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Apathetic Echidna

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About Apathetic Echidna

  • Rank
    Prickly Ball of Aro

Personal Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/Her
  • Location
    The Antipodes
  • Romanticism
    Aromantic
  • Sexuality
    Greyasexual of some form

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  1. Basically a rant, but I think I have a point. Please comment! expand the general idea or specify a part of the idea I was reading this great topic and things stewed in my mind. If romance functions like a drug in our brain people will pay to get their fix. Look at the costs of weddings and the profit made on Valentine's Day. The piles of books and movies and tv shows. Weddings have always been about showing off, but now there is an entire industry built around diamond engagement rings and white dresses that are only worn once. Romance and stereotyped love is big business dealing with big bucks. Commercially it is not in their interest to support alternative weddings, but rather to make the most frivolous and expensive romantic gestures the normal, like 24 imported long stem red roses, engagement rings where bigger is better and designer dresses for the entire wedding party. The industry has no reason to value diversity and every reason to support amatonormativity ideals. Because they have the money they fund things to get more exposure which filters into society....then more people buy into the ideals and spend more money on it, giving them more power to get more exposure. The most insidious of these things are the reality tv shows. Unlike books or scripted media these shows are seen as being 'real' people in 'achievable' relationships, and possibly even role-models. The Bachelor(ette), Love Island, Married at First Sight, Real Housewives, Wife Swap, I know people who would watch these things on their lunch break to get their 'fix' to help them get through an afternoon of work. Generally the romance is overblown or the people involved are chosen to be provoking (but still in a relationship). I think when people say "sex sells" they also mean voyeuristic romance, because what really is The Bachelor except romance porn? yet it is acceptable to televise for family viewing.
  2. I'm not sure if I can continue claiming to be apathetic any more. I keep finding things making me angry and I am having to work at being easy going. Of course I'm not getting angry at the big stuff like rape culture and global warming, I'm getting angry at stupid questions people ask me and amatonormative comments in media from the 1990s. 

    1. Anything_but_allo

      Anything_but_allo

      Hey friend, it’s ok to feel this way. You can still be apethetix and be genuinely angry at others, especially when it is ongoing dumb things they have told you for gosh knows how long. It doesn’t define your personality. Just know I know exactly what you’re going through 

      *apathetic sorry

    2. Apathetic Echidna

      Apathetic Echidna

      lol, I like apathetix! like a blasé dominatrix

       

  3. Apathetic Echidna

    What is sold at an inconvenience store?

    A liquid ruler Light-globes made entirely from recycled cardboard A bean-bag coffee table
  4. Apathetic Echidna

    Giving yourself up for romance

    Sometimes when living with someone else is is just easier compromising on some stuff to make living together more pleasant, like a flatmate who doesn't like Zombies - just watch zombie things when they are not around*. That would have been my solution here especially if Doctor Who is something he shares with friends. Watching tv shows with friends is like having a mini movie night that still gives you time to do other stuff. So I guess I understand the 'sharing space' stuff, like not buying peanut butter if they have a severe allergy, following the rules of the person most fastidious about the bathroom*. But there is insidious stuff that goes into changing them as a person that I don't like (I think it's borderline abusive), like influencing them until they become vegan even at restaurants* or purposefully being so dramatic about their taste in music that they conform to what you like* or implying certain friends are 'bad influences' so you stop talking to them* or declaring that being a time poor couple that you should follow their religious routine so you can spend more time together*. The big stuff doesn't make sense to me, surely the children question should always be a deal-breaker? there might be some negotiation room depending on whether it is pregnancy or parenthood that is the issue, or child vs career balance. But no kids means no kids. *real examples that happened to my friends
  5. Apathetic Echidna

    Harmful Romance Movie Tropes

    Soooo....I caught an episode of Dawson's Creek on daytime tv. Yes I know daytime tv is known for playing vintage movies and low budget stuff so it is full of sexism, rascism and other shady stuff like badly acted telemovies. Anyway the two teenage male leads are having a conversation about the lead female on the show and they say something along the lines of: "You are wasting a lot of time and effort on a girl you're not dating" True the scene was one where they were meant to be needling each other to admit feelings but still I found it offensively toxic. Hetero boys and girls can't be friends because of romantic/sexual undertones. So of course why try? Don't have a best friend of the opposite gender, they are not worth it. Don't go out of your way for them. Don't be supportive. Don't do them favours. They will find another friend of a suitable gender (theirs), just as you will, no matter if you get along better with them than anyone else. There is no point investing anything being friend unless you will eventually marry them. 😬 Okay Dawson's Creek is over a decade old but it is still out there spreading or maintaining the tropes. I'm sure there are lots of other shows that are less blunt but have the same message. All I can say is thank goodness for Buffy and Harry Potter that gave us complex boy/girl friendships as good representation of friendship overcoming obstacles including gender and attraction potential.
  6. Apathetic Echidna

    A good friend

    lol, that is harsh. I think people you get along with are always worth it....or maybe just worth something. If they are really lackadaisical with keeping contact, but we do get along they will be a friend but just not a very close one. I always think being friendly is easier face to face because the conversation can flow to whatever is in the moment, text is stilted which makes it tricky.
  7. Apathetic Echidna

    Movie/TV Series Recommendations?

    I have been less tolerant of romance recently and that made me discover some things, most notably the movie Cellular ! it is an action movie from the 2000s with some marginal scenes of a married couple, but most of that is worry about keeping everyone alive. certainly no gushy romantic stuff
  8. Apathetic Echidna

    A book passage that knocks amatonormativity

    The section on how love is like cocaine just reminded me of Twilight where they refer to each other as a personal supply of heroin (or some other highly addictive substance). They are all literally love junkies. So if most people are love junkies, us aros who ship it but don't partake are like casual users? 😜 well at least not partaking means we won't be ruined in a messy divorce or dead a la Romeo
  9. Apathetic Echidna

    Aromantic Rings/Pride

    At least they use the colours of the good flag. For some reason I keep finding things made in the orange version of the flag.... those beads though look like harma beads to me, of which I have fond and horrible memories of. more horrible than fond....so I wouldn't go for it but green rings are tricky to find and if you wanted the flag it is a fair representation
  10. Apathetic Echidna

    A good friend

    I always thought Sora's friends were like children making friends, that simple thing of meeting a stranger and asking to be their friend and then making it work! simple kiddy friendships are so sweet. I just wish it was that easy now. friendships where you aren't regularly seeing them because of routine you share (like going to school or something) you both have to be putting effort into talking and seeing each other. If they are putting in effort then they do care. Though not always true, a good measure is amount of effort to keep in contact = care for you. Though all sorts of other responsibilities and things can mess up that simple equation...
  11. Apathetic Echidna

    Being naked in front of others?

    I wear panties 100% of the time (bath/showering excluded), going comando/full monty just feels wrong to me. If I am comfortable with people I am okay showing them more skin than I would in public but I wouldn't be naked and lounging around. There have been a few times when my neighbours have caught me walking around the house in my underwear and they have made it really awkward, so that is not something I want to repeat, but darn it, it is my place! so I still walk around in my underwear and just hope they are more wary or will react as the non-event that it is.
  12. Apathetic Echidna

    Hi!

    Hello and Welcome! Here is some aro-themed icecream to help you start your online journey
  13. Apathetic Echidna

    Feeling Down About Love In General

    Hey and Welcome! amen to that! Friendships are hard, especially when it seem many people have wildly different understandings of what a friendship is (like the mentor I had once who said we were friends and I had to say sure even though I low-key hated them and would have called our relationship a tolerably functional colleague-level working relationship), so even if you do put yourself out there, stretching the limits of what you are comfortable with, it is still possible you will get burned from their ignorance and assumptions (sorry for the downer). The up side is that if you have/find someone where conversation flows easily it is not too hard to bring the intimacy level up. You don't need to specifically dissect your feelings for your friends but finding common ground whenever and wherever you can is a great thing and sharing opinions! but the most important thing of all from all of this is remembering the details they tell you because bringing them up at a later date can show them you care. Using the same logic you can discover how dedicated to your friendship they are. This is the process I use with some of my friends, it is generally quite good but I have been burned by someone who doesn't really care but had very good memory recall. Who knows, you may do this already, it is just what I have found that helps me build relationships with reserved or touch-repulsed people.
  14. Apathetic Echidna

    Child or Childless

    I've decided that procreation is a demographic so this should go here. When I was very small I decided I didn't want kids, which is something fairly common in my family so it was easily accepted. However at the beginning of the year I was almost overwhelmed by a sort of genetic guilt. On one side of my family I have a few distant cousins, but basically I am it, the last of the line. What really puts a point on it is my family technically is titled, so when we are gone the title has to go back 4 generations then down their descendants to find the next title holder. It isn't like I, or any kids I might have would hold the title anyway, but the fact that there is no one closer. I look at family portraits and think I am the end, it stops with me, and I feel so bad. But the reality of babies and toddlers freaks me out. I do like kids 8+, when they have conversations and intelligent understanding and aren't nearly so dependant. Ultimately I just wish the possibility was taken away so I wouldn't have these conflicting feelings which scare me more than anything. I am terrified my genetic guilt might overwhelm me and I do something stupid because it would only end badly. I know, sadly from experience with other families that the worst thing you can do is breed when you aren't sure. So these are my currently conflicting feelings but I am wondering if anyone else has felt something similar? or maybe you have never been conflicted, I would love to know. Another point I should add in is the way I'm Aro I would probably be by myself in the future, I'm not the sort to seek out a QPR.
  15. Apathetic Echidna

    Help me

    I found your other topic before I found this one, but if you are having trouble telling apart romantic and non-romantic feelings there are some things you can look for in your feelings that might help, but ultimately it will be you that has to work it through because there is a massive lack in the vocabulary and so there will always be a difference between what you feel and what others can understand. Jealousy and possessiveness may be present with romantic love (not always though, and it can be present in unhealthy friendships when there is a tone of possessiveness) The IKEA effect is something to watch for too. It is generally associated with children but I have found any sort of proprietary input can trigger it. So basically she is the best (at anything or everything) because she is your friend/partner and has your support. It is similar to Idol worship but in this case the person is good because of your connection. I may be way off and confused but these are some things to look for to help you out of the questioning process
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