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Ice Queen

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About Ice Queen

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 03/25/1996

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    undergraduate student
  • Romanticism
  • Sexuality

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  1. Libido versus attraction

    Well, my case is rather peculiar. As a teenager, I never had urges at all, nor did I fantasise sexually about anyone. I masturbated for the first time when I was 18 - not because of sexual tension, but out of pure curiosity. The result? I felt like a lump of ice. I experienced sexual attraction at the age of 19, I started fantasising about this boy and I tried masturbating thinking about him - but in order to feel something, I really needed to focus intensely and I could only stay focused for so long as 2 minutes. When I slept with him, however, it was great every time. I felt really good with him - like the best treat to my body. To me, it is like, in all cases, my sex drive is somehow solely dependent on the boy I desire. I only feel turned on because of him. Besides, I've never had an orgasm, nor have I ever felt a need for it. Just being with him in that way, having him do to me things that I enjoy, feeling his body close to mine is amazing and I always enjoy every moment of intimacy. It is like...I don't like sex, but sex WITH HIM. And if I can no longer sleep with him, I don't feel frustrated at all and my body works fantastically. I only still desire him and sometimes long to feel him that close to me, but it all happens within normal limits :-?. Do all these make sense? Is this all because I'm demisexual or is it just the subcategory of those who experience attraction but have no sex drive at all? :-?
  2. Contrary to all those myths about our kind (and even to how some alloromantics see things, for that matter), sex to me has always been more than just fulfilling a biological need (otherwise we might all just play with ourselves and that's it). I've always been of the opinion sex is about making each other feel good and respecting each other whether there's any emotional bond or not. Not long ago I realised that a sexual relationship between two people can actually be helpful in learning some important things about each other. How come? Well, the boy I slept with for more than a year treated me with respect every single time. He never forced me to anything. He was always very considerate of me (asking me whether I was in a comfortable position; when we tried something new, he said "if it feels unpleasant, just let me know, alright?"). He genuinely cared that I feel good and have a great time. Now, all these say quite a bit about him, don't you think? But if there's no consideration between the people involved, well, I'll let you guys draw the conclusion.
  3. Aromanticism in one sentence

    "My kind of love is a wall that is build over time for a clear reason, not a flame that starts blazing suddenly and out of the blue."
  4. Most aro song of the 2000s?

    Since this thread is about music, I want to share a song that I found. I can interpret it as an amazing metaphor about aromanticism and the fact that it is innate and we can't change and that people have to understand us and stop pressuring us into doing so. The chorus and the last part say it all... That last line: "He could not take from the forest what was never meant to leave"
  5. I have no idea who coined the notion, whoever it was, they were totally clueless regarding of the meaning of the words they used. There's no need for me to explain what the word "friend" means, so I'm going to get straight to the point. 95% of the duos that call themselves "friends with benefits" are, in reality, nothing but people who have intercourse now and then without talking and hanging out at all and, obviously, without keeping in touch after sex between the parties becomes impossible for various reasons. Well, where is the friendship in all that? Why on earth would you use a notion which is so linguistically inaccurate? To me, this notion means one thing: whatever happens, we stay friends. Sex does not influence our friendship negatively. Friends first, sex partners second. Period.
  6. Queer (Quasi) platonic attraction?

    Yes, I think so. As far as I understood, "alterous" is a term describing feelings which are not exactly platonic, as in they are more than normal friendship, yet not romanitc in nature.
  7. Is coming out necessary?

    Hello! First of all, welcome to Arocalypse! Now, let me tell you something. I discovered all the terms describing my sexual and romantic identity, as well as the kind of relationship that I look for, 3 years ago, when I was 18. I, too, was tempted to keep it all to myself as I read all those myths and was sure than no one was ever going to believe me. But then I realised that the older I grow, the harder it will be for me to go about my life without awakening suspicion among those around me. The first person I came out to is my female best friend. She's been very supportive ever since. I summoned up my courage and started sharing my secret to more and more people as time went by. It's been a bumpy ride. While some proved open-minded and understanding, others bombarded me with all those myths about us, refused to believe me and whatnot. I've faced a lot of judgmental comments. I've even been backstabbed. But sometimes circumstances do require that I come out. It's already become a regular occurrence that some guy spots me, crushes on me, and asks me on a date. I've tried different approaches and none worked, which is why I came to the conclusion that in such situations, I have no other choice but to tell the truth. It is frustrating that people find it so hard to understand me. Sometimes I just feel like posting an article on aromanticism on my facebook wall and get it over with. It's a real dilemma. It is only up to you whether you want to come out or not. In case you decide to go for it, I advise you to start with the person whom you trust the most. The fact that there's even just one person who understands you can be very encouraging and give you the strength to make your way through this ocean of ignoramuses.
  8. Aromantic Moments

    So I went to the cinema with a friend of mine. During the film, the (female) main character said something along the lines: "So I kissed him...we shared the same space...the same breath..." Me: and the same spit =)))
  9. Sex with feelings #NoRomo

    To me, sex is first and foremost about making each other feel good and treating each other with respect whether there is any emotional bond between the parties involved or not. However, the stronger the bond, the more beautiful the intimate moments. If I have a very strong bond with the boy, then sex is no longer only hot and steamy, but also a way of showing that we feel at ease around each other. We add even more sensual elements to it, such as holding hands and snuggling. Emotionally speaking, feeling his body close to mine makes me feel safe and warm (absolutely no difference compared to what I feel when we cuddle and hold hands with clothes on). All in all, lust and satisfaction are accompanied by a deep feeling of safety and comfort. It is like a heterogeneous mixture.
  10. Atypical cisgender - anyone else out there?

    That's what wikipedia says :-?.
  11. #AromanticProblems

    Stranger, or someone whom I don't know well or whose presence I'm not used to starts showing signs of a crush on me. My natural reaction is to RUN FOR LIFE. However, the more familiar I am with the person, the lower my level of unease and fear. (because when it comes to a buddy/friend, we can talk about it on a whole different level, you get it) #aromanticproblems
  12. Things you've never understood about romance

    I don't understand how on earth it is possible for one to feel a connection to someone they've just met or whom they don't know well and I don't understand why there have to be expectations right from the start. Aaaarrrrghhhh x_x.
  13. Awesome Things About Being Arospec

    Aromantics can get heartbroken, too.
  14. Things you've never understood about romance

    If two people who don't know each other go to bed, everyone is horrified and sees it as disgraceful. (So it doesn't matter that they want to make each other feel good and treat each other as human beings). But if two people who barely know each other or know each other for a short period of time get into a relationship, everyone is like "waaaaaaaa <3" , "congratulations", "round of applause". Logic not found. #error404
  15. Things you've never understood about romance

    I don't really get why exactly the "typical" HAS to affect one's free time to so high a degree. :-? I don't get how on earth people see strangers are more suitable for them (partner-wise) than a best friend whom they know well and with whom they feel comfortable and warm and so on. (error 404)