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aro_elise

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About aro_elise

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Personal Information

  • Name
    Elise
  • Gender
    female
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Location
    Toronto
  • Occupation
    fashion design student
  • Romanticism
    aromantic
  • Sexuality
    heterosexual

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. in conversation, my coworker said she didn't want to assume i wanted to marry a man, so i said "i don't want to marry anyone, but i like guys."  how's that for a vague but accurate summary of my orientation?  on the spot, too.

  2. Care 100% Loyalty 50% Fairness 78% Authority 44% Purity 61% Liberty 53% Your strongest moral foundation is Care. Your morality is closest to that of a Left-Liberal. i'm surprised care is the highest--maybe it sort of means kindness--but not surprised by left-liberal.
  3. interesting, i kind of assumed most aros did. i definitely do.
  4. haha yeah. i'd never considered that i might be anything other than straight because i thought it was synonymous with heterosexual, nothing else to it. one day i just stumbled upon explanations of aromanticism and split attraction and thought "hmm. interesting." and so it began.
  5. not going to pride this year 😕  i'm working, and i have no one to go with.  are you guys going?

    1. Azxre

      Azxre

      i'm not going, there's none here. i wouldn't go anyways though because i don't really feel in the community eiher way, but rip for ya i guess :[

    2. aro_elise

      aro_elise

      last year i went with my friend and her uni friends, one of whom is actually aro, but this year she's going with her family, and again, i don't want to antagonize my new employer.  it's chill, though, i don't mind not going every year.

  6. @Apathetic Echidna ash hardell? and i've seen a post somewhere by a woman who identifies as queer and polyamorous but not aro-spec--while she has mostly casual romantic/sexual relationships, she lives with her longtime qpp. she did use that term, but not 'squish,' but you know, it was clear she experiences queerplatonic attraction.
  7. just aesthetic attraction things: i saw a gorgeous woman at a party and said to my mom "she's so pretty!"  though i've told her i'm definitely not, she may think i'm bisexual.  it's far from the first time i've observed a lovely lady.  😆  but wow, she sure was.

  8. 1. i don't really know what to say to that; to me, attraction is just something which exists (whether or not i experience a certain type), whether i like it or not. if you mean distinguishing types of attraction then yes, i define four types: romantic, which of course i don't experience, and sexual, platonic, and aesthetic, which i do. i don't separate sensual, since for me, certain things which tend to fall under that are romantic and others are sexual (and hugging is platonic), so i just sort them into those categories. 2. yeah, it makes sense to me. i definitely like people in a platonic way and i do get squishes; it's not always clear where to draw the line between a squish and the less intense "they're fun, i wouldn't mind talking to them" that everyone (like, allos) gets, but i don't think it really matters. i don't call it part of my orientation, though--like, if i gave it a prefix it would be pan, but i feel like that's the case for pretty much everyone. it's just nice to be able to understand how i like a certain person, like before i knew about aromanticism, let alone squishes, when i'd get them on girls, i never thought the attraction was romantic or sexual, never doubted my heterosexuality, just thought "huh, she sure is cool. crazy." (same with aesthetic attraction towards girls: "she sure is pretty. yup, that's that.") i knew what i was feeling, i just didn't know what to call it. of course i'd get squishes on guys, too, and if it was only platonic i'd think the same thing, but if it was also sexual (or whatever you'd call it when you're a kid, you know, thinking they're cute), i might mistakenly think it was a crush. so yeah, my discovery of the world of aromanticism and relevant terms was useful in many ways. 3. well, i've explained what i consider attraction, so i guess anything besides those four are...not. love, to me, is a feeling; i wouldn't say i love a squish, and sexual or aesthetic attraction certainly wouldn't lead to love. rather, i love very close, longtime friends and family members. so the only time attraction could lead to love is if it's platonic and we end up developing a special relationship of that nature. (of course i might also find that person beautiful, for instance, but that's not a factor in why i love them.) actually, there is an exception to that: longtime celebrity squishes who mean a lot to me for whatever reason, even if we've never met; i love a few of them. well, what other feelings might be within this realm? admiration...sure, i can admire someone's talent, intellect, character, etc. without being attracted to them, or it could be part of the reason for my attraction, probably platonic. but i guess i consider attractions to be types of feelings, anyway, just a distinct class of them.
  9. found the term at 16, went from denial through various stages of uncertainty, to acceptance around 8 months later, at 17. so that's when i count it, when i first said to myself 'ok, i'm going to identify as aromantic,' even though it still felt kind of daunting so i told myself i didn't have to stick to it or tell anyone. i became more and more comfortable with it, and my first coming-outs (boyfriend and parents) were about 5 months later. i can point to a couple other significant events along my journey; as i'm sure you all know, it's not a single, definite moment. or maybe it is for some, i don't know. but yeah, 17.
  10. that does sound like my experience. especially if she's heterosexual, or bi/pan i guess, she might assume her romantic orientation was concordant, or even be unfamiliar with the concept of romantic orientation. and in any case, enjoying your company and friendship (possibly a squish, sure) could have led her to believe dating was a logical next step...part of the idea of amatonormativity (basically the idea that romantic relationships are the most important type and are necessary for happiness), which is not separate from heteronormativity. and yeah, i kept trying to make it work, i thought i just had to get used to it, but i never did. i'm glad to hear that you're taking an interest in her possible aromanticism while acknowledging that it's up to her to label it or not, and continuing your friendship.
  11. i get it, i would hate to lose a friend that way. i actually had this friend, i'd told him i was aro at some point (it just came up randomly), and several months later he told me he was "interested in [me]" and asked me on a date, saying that he understood i wouldn't feel the same way. so we went on the date, which was just like a dinner between friends, and then kept being friends. now he has a girlfriend and i've moved to a different building and we've pretty much drifted apart. more recently, i complimented a random girl on campus on her band hoodie (always a good thing to bond over, imo) and we started talking and exchanged numbers. partway through, i got the impression that she was flirting with me but hoped i was just paranoid (but the signs were pretty clear). she later texted me asking if i wanted to "go out or hang out," even suggesting a gay bar, and i wildly improvised a lie about having a boyfriend, for some reason, but agreed to get coffee with her. i was a bit disappointed because i'd hoped we could be friends. so i worry, when i try to strike up friendships or even casual conversations, that i might inadvertently give someone the wrong impression. and yeah, what with allos developing romantic attraction over longer periods of time in some cases, it's not like i can relax or whatever once a platonic relationship has been well established, even if i am out to them--see anecdote 1. it kinda sucks, tbh.
  12. cool, i'll be 21 on sunday! close birthdays.
  13. same, 'cause they supposedly go together, right, so i was like 'ok i guess that's what's going on.' though it helped (if confusion is helpful) if i also liked them platonically, like i thought finding someone hot was the difference between wanting to be their friend and wanting to date them. not that i consciously thought about it much before discovering aromanticism.
  14. welcome! that group sounds like fun, i'd go if there were one where i live.
  15. same, i love their friendship. i already have an amazing best friend but yeah, they're great together. and i know i've said this but dan is my #1 celeb squish. i'd go allo for him 😆 jokes, i just love him a lot
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