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About aro_elise

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    fashion design student
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  1. same, i love their friendship. i already have an amazing best friend but yeah, they're great together. and i know i've said this but dan is my #1 celeb squish. i'd go allo for him 😆 jokes, i just love him a lot
  2. surely romantic attraction's been around--can you manufacture a feeling?--but it wasn't a big thing. like these days the feeling exists but the hype/amatonormativity is what makes it such a big deal. like people are thinking about it and actively looking to date or find their soulmate or whatever, so there are more chances for romantic attraction to occur, i guess. back then they had the feeling but not the hype. although it is interesting that there's an ancient greek myth (mentioned in plato's symposium) which basically says we were all born as these creatures with 4 legs and stuff and those split apart into two people, and the other person is your soulmate (literal other half). that was not a pro explanation but i believe that's the gist.
  3. @DeltaV i love hitchcock movies, i've seen like 20! my favourite is dial m for murder.
  4. i like that; i'm heterosexual but i'd feel equally uncomfortable being romantic with any gender. and it may be a good way for allos to conceptualize it. i'm also a big fan of close friendship, but wouldn't marry anyone. and what i thought were crushes (on guys) in the past were actually squishes (sometimes with sexual attraction). the funny thing is, i get squishes on girls too but i never mistook them for crushes; i just thought they were cool/i wanted to be their friend, and i was right. i just didn't make the connection in terms of my attraction to guys. anyway, welcome!
  5. i have dysthymia too, i usually just say depression because it is a type of it and most people will understand better. but yeah, that storyline...yikes. it's also romanticized in the sense that, like, the mentally ill character (usually depressed or alcoholic, in the 1930s-60s movies i watch) is seen as mysterious and melancholy and intriguing--the other character sees it as a sort of challenge to uncover their secrets and fix them. like no, you want intrigue? read a mystery novel. want a project? clean your house. i feel like it's similar to how aros are seen, like "oh, they're cold, probably afraid of falling in love, but i can get them to open up and trust me--" stop. want a challenge? run a marathon. i am not something to be overcome by someone who wants me but not the way i am. getting off-topic but i mean to say that it supposedly works both ways--the depressed/aro character gets "cured" and the other one gets entertainment and achievement. and it leads to people thinking like that in real life.
  6. at 20 i'm in shorts, a t-shirt, and flip-flops and i'm comfortable, at 25 i'm uncomfortable and lethargic but will still go to the beach as long as i don't have to be out of the water for too long, at 30 i'm in my shaded but not air-conditioned cottage/yard, lying down with a cold cloth on my face and a cold drink. i'll sleep with only a sheet, the cloth, and difficulty. if i have to go outside, i will complain and bring lots of sunscreen and water. i once made the mistake of travelling to barcelona in june. to be fair, school doesn't give me much of a window. i'm not sure i've ever experienced 40. at 15 i'm comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt, at 10 i'll add a sweater or light jacket, around 5 or 0 i'll switch it for my winter coat, and in the negatives i'll add a sweater, hat, mittens, and boots and still go for a walk, skate, or ski. i might complain at -10 or -15, and prefer to be inside with a fire and tea. it rarely reaches -20. i'd take the -5, i've never experienced -30. quebec's nice btw. good skiing, unlike ontario. winter is my favourite season so it's usually between 5 and -15 but it's easier not to wear outerwear so like 10 to 20. i picked 15 and less.
  7. i am always hesitant to come out, but the alternative feels kind of dishonest, like i could just say i'm straight and single at the moment, but then also what will they ask next, like when was i last in a relationship? over 3 years ago? hmm... and like with my more long-term therapists i've felt like it's pretty important to share, if nothing else then so that if they are disrespectful or whatever, i can address it or find someone else. i know, i'd think they should be more worried about people like that. yeah, i'm not ace-spec or opposed to hook-ups in the future but for now i want it to be someone i know better, but yeah if they were romantically attracted to me i'd be uncomfortable, ahhh idk. i'm just playing it by ear, as in, like, doing nothing.
  8. i had a psychiatric assessment yesterday (recently had a bit of a mental health crisis, not important), so there was a social worker who did most of the talking, a psychiatrist whose purpose was supposedly just to prescribe me an appropriate medication, and a recent grad who was just observing. anyway, at one point they asked my sexual orientation and whether i was in a relationship, so i told them, and they had a lot of questions and comments. i had to explain aromanticism and how it's different from asexuality. they asked whether i'd ever been in a relationship so i tried to sum up in a minute what a bad experience it was (just because i'm aro; he was great) and added that "i haven't been in a sexual relationship because then it would have to be sexual and romantic and i...can't do that. but i also don't want to just like...ugh, it's complicated." at this point the psychiatrist interjected by saying that a sexual and romantic relationship is an important part of life and basically implied that it would lessen my depression, when i'd just explained how the opposite was true. i said "i would have to disagree. i'm quite happy with my life the way it is." he said "ok" but was clearly not satisfied. i also found it interesting that despite my having expressed a mild interest in making more friends (but i couldn't be bothered), they did not agree that that would improve my life. i wonder whether they would have made such a big deal about me being single if i weren't aro, like if i just didn't happen to be dating at the moment. i told my dad afterwards and he was surprised and disappointed that they reacted like that; i was disappointed but not surprised. i told him "everyone says that. i'm used to it." (most of the mental health professionals i've seen, i mean, but obviously people in general too.) he said "that's like telling an asexual: 'go have some sex.'" i informed him that people do suggest that, and reflected that "if i'd been asexual, he (the psychiatrist) would have had a wig-out." i added that my aromanticism is "always my least favourite thing to bring up (to health care professionals). they're like, 'so, are you in a relationship?' and i'm like, 'oh, here we go.'" so yeah. i'll be doing a few therapy sessions with the social worker; i hope she'll let me talk about my depression instead of my aromanticism. 🙃
  9. i'm more sure i'm aro than i am about most things in life. when i first found out about it at 16, it seemed to fit but i told myself i couldn't be sure because it might change, especially since i'd never been in a relationship. i tried to put it out of my mind but it was still there. i started dating a friend and told myself i just had to get used to it, but in 8 months i never did. i always felt like i was playing a role for which i hadn't prepared. romantic activity felt unnecessary if not uncomfortable, and our return to friendship was a great relief. and i know you said you've had relationships but you don't even need that to know--as i say, i think i kind of already knew. if you think it might be related to commitment, consider whether that's the case in other types of relationships. my best friend and i have been friends for almost 15 years and i know we will be for the rest of our lives. i love her very much, and i feel that our bond and commitment are stronger than those of people in even what would be considered a fairly long-term romantic relationship, like a few years. i'ts not that i want to make a romantic commitment but am afraid to; it's that i don't want to. and it's not the length or amount of time i would spend with a romantic partner which is the issue; it's the 'romantic' part--i don't want to date someone for a week or even a single date either. i'm also poly, again not because i believe i should limit myself to being attracted to/being in a relationship (qpr or whatever) with one person but can't; but because i don't believe i necessarily should. a lot of that is tied together for me. but of course there are mono aros and poly allos. i do think, though, that relating to the sentiments of other aros and not relating to allos are good indicators when there isn't really a way to "prove it"--it's like, this makes sense.
  10. there is always that decision of whether or not to use the word, and it depends on the situation for me, but mostly i do, because that's what you'd do for any other orientation. like i haven't heard anyone say they're interested in relationships with people of more than one gender; they say they're bi/pan. for us it will usually involve some more explaining but i am generally happy to do that. because that's how i found out about aromanticism, right--i read about it, and if someone hadn't put that out there, who knows how long i would have not known and what that could have led to. so it's good for (questioning) aros as well as allos. but of course whether and how you come out is a personal decision.
  11. cool, glad you like it. 🙂
  12. my friend (possibly ace-spec) asked about different types of attraction and i explained them and QPRs.  😊

  13. i'm also trying to go with the flow--my approach to most things in life. i am fairly interested in having some sort of qpr or friends with benefits relationship, but i'm also quite satisfied with my friendships and my own company. i'm neither actively pursuing nor avoiding anything else. i am polyamorous, but that's along a different axis, like there's mono to poly and then there's amorous to non-amorous, right? it's hard to place myself on this imaginary graph because, for one thing, it depends whether the frame of reference is everyone or just aro-specs. but basically i'd be open to relationships with 0, 1, or more than one person. i don't think amatonormativity is often at fault when an aro-spec person (or anyone) wants certain relationships or affection. whatever we want or don't want is okay, and we don't need to compare it to romance, dating, marriage, or anything else. i think that's what amatonormativity forces us to do: either to define a relationship and then mold it to fit that model, or to establish a relationship and then label it 'appropriately'. like i've thought to myself, 'at what point would i call someone my boyfriend, partner, qpp, etc.?' well, it doesn't matter. i've seen similar stuff in the poly community, where people refer to their different partners using terms like 'primary' and 'secondary,' which has led others to distinguish themselves as 'practicing non-hierarchical polyamory'. i'm not saying labels are all bad--i use them for my orientations--and if they help you understand your relationship that's perfectly fine, but like...don't sweat it. do your thing, take your time.
  14. for sure, i think for me it's that now that i've experienced romance for myself (in a relationship) i know i don't like it, so seeing it kind of gives me, like, secondhand discomfort, whereas before it was all hypothetical and i didn't really feel one way or another about it. or even if you haven't been in a relationship or whatever, just identifying as aro means you're more aware of it. when i read fanfic (or read/watch basically any fiction), i'm constantly (mostly subconsciously) analyzing characters' actions and words, deciding whether i consider them romantic, sexual, or platonic, what the author likely intended them to be, where it could be leading, etc. and elements of romance usually do decrease my enjoyment if not put me off altogether, although i will say that my favourite fic ever had a fairly prominent romantic storyline; the whole thing was just excellent. rare exception. but yeah, i do consider myself romance-repulsed, which wouldn't necessarily have been the case 5 years ago, before i'd even heard the word 'aromantic'.
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