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About Eklinaar

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  1. You should see what mutually attracted humans do to each other at heavy metal shows.
  2. Aromantic Confessions

    I confess that I resent the people who used to be my close friends who got married and had babies and quit hanging out with me. And I resent even more that they think there's nothing wrong with that.
  3. Sex with feelings #NoRomo

    I mean... that was 8 years ago, and hardly anybody's touched me since then... but yeah I admit it was pretty great at the time. Sometimes I wish I didn't crave that kind of closeness, though, because the loneliness sucks.
  4. Favorite Podcasts?

    I really like Priority One Podcast, because I'm a big Star Trek nerd. It's a news podcast about anything Star Trek related, with a focus on conventions and Star Trek video games. They even have a scientist at JPL come on regularly and talk about the science of Star Trek or recent astronomy news. I really should listen to Women At Warp, a podcast about the representation and participation of women in Star Trek, which the Priority One hosts strongly recommend. While not strictly a podcast, I'm a huge fan of everything the Auralnauts do. They do a lot of movie parody stuff, mostly involving really clever video edits and replacing the audio with their own professional-quality audio. They are the funniest people I've encountered on the internet. They also do a podcast, largely about their video work, but sometimes totally unrelated. Their most recent episode was a review of Mortal Kombat: The Album from 1994, just because they wanted to review a 23 year old not-very-good album instead of talk about their video work. The Worst Idea Of All Time is a strange podcast by two Kiwi comedians of questionable judgment who force themselves to watch the same horrible movie once a week for a year and do a podcast about how they slowly lose their grip on reality. The first year, they did Adam Sandler's Grownups 2, and the second year they did Sex and the City 2, and this year they're doing We Are Your Friends. The podcast is like a psychological horror. It's disturbing and hilarious. Acquisitions Incorporated started out as a podcast and has changed formats significantly, focusing on webcasts and live appearances these days. Initially, it was the creators of the webcomics Penny Arcade and PVP playing Dungeons And Dragons with a Dungeon Master from Wizards of the Coast. The people involved have changed, but it's still entirely about very funny people playing Dungeons and Dragons. Their latest series, The C-Team, is hilarious and I often have to stop watching because I'm laughing too hard. Critical Role is an unrelated D&D webseries, but it's much more dramatic and serious and harder to understand unless you're an enthusiastic D&D player, yourself. They're both good but I recommend Acq Inc if you were only going to pick one. And, of course, Welcome To Night Vale is amazing and strange, but I'll leave it to other people gush about that. No spoilers, please, since I'm over a year behind.
  5. Sex with feelings #NoRomo

    Sex for me has always been an emotionally intense experience. I almost envy people who can have sex more casually, because it sounds like a lot of fun. An allo friend recently described to me the desire for sex as "an itch that needs to be scratched" and I don't think I've ever experienced it like that. If I'm with a partner for a long time, I can get more comfortable with them and sex can be less emotionally charged for me and can become playful and fun, but there's always that foundation of trust and emotional intimacy. I can only speculate about why sex is like this for me, but I think it's because empathy is the main tool I use to build intimate relationships. Emotional connection is what I want most out of friendships and intimate relationships. This is probably why I've been able to have the occasional functional romantic relationship, because my desire for deep emotional connection is sometimes compatible with some alloromantic people's desire for a committed partner. What I want out of sex most of the time is more empathy, deep and intense empathy. I also experience lust and sexual attraction, but those aren't the prime drivers for me, they're more like extra spice added to the meal of empathy. I'm a very touch-oriented person, so I like to use touch as a kind of emotional expression. I'm also a communication nerd, and some people are very expressive in unique ways during sex, so it's very satisfying for me to participate in that, especially when combined with all the other ways that sex is enjoyable. So, the best sex I've experienced is like a combination of really tender cuddling, a very stimulating conversation, an immediate experience of feeling loved and appreciated, the satisfaction of desire, and tactile pleasure. Since my experience of being on the aromantic spectrum manifests partly as a lack of differentiation between the love for close friends and the love for intimate partners, then the kinds of trust and emotional intimacy I build in those relationships are effectively the same for me. I end up feeling comfortable with close friends in nearly identical ways to how I end up feeling comfortable with intimate partners, and so I feel like the same boundaries would work for me, as well as the same expressions of affection. But they don't work for most alloromantics, which is something I have to remind myself of frequently. I usually navigate this problem by relying on explicit and clear verbal consent. As for what can improve the experience of sex, I think that's a highly individual thing. One of my partners and I liked to talk a lot during sex, and we found that affirmations really enhanced the experience. Like, we'd be doing something sexual and simultaneously just saying things we liked about each other. Sometimes they were related to the sexual experience and sometimes they weren't. That had a noticeable change in sex for me as an experience of mutual appreciation and shared empathy. Finding things like that can take time and exploration.
  6. Romantic poetry, to like or not to like.

    My best friend wrote this today. She said the first scene is about how she feels with me. I'm pretty sure the third scene is about her husband. I don't know what the second scene is about. http://graffitioftheheart.blogspot.com/2017/08/blog-post.html
  7. I'm in the US and broke, myself. It's a shame we're on three different continents. But I'd love to meet up with some aros once I can afford it.
  8. I've spent a good bit of time in a variety of LGBTQ communities both online and IRL and this community has shown some of the greatest intersectional awareness I've encountered so far. I'm seriously impressed. It seems like a good place to make friends.
  9. Could I make myself more sexual?

    Yes! I don't want to derail this thread since it's not about this, but I'd be happy to discuss this with you in more detail. This is my greatest struggle in sexual relationships, that it is a very emotional and intimate experience for me, but it is not romantic for me. Everyone I meet seems to want both emotional intimacy and romance, or neither. And that's why I haven't had a sexual relationship in years.
  10. I don't know any ace/aro people where I live, and I'm not active on AVEN. I didn't find nearly as much that I personally could relate to on those boards as I do here. Making ace/aro friends is pretty much why I'm here.
  11. Yeah, I have the opposite problem. I think a lot of people feel threatened by me because they usually read me as a cishet male, and I understand why they feel that way. My friends who used to cuddle with me are all very monogamous, and the culture here is very against platonic touch. It's pretty frustrating. I'm glad you have friends who understand your feelings in this regard.
  12. Could I make myself more sexual?

    I'm fairly allosexual so I don't know if my experience is applicable, but I find that being with someone I trust and care for deeply makes me a whole lot more comfortable in a sexual situation. Sometimes I'm even able to experience things I can't when that trust and care isn't present. Sex is also a very emotional exchange for me, and I know for a lot of people it isn't, so that might also have something to do with it.
  13. Romantic poetry, to like or not to like.

    Rumi's poetry I think was intended to be romantic but I find it staggeringly beautiful. I also find Emily Dickinson very relatable.
  14. Yeah, I often feel like people don't take my desires for intimacy seriously, or just dismiss my experience as "having problems with boundaries". I understand where that's coming from, since tons of cishet dudes don't respect people's boundaries, but I've been told by my last few partners that I'm very respectful of boundaries. Most of my friends have entered long-term monogamous relationships and will barely be affectionate with me any more, and new people I meet always assume romantic intent. A meetup sounds like a great idea. I'd just need to save up enough money to travel and work on my social anxiety.
  15. Gender in Dreams

    My body is often slightly different in my dreams. I'm pretty comfortable with my body IRL, and I don't experience any dysphoria about my body, though I do have a lot of anxiety about gender in other ways. In my dreams, I usually have less body hair, and the shape of my body is more androgynous. It's never a major point of the dream, it's simply true and comfortable.