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Ice Queen

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About Ice Queen

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 03/25/1996

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  • Occupation
    graduate student
  • Romanticism
    aromantic (bi-alterous)
  • Sexuality

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  1. Ice Queen

    can aromantic people fall in love?

    "Falling in love" is a phrase describing romantic attraction at its deepest, while a crush is on the mild side of the romantic spectrum. There are countless articles which hightlight the difference between being "in love" with someone (a.k.a. romantically attracted - the butterflies, the head-over-heels sensation, the exaggerated longing, the racing heart) and loving them truly (which is about FEELINGS, borne in the SOUL, and thus, no attraction or chemicals). Therefore, I would say aromantics can't fall in love, but demiromantics can, after knowing someone to some degree, while grey-romantics might fall in love under certain circumstances. In a healthy long-term relationship, the one and only difference between a romantic person and an aromantic one, is that while both of them now love their partner deeply, the former used to be IN LOVE with their partner sometime in the past, while the latter did not.
  2. There are several types of attraction that one can experience towards the others: sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual, friend-crush, squish. As an aromantic, I am capable of experiencing all of them except for the second one. Many a time I would see a guy or a girl, thinking "s/he looks fantastic, I could look at pictures of them for hours". I've had more than 20 friend-crushes throughout my life... so on and so forth. But there is this one person towards whom I've experienced all the types of attractions I can feel (all 5 of them). It started with a friend-crush. I really wanted to get to know him and wanted us to be friends. I seemed to be successful. Once I got to know him to some degree, I found myself feeling something new: sexual desire. I was successful in this regard, too, so both our friendship and our sexual bond developed in tandem. At some point I also found myself wanting non-sexual physical contact with him: the beginning of sensual attraction. Later on, upon learning what kind of person he is, I realised he is a boy with a great personality and a wonderful soul. We had formed a strong bond, and I came to love him more than a year ago. I developed a squish on him, that is, I wish a relationship with him which is different from typical friendship, yet NOt romantic in nature. My feelings for him are strong. And on top of all these, I find him handsome, too. All these types of attraction are like a mostly heterogeneous mixture. Friend-crush was the first ingredient, the other ones to follow later. There is one comdition: for example, if I have a squish, then I also feel sexual and sensual attraction -or only sensual if it's a girl - , but not necessarily the other way round. Neverheless, I can clearly tell one from another. The question is: are aromantics gifted with the ability to distinguish between different types of attraction? Why do romantics tend to confuse one with another? To me, each one is crystal clear. Is this because I'm aromantic?
  3. I think you misunderstood. I AM certain that I'm demisexual. What I was confused about was whether it is because of my demisexuality that my sex drive "behaves" like this. ^_^
  4. What do you mean? Thank you for your empathy ^_^. It's alright. The reason why we can't be life partners is that he wants children while I don't. But I am infinitely thankful to have him as my best friend <3.
  5. There has only been one boy I've been sexually attracted to: my best friend. We used to sleep with each other and I loved it. We were only buddies when I started developing sexual feelings for him, but on the other hand, I also had a friend-crush on him, which proved to be successful. The stronger our friendship became, the stronger my desire for him. Being intimate with him felt so good every time, and self-pleasing was nothing compared to that. It was like my whole sex drive was there only because there was someone I was attracted to. It's been more than a year since we came back to being platonic best friends, as he didn't think we would work out as life partners. On the one hand I'm heartbroken and it hurts that I want to cuddle with him, hold his hand, give him cute pecks and I can't do it anymore. But on the other hand, my desire for him has not faded in the slightest. More often than not I long to do all those things, I crave to feel his body close to mine. But the impossibility of that has no effect on my system... it just make me very sad and it is hard... And yet, the idea of having sex with a guy, other than him, grosses me out. And since he is not available anymore, abstinence is like second nature to me. I don't even feel the need to... you know. Is this because I'm demisexual?
  6. There's no movie to pop into my mind right now, but I know a great book. "A Drop of Night" by Stefan Bachmann ^_^.
  7. Ice Queen

    Wanting internet friends

    Alright guys. The following story will explain why I think this is a bad idea and therefore strongly recommend you to think twice. I met this woman on a lyrics translating website back in 2013. We live in the same country (but different towns) and one day she just approached me on the chat. Since that day, we would talk on a regular basis and I realised that we had lots in common despite the age gap (11 years). We started feeling more and more comfortable around each other and our range of conversation topics became wider and wider. We became friends on facebook, too, in 2014. As the time passed, I realised she was the one to understand me all the way through and the other way round. I came to love her deeply and she told me she loved me, too. We'd been there for each other in our darkest times. We were best friends and I thought there was nothing that could possibly shatter the strong bond we had formed. Until one day. Back in November 2016 she told me she had been experiencing certain symptoms for a while and sank into depression because she managed to convince herself she suffered from some serious illness. She told me she wasn't able to talk to anyone and that her way to cope was isolating herself. I respected her wish. I hoped it was just a phase, that she would go to the doctor and everything would turn out to be alright. Several months had passed and still no good news.... April 5th 2017 - a day I will always hate. The day I lost the life partner of my dreams. I will never forget the fear and the pain I felt when he gave me the sad news. (but we've stayed best friends, which I'm infinitely grateful for <3 ) I desperately needed to talk to someone. As my other best friend (the woman) was the only one who could understand me completely (I'd told her everything about my aromanticism and the queerplatonic thing), I turned to her the day after. E-mailed her asking for her support, telling her I needed her more than ever. This is what she replied: "Hello, my dear friend! I’m afraid I am too much of a wreck to be able to help anyone at this point in my life. So much has happened lately, it’s like every day brings me something else as if there wasn’t enough already for me to struggle with. I am sorry, but I can’t help you, and no one can help me and what doesn’t kill you doesn’t make you stronger, what doesn’t kill you makes you a monster because that’s what I feel I am, a monster, I have become self-centered , I can’t carry any other emotional burden, I can’t even cope with my own problems... please forgive me…" Needles to say I felt even worse. I tried to understand... Ever since, time was passing by and still no sign... I would cry at night thinking about her... I couldn't understand what had changed her in that way. She had overcome so many things, and then... Nothing was changing. I would dream about her approaching me on facebook and telling me everything was back to normal...and then wake to face reality.... She never talked about it... I wanted so badly to help her... "Whatever happens, we'll try to work it out, to understand each other", "You'll never lose me", "I'll never abandon you" - our promises... which she had broken. I kept it to myself until December 2017 when I couldn't take it anymore and e-mailed her. Told her how I felt about the situation. Told her I felt abandoned and I couldn't understand why. The outcome? With no warning whatsoever, she blocked me. She just blocked me, leaving me broken and confused. I thought our bond was real and nothing could shatter it... I was wrong. Those having been said, never open up to someone you can't meet in real life. I'll never trust people on the Internet again. I'll never open up to them like I did to that woman again. She broke not only her promise, but my heart as well. I want to forget her and I'm confident that one day, she will be nothing but a blurred, distant memory. But for now, I feel empty because although it doesn't hurt anymore, she left a void...
  8. Ice Queen

    Change one word!

    Greedy Scot
  9. Ice Queen

    Corrupt a Wish

    Your memory will fail you and soon you'll end up being unable to recall who is who. I wish the climate of my country were identical to the one they have in Iceland.
  10. Ice Queen

    Other languages!

    Ich liebe die deutsche Sprache, aber ich habe kaum Gelegenheiten zu üben. Glücklicherweise aber ist mein bester Freund ein Deutschmuttersprachler .
  11. Ice Queen

    Nobody is perfect

    I'm forgetful, disorganized and sluggish xD.
  12. Ice Queen

    How to find companionship for life?

    This one comes with lots of trouble for me. I deeply wish to have someone to share my life with. The home, the joy, the sorrow, everything. But in order to conclude whether a certain someone is right for me or not, I need time. Lots of time. Apart from the face that I don't fall in love, I'm capable of offering support, lots of physical affection, intimacy and all... but only if I love that person... and love doesn't just "happen" in my case..that person must be worthy of it. I need to form a strong bond, we have to be comfortable and at ease around each other, trust each other...in other words, we have to be best friends. But I don't think anyone would wait for me. When a guy asks me out, with the intention of pursuing a relationship with me, what am I supposed to tell him? "I don't like you now because you're a fucking stranger, but I MIGHT come to love you deeply in two years' time"? The other problem is that I don't want children, ever. And this is the only thing for which there is no middle ground to be found. I lost the life partner of my dreams for this reason and I am still devastated... What we had was the relationship I've been dreaming of ever since I was 14. And I fear that I will never find what I look for.
  13. Ice Queen

    Identity Symbols

    Well, not exactly a symbol, but more like a way of representing aromanticism with the help of art. Just a product of my strange imagination xD. I think it would be cool if I could pose for some photographs in a mysterious setting, wearing a long, fancy dark green dress + matching lipstick, and holding a bouquet consisting of green and yellow roses xD.
  14. Ice Queen

    Romantic stories that you like?

    Yes, I have, it's my favourite series of all times. I like it how all relationships that Aelin has had had were born out of friendship. ACOTAR left a deeper impression upon me as far as relationships are concerned because it Feyre was smart and knew when to walk away from Tamlin, who was toxic for her. By the way, I noticed that both Aelin and Feyre are demiromantic and demisexual :-?.
  15. Ice Queen

    Roses are red, Violets are blue

    Roses are red, Violets are blue, I love you tremendously, But I'm not IN LOVE with you