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aro_elise

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About aro_elise

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Personal Information

  • Name
    Elise
  • Gender
    female
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Location
    Toronto
  • Occupation
    fashion design student
  • Romanticism
    aromantic
  • Sexuality
    heterosexual

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  1. and not every aromantic is asexual. everyone has a sexual and romantic orientation, which may or may not be the same. when i watched that episode (i already identified as aro) and i heard the word 'aromantic' i had to pause it and scream. i didn't think i'd hear it on tv in my lifetime. you can be aro and polyamorous! i am.
  2. ok, first i must emphasize that aromanticism is not a "problem or insecurity"; it's an orientation. in fact, if you need to "feel better about yourself" because your girlfriend has a life outside of her relationship with you, that sounds rather like insecurity on your part. she doesn't experience romantic attraction and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it. she may well love you, but not romantically, so you have to decide whether you're ok with that. and to me--and probably every other aro--it makes perfect sense that someone she's been close to for only a few months wouldn't be as important as her longtime friends; if you were, her friends would be justified in feeling quite offended. if you want my honest perspective, i don't think the relationship is going to work. speaking from experience, i had a boyfriend for 8 months, he's a great guy, we were friends before and we're friends still, but while we were dating i was super distant and uncomfortable with romantic affection. most people would have dumped me pretty quickly (and maybe that would have been better) but he just accommodated my needs, or lack thereof. 6 months in i told him i was aro (i'd been struggling to accept it myself before then) and he tried even more earnestly to understand and make sure i was comfortable with everything we did. he did everything right and i still couldn't deal with it. now, as i say, this was a time when i was struggling with my feelings about my identity, whereas now that i'm comfortable with it and i know my boundaries and everything, i would be better able to navigate a non-platonic relationship if i wanted to. so my optimistic perspective on your situation is that if both of you want to make it work then it's worth a try. and my advice to anyone in any type of relationship is to communicate. sorry if this sounded rude--that's never my intention--but i imagine you didn't come here expecting someone to offer a magical solution in which you change your girlfriend but not yourself and everyone's happy about it. best wishes.
  3. i think that's an artist thing; i'm in fashion design and i feel the same way. i was born for this, i've always known, and i can't imagine my life without it. the thing i'm most upset about missing due to not getting married is designing and wearing my dress. i also find it sad when people choose their career just for money, stability, etc. and say "work isn't something you're supposed to like"--yes it is, wtf!
  4. ethical vegan for over 4 years, veg for 10 before that. the transition was the best decision of my life.
  5. my lecture focused on queer theory today, and during discussion, i threw in a casual reference to romantic orientation by saying "cisgender, heterosexual, and heteroromantic".  i also included a line about my aromanticism in the brief reflection we had to hand in.  just sneaking stuff in there. 

  6. a fellow old movie fan, cool! i keep track of all the movies from 1925-75 i've seen, with a goal of reaching 500, and i've already surpassed 100. do you have a favourite movie, actor, director, or anything?
  7. i'm glad it went well and that you feel better. i remember feeling similarly--relief is the first word which comes to mind--and i cried. my mom thought it was from sadness. well, i'm glad i could help. don't feel too badly for her; it's not your fault.
  8. hey, i've been there. relationship, confusion, discomfort, semi-panic, and all. i can't tell you what the case is for you personally but i can offer some ideas. 1. sounds aro to me. the main indicator is that you didn't seem to mind platonic intimacy. also, speaking just of the romantic sort, i understand 'fear of intimacy' to mean you desire it but have difficulty engaging in it--there's a sort of conflict--whereas in your case you don't seem to desire it in the first place, and when engaging in it or seeing it you seem more uncomfortable and confused than anything else. that's me for sure. i like to make the same distinction when people think aros are just afraid of commitment. first of all, my best friend and i have been friends since we were 6 and have promised to be for life--that seems pretty committed. second, if we're talking about romantic relationships, it's not that i want to commit to one but struggle to--i simply don't want one, committed or otherwise. 2. pretty much just tell her how you feel. if you have decided to identify as aromantic, i would suggest saying so and explaining the meaning. even if you're not sure, i suppose. then talk about what that means for you specifically, like what you're uncomfortable with. most importantly, assure her you do like her and want to be friends, it's just your orientation and feelings about romantic relationships in general. this is what i did when i told my boyfriend at the time--actually, we continued dating for a couple months after (idk man, it was a complicated time), and when we broke up, i reiterated that it wasn't specifically him i didn't want to date, it was everyone--anyway, i think it was good. as good as it could have been. if your girlfriend does indeed love and care about you she'll appreciate your honesty, respect your orientation and feelings, and want to maintain your friendship. i definitely think it's best to be honest, and to do it sooner rather than later. good luck.
  9. i see what you mean, actually, i don't consider my sexuality that important either. being interested in guys is kind of like being moderately interested in other things, like, not my favourite things, but things i like. your sport analogy works--for example, i like skiing but i don't do it often; it's not a big part of my life, but when i see a nice mountain i think i'd like to ski there.
  10. depression. i also put neurodiverse (although i think it's 'neurodivergent') because it's defined as having a brain which functions differently from an average, healthy brain. with chronic depression, that's what's happening. and about 7% of people have it. if that weren't enough, i'm gifted, which only about 2% of people are. so that's unhealthy, and above average.
  11. yeah, aromantic heterosexual. when i don't feel like coming out i just say straight, but people who know me well know that's not quite it. as i said in my poll, the two parts of my identity are quite distinct from each other, but also, like, i'm very aro and very heterosexual, like on the ends of the respective spectrums, so it's like, how else would i possibly identify? both labels fit me perfectly.
  12. interesting, i wondered whether there would be anyone like that. you know, i was in this club in high school called spectrum, like a gsa. one time, asexuality and aromanicism came up--i wasn't out, i believe this was during my denial period--and the club leader (student teacher, straight) asked the difference. i tried to explain, talking about the different types of attraction, and she just said "to me it's the same." and i was thinking '???'
  13. i call myself straight, like in my head, but i'm hesitant to say it to others. my friend--the only person irl who has my permission to call me straight--has called me "straight but not" as well as "queer". she's gay btw. i'd be interested to hear whether any aros have the same problems with terms like gay, lesbian, bi, or pan.
  14. i'm curious about your experiences with this, so please vote and comment! i'm not sure how well i phrased the questions and options, though; you'll see why when i list and explain my own answers: 1. i've always been sure of my sexual orientation. i've always identified as completely heterosexual, never questioned it. even when i experienced squishes or aesthetic attraction toward girls but didn't even know what to call them, i correctly identified the feelings and didn't worry about it. 2. no. i learned about aromanticism and the split attraction model at the same time, and essentially thought 'ok i'm definitely heterosexual, and i'd assumed i was heteroromantic, though not in those words...but could i be aromantic?' and so it began. 3. separate. i don't see how sexual and romantic attraction have anything to do with each other. like, not just in my own case, but in general--i don't understand. (i mean, i don't really understand romantic attraction in the first place, but...) if i were asked to name my orientation in one word, i wouldn't know what to say, because i have two. i don't even like when people call me straight, because that implies 'heterosexual and heteroromantic'. you guys can, though--the rules don't apply to my fellow aros. 😄 so yeah, chime in, and feel free to ask more questions! ✌️
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