted clarification of this section because my brain is error-ing a bit on it.
  9. This is the exact problem that plagued most of my life. I have been in the same sort of situation but because it was years ago and the people responsible for issuing the rules were the sort to brush off romance and not see it as a problem nothing was done to help me even if I when I was brave enough to try and articulate my problem. Literally the advice I got once was "Did he follow you home? no? then don't worry about it" You did nothing wrong. Your professor was great! giving you a solution to your immediate issues. Even the PhD is not really being penalised, he's just learning that not being able to control his reactions to maintain a cool professional demeanour can hurt others (which is a lesson he would have had to learn eventually, especially if he wants to be a good professor in the future ...even going into private industry, being open and uncontrolled in this way can leave you open to manipulation).
  10. Yeah, this is hard. I decided not to come out to a friend who is very active in LGBT+ initiatives because they were displaying aphobic tendencies and comments for many years before I even discovered aromanticism. That certainly added to the death of that friendship. I hope your friend can be more open minded in the future.
  11. I have come out using the word aromantic. One of my friends was privy to my whole questioning process. But it is a very limited number of people who know. Otherwise I don't think it is anyone's business, and after learning the things I know about some people I have met, I do wonder about discrimination (though not only orientation discrimination, but some of those people are closet sleazebags and I don't want to give them any information about anything)(....and I guess now I am much more cautious with new acquaintances because of bad experiences)
  12. I'm glad that your descriptions have moved from describing types to describing the concepts in a spectrum/scale/gradient/slider bar. I understood the types you had before but with all the discussion I guess I was one of the few to happily sit in a category. This point though. I had some trouble trying to understand it. Is it meant to be so centred on romance/sexual? From my understanding this is tied with the axis ideas for point 5 but brings up the ideas that was started in the other thread about the term tertiary. I do understand that romance/sexual are generally given priority (in a total population) but what about all those people who drop them to focus on others? for example a person who is aroace homosensual, but decides to focus on what they feel rather than what they don't, so the sensual attraction is the most important thing to their orientation identity.
  13. I think this is a very tricky problem. Many people who mean they want a 'date' with all the romantic attachments will often say other words as they try and avoid rejection, and so because of that there are a heap of terms and phrases that are used and can be interpreted in vastly varying ways. Hang out. Catch up. Go for coffee. Just dinner and a movie. Have some fun together. This topic is worth an in-depth discussion. Let's study together. I think the safest thing is to explain your intentions as clearly as possible. Maybe find a phrase you like that can become short hand for what you mean, though you will still be best to explain the meaning to every new person you deal with. I did see recently that someone was using the phrase 'but it has to stay casual' as a sort of disclaimer to warn that the dates/interactions would not lead to a serious relationship.
  14. Hello and welcome! please enjoy some aro colour themed virtual icecream I'm sure you will find quite a few relatable experiences in the forums, especially as I think so many of us have had alternative experiences with that thing, the 'crush'. Hope to ee you around the forums!
  15. Very very important. I am sort of fascinated and horrified at some of the allergies that children at local schools have, and have to be catered for: eggplant, Kiwi fruit hairs, severe touch contact lactose allergy, strawberries, certain natural red food colourings from cochineal to the one made from berries, Peach fuzz.... There are so many good points here. Great information! You could decide your group should have an annual grand meeting (AGM) which is generally something larger groups do but certainly everyone can do them. Basically the only rules of a good AGM is that it happens once a year and is notified weeks or months in advance so people can work it into their scheduled if they can. You might have a guest speaker or a poetry reading as the 'meeting' part but for the most part they are just social events to get the whole groups together which is especially beneficial if you have sporadic attendance from members (so not everyone knows each other, which is more of a problem in larger groups). Tying back to the food comment: (The AGM) If it is to be an event with food, but not in a location that serves a variety of suitable food you can use the rule of Bring for yourself, to share. Which is simply bring a shareable quantity of a food you are happy to eat. (Being Australian this normally turns into a 'bring a traditional dish' to celebrate different cultures and see different foods)
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