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    Trans Male
  • Pronouns
    He/him, ey/em
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    gay/homoflexible/Kinsey 5

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  1. See, I'm a bit hesitant to get involved with polyamorous communities because of the whole "amor" part of it. While I enjoy that ply communities have that element of compursion and negotiation to their relationships, I get that sinking feeling that people would still have these undue expectations if I were to use the label "poluamorous" or be partnered with people who do. That's partly why I enjoy these alternate labels to describe kinky relationships. Because it is a label that is primarily assigned to a sexual relationship, and it can be used for a romantic one but that's secondary. ......I feel like it's not right wanting this for my future though. I know it's something I really want for myself - this partnership and dynamic based around trust and mutual sexual attraction and satisfaction - but something is making me feel like this is something to be ashamed of. Like there's some voice saying "FFS, just get a kinky boyfriend and call it a day." Maybe it's because I've never really met anyone in a long-term kinky relationship. Maybe it's because my dash has been serving me up a bunch of bull about doms. Maybe it's just pure amanormativity pushing me towards a romantic, monogamous relationship. Probably a couple of those reasons and more. If you need me, I'm gonna be looking mournfully at FetLife and watching Watts the Safe Word alone lol.
  2. I lost my virginity outside of a relationship. I was out with a guy friend of mine and I started flirting with him. Flirting lead to a nervous conversation about our interests, and that lead to me asking if we could meet tomorrow to have sex at his place. He agreed, and whoop, there it goes. Before I even had my first kiss. Excuse the generalization, but guy friends generally respond pretty well to offers to fool around. This has just been my experience. So they might be a good place to start. Apps like Tinder are crawling with folks who wanna hook up; choose wisely though. You're gonna want to establish a good rapport with anyone you're hooking up with so you can tell them frankly what you want out of the experience. There should be no way to tell. Any myths that you may have heard about popping cherries or hymens breaking (ffs, why are people still saying bleeding is normal?? You know what causes bleeding? Sticking it in too fucking soon). I'd say to avoid most of the discomfort, get to know your own body before you ever get with a partner. If you're gonna do penetrative sex, know where in your insides feel good. Does penetration not feel good? Then don't do it. Sex is what you want out of it. If you're having sex that you don't want, it's not sex. (Sorry if this was a bit of a tangent ^^")
  3. Hey, I'm somewhat new to this site (meaning I just joined like 5 minutes ago <<"). I just figured if there was any site that I could find answers without shame or fear, it'd be here. I'm allosexual (gay, specifically) and not at all interested in traditional datemate type relationships. There are aspects of it that I like though: I like the commitment and the security a datemate provides that looser FWBs and hookups don't provide. Also, I'm a very affectionate person, and that can scare off alloromantic folks who don't want to get emotionally attached. This brings me to what I think might be my solution and also the question I have for all of you: Do you think a dom/sub, master/pup, CGL, or any other kink-related relationships (including their non-monogamous counterparts - like packs for puppies) would be a good idea? What kind of personal experiences have you had with these sorts of relationships? Please, if you are going to respond judgmentally, please save it and move on. This is something I am contemplating quite seriously and has been the source of quite a bit of shame for me over the years; please don't pour salt on the wounds.
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